Whores of Summer

E-Film Critic’s Erik Childress has another critic-bashing piece out, this one called “The Whores of Summer and the Embargoes They Break.” It’s hard to subscribe to strict black-and-white concepts of ethical shilly-shallying for film critics. Everyone has a remnant of dried jizz on his/her coatsleeve. Nobody is 100% pure. Not even “Rabbi Dave’ Poland.
I guess Childress’ point is that some people whore out too much. They cross the line like Saddam Hussein crossed the line, and here’s Childress dropping bombs and delivering shock-and-awe. I’m not saying everyone is a whore, but I think it was Bob Dylan who once wrote, “Show me someone who’s not a parasite and I’ll say a prayer for him.”
Here’s Childress’s list of “The Ten Dumbest Blurbs Said This Summer”…but what does he mean by this? Does he mean lame, clumsily written, ill-considered, ignorant, willfully misleading…? The word “dumb” doesn’t do it for me.
Anyway, in backwards order…
10. “A movie treat for kids, mom, pop, brothers, sisters, uncles and, of course, aunts…” — Gene Shalit on The Ant Bully. (That’s not so bad.) 9. “So extreme it’s good, so shrewd it’s good, so funny it’s good, so good it’s good.” — Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle, on Snakes on a Plane. 8. “A downright sweet love letter to Latino skate kids” — Dennis Lim, The Village Voice on Wassup Rockers. 7. “Scoop is Woody Allen’s finest film in years.” — Jeffrey Lyons…an outrageous thing to say! 6. “Columbo but hotter. Way, way hotter.” — Out magazine on Shock to the System. 5. “A celebration of the strength it takes to be different. Halle Berry steals the show with a sensational performance.” — David Sheehan on X-Men: The Last Stand. 4. “The best superhero film since Spider-Man!” — Scott Bowles, USA Today, on My Super Ex-Girlfriend. 3. “A true story you’d never expect…” Newsweek (Childress doesn’t say which staffer wrote this) on World Trade Center. 2. “…a fascinating Cain-and-Abel tragedy that foreshadows today’s jihads and crusades.” — Queen Ann News on Beowulf & Grendel. 1. “If you liked March of the Penguins, you’ll love An Inconvenient Truth.” — Eleanor Clift, Newsweek.

9 thoughts on “Whores of Summer

  1. William Goss on said:

    It’s Erik. Thanks.

  2. I’m almost done reading Childress’ piece, but is Reverend Jeff any less funny? Take away a tiny bit of the potty mouth and isn’t he a bombastic, judgmental oracle?

  3. “The most equitable solution to this whole mess is to even the playing field as best as possible. There√¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s no way a print edition can compete with the immediacy of the internet and no way the internet can match the respect given to the old guardians of journalistic integrity. But with everyone having an online presence, the studios have an option that will not only appease a large percentage of the critics out there AND benefit themselves at the same time. If you have a positive review to post √¢‚Ǩ‚Äú POST IT!”
    This seems like a stupid solution only because it doesn’t address what added pressure will be born to bear by critics to review positive.

  4. If I never have to hear about Wells bashing Poland again (or vice-versa, though Poland is more subtle about it), it would be too fucking soon.
    I imagine I’m not the only who feels this way.

  5. I’m almost done reading Childress’ piece, but is Reverend Jeff any less funny? Take away a tiny bit of the potty mouth and isn’t he a bombastic, judgmental oracle?

  6. “The most equitable solution to this whole mess is to even the playing field as best as possible. There’s no way a print edition can compete with the immediacy of the internet and no way the internet can match the respect given to the old guardians of journalistic integrity. But with everyone having an online presence, the studios have an option that will not only appease a large percentage of the critics out there AND benefit themselves at the same time. If you have a positive review to post – POST IT!”

    This seems like a stupid solution only because it doesn’t address what added pressure will be born to bear by critics to review positive.

  7. “10. “A movie treat for kids, mom, pop, brothers, sisters, uncles and, of course, aunts…” — Gene Shalit on The Ant Bully. (That’s not so bad.)”
    No it’s not so bad, but it could be better:
    “A movie treat etc..” and your dog, and the neighbors, not the ones right next door but three doors down, and the office mail kid, and all those folks at the First Baptist Church of the Second Coming, cause, you know, they really like movies about ants…etc.
    Come to think of it, I think I see the flaw in the original now…

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