"Spider-Man" reviews

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The Spider-Man 3 Rotten Tomatoes situation as of Thursday morning at 9:45 a.m.: a 68% positive by the rank and filers, and a 53% positive from the cream-of-the-croppers. Homie #1: "Yo, dawg...we really sure about this, man? 53% rating cream of the crop...sounds dicey. Hell, it sounds bad," Homie #2: "Yeah...a little scary, man...I know. Shoot, hang it...let's see Lucky You instead." Homie #1: "Down wit dat."

Anthony Lane's New Yorker pan is glorious fun; it makes you feel as if you've almost seen it:

"In an early scene, a meteorite crashes to Earth, and from it crawls what seems to be a tiny garbage sack with half a mind of its own: not a bad image of where this film belongs. And, would you believe, the first person this superblob attaches itself to is, yes, Peter Parker ((Tobey Maguire). It doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t choose him; nobody has targeted him -- of all EarthÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s inhabitants, he just happens to be close by.

"Is this truly the best that the filmmakers can be bothered to do for our delight? Just how easily and stupidly pleased do they presume we are? PeterÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s college professor (Dylan Baker) declares that the black stuff 'amplifies characteristics of its host.' Fine, and I vaguely understand what occurs when it latches onto Eddie. The first host, however, is Spider-Man himself, and this is where the film becomes so embarrassing that you have to crouch down and stuff popcorn in your ears.

And this: "It is thrilling to imagine what Guillermo del Toro, who made PanÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s Labyrinth, or the James Cameron who brought us Terminator 2: Judgment Day, would do with Thomas Haden Church's Sandman. Both directors are obsessed with shapeshifters -- with their sad restlessness, their ability to conjure threat out of the apparently fragile. The director of Spider-Man 3, Sam Raimi, is unconcerned by such niceties; to him, Sandman is just a bullying baddie against whom Spider-Man (Tobey Maguire) must pit his web and his wits."

Cling on "Lucky You"<< previous | next >>"Lucky You" getting slammed

Posted by Jeffrey Wells on May 3, 2007 at 9:44 AM

comment #1

Mike Ock says ...

You got it wrong Jeff, I was there. After a lengthy debate, Homies 1 and 2 decided to see The Lives of Others this weekend, at the Angelika, but not before stopping by Barnes and Noble and picking up a book on nuclear proliferation in Southeast Asia, dawg!!

Posted by Mike Ock at May 3, 2007 10:08 AM

comment #2

T. S. Idiot says ...

All the homies I know are eagerly awaiting the DVD release of Miss Potter.

Posted by T. S. Idiot at May 3, 2007 10:11 AM

comment #3

Mike Ock says ...

I wonder if Homies 1 and 2 are related to The Blings. Remember them? LOL!! This is why I love this site.

Posted by Mike Ock at May 3, 2007 10:14 AM

comment #4

Mike Ock says ...

I heard that The Homies noticed that the rank and filers gave Lucky You a 20% fresh rating, and the cream of the crop gave it a 0% rating, so that's why they passed. The Homies may be dumb, but they're not stupid.

Posted by Mike Ock at May 3, 2007 10:22 AM

comment #5

lesterg says ...

I'm sure once they've finished arguing why Helen Mirren didn't join Stephen Frears and Peter Morgan on The Queen's DVD commentary track("I wanted to learn about her process...dawg!") they'll take some time to catch ZOO at the IFC.

Posted by lesterg at May 3, 2007 10:22 AM

comment #6

Ju-osh says ...

You should've seen Jeff perfecting this back and forth in front of his mirror this morning. Blackface really brings out his baby blues.

Posted by Ju-osh at May 3, 2007 10:49 AM

comment #7

Craig Kennedy says ...

Say what you want about HE, there's plenty of free comedy to be had on the boards.

Posted by Craig Kennedy at May 3, 2007 10:54 AM

comment #8

Balthazar says ...

CNN has a review up on its home page that calls it a bit of a mixed bag. Sounds like slightly above-average for the summer popcorn genre (which still doesn't much interest me)

Posted by Balthazar at May 3, 2007 11:01 AM

comment #9

Mike Ock says ...

Hey Ju-osh,

LMAO. That's some funny stuff.

Posted by Mike Ock at May 3, 2007 11:02 AM

comment #10

christian says ...

these could be homies from beverly hills for all we know:

yo yo yo, ya get my text? we have to miss the herzog fest. motherfucker. bitch of a mom wants me back with the prius by midnight. fug dat shit.

Posted by christian at May 3, 2007 11:03 AM

comment #11

Mike Ock says ...

If there's any justice in this world, Homies 1 and 2 as a result of some Karmic force out there, will end up sitting behind Jeff this weekend when he goes to see Spiderman 3 at the IMAX.

They'll ruin the IMAX experience for Jeff, by arguing with their bitches throughout. The argument then escalates into a full scale beatdown, which results in the bitches spilling their blood, chicken, and malt liquor all over Jeff.

When it's over, they'll get rid of their bitches, and follow Jeff back to Brooklyn. After a 5 minute chase by foot,they corner Jeff into a dead end in an alley and then Homie # 1 pulls out a switchblade and says..

Homie # 1: Gimme your wallet, DAWG!!

Posted by Mike Ock at May 3, 2007 11:21 AM

comment #12

jeffmcm says ...

This is hilarious.

Posted by jeffmcm at May 3, 2007 11:39 AM

comment #13

Rich S. says ...

See, this is why I like this site. Jeff's opinions of movies like this have become about as unpredictable as a stopped watch. But I've really come to enjoy a lot of the posters, regular and otherwise, who follow up with commentary.

The politics I could do without, not because I think it doesn't belong, but because it almost always devolves into red v. blue, D v. R name calling. But even these repetitive slams on the summer tentpoles still have the ability to produce some genuine nuggets of entertainment.

Posted by Rich S. at May 3, 2007 11:46 AM

comment #14

AJW says ...

So that's his problem with Eddie Murphy...

Posted by AJW at May 3, 2007 1:29 PM

comment #15

George Prager says ...

"And, would you believe, the first person this superblob attaches itself to is, yes, Peter Parker ((Tobey Maguire)."

Sounds like they stole the idea from the first scene of Larry Cohen's THE STUFF.

"(Dylan Baker) declares that the black stuff 'amplifies characteristics of its host."

So I guess if this stuff attached itself to Mike Ock, he would turn into Spiderman and go into a movie theater showing Spiderman and watch Spiderman while sitting with his laptop posting to HE about Spiderman. Kind of like John Malkovich going into the mind of John Malkovich: "Spiderman! Spiderman! Spiderman!..."

Posted by George Prager at May 3, 2007 1:46 PM

comment #16

count.olaf says ...

I'll start off by saying I was not enamored with S2 and I'm believing much of what the bad reviews say about S3..but I'll go see it anyway.
Does the fact that it has set some international records in places like Jeff's beloved France mean that they're all mouth-breathing rubes as well? That they're all pigs wallowing in the slop? Why do they get a pass?

Posted by count.olaf at May 3, 2007 3:59 PM

comment #17

Ron Lim says ...

Most people root for their underdogs to win... not jeff. He roots for movies that he PERCEIVES to be bad to fail, even though he has yet to see a single frame.

Meanwhile, when a movie like "Lucky You" gets a 20% rating on RT, it's the OTHER critics who are "wrong, wrong, wrong", not Jeff.

Meanwhile, message to New Yorker's Anthony Lane: IT'S A MOVIE ABOUT A GUY WHO DRESSES UP IN A COSTUME TO FIGHT CRIME AFTER BEING BIT BY A RADIOACTIVE SPIDER; DON'T ASK WHY THE BLACK SYMBIOTE HAPPENS TO CHOOSE PETER PARKER.

It's comic book movie for Christ's sake. If Jeff had his way, a good summer popcorn movie would be "Lucky You".

Posted by Ron Lim at May 3, 2007 4:01 PM

comment #18

PastePotPete says ...

Hey, are you Ron Lim the comic artist? If so, I really dug your Silver Surfer.

Posted by PastePotPete at May 4, 2007 1:58 AM

comment #19

George Prager says ...

Message to Count Olaf and all of you 30 year-old boys who worship superhero movies: Grow up! Move out of your parents basement! Get a girlfriend (and not the 56 year-old Pizza Hut manager in Minnesota who IMs you under the name HotBrandi445)!

Remember what the wise old hollywood sage said to Gore Vidal: "Shit has its own integrity." This is lost on Raimi.

Posted by George Prager at May 4, 2007 6:16 AM

comment #20

sardine says ...

ANTHONY LANE IS THE WORST CRITIC WRITING IN AMERICA TODAY.

Posted by sardine at May 4, 2007 7:13 AM

comment #21

christian says ...

"Message to Count Olaf and all of you 30 year-old boys who worship superhero movies: Grow up! Move out of your parents basement!"

sam raimi worshipped his way into a film career and millions of dollars...

jackass.

Posted by christian at May 4, 2007 10:03 AM

comment #22

MovieBob says ...

If you've seen the movie, regardless of whether or not you liked it, you can pretty-much tell Lane's review is worthless. It's frighteningly obvious that he decided right-away that since it's about aliens and sand-men and radioactive spiders that he's not obligated to pay attention, so the fairly dense and quick-moving story points are lost on him - which HE then mistakes for flaws and the criticizes.

For example:
"The director of â€œSpider-Man 3,â€ Sam Raimi, is unconcerned by such niceties; to him, Sandman is just a bullying baddie against whom Spider-Man (Tobey Maguire) must pit his web and his wits."

The movie isn't exactly SUBTLE about the point he's missing here: The whole angle is that Sandman ISN'T really a baddie, just a hard-luck hood who only goes "full-bad" because Spider-Man tries to murder him.

"If â€œSpider-Man 3â€ is a shambles, thatâ€™s because it makes the rules up as it goes along. By the end, for instance, Sandman has become the size of an office block, each swinging fist as big as a truck, his personality reduced to brutishness. I half expected him to come after Spider-Man and Mary Jane carrying a gigantic bucket and spade. By what criterion did he grow so mountainous?"

Both times this happens, it's made extremely clear that he can get "big" by being around a lot MORE sand and adding it to his bulk. It's not even THAT difficult of a concept to figure out.

I'm not saying that it's a sure-thing that Lane would've liked the movie is he HAD given it the same attention he'd give anything else, but am I the only one whom it strikes as unethical and shabby that so much of the mainline critical press goes to these things with dismissal and half-effort just because of the genre?

jcal:
"Message to Count Olaf and all of you 30 year-old boys who worship superhero movies: Grow up! Move out of your parents basement! Get a girlfriend (and not the 56 year-old Pizza Hut manager in Minnesota who IMs you under the name HotBrandi445)!"

1992 called, they'd like their dated attempt at humor back...

Posted by MovieBob at May 4, 2007 10:15 AM

comment #23