Villarreal sees “Pirates 3″
The Arizona Daily Star‘s Phil Villarreal caught Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End the other day and says, “Man, is piracy paranoia ever getting out of control!
First, he says, “Disney held just one screening in the state of Arizona, meaning I had to drive up to Tempe. Second, they wouldn’t let me bring my DS into the theater, I guess for fear I would somehow record the screening with my innocent little video game machine.
“I absolutely need that sucker as the minutes tick down before the movie starts, to pass the inevitable delays as the p.r. folks try to scramble to get people in seats before they let the projector roll. Back when I had a camera phone I was forced to take it back to the car on many occasions, but never had I been ordered to make the march of shame due to a Game Boy Advance, PSP or DS.)
“Weirdly, they did allow non-camera-equipped cell phones in – which I discovered during my lengthy argument with the security guy – meaning I could have brought my DS if I said it was a cell phone. Unfortunately this didn’t occur to me until I was hunched over my Subaru’s passenger window, waving goodbye to my little patience-maker as I abandoned it to the 300 degree heat of my car interior. (I have no games on my cell phone because I’m a snob who can’t stand dumbed-down mobile games).
“Anyway, once I was finally granted admission to the theater – I couldn’t resist muttering ‘I hope this movie gets pirated’ as I walked in – they shoved this paper in my face that said…
“Dear Friends/Colleagues -
“You are among the first audiences to see ‘Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End’ prior to its worldwide release on May 25. We respectfully ask the following:
“Please do not reveal the many plot resolutions that occur throughout the film, completing the characters’ story lines from the previous two movies in the series. We would appreciate it if you would not reveal these details in your articles, on your program, online, on your blogs or in any other format.
“We hope you appreciate there are many Pirates fans who will enjoy their moviegoing experience so much more not knowing in advance the outcome of the many plot twists. Thank you for your consideration.’
“All of what the letter asks are basically understood tenets of film criticism, but the urgency of the writing made me think we’d be in for some unbelievable, Keyser Soze-like twists. The funny thing is, nothing at all surprising happens in the movie.
“They also handed me another form telling me I’d get thrown out if I tried to videotape the movie, and a third form asking me, among other things, to name my favorite scene. That was easy to do: The end credits.”
We here back in the States, who are somewhat online savvy, have read about how bad “Pirates 3″ is… ENOUGH!
Get on with the review of the new “Death Proof” cut! Good? Bad? What’s different?
Did you not make it in or something? If so, just tell us.
Apparently the Arizona Daily Star is turning into AICN. Jesus, what a waste of time.
Instead of putting the reviewer’s name in bold, could you do that with the subject of the post? Once I’ve seen POTC 3:AWE, I know to just ignore the post altogether. First, you reviewed the reviewers on Spidey because you were blackballed from the preview showings. Now you’re reviewing the reviewers on POTC because you are at Cannes, spoiling upcoming films and ignoring your promise to post reviews on what you have seen.
Let me save you the trouble. “_______” is a soul-killing, bloated CGI-laden crapfest designed only to put money in the pockets of its studio and stars. I would have reviewed it, but after the trailers, I knew where it was going, so I just relied on word of mouth from other bloggers who think like I do. The star/director, “________” is an egotistical Republican-supporting monster who should be condemned to making made-for-cable movies until even the informercial money dries up.
Put that in a macro and you’re good to go.
My screening was a bit less hassle-filled than Villarreal’s… I just got the “Friends/Colleagues” letter and that was it.
Oh, and my “Pirates 3″ review is up– Something I didn’t plan to be able to do. There was nothing on that sheet about posting early reviews, just about revealing the “shocking” twists and turns.
We too only got the “Friends/Colleagues” letter – not to mention the same in e-mail format later that day – and we too found it hard to believe anyone could really spoil it unless they had a good 1200 words to spare.
You know, every time I read a “poor me” story about the “hardships” a reviewer has to go through to see a free movie that most of us are going to have to pay $10 for later, I really want to shove his DS (or PSP or whatever he can’t live without for the 15 minutes it takes to seat people) up his ass until it reaches the back of his teeth.
Me, me too. Sniveling little jerks.
Oh, and Pan, why bother to post your review. I don’t understand the absolute joy that obsessively hating a film like this gives people like you and Jeff. Its positively mystifying.
Please don’t compare me to Jeff. I actually give movies a chance before I walk into the theater, and don’t instantaneously hate something because it has a big budget. Unlike Wells, I loved “Spider-Man 2″ and “Pirates 1,” and I think “Transformers” looks like a lot of fun potentially.
And I don’t obsessively hate this film. After the first scene, I made a positive note on my pad, thinking ‘wow, this might actually good,’ and then the series sunk back into the shit mode it was in for “Dead Man’s Chest.”
Just because someone acknowledges that these are terrible movies doesn’t mean they’re obsessively hating on them and have an agenda… though Jeffrey seems to.
Pan, oh brother, what bull. Give it a chance, my ass… you proudly qualified your hating this one by flashing your cred: you hated DMC as well. You were primed and loaded to howl and wail about this one. And I’m supposed to be impressed? There is much to haaaaate in this world….a silly carnival of a movie does not qualify.
What I find distasteful about rants such as yours is the sheer narcissism of it……you haaated it (after hating the first part…..duh)……and I don’t care. Hope the experience gives you a big fat case of post traumatic stress syndrome, complete with flashbacks (in surroundsound and fully digitalized).
if this guy was bitching because he couldn’t bring in his notepad and pen, Or they wouldn’t let him take in the press kit. I’d be all about fightin’ the power. But he wanted to bring a videogame into the theater. I don’t know about how they run ‘em in Arizona, but around here they have videogames in the lobby. You can’t bring in your own videogame cause you’re cutting into their action. It’s why they don’t like you showing up with a tub of popcorn and a bottle of soda.
maybe he would have enjoyed the movie better if he wasn’t pouting that he could have been playing Pac-Man during the previews.
“Me,” if that is your real name, you missed the point of my little tirade, which wasn’t to draw sympathy for my “hardship” – Lord knows movie criticism is one of the cushiest gigs the work world has to offer. I meant to show how insane studios have gotten in their increasingly bizarre efforts to battle piracy, using press screenings as straw men while they ignore the elephant in the room that it’s really inside jobs that account for all the high-quality illegal copies.
Also, I’m fairly certain you don’t actually “really want to shove his DS (or PSP or whatever he can’t live without for the 15 minutes it takes to seat people) up his ass until it reaches the back of his teeth,” but rather you’d prefer fantasizing about it in anonymous, bile-laden comment posts.
The arrogance of assuming that anybody actually gives a shit about what happens to these characters.
So the douchebag is peeved that he couldn’t bring a toy into a professional screening? Waaaa!
Phil, you’re right about not actually wanting to do anything to you, I was just venting, much the way you did by venting about hoping the movie gets pirated to the security people. Speaking in a passive-agressive manner is a pretty standard form of showing your frustration in our society, both in annonymous blogs and in mutterings under your breath. Pot, meet kettle.
As for the point of your article, I understood what you were attempting to convey, but read from an outsider’s perspective, it seemed more like you wanted to moan about what you weren’t allowed to bring in, rather than how piracy is commonly an inside job, or anything like that (which was never mentioned once in your blog posting, and was only used as a rebuttal when called out about your moaning).
It’s review proof anyway. The film may be mistitled. It should be called POTC 3: You Owe Us Ten Dollars.
The pirate movie taking anti-piracy measures!? So not only is POTC:AWE a shitty and overlong mess, but now it’s hypocritical to boot?
Wow, if Disney’s lost the Critics who can’t bring their toys with them into see “POTC 3″ then truly, they have lost America.
Trust me, Mr. Video Game Addict, the studios are very much aware that the fight against piracy is a multi-pronged approach. Security at screenings is merely one tool.
Here’s a simple rule to avoid future mishaps: if the movie is a big budget studio flick, bring absolutely *nothing* electronic with you into the screening. Nothing. Problem solved.
yes i’ve always found it quite ironic that disney pimps their pirate hero worship film but when a real pirate comes along… SHIVER THEIR TIMBERS! ON THE PLANK!
another reason to avoid these shitty corporate windfall products.
“Pan, oh brother, what bull. Give it a chance, my ass… you proudly qualified your hating this one by flashing your cred: you hated DMC as well. You were primed and loaded to howl and wail about this one. And I’m supposed to be impressed? There is much to haaaaate in this world….a silly carnival of a movie does not qualify.”
Now, I get as tired of Jeff’s pre-emptive strikes against films as anyone, but this just strikes me as stupid.
You seem to be saying no one should be allowed to post a review if they didn’t like the movie, or that no one should be allowed to review a sequel if they didn’t like the previous installment.
Perhaps people predisposed to love this one because they liked the las5t should be silenced. Makes more sense, because there is less objectivity coming from that type – because just like Jeff, they’ve already made up their mind.
i can’t wait till At World’s End makes a billion dollars!
In the reviewer’s defense, I would be pissed if I couldn’t bring my DS into the theatre too. It doesn’t have a camera and nothing on the device looks at all like a camera lens. When I go to the movies I arrive at the theatre 30 minutes early to get good seats and assure that the pic isn’t sold out. 30 minutes is a long time to go without my pokemans.
you have a bigger problem than that if you can’t hang with the world for 30 minutes without playing one of the most witless video games ever devised. i bet you devoutly feed your electronic pets too…
Jeez, bring a book. Or a magazine, or a newspaper.
“I absolutely need that sucker …” What a child. Is it only old folks over 40 who still kill time by reading? Why is a restless young dude like Phil Villarreal not over in Iraq?
Thanks for your suggestions, Christian, but the problem with books, magazines and newspapers is they don’t let you kill imaginary enemies.
You must not read the New York Post.
zing!
and in the world of the mind, you can destroy empires, continents, and kingdoms!
“i bet you devoutly feed your electronic pets too…”
Ha! Never again! I broke my last DS trying to shove canned tuna into the game port to feed them
“Jeez, bring a book. Or a magazine, or a newspaper.”
That’s not really the point.
A) none of these things will fit in my pocket.
B) I hate bringing books with me because people always ask insipid shit like “what’s that book about?” and I don’t feel like explaining that Rant is about a serial killer who gives people rabies.
C) The DS can’t steal movies.
B) I hate bringing books with me because people always ask insipid shit like “what’s that book about?” and I don’t feel like explaining that Rant is about a serial killer who gives people rabies.
yeah, whenever i’m in the darkened theater people are always bugging me about my book.
as far as “rant” goes, i guess chuckie watched I DRINK YOUR BLOOD once or twice before starting his newest tome of meta-misery…
but just for the record, WHAT’S THAT BOOK ABOUT?
Um…yeah…hypothetically, if I’m reading at the theatre, it would be before the movie when the house lights are on. It doesn’t matter anyway because I like to read in a quiet, comfortable, solitary environment. A movie theatre is no place for a book. I haven’t read many magazines that are worth my time, and I have no interest in dinosaur media (ie. newspapers).
Whatever, I get the point, people who play videogames are illiterate idiots who lack the capability to enjoy other forms of media.
no bocephus, that wasn’t my implication. especially since i toiled in the video game industry, play them and count gamers as some of my best friends.
it’s more the whole sense of one must be technologically committed at all waking hours in all public spaces i have issue with. at least you weren’t on your cell.
and if you ever online AVP2, i’m grumpy bunny and i own you!
“it’s more the whole sense of one must be technologically committed at all waking hours in all public spaces i have issue with.”
Luddite! What else will I do, talk to people? Didn’t your parents ever tell you not to talk to strangers?
I bring magazines occasionally because they’re compact and nobody ever asks for me to explain that The Economist is a British news magazine.
I have a really long commute on public transportation, so I’m always reading a book. In the five years I’ve had the job, I’ve never been asked what any of the books are about. I did ask a cute woman how she liked “Clan of the Cave Bears,” once. She replied that it was enough to make her swear off men. That’s when I stopped asking people about books.
I like to place a Baby-sitter’s Club cover over whatever book I’m reading in public and I find people leave me alone.
Of course, that might also be because you look like Jackie Earle Haley in Little Children….at the _end_ of Little Children.
The Economist, eh? Sounds absolutely riveting!
I’m glad it works for you, Me, but I always get bugged when I read in public. I guess I’ll just chalk it up to my ravishing good looks.
When I was little, my parents took me to the Clan of the Cave Bear movie. My mom covered my eyes for most of the movie and wouldn’t let me read the book afterwards.
The advantage of playing video games over reading in public boredom situations is you can still talk to people as you play. Reading tells otherrs “don’t bother me.” Gaming says “I have ADHD anyway so feel free to tell me whatever you need.”
Jeff are you saying I look like a child molester even without the props?
I’m saying the bleeding crotch probably does more harm than help.
That’s the most convincing part!
“My mom covered my eyes for most of the movie and wouldn’t let me read the book afterwards.”
i had the opposite inverse reaction: i covered my own eyes for most of the movie and wouldn’t read the book afterwrds.
PhilVillarreal, I just read your review of At World’s End.
It reads like the ‘work’ of a man with very little imagination or inner life. Is that what you intended? Perhaps your dependence on little video games is draining something out of you.
You should have asked for a diagram before you were forced to view this movie. Or better yet, play video games throughout the movie and just make your review up. Couldn’t have been much more insipid.
On a brighter note, you fit right in here, fluttering about with the rest of the little guys, and pontificating about those stupid, stinky films that appeal to all the wrong sort of people.
Why are you so upset? Are you Mrs. Verbinski?
worse. it’s mr. bruckheimer.
hi jerry. go count your booty.
Remember, there are still a large number of folks out there who think that people who play videogames in public are antisocial nerds. The stigma is real.
I like to place a Baby-sitter’s Club cover over whatever book I’m reading in public and I find people leave me alone.
The thing is, Sandekat, I once did have imagination and inner life, but it was all sucked away by that awful movie. I fear those who watch copies of the film bootlegged by DSs will suffer the same fate.
Jeff are you saying I look like a child molester even without the props?
That’s the most convincing part!
“The thing is, Sandekat, I once did have imagination and inner life, but it was all sucked away by that awful movie.”
Are you sure it wasn’t the PFCS? Being associated with the likes of Roger Tennis, Colin Boyd, and Craig Outheir will do far more damage to a mind than any pirate movie.
You are a grown man – you do not need to bring videogames into movie theaters. Did Pauline Kael play Paperboy while waiting for Bonnie and Clyde to start?
I hate it when people attempt to talk to me while playing a videogame. If we’re going to engage in a conversation, you’re either looking at me or the steaks on the grill.
If they don’t want you taking in a cellphonen that can take pics, what are the odds that someone hasn’t rigged up a videogame system to put a camera inside? They make bombs out of sneakers. I think putting a camera in your device isn’t too far fetched.
I’ve been to enough preview screenings and the confirmed press have little signs on the seats so they don’t have worry about getting bumped. So go into the lobby and play Pac-Man or Pong.
Some of us don’t have to bring Gameboys into the theaters since we bring dates.
Corey3rd, the right to stare at a tiny shiny screen instead of looking into my conversation partner’s eyes, as well as the right, nay, duty, to stomp Koopa Troopas in the minutes before a press screening begins, is protected by the Bill of Rights. I won’t back down in my crusade just because a security guard is afraid I’m packing a Bondlike hidden camera. Our boys overseas are fighting to defend these very freedoms.
i think if our troops found out they were fighting and dying for koopa troopas, they’d pull themselves out of iraq to come after you phil;]
Phil has to fight the Koopa Troopas in his Gameboy so we don’t have to fight them here.
Phil,
Did your mom drive you to this screening? If you want to play videogames, hang out in the lobby with the rest of the teens that are exiled from Fast Fare. How can you really review a movie when you know that its interupting your game? Ray Regis will frown on that – and then he’d rip you apart till your grandmother calls to beg for mercy.
Speaking of the troops and the MPAA, have you done a report on Haji-vision? Turns out the US military is a major consumer of bootleg DVDs – I bet someone at FOB Courage is watching a DVD-R of Pirates 3. It’s the army’s dirty secret – since you’re under orders to not bring or send the DVDs back to America.
What’s with all the hate for Phil? Is there some backstory here I’m not aware of?
What’s with all the hate for Phil? Is there some backstory here I’m not aware of?
Actually, Corey3rd, it was your mom who drove me to the screening.
If what you say about the troops watching “Pirates” is true, they’re in for even tougher times than I thought. Hopefully Congress’ new budget includes an earmark for some decent entertainment.
“Phil has to fight the Koopa Troopas in his Gameboy so we don’t have to fight them here.”
ha!
as per the troops, they’re already the stars of our country’s own version of GRINDHOUSE….
and per memorial day, one way i like to support the troops is send a few bucks to the disabled veterans:
http://www.dav.org/
Phil,
If my mom had driven you, that DS would be mine cause she’s an ex-Boston Public School teacher and she doesn’t put up with “distractions.” “You’re being paid to see a movie – not to play video games!” She’s scream. Then she’d shout, “If you don’t focus you’re never going to write for a real newspaper and you aren’t staying in my basement for another five years!” Remember Phil that you are in a dying profession. Those who don’t give 150% to their craft today will be tasting Ramen noodles tomorrow.
You didn’t even give the detail in your article if these folks were off-duty cops or rent-a-guards.
After a long day of worrying that every bump in the road is going to turn your body parts into “meat,” perhaps mindless, dumb, over produced effects helps calm the nerves.
Newspapers dying? What the hell are you talking about, Corey3rd? This whole Internet thing is just a freakish fluke, like TV and airplanes. And I resent the insinuation that my publication isn’t a real newspaper. It’s the New York Times of South Central Arizona.
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