“No Reservations” bitch-slapped
Opening weekend reviews don’t matter at all with most under 30s, and they probably don’t matter that much with the slightly or somewhat older female crowd that Warner Bros. is hoping will take a chance on Scott Hicks‘ No Reservations this weekend. Many of them will, probably, although it would be better for WB if they don’t consult the pic’s Rotten Tomatoes score.
No Reservations has so far amassed a failing grade of 43%. Anything under 70% or 75% means trouble. Slip under 50% or 60& and you’re really in Shit City.
My favorite pan is by Newsday‘s John Anderson. My favorite graphs in his review are as follows:
“Like the planet-sized gourmand of Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life, director Scott Hicks‘ No Reservations consumes and regurgitates everything in its path: The career of Catherine Zeta-Jones, any credibility Hicks (Shine) still has, and even Aaron Eckhart, who is the new Jeff Bridges, one who can balance a caper in his cleft chin.
“Based on the popular German comedy Mostly Martha, it doesn’t leave a bad taste. It doesn’t leave much taste at all, save perhaps for the cloying echoes of Velveeta cheese. It’s a film that should come with bicarbonate.
“While food may be art, and a good chef an artist, an artist is all about his or her inner life — and Hollywood abhors the inner life the way nature abhors a vacuum. It requires far too much consideration, time and effort to make a convincing film about a creative soul, so what we get, particularly in No Reservations, is the equivalent of cream of mushroom soup and Ritz crackers.
“Which serve no one really well but enable the filmmakers to give us beautiful decor, beautiful people, beautiful apartments, New York City streets devoid of anything that looks remotely real and a Greenwich Village restaurant that closes on Sundays. Huh? Call Zagat’s!”
Crap. My wife is making me see this on Sunday. Payback for Sunshine.
But if Ed Douglas likes it, I can’t argue with that.
My wife owes me for sitting through Georgia Rule, but thankfully she’s not interested in this. LUCKY ME!
My parents will enjoy it. Since nothing really interesting goes on, they can make their frequent trips to the rest room without anxiety.
Eckhart is the new Jeff Bridges? HA!
Everytime a critic mentions Eckhart’s acting ability, I send them a DVD of THE CORE.
Nice hair, but little in the way of acting talent.
Remember when CZJ won an oscar? How can she appear in this thing passed off as a movie? Why is it when an actor wins a oscar, mostly, there careers sink? I wonder how much she got paid for this. I hope it was a lot.
I liked Eckhart in Thank You For Smoking well enough.
Movie Watcher, this has to be better than Daddy Day Camp…and anything else Oscar winner Cuba Gooding has done in the last 10 years…doesn’t it?
Kennedy, you’re right about that. Gooding has the worst, I think, post-oscar career. How can he take the check with a straight face? Maybe it’s better not to win? What a concept.
I guess Oscar winners have to eat too…
My parents will enjoy it. Since nothing really interesting goes on, they can make their frequent trips to the rest room without anxiety.
CJ, I’m kidding about Ed. Did you read it?
I liked Eckhart in Thank You For Smoking well enough.
Movie Watcher, this has to be better than Daddy Day Camp…and anything else Oscar winner Cuba Gooding has done in the last 10 years…doesn’t it?
I guess Oscar winners have to eat too…
Thanks for taking a bullet for the team, BNick
yawn for wells and this movie and this site.
I’m with moneypenny:
Wells is done.
Do I want dumb babble about a poster?
Who cares?
Yawn, yawn, yawn.
And fuck Ian Sinclair. What a toolbox.
How stupid can a gigolo be?