Animal Planet

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I had a seat-saving confrontation with two twentysomethings at a Superbad screening at the Grove yesterday. Jett and I entered theatre #1 only a minute before the lights went down, and there were only a few scattered seats so we split up. Just as the trailers began I noticed three unmarked seats -- no articles of clothing, no handbags, no newspapers sitting on them -- near the back. A woman sitting to the right of these seats said they were "saved," so I backed off. But I thought to myself, "Saved how? Because she verbally says so?"

My position is a basic Animal Planet view that you can't "save" seats without marking them, just like dogs and wolves and coyotes mark territory by urinating on the ground and Alaskan gold miners used to stake claims with little piles of rocks. All you have to do is put something on the seat -- a jacket, a magazine or an L.A. Weekly page, even a folded paper napkin. But you can't just point to three or four seats (or six or ten seats...there has to be a limit) and say, "These are saved." Certainly not when the lights are going down. You can try this with one or two seats, maybe, but not with three.

So I said to the girl, "Sorry but the film's starting and there's nothing on these seats. I'll respect saving two but not three seats, so I'm taking the third." And then her friend -- a youngish Asian guy -- sauntered along four or five minutes later, just as the film was starting, and said the seat I was sitting in was "saved." And I said, "Verbal saves without territorial markings don't cut it." He went "huh?" and I repeated my opinion. He said, "So you're not leaving?" and I said "correct." So he stormed off, presumably to get the manager or an usher, but Part Two never happened.

On the other hand, I saved two seats once in a Santa Monica theatre with my sport jacket spread across both of them and a newspaper folded across one, and when I returned with my popcorn a guy and a girl had taken them. "Hey...I saved these seats!" I said to the guy. He gave me one of those chickenshit "who me?" shrugs. "I put my jacket on these seats!," I told him. "Where's my jacket?" It was on the sticky-ass floor under one of the seats. The guy wouldn't move, but I knew he'd tossed the jacket and taken the seats in defiance of natural jungle law. I let it go but he was wrong just as I was right yesterday. Markings are everything.

Finke, Munoz on ICM situation<< previous | next >>Slight "Superbad" downtick

Posted by Jeffrey Wells on August 19, 2007 at 8:05 AM

comment #1

vansmith says ...

yeah its like what are you going to do? go get the manager and he'll tell you there's no official save seat policy, beat the guy up then you dont see the picture. i always get there early enough to be comfortable, who needs the stress..

Posted by vansmith at August 19, 2007 9:37 AM

comment #2

Mike Ock says ...

Thank God the homies or a latina with her illegitimate children didn't take your seat, or this site would be crawling with images of Jeff in blackface.

Posted by Mike Ock at August 19, 2007 9:39 AM

comment #3

gruver1 says ...

Wels to vansmith, Mike Ock: Yes, yes, but what about the principle? Do you believe in territorial "Animal Planet" law or don't you?

Posted by gruver1 at August 19, 2007 9:45 AM

comment #4

Zac Bertschy says ...

Agreed on the seat marking rule and also I consider all seats open once the lights go down. If your friends can't show up even remotely on time, you shouldn't be saving those seats.

Posted by Zac Bertschy at August 19, 2007 9:49 AM

comment #5

PanTheFaun says ...

What if you don't have "territorial markings" with you?

Aren't people allowed to go piss or get consessions before a movie starts without worrying that some douchebag elitist journalist will snatch up their seats, claiming "natural jungle law"?

Posted by PanTheFaun at August 19, 2007 9:49 AM

comment #6

PanTheFaun says ...

*concessions

Posted by PanTheFaun at August 19, 2007 9:50 AM

comment #7

Rob says ...

The worst is the "Could you please move down so my group of six who walked in five minutes late can sit together?" brigade.

Posted by Rob at August 19, 2007 9:51 AM

comment #8

PanTheFaun says ...

Really, Rob?

I'm never one of those people that barges in late with a group-- I tend to arrive early enough to get optimal seats-- But who I always find to be "the worst" are people who make it seem like it's the biggest hassle in the world to scoot down a seat or two so a couple can sit together.

Posted by PanTheFaun at August 19, 2007 9:54 AM

comment #9

christian says ...

"Do you believe in territorial "Animal Planet""

only if you believe you're a animal unhampered by reason or empathy. i agree that people saving seats have limited seat rights, but it's proper to watch over them if people are getting snacks.

and you know who believes in that darwinistic bullshit? bush and cheney and the crew territorially pissing all over iraq.

there, i connected bush to this.

Posted by christian at August 19, 2007 9:55 AM

comment #10

malibugigolo says ...

Once it starts take the seats. I never save seats for other people. Why should I get there early and wait on them? Fuck that. Nor would I ask someone else to do that for me.

Posted by malibugigolo at August 19, 2007 10:03 AM

comment #11

Dzayson says ...

Thank God for the Arclight. When Arclight 2 opens up in Sherman Oaks this winter, so much the better. I say we start converting every theatre to Arclight.

Posted by Dzayson at August 19, 2007 10:05 AM

comment #12

alynch says ...

If you show up late, then fuck your saved seats. It's not any more complicated than that.

Posted by alynch at August 19, 2007 10:07 AM

comment #13

gruver1 says ...

Wels to Pan the Faun: Bring your territorial markings (jackets, napkins, bags, pocketboooks) to the theatre with you, and if you haven't brought anything with you then live within the Animal Planet rules like any adult human or wolf or coyote or fox or dog...simple. Don't like the rules? Tough. And if you get personal with me one more time, you'll be out of this space for the rest of your life. Mine is the hand that smiteth.

Posted by gruver1 at August 19, 2007 10:07 AM

comment #14

MAGGA says ...

"you know who believes in that darwinistic bullshit? "

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7I73DNguRI

Posted by MAGGA at August 19, 2007 10:09 AM

comment #15

lazespud says ...

I don't know if the ArcLight is like this, but I think we should run theaters like they do in Copenhagen.

I was in Copenhagen in 2000 and was jonesing a bit for the US (after a month of travel) so I decided to see a matinee of Erin Brokovich. I was surprised when I bought my ticket that they asked me "where do you want to sit?" I just said, "in the middle". Then they gave me a ticket with an actual assigned seat.

When I went in and sat down, I was the only one in the theater. After about 5 minutes a woman came in and sat right next to me on the left. Then a few minutes later another woman came in and sat next to me on the right. (clearly both had said "in the middle" when asked where they wanted to sit). We ended up being the only three people in the whole 800 seat theater, and no one moved from their seat. It was quite funny. Anyway, they NEVER have an issue with "saved seats" in that theater in Copenhagen.

Posted by lazespud at August 19, 2007 10:13 AM

comment #16

vansmith says ...

i believe in territorial animal planet if you are willing to back it up at that moment..when the film is about to start and you have your girl with you do you A) grab the guy and toss him, B) throw soda on him causing him to get up and attack you. C) pull out a pistol and threaten him. D) pull out your cock and piss on him..i like D but knowing me i'd wait for the guy and then....nah..

Posted by vansmith at August 19, 2007 10:13 AM

comment #17

PanTheFaun says ...

Posted by PanTheFaun at August 19, 2007 10:14 AM

comment #18

dre says ...

Jeff, your second story was a dick move on the guy's part but, no offense, your first story seems like a dick move on yours. No, I don't believe in the animal planet way of needing to mark seats. Yes, it's better if the seats are marked. If they aren't marked, I'll either ask if they're being saved or just sit. If they tell me they're saved, no problem, I'll find another seat. It sucks, but I live with it because it ain't a big deal. The need for a marked seat seems way too george costanzaish in the he's-being-ridiculous vein. Maybe this is a regional thing, but people are pretty cool about it around these parts which is strange because there's a lot of assholes in s. florida.

Posted by dre at August 19, 2007 10:19 AM

comment #19

T. Holly says ...

Ban Pan because he never brings anything remotely insightful or interesting HEre, he's just plugging himself, literally too probably.

Posted by T. Holly at August 19, 2007 10:26 AM

comment #20

gruver1 says ...

Farewell, Pan the Faun...I told you what not to do, told you not to do it again or else, and you did it anyway.

Posted by gruver1 at August 19, 2007 10:28 AM

comment #21

erniesouchak says ...

I think if the lights are going down and seats are hard to come by, any "saved" seat is fair game. I also agree that the Arclight/Copenhagen method is a good way of doing away with this problem. And I completely disagree with the poster who thinks no one should put up a fuss when asked to move so a couple can sit together. I pick a seat because I want to sit there and not someplace else. Why should I move just because you couldn't get your asses to the theater early enough to get seats together?

Posted by erniesouchak at August 19, 2007 10:29 AM

comment #22

vansmith says ...

but pan its not cool to call the guy that runs the site that YOU FREQUENT a douchebag or whatever, you dont agree with a guy you say so, you wanna just call people names you take a walk..imo..

Posted by vansmith at August 19, 2007 10:33 AM

comment #23

alynch says ...

One more rule to add. It's okay to save a seat without marking anything if it's the seat on your very left or your very right. Anything more than that you do have to mark however.

Posted by alynch at August 19, 2007 10:45 AM

comment #24

Josh Massey says ...

Dammit, Christian - I was with you almost the whole way. Maybe next time.

Anyway, it's an easy solution. If I find myself without any "markings" to use and seats to save, I just take off my pants and lay those over the chair.

Posted by Josh Massey at August 19, 2007 10:46 AM

comment #25

Mr. Muckle says ...

I don't believe that animals respect the "piss rule." Only if the pisser is bigger and stronger, otherwise it's a fight. "Might makes right," is the animal rule.

Humans have buggered this whole thing up. Governmental (or usher/manager/police) intervention is also a form of "might."

Here it's just a case of "I want that. So do I."

Personally, I don't like to grapple with the crowd for stuff we all want. Makes it seem like scrabbling for relief rations thrown off a truck to the mob.

Posted by Mr. Muckle at August 19, 2007 11:03 AM

comment #26

BNick says ...

I don't totally understand, Jeff. Did you taking one of the unmarked seats allow you to sit with your son in the theater, or did you end up sitting in separate single seats anyway? If it's the latter, you probably unnecessarily stuck your thumb in the guy's eye.

I never understood why people have to sit together at a theater, because it's not all that social an experience. But I despise the people who refuse to move down a seat or two to accomodate larger groups. One time I saw a husband-wife combination refuse to move and another husband-wife combination ended up sitting one on either side of them. People in the theater actually booed.

Posted by BNick at August 19, 2007 11:10 AM

comment #27

Gabriel says ...

I agree with Jeff that there should be a physical object marking the saved seats, and that there should be a fairly strict cap on how many can be saved. I feel like you should not save more than two seats for each person who is actually sitting in your party (i.e., if you go with a group of six, leave two behind to watch the seats). When I went to see "The Matrix Reloaded" at the Chinese, there was a young girl trying to save a row of eight open chairs while everyone was busy trying to find a place. I told her "forget about it" and took one of them without feeling even a slight hint of guilt.

Posted by Gabriel at August 19, 2007 11:13 AM

comment #28

corey3rd says ...

I had gone off to the bathroom and someone was in my seat. Normally I'd just find another place, but this was at the Drive-in.

Posted by corey3rd at August 19, 2007 11:17 AM

comment #29

WJ says ...

I've never run into any problems with "saved seats" because I try to arrive at least 10 minutes early.

It seems immature to equate this to "Animal Planet" markings and so on. If someone's saving a few seats, find somewhere else to sit. Their friends may be in bathroom or standing in line to get overpriced popcorn and don't have any "markings" on them...

Unless, of course, you want them to literally piss on the seats their saving. Would that satisfy the seat-Nazis out there? Ditto the Constanza reference, dre.

Posted by WJ at August 19, 2007 11:18 AM

comment #30

jesse says ...

OK, here's the deal.

Saving seats is fine. Jeff correctly points out that it's proper etiquette to place something, anything on the seat, to avoid inconveniencing others who may be hunting for a seat. Although I would say if there's a large group (say four or five people) and one seat in the middle without anything on it, that's permissable (though what kind of large group doesn't have anything to put on a seat).

If the movie is starting and there's nothing on the seats, and those people haven't shown up yet (e.g., haven't shown up and left to get snacks or use the bathroom), calling them "saved" is a stretch at that point... and raises suspicions that the seat is being "saved" so that the person doesn't have to sit next to anyone (I swear I've seen people do this). However, in all but the most dire of situations I'd give the person the benefit of the doubt -- if only because someone who doesn't know how early to show up to a movie and/or save a seat is fairly likely to answer their cell phone during the movie anyway.

The "can you move down" people *are* annoying -- especially if they're there way late in the game, which is usually the case. This is not to say that I ever refuse. In fact, in practice I completely understand and sympathize and in most cases it would be petty not to. However, in theory, showing up five minutes before the movie starts at a crowded multiplex and then asking people who *did* get there early enough to pick out seats they want to please move down to accommodate you is pretty lame. Again, I'm not saying I get into it with anyone who asks me to do so -- in fact, I try to be friendly about it. But know that deep down, I'm thinking that you're lame and you should learn to get there more than five minutes beforehand. I feel like online ticketing causes some of this. People somehow figure that because their tickets are purchased, they can just walk in the door as the movie starts and be all set. (Ads for online ticketing help reinforce this idea.)

Sitting together at a theater *is* preferable because it *is*, in fact, a communal experience. Breaking a large group into two isn't too bad, but if you're going in a group of two or three or four, it's nice to sit together and experience each other's reactions (regardless of how quiet or subtle they are).

And that's that.

Posted by jesse at August 19, 2007 11:26 AM

comment #31

J. Huff says ...

So much for proof of evolution.

Posted by J. Huff at August 19, 2007 11:32 AM

comment #32

smoothwalker says ...

i only go to the arclight. in my last two consecutive movies at the grove, jerks talked on their phones. in the first instance, the departed, the woman actually took repeated calls and had long conversations. i got free tickets for that, but i used them once and will never go back. i limit myself almost exclusively to the arclight.

Posted by smoothwalker at August 19, 2007 11:43 AM

comment #33

MAGGA says ...

J Puff: "So much for proof of evolution."

Maybe I am too tired and hung over to get your points but are you seriously saying you do not believe in evolution?

Posted by MAGGA at August 19, 2007 11:46 AM

comment #34

Rothchild says ...

I stopped reading after "I showed up a minute before..."

Don't do that. End of story.

Posted by Rothchild at August 19, 2007 11:46 AM

comment #35

BurmaShave says ...

A few years ago I went to see MASTER & COMMANDER, and I wanted to save my seat (this was in an old Multiplex outside Toledo, Ohio, no stadium seating), so I put something down on it. There was a scrappy Jimmy Caan type kid behind me who began huffing (I'm not a very tall man, but I'm above average and I have a huge head)about me having to sit right in front of him and his girl. I just stared him down and walked out to the restrooms. While I was gone, the motherfucker actually broke the seat. He pulled it out from the hinges and snapped it off. I didn't want to miss a movie I'd payed for by going to get the manager and reporting him, and besides, I guess I kind of admired his moxy. Somebody else saw him and he was removed by security some time later. Moral of the story? Uh, stay the fuck out of Ohio.

My Animal Planet solution? *tasteless too soon joke alert* Somebody takes my seat, I stab them with the tail of a stingray. Crikey!

Posted by BurmaShave at August 19, 2007 12:51 PM

comment #36

zoey says ...

I always get there early to grab seats behind the wheelchair section of the theater so I can scooch down in my seat and put me feet up on the bars that mark off that section. I may give up some other not-so-prime seat, but I will never give up a seat behind the bars.

Posted by zoey at August 19, 2007 12:56 PM

comment #37

jeffmcm says ...

I think we can all agree that you can't just leave a seat and expect to hang on to it if it's unmarked - connecting it to grand schemes and theories involving basic cable channels, however, strikes me as a little loony (and triggers for another of Wells's fits of censorship are always unpredictable).

Posted by jeffmcm at August 19, 2007 1:02 PM

comment #38

Mike Ock says ...

"Yes, yes, but what about the principle? Do you believe in territorial "Animal Planet" law or don't you?"

You're absolutely right on this one. I usually arrive 20 minutes before showtime to avoid shit like that.

Posted by Mike Ock at August 19, 2007 1:03 PM

comment #39

J. Huff says ...

Magga, maybe you are too tired and hung over to get a one-line gut reaction based on the topic title. Nothing kills a joke faster than having to explain it.

Posted by J. Huff at August 19, 2007 1:14 PM

comment #40

Rob says ...

I understand the "I'll only see movies at the ArcLight" mentality in theory, but the one time I was there (I don't live in L.A.) the audiences were just as rude as at your normal multiplex.

And they did let latecomers in, which I thought was against their policy.

Posted by Rob at August 19, 2007 1:21 PM

comment #41

Dan Revill says ...

I've saved large quantities of seats before. It's a bitch. The thing is, if you don't have enough items of spare clothing to save the seats, you hold onto the tickets and flash them at the theater I frequent. This seems to work overall. Still, after a certain point, I'll give up seats if my friends are late. There's only so much one person can do.

Being twenty mins early usually guarantees almost anyone a good seat. I don't really like being the dick that says, "These seats are saved," but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Now I'm at the point where I won't do it too much anymore though, just because it's a hassle to one and all.

Posted by Dan Revill at August 19, 2007 2:20 PM

comment #42

James says ...

At the Lincoln Center megaplex in Manhattan, my wife and I spotted two seats together within a sea of already occupied seats 15-20 minutes before a popular, sold-out movie and we started barrelling over knees and laps to get to them. Just as I got to the seats on step ahead of my wife, a young woman thre her windbreaker onto the seat from about 10-15 feet away.

I thought it was funny and kind of admired her moxy, but those were our seats. So I just picked up her jacket smiled and gave it back to her. And she shrugged in a "you can't blame me for trying" kind of way.

The race for the seat, good view, place to stand, etc. at any popular event in Manhattan (not to mention riding the bus or subway, finding a seat at a coffee shop, getting a table for brunch, hailing a cab during rush hour) is a relentless part of life there. And there are ultimately no rules that are consistently followed by the majority. You just have to decide for yourself what your personal rules are and follow them as best you can, while accepting that everyone else will be living according to a different set of rules.

Posted by James at August 19, 2007 2:25 PM

comment #43

James says ...

geez... "threw" her windbreaker from 10-15 feet away.

Way to mess up the story, James.

Posted by James at August 19, 2007 2:28 PM

comment #44

DarthCorleone says ...

It is an appreciated courtesy, but I don't necessarily agree with the need to "mark" the seats, especially as someone who goes to so many movies alone and is not going to leave anything sitting in a movie theater unattended. A verbal claim from neighbors (preferably part of the party) should be sufficient in a civilized society. That said, saving of more than one seat that close to showtime is an extreme discourtesy. Most of movie viewing these days happens at the Arclight, so thank goodness I don't have to worry about this issue most of the time anymore.

Posted by DarthCorleone at August 19, 2007 4:18 PM

comment #45

transmogrifier says ...

Solution: assigned seating.

That is all.

Posted by transmogrifier at August 19, 2007 4:53 PM

comment #46

malibugigolo says ...

Some dick today had saved seats that he saved for four and only one came late so only took one of the four other seats, thus blocking anyone else from using them. It wasn't a big deal. I sat back on an aisle, and I brought some change, and pelted him in the head with nickels for the rest of the movie at about 20 minute intervals.

Posted by malibugigolo at August 19, 2007 5:19 PM

comment #47

le corbeau says ...

Lazespud, my sister lived in Bratislava and had the same experience-- except there they don't ask where you'd like to sit, they just start selling the seats from the back row, far left. So if five people come to the movie, they're all crammed into ZZ36-41, pressed against the back wall of the theater. My sister and her husband would then ostentatiously get up and go sit wherever they pleased, ruining the movie for the good Bratislavans who couldn't bear the sight of Americans breaking ironclad norms of proper socialist behavior that way.

Posted by le corbeau at August 19, 2007 6:50 PM

comment #48

christian says ...

remind me to not go to the cinema in bratislava.

Posted by christian at August 19, 2007 7:12 PM

comment #49

foxnewsisfake says ...

I grew up in the South Bay. At the Century 21 and 22 it was not uncommon to wait an hour or more outside and uncovered to get in to an opening night show or a big hit. It was a bitch. People were pissed. Man, you had BETTER mark your saved seats and pray that was good enough.

Now I live in a small friendly town near the water in the lush and beautiful Pacific Northwest and everybody here is cool cool cool at the movies even when its packed for Potter and Bourne and you can save a few or two or even more seats and you can mark 'em or not your call it's all good just kick it and laugh or cry hi yes yeah these are for my friends and we're getting fat so they're getting snacks and treats in the lobby out there and how are you doing i'm good you good i hear this is a good one i sure hope its good i hate the twenty and uh oh hehe oops forgot to turn of my cell i know i did that last week ha ha oh better stop talking here come the trailers man that looks pretty good definitely well enjoy the movie you too.

Posted by foxnewsisfake at August 19, 2007 9:52 PM

comment #50

lazespud says ...

I almost forgot my favorite part about seeing Erin Brokovich crammed in between those two danish women in Copenhagen: the movie was in english with Danish subtitles, but twice in the movie Julia Roberts said something that was just a standard, throwaway, plot-moving line, but both women BUSTED out laughing at exactly the same time. Clearly the translator for the subtitles was having fun with the translation, because there wasn't anything funny in the original english.

Oh, and the other weird thing was that you don't enter the theater until exactly the time the movie is supposed to start. I walked in early and the theater was PITCH BLACK.

As I see it, in general most American theaters would never go for assigned seating because if people realized that they were getting a cruddy seat or couldn't sit next to their companion, they wouldn't buy the ticket. But with the current arrangment, they have no idea that they're gonna be shafted until the actually walk into the theater. So theater owners probably think they'd lose money with assigned seating. I for one would pay 15 bucks if I could A) pick my seat, B) not have to sit through commercials, C) have an attendant on hand to shush people and take their fricking phone away if they talk on them or, just as bad, turn them on throughout the movie to check the time, and D) have them properly project the movie.

Posted by lazespud at August 20, 2007 1:21 AM

comment #51

carla kolchak says ...

I show up early enough to choose the seat I WANT for the screening. If you show up after I do (like, say, 'only a minute before the lights went down'), don't bother asking me to move. Because I won't. It's as simple as that. And as far as seat-saving goes, I will save a seat until the first trailer starts (and I try to mark any seat that isn't directly beside mine, if I have to save more than one). After that, my friend is on his/her own. I never leave my seat unmarked if I am going to the concession stand or to the washroom after choosing my seat (then again, I normally do that stuff BEFORE I choose my seat).

Posted by carla kolchak at August 20, 2007 7:18 AM

comment #52

Bocephus says ...

I always come to the theatre an hour early with a few 3-liter soda bottles, pee on all the seats, and spend the rest of the time growling and displaying my teeth at anyone who tries to sit down. If someone challenges me, I simply force them to the ground and dry hump their leg to assert dominance.

Works every time.

Posted by Bocephus at August 20, 2007 8:55 AM

comment #53

christian says ...

hey, that was you! i sat way in the back.

Posted by christian at August 20, 2007 10:05 AM

comment #54

nola says ...

I refuse to save seats unless a friend just got up to go to the bathroom/concessions. I had a friend who was always late. We were saving her a seat and she showed up late opening night of MATRIX II and this man (rightfully so) cursed me and my friends out. The movie had already started. I basically stopped going to the movies with that friend. Life is too short and my time is valuable too.

Posted by nola at August 20, 2007 11:01 AM

comment #55