Surfer Bruise

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I don't know which of these Malibu surfer-brawl videos, taken yesterday, happened first -- clip #1 or clip #2. But any beating up of paparazzi by anyone is a good thing as long as no one gets killed or crippled. Black eyes are good, bruises are good, broken cameras are good, missing teeth are good...all of it.

Paparazzi are pigs in the gutter -- the scumbucket jackals of worldwide celebrity culture. The lowest of the low, covered in their own slime. They deserve every bad thing that happens to them except death or disfigurement or being turned into paraplegics.

The fighting was about a dog-pack of twelve photographers trailing Matthew McConaughey to a cliff-shrouded Malibu beach he'd visited in order to surf and sunbathe. Matthew McConaughey! A group of surfers attacked the paparazzi in quick little skirmishes -- giving one guy a broken nose, breaking another's camera, pushing the same onto some rocks, etc.

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Posted by Jeffrey Wells on June 23, 2008 at 11:49 AM

comment #1

Spacesheik says ...

Jeff, both links revolve around Chris Noth graciously signing autographs to some fans.

Maybe the links got modified.

Posted by Spacesheik at June 23, 2008 12:26 PM

comment #2

corey3rd says ...

I can't help thinking that the Paps are the new version of faux homeless except instead of begging for pocket change, they merely swipe you image and sell it to Harvey Levin.

Posted by corey3rd at June 23, 2008 12:33 PM

comment #3

T. S. Idiot says ...

Spacesheik: Scroll down.

The thought of Mr. Big surfing is enough to make me break my own nose.

Posted by T. S. Idiot at June 23, 2008 12:42 PM

comment #4

JapAdapters says ...

Says the guy linking to TMZ.

Oh, the irony.

Posted by JapAdapters at June 23, 2008 12:59 PM

comment #5

gruver1 says ...

Fucking TMZ tech guys. I copied their TMZ links for the surfer brawl videos exactly and they switched them out. Jerks.

Posted by gruver1 at June 23, 2008 1:07 PM

comment #6

CinemaPhreek says ...

Yo, T.S. - was curious as to your story, you hail from my hometown apparently.

You're not Barefoot Harry perchance?

Posted by CinemaPhreek at June 23, 2008 1:10 PM

comment #7

CinemaPhreek says ...

How about in the name of George Carlin we lay the blame where it actually lies:

I want to see the footage of the surfers down at the Vons on Sunset & PCH beating the shit outta teen girls, middle-aged women and gay guys buying the rags that pay for these photos.

I want to some pudgy 37 year old white chick with blood streaming down her face while she tries to fend off further blows by hiding behind a US. Let's see the video of vapid 17 year old wearing clothes meant for adults with black eyes, staggering to the Prius her parents got her dropping the People to the parking lot asphalt trying to insert the key.

Posted by CinemaPhreek at June 23, 2008 1:20 PM

comment #8

Mjs says ...

CinemaPhreek,

I am with you completely. Well done, sir.

Posted by Mjs at June 23, 2008 1:32 PM

comment #9

Gnome de Guerre says ...

The video was just disgusting. I felt sorry for the paps. Bullying sucks man. If it's a fair fight, ok, but it wasn't. I was rooting for the surfers to get their asses kicked by some Brazilian pap wielding the power of BJJ or a swift soccer kick to the nuts.

Posted by Gnome de Guerre at June 23, 2008 1:34 PM

comment #10

Edward says ...

Shaq rapping "Kobe, how does my ass taste? Made me laugh."

Posted by Edward at June 23, 2008 2:50 PM

comment #11

nemo says ...

See now, Jeff's anger management classes are beginning to show some positive effects. Now he's adding qualifying phrases such as "except death or disfigurement" to the end of his rants.

Posted by nemo at June 23, 2008 3:14 PM

comment #12

T. S. Idiot says ...

CinemaPhreek: One knew the legendary Barefoot Harry. I suspect he's a Republican officeholder somewhere in New Jersey.

Posted by T. S. Idiot at June 23, 2008 3:33 PM

comment #13

Mjs says ...

"I felt sorry for the paps. Bullying sucks man. If it's a fair fight, ok, but it wasn't. "

The paps are bullies. And is it a fair fight when hundreds of them swarm an actor? No.

Posted by Mjs at June 23, 2008 3:37 PM

comment #14

MilkMan says ...

Yeah, the 'Razzi is comprised (mostly) of human shitstains, but if anyone deserves to have his buzz killed on a daily basis it's Mr. JKL, whose life seems to consist of this triangulation: bong - vagina - waves. No man has the right to paradise on earth, especially not this bronzed redneck, who frittered away what talent he used to have pandering to the tastes of the secretaries and receptionists that work for the suits in Hollywood.

And I hate fucking surfers (along with their city slicker brethren, skateboarders). The beach is a public space, assholes. What you do ain't that cool, Brah. You'd think that a bunch of dudes spending their entire life on permanent vacation would be a little more relaxed and hang loose, but no, they're as aggro as you can get, nothing more than football players who can swim. Plus their music sucks. Guys sit around all night listening to Jack Johnson. Dorks. Get a job. Read a book. Expand your vocabulary. If surfing is spiritual, then so is fucking hang-gliding. Everytime I hear a surfer speak it sounds as if their brain has turned to sun tea. McConaughey was supposed to be the next coming of Paul Newman. Instead he's turning out to be nothing better than a cross between Jan-Michael Vincent and Strother Martin. Congrats, Matt. And for christ's sake, put down the baby oil.

Posted by MilkMan at June 23, 2008 5:05 PM

comment #15