Scene From a Marriage

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In a just-out Vanity Fair cover story by Maureen Dowd, Tina Fey's troll-ish musician-composer husband Jeff Richmond recalls that "when we were first dating [in 1994], some of the guys at Second City said, 'Hey, wouldn't it be a hoot if we go over...'"

"'...over to the Doll House,"' Fey finishes. "'We'll go to this strip club ironically.' I was like, 'The fuck you will.'

"'I know how she feels about some things," Richmond tells Dowd later on. "We never had to deal with any of this but, like, adultery. Just looking at examples from other people's lives, we know that anything like that, messing around, is just such a complete 'no' to her. And she has her principles and she sticks to her principles more than anybody I've ever met in my life. Like that whole idea of, if you are in a relationship, there are deal breakers.

"'There's not a lot of gray area in being flirty with somebody. She's very black-and-white: 'We're married -- you can't.' [Richmond] calls their marriage 'borderline boring -- in a good way.' And Fey concurs: 'I don't enjoy any kind of danger or volatility. I don't have that kind of 'I love the bad guys' thing. No, no thank you. I like nice people.'"

People in successful marriages -- i.e., the ones that more or less "work" -- know this, but it's not written about or discussed all that much. To be in a stable marriage you have to accept -- no, embrace -- borderline boring as a day-to-day fact of life. But woebetide the marriage that tips a bit deeper into stasis and becomes draggy or soul-stifling. Or, for that matter, the husband or wife who imagines he or she can get away with a little flirty tingle (or worse) on the side.

Okay, you can for a while, especially if you approach it in the right way (i.e., like a CIA agent in East Germany during the height of the Cold War) but all catting-around comes out in the wash sooner or later.

Marriage can be really tough. If things take a wrong turn it can weigh on your soul. It's not for sissies or dilletantes. Sometimes I think Tilda Swinton and her husband have a fairly good thing going.

But as many men have said to themselves (particularly when young), "What is life without at least a little risk?" I'm not talking about infidelity. I'm saying that knowing or feeling that your vibrancy or currency isn't gathering dust on the shelf, that it is valued or sought out by others, can lift your heart and soul up and out in all directions -- glowingly, resplendently. And we all need that. We also know that most marriages come up short as far as providing that kind of nurturing or inspiration.

To be in a good marriage you have to either be very passionate and creative about giving this to your mate, or else be very resigned and almost farm-animal-like in the knowledge that you're just going to have to do without. We know this.

Grazer/Howard<< previous | next >>Behold A Bright Horse

Posted by Jeffrey Wells on December 1, 2008 at 6:57 AM

comment #1

Krazy Eyes says ...

Has anyone ever seen pictures of Fey before her whole SNL/30 Rock makeover? I don't think she had any "work" done but she's borderline unrecognizable now . . . for the better I might add.

Posted by Krazy Eyes at December 1, 2008 8:09 AM

comment #2

vansmith says ...

Well, looking at the two of them i'd say he can't do too much better than her (she's got looks plus cash). plus she's probably a heavy load so she's lucky to have him hang around. I see them like sarah j parker and mathew broderick.

Posted by vansmith at December 1, 2008 8:11 AM

comment #3

Roman says ...

Let me guess, Wells. Richmond is "troll-ish" because he's shorter than Fey.

What exactly is your major malfunction?

Posted by Roman at December 1, 2008 8:12 AM

comment #4

HarveyCo says ...

Roman, I initially bristled at such that slam, too. But after reading his seriously knuckleheaded quotes and looking at his kind of hungover-looking photos, I kinda concur.

God, I hate it when cool chicks go with the kinds of meatheads who openly complain that they have to be faithful or else.

Posted by HarveyCo at December 1, 2008 8:49 AM

comment #5

gruver1 says ...

Wells to Roman: Are you going to sit there and tell me that if Richmond was a known and respected character actor and you were the casting director for the Lord of the Rings trilogy, you wouldn't have him on your short list for one of the friends of Frodo? Or to play Ian Holm's role? Be honest.

Posted by gruver1 at December 1, 2008 10:52 AM

comment #6

lazarus says ...

"Musician-composer"? This guy did the music for Baby Mama and some SNL and 30 Rock episodes. Without her nepotism the only composing he'd be doing is whistling while doing the dishes.

Posted by lazarus at December 1, 2008 11:18 AM

comment #7

frankbooth says ...

So he's hobbit-ish, not troll-ish. One is endearing, the other rather nasty.

I just read a story that might help explain why Fey seeks stolidity and predictability:

"Tina Fey's husband is talking about something the "30 Rock" actress would rather not discuss: the scar on her left cheek.

In an interview in Vanity Fair, Jeff Richmond says a stranger slashed Fey's face when she was 5 years old. He says the incident occurred in the front yard of her house."

That could leave you with a permanent fear of the random insanity of the universe, all right.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2008/12/01/entertainment/e071057S16.DTL&tsp=1

Posted by frankbooth at December 1, 2008 11:31 AM

comment #8

gruver1 says ...

Wells to Lazarus: Whoa. That's cruel, man. The credits are the credits but still....wow. Give the guy a break.

Posted by gruver1 at December 1, 2008 11:36 AM

comment #9

Deathtongue_Groupie says ...

Glass houses, Jeff, glass houses..

Posted by Deathtongue_Groupie at December 1, 2008 11:40 AM

comment #10

The Bandsaw Vigilante says ...

Just posted this minutes ago in the Rachel Maddow-thread, but I'll say it here again:

MILFs rule. Fucker had best not cheat on my beloved Tina.

Posted by The Bandsaw Vigilante at December 1, 2008 12:45 PM

comment #11

Joshua Mooney says ...

Jeff: This is a remarkably astute take on marriage, from the male perspective, and I thank you for it. Seriously. Damn good writing, man. You said a lot.

Posted by Joshua Mooney at December 1, 2008 1:14 PM

comment #12

Roman says ...

"Wells to Roman: Are you going to sit there and tell me that if Richmond was a known and respected character actor and you were the casting director for the Lord of the Rings trilogy, you wouldn't have him on your short list for one of the friends of Frodo? Or to play Ian Holm's role? Be honest"

Jeff in all seriosness, I wouldn't have even said anything if it wasn't for the fact that you were trying to make some sort of a point (it's all right there, in the first sentence!). And the frequency with which you bring up people's height and weight (two fundamentally different thing if you know what I'm implying) seems almost pathological.

P.S. No, I wouldn't. I also like Ian Holm. And I bet this guy is giving her all the length she needs anyway, and when he does and she screens and moans she doesn't sound like a gollum but like an fine elf.

Posted by Roman at December 1, 2008 3:56 PM

comment #13

moviemaniac2002 says ...

Let me tell you this from 28 years of marriage...
.....Unbridled lust 'n passion, of course, always simmers down...evolving into a deepr, quieter love and adoration....and that love, over the years evolves into an almost genetic bond of affection......the feeling that no matter where life takes you, you can't live without this other person.
And the glue that holds that whole thing together (and makes the difference between marriage and divorce)...mutual respect. As in...you can fight and snap and snipe all you want with each other, but always above the belt....because even the most sincerest apologies and wild make-up sex will never fully heal words that drew blood.

And contrary to that idiot Erich Segal...love
DOES mean having to say you're sorry....a lot.

Posted by moviemaniac2002 at December 1, 2008 8:12 PM

comment #14

BurmaShave says ...

Roman that's the creepiest thing anyone's written on here since 'Ian Sinclair' stopped posting. This guy is obviously King Douche, and they'll be divorcing within a few years, bet on it. He's obviously some kind of Normal Maine to be saying shit like this in an interview.

Posted by BurmaShave at December 2, 2008 3:29 PM

comment #15