She's Gone, Ohh-eye

Of all the non-competition films at Sundance '09 (Premieres, Spectrum, Frontier, Park City at Midnight), the one I'm least interested in seeing, no offense, is Marc Webb's 500 Days of Summer, which is about Joseph Gordon-Levitt flashing back to his relationship with Zooey Deschanel and trying to figure out why she broke up with him. I'm already suffering just thinking about this film.

Any guy who doesn't understand exactly what's happening and not happening at any moment in a romantic relationship holds no interest for me. Only losers go "what went wrong?...waaahh" when things don't work out. Winners know what's going to happen before it happens, and they hold the door open for the woman as she leaves, and they give her cab fare.

Whoa, Whoa...<< previous | next >>Snarlin' Sheriff

Posted by Jeffrey Wells on December 4, 2008 at 4:52 PM

comment #1

berkguru Author Profile Page says ...

master of the female species. thats why you are an old lonely divorcee now who probably hasnt had a real girlfriend in 10+ years.

Posted by berkguru Author Profile Page at December 4, 2008 5:13 PM

comment #2

DarthCorleone Author Profile Page says ...

That might be true, but there are a lot more losers in the world than winners, so it's relatable. I'm certainly one of them.

Posted by DarthCorleone Author Profile Page at December 4, 2008 5:28 PM

comment #3

fattyhadaparty Author Profile Page says ...

"Only losers go "what went wrong?...waaaah" when things don't work out. Winners know what's going to happen before it happens, and they hold the door open for the woman as she leaves, and they give her cab fare."

Actually, winners admit to their mistakes and learn from them. Losers never admit they ever made mistakes and keep making the same ones over and over again. But, you're obviously a winner, Jeff, so just ignore this entire post.

Posted by fattyhadaparty Author Profile Page at December 4, 2008 5:33 PM

comment #4

The InSneider Author Profile Page says ...

Jeff, you sound like Sean Connery in The Rock. "Your best? Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen."

Posted by The InSneider Author Profile Page at December 4, 2008 5:47 PM

comment #5

BurmaShave Author Profile Page says ...

Since it was referenced, I feel it's appropriate to post the best music video ever:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZZngTkp54I

Posted by BurmaShave Author Profile Page at December 4, 2008 6:30 PM

comment #6

Caustic712 Author Profile Page says ...

"Any guy who doesn't understand exactly what's happening and not happening at any moment in a UMBRELLA relationship holds no interest for me. Only losers go "what went wrong?...waaahh" when things don't work out. Winners know what's going to happen before it happens, and they hold the door open for the UMBRELLA THIEF as she leaves, and they give her cab fare."

Posted by Caustic712 Author Profile Page at December 4, 2008 8:27 PM

comment #7

bmcintire Author Profile Page says ...

Burma - that was awesome! Never seen it before and never realized how badly Daryl Hall wanted to be Bowie. And just when it hammers itself on the nose with the appearance of a '70s costume-store Devil, John Oates breaks out an actual penguin-suit tuxedo jacket. Perfect in its terribleness. Thank you!

Posted by bmcintire Author Profile Page at December 4, 2008 8:33 PM

comment #8

bmcintire Author Profile Page says ...

And the FYC banner ad for Kirk Lazarus is pure genius. Kudos to Paramount/Dreamworks.

Posted by bmcintire Author Profile Page at December 4, 2008 8:36 PM

comment #9

Deathtongue_Groupie Author Profile Page says ...

Losers simply keep making the same mistakes for years on end thinking they are "winners." Isn't this Bush's pattern as well?

Any other advice I would have to give on this subject would be lost on anyone who hasn't lasted at least 5-10 years in relationship.

Now, if you will excuse me, I'm going to go give the wife an unexpected fondle to remember that I am so VERY fucking grateful my dating days are long behind me...

Posted by Deathtongue_Groupie Author Profile Page at December 4, 2008 9:22 PM

comment #10

corey3rd Author Profile Page says ...

The only way you can ever be a "winner" in a relationship is to die. A couple can divorce after 50 years and somehow they've had an unsuccessful marriage. But if they die 50 minutes after saying "I do" - they're winners.

Only way this works is if his evil twin brother was banging her while he was passed out from black tar heroin.

Posted by corey3rd Author Profile Page at December 4, 2008 10:52 PM

comment #11

Pinko Punko Author Profile Page says ...

berk went for the low road, so no points, but Caustic- awesome.

BRELLA...BRELLA BRELLA

Posted by Pinko Punko Author Profile Page at December 4, 2008 11:05 PM

comment #12

Doug Author Profile Page says ...

Woody Allen flashing back to his relationship with Diane Keaton and trying to figure out why she broke up with him.
That movie turned out pretty well.

Posted by Doug Author Profile Page at December 5, 2008 2:23 AM

comment #13

Kim Voynar Author Profile Page says ...

deathtongue_groupie said "Now, if you will excuse me, I'm going to go give the wife an unexpected fondle to remember that I am so VERY fucking grateful my dating days are long behind me... "

...best comment on this thread, and amen to that. Dating sucks.

Posted by Kim Voynar Author Profile Page at December 5, 2008 9:21 AM

comment #14

Deth Rules Author Profile Page says ...

Um, considering that the only facial expressions Zooey Deschanel has are "eyes wide" and "eyes wider," I think some confusion is understandable. It's binary code.

Posted by Deth Rules Author Profile Page at December 5, 2008 2:16 PM

comment #15

yoke Author Profile Page says ...

Um, considering that the only facial expressions Zooey Deschanel has are "eyes wide" and "eyes wider," I think some confusion is understandable. It's binary code.

Posted by yoke Author Profile Page at January 21, 2010 6:02 PM

comment #16

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