Closely Cropped

Okay — no more Robin-of-Fatsley jokes. But I don’t care for the short hair. Scissors were mainly for the wealthy or royalty in the medieval days, and I’ve never heard of barber shops in Sherwood Forest. Was Friar Tuck the Merry Band’s designated stylist? Did he carry a rusty pair of crude shears in his knapsack? Whatever the 12th Century hair trends might have been, Crowe’s Gladiator/Maximus haircut doesn’t look right.


Russell Crowe as Robin Hood in a just-released still from the Ridley Scott/Universal release, which will hit screens on 5.14.10.

All of the big-screen Robin Hoods (Kevin Costner, Errol Flynn, Cary Elwes, etc.) have had longish manes. Why can’t Crowe and director Ridley Scott just go with the flow? They went along, after all, with Costner’s concept of heavy suede-and-leather Robin Hood garb. Are they trying to be different just to be different?

  • Phatang!

    Russell Crow’s a much better actor with short hair.

  • MickTravisMcGee

    Hmm. His Robin Hood hair is more appropriate for a contemporary Washington reporter. And his contemporary Washington reporter hair in ‘State of Play’ is more appropriate to Sherwood Forest.

    Agree with Phatang — much better actor with short hair. I recently re-caught part of “Proof” last week and was amazed to be reminded of how young and unassuming young Crowe was.

  • MickTravisMcGee

    Obviously young Crowe was young, but you know what I mean.

  • Sabina E

    obviously he looks better with short hair.

  • Ryansi51

    i think Crowe’s had the long hair for awhile now, and like Phatang! said I think people associate longer hair with lesser Crowe. I think it’s a good move.

  • MilkMan

    I am waiting for Russ to get in fighting shape and return to Bud White form. What he did in LA Confidential and Gladiator is what he should always be doing. He’s not an actor, he’s a movie star. I don’t think he understands this. He could so easily be the new Lee Marvin/Robert Mitchum Charles Bronson/Clint if he wanted to. I am not looking forward to this movie. I hate Robin Hood. I hate the story. I hate men in tights. I hate the mideval time period.

  • MilkMan

    He was also really good in Rough Magic with Briget Fonda, who my barber, for some reason, referred to on Saturday as “that dirty little bitch,” when we were talking about the picture of Jennifer Jason Leigh from Miami Blues he has on his wall. We were talking about some of her great performances and then he mentioned Single White Female. He said, who was the other girl in that movie with her, “that dirty little bitch, that fucking whore.” I said Bridget Fonda? He said, yeah. Her. Then he called her a cunt and asked me if I wanted him to go natural in the back.

  • MilkMan

    And don’t try and convince me that his perf. as John Nash was great. Anyone who decides that having schizophrenia looks similar to having a really bad headache is no James Mason.

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  • BoshBarnetWonkyDonkey

    Crowe is great. He’s been great as a gladiator, a sailor and a cowboy and now he’s going to own our weak asses as an archer. He’s a proper bloke, not some girlyman like Efron.

    Incidentally, the major problem with BBC’s recent Robin Hood TV show is their choice of some skinny teenaged-looking actor as Robin. What a wet bitch. They also killed Maid Marian. In fact, the whole show is shit.

    I’m excited for this film. If it’s Robin Hood by way of Gladiator/Kingdom of Heaven, I’ll be pleased.

    Oh, and I’m sure they could use knives to cut their hair in medievel times. It’s not like he has a Wellsian quiff. It’s a pretty jagged looking basic cut.

  • the sordid sentinel

    I liked this better when Sam Riley was rumored to be co-starring. R. Scott needs to get done with this and go to work on his upcoming sci-fi project.

  • Imogen

    What sort of man wouldn’t enjoy a Robin Hood action/adventure movie starring Russell Crowe and directed by Ridley Scott? Apparently the sort of man who prefers their hair natural in the back and lets their barber call women cunts. Trouble is, that’s not a man at all, is it? That’s called an asshole.

  • actionman

    “If it’s Robin Hood by way of Gladiator/Kingdom of Heaven, I’ll be pleased.”

    That makes two of us.

    “What sort of man wouldn’t enjoy a Robin Hood action/adventure movie starring Russell Crowe and directed by Ridley Scott? Apparently the sort of man who prefers their hair natural in the back and lets their barber call women cunts. Trouble is, that’s not a man at all, is it? That’s called an asshole.”

    This is very funny.

  • MilkMan

    Imogen, let’s talk. You seem upset. There’s not a lot I can do about my aversion to Robin Hood flicks. But I can change my hair style. And the next time my barber calls a woman a cunt I will get up from my seat and say, “Sir, I have had enough of your potty mouth!” You see, even assholes can change, Imogen.

  • joncro

    When Milkman’s barber asked him if he wanted him to go natural in the back he wasn’t talking about his haircut.

  • MilkMan

    If you knew my barber you would know how true that is. He likes to rub his dick against my elbow when he’s giving me a trim. And yet I keep going back. Maybe it’s because I am finally hitting that mid-life crisis thingy. Having a wife with MS and three boys under the age of ten is kind of getting old. I need some new experiences. Pulling a Bob Flanagan with my 400 pound barber might just be the thing I need to get me out of the doldrums.

  • Mark

    Forget the scissors. What about the cordless norelco trimmer that Crowe is obviously using on his face. I’ve the thing up close in his SOP press, and it’s quite the waxing. Very un-sherwood forest.

    Speaking of SOP, i felt like a Wells-level-moron at Duplicity. I watched the damn BBC version, but still couldn’t finish the Cliffs notes without a blank stare. What did you-know-who exactly know, authorize, and get arrested for….

    (Oh, and what was he doing at the place he was confronted, and how did the other you know who know where to find him. Though this aspect is small potatoes.)

  • Ryansi51

    These last 5 comments had me laughing out loud, then MilkMan had to ruin it by mentioning his wife has MS.

    Ms. California hates gays.

  • BoshBarnetWonkyDonkey

    Look at this twat: http://www.bbc.co.uk/robinhood/characters/robinhood.shtml

    How would Wells react to that Jonas Brother Robin Hood?

  • BurmaShave

    Should have gone for the Hando shaved head. He looks fit as hell though.

  • Floyd Thursby

    Crowe’s performance in The Insider is one of the greatest ever. Remember his face more than his hair.

  • Chase Kahn

    Crowe was at his best in “The Insider” and “Master and Commander”.

    “and I’ve never heard of barber shops in Sherwood Forest. Or was Friar Tuck the Merry Band’s designated stylist?”

    I’ve always wondered where Errol Flynn and his merry men got there tights, as well…

  • televisiontears

    Forget about forest-dwelling medieval class-warriors using scissors, apparently they also had access to styling products. Whenever I see even a vaguely contemporary hairstyle in a period film, it’s a little harder for me to get into it.

    Also, who wants to take bets as to when the first mention of the film’s socialist agenda hits the Limbaugh/Hannity/Beck circuit?

  • LexG

    This barely relates to Jeff’s original point (well maybe it kinda does)…

    But aren’t we on like YEAR 15 of the “Friends Haircut” for men? I’m not saying we men should go back to the mullet, and a few guys have grown it out a little since that horrific shaved-head era of the late 90s/early 00s.

    But still the default hairdo of male movie stars and LA douchebags is the Matthew Perry Friends cut, a hairstyle I don’t remember anyone really having pre-1994, yet now seems to never go away.

    You know, that short, tight (usually #3 or #4 on the sides and back, scissors on top), slightly choppy deal with the top gelled, matted, and pushed forward, then poked up at the front? See, Colin Farrell, Brad Pitt, Damon, Wahlberg (usually), Eli Roth, Ewan McGreogor, Daniel Craig, etc etc.

    Can’t anyone get a new goddamn hairstyle? It’s SO mid-90s, and considering most of those guys have perfectly nice heads of hair, they’re wasting GOOD HAIR by keeping it so choppy, spiky and gelled. Fuck, if I had Farrell or Pitt’s hair, I’d grow a goddamn Snake Plissken/Cruise in LEGEND wavy deal and rock that shit the fuck out.

    Short hair is boring as fuck, and I’m eternally pissed that my hair started thinning in my late 20s, so I’m forced to keep it relatively short or I end up looking like fucking James Cromwell.

    So it doubly pains me when Crowe, who’s got an amazing head of hair, clocks in with some choppy bullshit as seen above or some buzzcut.

  • BurmaShave

    Lex, I feel your pain.

  • LexG

    On the flip side, let me acknowledge that the ’94 cut is strictly an ADULT male/movie star phenomenon.

    I’m equally sick of every spoiled 10-year-old Westside or Malibu brat rocking blonde 1977 ragamuffin hair, all looking like Barry Lyndon’s kid or some shit;

    Same goes for every black-sweatshirt-wearing Burbank/Valley junior high Emo skater kid in skinny jeans with black-dyed Mick Jagger hair.

  • televisiontears

    Lex, it’s the safest haircut that a man who makes a living off his image can have. Think Nic Cage or Da Vinci Code Hanks. Granted, those are terrible haircuts, but an actor over thirty better not get any funny ideas about his hair lest he suffer the consequences.

  • Mark

    Matthew Perry? No one went to the barber and asked for the Chandler. The epochal mid-90’s men’s cut was the Pitt in Se7en, followed by the Dusk-Til-Dawn Clooney. Their staying power has been nurtured by men learning that they hated hair dryers.

    Ur right though, guys like Cruise, Farrell, and Keanu all look infinitely cooler with long hair.

    Even more overdue than a new short cut, is the return of side hair on bald men. Tucci and Willis need to be trailblazers on this one, as well as some in the NBA>

  • LexG

    I don’t know, seems like Penn and Cruise (and formerly Pitt, before his coif went all boring since ’99) used to break out some awesome crazy haircuts, perms, hockey-heads, and locks depending on the role. Kurt Russell and Jeff Bridges had it long when they were at their leading man heights.

    Matt Damon is the absolute worst offender. Dude’s had the same haircut since 1992 and has NEVER grown it more than a half-inch from role to role, except a horrible wig in Brothers Grimm. He’s looked the same in every single movie.

    While he’s still got it, dude needs to clock in for his next flick with some Bridges-in-King Kong, legit-grown hair and beard.

  • MilkMan

    I am not a fan of women with bangs.

  • MilkMan

    Best Haircut of 1990: Richard Greico

  • MilkMan

    Best Hairdo of All-Time: Bowie in The Man Who Fell to Earth.

  • LexG

    And speaking of Crowe movies and hair, I can’t believe Wells didn’t call out that dubious-looking powdered… thing… on Ben Affleck’s head in State of Play.

    Looked like a hairnet with chalk dust in it.

  • LexG

    MilkMan:

    Best hairdo of 1990 was CLEARLY not Grieco, but rather Cruise’s peroxided, crunched half-perm semi-mullet in Days of Thunder, lit for maximum awesomeness in old-school Tony Scott white lighting and set against Venetian blinds.

  • MilkMan

    Cruise has the Best Haircut in 1995 circa Mission Impossible.

  • MilkMan

    I remember praying that I would wake up and have C. Thomas Howell’s hair after seeing Secret Admirer.

  • MilkMan

    Best Tits of the 1980s: Kelly Preston in Secret Admirer & Mischief.

  • MilkMan

    Biggest Douche on Hollywood Elsewhere 2008-2009: Milkman.

  • Mark

    Damon has done two trilogies this decade, so it sort of makes sense to keep it consistent, leaving no time to let it grow for other projects. And no one trained by the government would ever have hair longer than a half-inch. (Hear me Sean Penn in The Interpreter?)

  • televisiontears

    For the record, the recent resurgence of female bangs is the best thing to happen to women since Susan B. Anthony and the vibrator. You are so very wrong, MilkMan.

  • BoshBarnetWonkyDonkey

    Leonardo DiCaprio in The Beach was a hairstyle that everyone went for. They also went for those mad exotic necklaces you buy off some Thai street vendor, that then made their way to Abercrombie and Top Man for fifty times the price.

  • dinovelvet

    Now why does Cary Elwes get listed as one of the “main” Robin Hoods, yet Sean Connery gets relegated to the “etc” pile?

  • raygo

    Ha! Matt Damon starring in 2 trilogies … I had to go to IMDB because I could not (and will not) remember the Oceans movies as anything other than crap.

  • nemo

    When I sit down in that barber’s chair, I’m ready to agree with anything that barber says. The time to disagree with him is after he’s finished cutting my hair.

    Women with bangs? Bangs look great on Louise Brooks. But not everyone looks like Louise Brooks.

  • mrmystery

    He was also really good in Rough Magic with Briget Fonda, who my barber, for some reason, referred to on Saturday as “that dirty little bitch,” when we were talking about the picture of Jennifer Jason Leigh from Miami Blues he has on his wall. We were talking about some of her great performances and then he mentioned Single White Female. He said, who was the other girl in that movie with her, “that dirty little bitch, that fucking whore.” I said Bridget Fonda? He said, yeah. Her. Then he called her a cunt and asked me if I wanted him to go natural in the back.

    not politically correct — boo hoo — but fine writing.

  • Rich S.

    Malin Akerman’s bangs in Watchmen were the second best part of her performance.

  • televisiontears

    Rich, or the third – zing!

  • MilkMan

    Those Oceans movies are on TNT and TBS almost every single weekend. Over the last couple of years I have dipped in and out of those movies (never saw them when they came out), and for the life of me I cannot figure out what the hell is going on in that first movie. I just can’t put the pieces together. The plot is like a Ethiopian Riddle. But I don’t do well with Mindbending plots. I’ve had my cousin explain Donnie Darko to me multiple times and I still don’t understand what’s going on. When I saw the Usual Suspects, after the final shot, when Spacey blows into his palm, the credits rolled and the audience went apeshit. People clapping and hooting and generally giving the film a warm round of huzzahs. My brother turned to me and wanted to give me a high five, as he had no doubt thought we had shared an experience together, and I gave him a high-five, but immediately after doing so I leaned in and whispered, “I don’t understand what just happened.” I have a hard time following the plots of mystery novels too.

  • Josh Massey

    No love for Harrison Ford in Presumed Innocent, who may have started it all?

    I remember being 11 years old and going into Great Clips, carrying a picture of Christian Bale in Empire of the Sun. I rocked that spiky ‘do for a couple of years.

  • Markj74

    This should be good. It’ll have a hard time topping Kingdom of Heaven Dir Cut though, which was an astonishing piece of work.

  • storymark

    Milkman, I think that may be the first post ever on this site that made me pity someone here.

  • joncro

    All this barber talk reminded me of the time I got my hair cut near Kings Cross in London when I was 17 and the old Greek who owned the place actually used the line ‘Something for the weekend, sir?’ when he tried to sell me some condoms. I only laughed. Really had no reason to buy them in those days.

  • BurmaShave

    LexG I think you’re being unfair to Damon. He’s had two haircuts in his life: ’90s golden boy, and ’00s brown crew cut.

  • DeafBrownTrashPunk

    obviously he looks better with short hair.

  • LexG

    Burma,

    Yeah, guess you’re somewhat right, as his Good Will Hunting/Rounders era default was the ’90s Mushroom Cut, where it was slightly longer in the front but still short and tight in the back and over the ears. Basically the DiCaprio cut from around the same time, only a little more conservative.

    Wouldn’t really classify his Bourne/Ocean’s cut as a crew though, just more of that aforementioned choppy cropped shit.

    To whoever name-checked the Pitt Seven-cut, yeah, that’s pretty close to what I’m talking about… thing is, everyone STILL has some variation on that cut, and it’s *14 years* later.

    Not saying guys should go back to some lacquered Cary Grant hairdo, but just interesting that since the Seven/Clooney/Friends/MI:1 era of hairstyles, almost no male leads have gone back to the combed-and-sprayed look of yesteryear.

    Maybe it’s just part of the tendency for guys to cling to youth more now than they used to, but all these 40-something actors are still pulling off that matted spiked choppy bed-head look. Once in a blue moon Clooney grows it a quarter inch and runs a comb through it, but that’s a rare exception to the rule.

  • storymark

    And what hairstyle are you rockin’ Lex?

  • LexG

    Cruise in Eyes Wide Shut… IF she had a landing strip of male pattern action near the crown.

    I usually buzz it but I’ve been too lazy.

  • Dan Revill

    So the hair maybe doesn’t fit the “era” but is Scott shooting this in hi-def? Because if he is, that’s just wrong, because HD cameras didn’t exist in the Middle Ages.

  • D.J.Z.

    I’m just annoyed by the Renaissance Fair outfit they chose for Crowe. Looks totally dorky and reminiscent of those geeks in Role Models.

    Lex: The only reasons I keep it short are to find work and to fight off L.A.’s global warming.

  • Geoff

    Really fun discussio, here – thanks, Lex!

    But I have to say you have the sourcing for this hair trend, slightly wrong. Enormous credit has to be given to Clooney and his mid’90’s explosion on ER – sorry, but Matthew Perry actually did not have this cut, the only one on Friends who really did it was David Schwimmer and he probably did it for the same reason that most Jewish guys like him and I do it – if we let out hair grow out even more than 2 inches, it starts to become a ‘Jewfro and we look Mr. Kotter.

    But the real explosion of the close-cropped do was the summer of 1994 with the release of Speed – I worked in a movie theater that summer and EVERY women was hot for Keanu in that movie and every guy tried to copy that haircut for months. And then a few weeks after Speed came out, Forrest Gump came out with Tom Hanks having the same do – now his character wasn’t considered sexy, but it probably just mainstreamed it even more.

    Keanu Reeves in Speed really ignited this trend and yeah, I think most of the movie stars do it for looking more youthful – if nothing else, it shows less gray and somewhat conceal hair thinning.

  • markj

    This should be good. It’ll have a hard time topping Kingdom of Heaven Dir Cut though, which was an astonishing piece of work.

  • CitizenKanedforChewingGum

    “Milkman, I think that may be the first post ever on this site that made me pity someone here.”

    Skip the D.Z. posts do you? Wise man. Or is it D.J.Z. now? We all know that handle’s just a rip-off and cash-in on the early 00s Serbian electronic group Concrete DJz.

  • Aladdin Sane

    So the hair maybe doesn’t fit the “era” but is Scott shooting this in hi-def? Because if he is, that’s just wrong, because HD cameras didn’t exist in the Middle Ages.

  • frankbooth

    D.Z. has short hair? I always figured him for a long-hair-with-beard-and-big-gut type. The comic book guy on The Simpsons, basically.

    Bale and Eckhart both sported longer hair in the biggest movie of the last decade. I honestly thought this might be a sign of progress, but I still see that damned Damon ‘do everywhere.

    Side hair on bald men? Dunno about that. Side hair says Gavin McCleod as Murray, the weak nice guy. Clean shaven says Daddy Warbucks, Lex Luthor, Yul Brynner. Here’s my head and fuck you.

    I’m personally waiting for big hair to return. Vertically big, not poofy –I mean Lynch,/Jarmusch/Waits hair. Because my hair has a tendency to do that anyway (my mind is in the gutter, but my hair reaches for the stars) and because the Eighties were cool — if you knew where to look.

  • BurmaShave

    DZ is actually quite small and sickly. The reason he hates PULP FICTION so much is because his mother used to snort heroin while she was pregnant with him.

  • D.J.Z.

    Burma: “his mother used to snort heroin while she was pregnant with him”

    Stop transferring your wife’s habits onto my mom.

  • Jonah

    “Stop transferring your wife’s habits onto my mom. ”

    You should’ve spent more time coming up with a clever comeback. The anger in this comeback (you normally don’t show emotion) leads me to believe Burma is onto something.

  • Gnome de Guerre

    You want non-Pitt-in-Se7en hair? look no further than Mickey Rourke. Emile Hirsch. Clive Owen.

  • D.J.Z.

    Jonah: What anger? The guy’s more desperate for put-downs than me.

  • BurmaShave

    D.J.Z. says…

    Burma: How was I supposed you weren’t married? I just assumed you were older and more accomplished than me, and not quite so sad.

  • D.J.Z.

    Burma: If you’re older and more accomplished than me, why are you wasting time on here?

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