Parking Garage
"Is it a sign of impending apocalypse that two terrible Nia Vardalos movies have been released in one month?" asks critic Marshall Fine. "It seemed unlikely that Vardalos could star in a movie flatter or more desultory than My Life in Ruins. But she's outdone herself with I Hate Valentine's Day (IFC, 7.3), which she wrote and directed and stars in.
John Corett, Nia Vardalos in I Hate Valentine's Day
"For good luck, apparently, she cast John Corbett - her love interest in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, - as the male lead. But she could have cast anyone from Brad Pitt to a fencepost and it wouldn't have made a difference. The writing is that flavorless, the directing that inept.
"Vardalos doesn't write dialogue; she writes shtick. Riffs on why she hates antiques, riffs on why relationships suck, riffs on -- well, really, the whole thing is one long riff, with few laughs and an inevitable destination. As a director, Vardalos is too in love with her own genius. There isn't a scene that isn't overlong, mostly because she inserts pauses between each line of dialogue so lengthy you could park a car.
"If you snipped three-to-five seconds from every shot in the film (and, believe me, you could), the movie would barely reach feature length. Better yet, snip away everything after the opening credits and save everyone a lot of time and expense."
Posted by Jeffrey Wells on June 30, 2009 at 6:31 AM
comment #1
Jack South P.I.
says ...
Brilliant YouTube smackdown idea: string all the pauses Fine is talking about together into one video. I bet it would be surreal and hilarious.
Then again, maybe we're piling on. Vardalos is an undertalented dreamer that hit one out of the park (box-office wise) and now is cashing in like any of us would. Too bad she just can't pull it off. She's the female Ed Burns.
Posted by Jack South P.I.
at June 30, 2009 7:19 AM
comment #2
Wayne
says ...
If there's anything worse than stale, shticky stand-up, it's stale, shticky stand-up stretched out to movie length.
Posted by Wayne
at June 30, 2009 7:37 AM
comment #3
btwnproductions
says ...
Michael Bay in skirts--stop this woman before she films again.
Posted by btwnproductions
at June 30, 2009 7:43 AM
comment #4
Stringer Bell
says ...
Did Vardalos have a $ piece of 'Greek Wedding' ?
Posted by Stringer Bell
at June 30, 2009 7:53 AM
comment #5
Myles
says ...
I love how she's been blaming the studio on the failure of her latest movie. She blogged about it on the Huffington Post -- saying her movie should be a hit, but Fox didn't spend enough promoting it because it has a female lead.
This one looks like even more of a bomb. Who will she blame then?
Posted by Myles
at June 30, 2009 8:05 AM
comment #6
Sabina E
says ...
Get over it. I like Nia Vardolos and she has a lot of fans out there.
Posted by Sabina E
at June 30, 2009 8:08 AM
comment #7
Jay T.
says ...
I'd rather watch every Michael Bay film he's ever made, back-to-back, than watch another one of her movies. Ugh.
Posted by Jay T.
at June 30, 2009 8:19 AM
comment #8
Asokan
says ...
I recently revisited (no, really!) My Big Fat Greek Wedding and, guess what, it doesn't hold up. But Nia Vardolos does look better now than back then.
Posted by Asokan
at June 30, 2009 8:58 AM
comment #9
MikeSchaeferSF
says ...
She'll win an Oscar for the Arianna Huffington biopic.
Posted by MikeSchaeferSF
at June 30, 2009 9:16 AM
comment #10
Jonah
says ...
"Get over it. I like Nia Vardolos and she has a lot of fans out there."
You like her because she's a woman filmmaker, and you are a sometimes feminist.
She's a talentless bore.
Posted by Jonah
at June 30, 2009 9:29 AM
comment #11
JChasse
says ...
I was surprised to see a movie with "Valentine's Day" in the title come out on 4th of July weekend, but figured that they want to take advantage of the critical and financial success of "My Life in Ruins".
Posted by JChasse
at June 30, 2009 9:49 AM
comment #12
JChasse
says ...
"Get over it. I like Nia Vardolos and she has a lot of fans out there."
They must have all been in a theater showing "The Hangover" the weekend "My Life in Ruins" came out.
Posted by JChasse
at June 30, 2009 9:54 AM
comment #13
Howlingman
says ...
JCChasse FTW
Posted by Howlingman
at June 30, 2009 11:11 AM
comment #14
JChasse
says ...
Sarcasm, Howlingman.
Posted by JChasse
at June 30, 2009 11:39 AM
comment #15
nthomas00
says ...
Both Nia and John had good chemistry in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." If they have that kind of chemisty again in "I hate valentines day" is should be a good movie.
-Nikki-
selling photography 101
Posted by nthomas00
at June 30, 2009 11:56 AM
comment #16
Howlingman
says ...
I know. Well done.
Posted by Howlingman
at June 30, 2009 12:07 PM
comment #17
Deathtongue_Groupie
says ...
MY BIG FAT GREEK BITCH (an Ari Goldism) didn't hold up the first time either. My wife's relatives, when she told them she just didn't see what the big deal was, kept insisting she was just too "cosmopolitan" now to enjoy it.
Posted by Deathtongue_Groupie
at June 30, 2009 12:41 PM
comment #18
larry braverman
says ...
JC - FYI, FTW is not WTF.
Posted by larry braverman
at June 30, 2009 1:55 PM
comment #19
TM
says ...
Greek Wedding was a lousy movie. I saw it and couldn't understand what all the fuss was about. It was a feature-length sitcom (which ironically bombed as an actual sitcom). I took issue with Vardalos who got an Oscar nomination for an "original" screenplay when in interviews she had claimed it was based on a play she wrote. Then she suddenly remembered that she had written the screenplay first and then turned it into a one-woman show. Her follow-up movies tanked, she disappeared for awhile and now is back and having flop after flop. I read the HuffPo piece and it was very self-serving. Clearly, I'm not a fan.
Posted by TM
at June 30, 2009 3:31 PM
comment #20
lipranzer
says ...
The thing is, Vardalos is actually a decent actress - her work in GREEK WEDDING is the only fond memory I retain from that otherwise awful movie. She just writes sitcom-level scripts, and third-rate ones at that.
Posted by lipranzer
at June 30, 2009 5:20 PM
comment #21
Webster
says ...
One week, and it's done at the Sunset 5 in L.A. (where even a Henry Jaglom film--blech--is being held over).
Posted by Webster
at July 9, 2009 8:31 AM
comment #22
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comment #24
dd
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You like her because she's a woman filmmaker, and you are a sometimes feminist.
She's a talentless bore.
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at May 11, 2010 6:04 PM
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