Cheato

I’ve read an October 2009 draft of Allan Loeb‘s Untitled Cheating Project (a.k.a., Your Cheating Heart), which will costar Vince Vaughn and Kevin James under director Ron Howard. The Universal-funded Imagine project, reportedly based on an idea by producer Brian Grazer, will shoot in Chicago later this year or next. I’m mentioning this because I didn’t much care for Loeb’s script — in fact I almost hated it — and I’m figuring if I say something now it might influence the development. Or not. I don’t care either way.

I’m not going to give the story away — just the basic set-up. Vaughn and James will play Chicago-based engine designers Ronnie Valentine and Isaac Backman, respectively, whose significant others are Beth (Ronnie’s live-in girlfriend) and Geneva (Isaac’s wife). The central tension is about Ronnie accidentally discovering that Geneva is playing around on Isaac, and the anxieties and trepidations that stem from his not knowing what to do. Should he just blurt out the bad news to Isaac, his business partner and longtime best friend? And if he does, will Isaac somehow blame him for Geneva’s betrayal? (Guilt by association.) Should he mind his own business and stay out of the lives of others?

I was immediately repelled by Ronnie’s response because — hello? — there’s only one thing to do. In such a situation his loyalty would be to his longtime friend, not the wife, and so one way or the other he’d have to share what he suspects. No guy would have to think about this. He’d start out by stressing to his pal that he doesn’t really “know” anything but that he’s seen something disturbing and that maybe something’s up, etc. And then he’d suggest that the friend might want to hire a shamus to learn the facts or whatever. But come what may you must share what you’ve seen and/or suspect.

The fact that jabbering Ronnie — a guy who’s in denial about almost everything, and who fibs all the time like Alibi Ike and has trust issues with everyone — hems and haws throughout the story is infuriating. By my sights the guy has no convictions or cojones, and who wants to spend 110 minutes with a 13 year-old who mostly goes “homina-homina-homina” when faced with a serious issue?

When I heard about this film I thought — hoped — that it might be a darkly comedic riff on Harold Pinter‘s Betrayal — i.e., about a guy having a longterm secret love affair with his best friend’s (or closet business associate’s) wife or live-in girlfriend. Maybe a little Betrayal stew with some Damage seasoning, minus the father-son dynamic. A story about how a heavy attraction for the wrong woman can sometimes get into your blood like a virus, and how sometimes there’s no shaking it off. But not a tragedy — a telling of this odd tale in a jazzy-clumsy comedic way.

For me, a story about a serious emotional deception that goes on for several weeks or months or whatever would be fascinating. A comedy about how betrayal can happen between people who’ve grown up together and genuinely care for each other but at the same time are starting to faintly dislike each other, and how friends and lovers who are growing apart often seem to cut their ties in a passive aggressive way (i.e., by indirectly persuading the other person to reject them).

All to say that that Loeb’s October 2009 draft is a real drag because it’s about a guy-guy (i.e, similar to the characters Vaughn played in The Breakup and The Wedding Crashers) who doesn’t know the first thing about being a solid, stand-up friend when the situation demands this. I was thinking as I read it that I don’t know anyone like this (i.e., an antsy little child), but maybe beer-head and onion-ring guys who watch the Super Bowl are like this when they find out that their best friend’s wife is doing the out-of-bounds nasty.

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105 thoughts on “Cheato”

  1. “I got an idea. A couple guys in Chicago find out their gals are cheating on them. What should they do? Brilliant. Gimme a million bucks, then find some schmuck to knock out the screenplay. Go low 200′s on him.”

    - Brian Grazer

    Will it be like one of those annoying 80′s/90′s Chicago movies where every single person is constantly wearing Cubs and Bears gear all the time, because you know, they’re in Chicago?

    Reply ↓

  2. “I got an idea. A couple guys in Chicago find out their gals are cheating on them. What should they do? Brilliant. Gimme a million bucks, then find some schmuck to knock out the screenplay. Go low 200′s on him.”

    - Brian Grazer

    Will it be like one of those annoying 80′s/90′s Chicago movies where every single person is constantly wearing Cubs and Bears gear all the time, because you know, they’re in Chicago?

    Reply ↓

  5. I remember an old Happy Days where Fonzie taught Richie, “Steady chicks are here today, but steady friends are here to stay.” I would not be at all surprised if that’s where Grazer got the idea.

    Just do the damn Arrested Development movie already.

    Reply ↓

  6. I remember an old Happy Days where Fonzie taught Richie, “Steady chicks are here today, but steady friends are here to stay.” I would not be at all surprised if that’s where Grazer got the idea.

    Just do the damn Arrested Development movie already.

    Reply ↓

  7. What’s with the ‘hiring a shamus’ bit if your spouse is a cheatin’? If you have good reason to suspect infidelity, good enough to shell out on some flat foot, there is only one person you should be speaking to.

    Actually, the main reason to ‘hire a shamus’ is so you can say you ‘hired a shamus’.

    Why am I picturing Jon Polito?

    Reply ↓

  8. What’s with the ‘hiring a shamus’ bit if your spouse is a cheatin’? If you have good reason to suspect infidelity, good enough to shell out on some flat foot, there is only one person you should be speaking to.

    Actually, the main reason to ‘hire a shamus’ is so you can say you ‘hired a shamus’.

    Why am I picturing Jon Polito?

    Reply ↓

  9. “…I didn’t much care for Loeb’s script — in fact I almost hated it — and I’m figuring if I say something now it might influence the development. Or not.”

    Not.

    Reply ↓

  10. “…I didn’t much care for Loeb’s script — in fact I almost hated it — and I’m figuring if I say something now it might influence the development. Or not.”

    Not.

    Reply ↓

  13. I haven’t read the script, but I can say even at 30 some guys have a freakish reaction when it comes to their wife/longterm gf. I have several friends who are irrational when it comes to any subject regarding their wives or longterm girlfriends(they are absolutely whipped) and have no ability to speak about them plainly.

    I consider a couple of these men long good friends but would be extremely apprehensive about dropping that kind of a bombshell on them because if I were wrong or she lied her way out of it the friendship would be over. However, yes according to guy code you need to tell them if their lady is stepping out on them. However more and more guys now have no idea what guy code actually means. This may be due to my friendbase involving mostly artists of some sort or another but it remains true in most of my LA social dealings.

    I would see this movie, though it would be much more interesting without Kevin James attached and with a dramatic actor rather than a 300 pd comic. If James has a hot wife, half the audience will completely sympathize with her cheating.

    Reply ↓

  14. I haven’t read the script, but I can say even at 30 some guys have a freakish reaction when it comes to their wife/longterm gf. I have several friends who are irrational when it comes to any subject regarding their wives or longterm girlfriends(they are absolutely whipped) and have no ability to speak about them plainly.

    I consider a couple of these men long good friends but would be extremely apprehensive about dropping that kind of a bombshell on them because if I were wrong or she lied her way out of it the friendship would be over. However, yes according to guy code you need to tell them if their lady is stepping out on them. However more and more guys now have no idea what guy code actually means. This may be due to my friendbase involving mostly artists of some sort or another but it remains true in most of my LA social dealings.

    I would see this movie, though it would be much more interesting without Kevin James attached and with a dramatic actor rather than a 300 pd comic. If James has a hot wife, half the audience will completely sympathize with her cheating.

    Reply ↓

  15. What the hell is Howard thinking? He’s got a bunch of interesting projects in development that he could direct next, including The Emperor’s Children, Last Man Home and The Look of Real, and instead he’s directing a Kevin James comedy.

    Grazer has led him down the wrong path before. He was planning to make The Sea Wolf with Nicolas Cage and Grazer convinced him to make The Grinch instead and that turned out to be easily his worst movie.

    Reply ↓

  16. What the hell is Howard thinking? He’s got a bunch of interesting projects in development that he could direct next, including The Emperor’s Children, Last Man Home and The Look of Real, and instead he’s directing a Kevin James comedy.

    Grazer has led him down the wrong path before. He was planning to make The Sea Wolf with Nicolas Cage and Grazer convinced him to make The Grinch instead and that turned out to be easily his worst movie.

    Reply ↓

  19. Jeff, if Ronnie’s dilemma is based on the character’s narcissism and concern for his own well being (versus his ‘long time’ friend’s well being), it will ring true for many viewers, because there is a strong streak of narcissism in a certain strata generationally – which also explains the complete lack of knowledge of the ‘man code’.

    Reply ↓

  20. Jeff, if Ronnie’s dilemma is based on the character’s narcissism and concern for his own well being (versus his ‘long time’ friend’s well being), it will ring true for many viewers, because there is a strong streak of narcissism in a certain strata generationally – which also explains the complete lack of knowledge of the ‘man code’.

    Reply ↓

  21. @GKLondon

    Jon Polito played a private investigator in The Big Lebowski and used the word “shamus” when speaking with The Dude.

    That could be it.

    Reply ↓

  22. @GKLondon

    Jon Polito played a private investigator in The Big Lebowski and used the word “shamus” when speaking with The Dude.

    That could be it.

    Reply ↓

  25. Well, if nothing else, it’ll force Ron Howard to forgo that boring, snooze-inducing, sub-Gordon Willis chocolate-brown “visual sheen of seriousness” he’s been rocking since “Beautiful Mind” and get him to embrace PRIMARY COLORS again. Gung Ho and Parenthood and Backdraft were at least shot in BRIGHT COLORS and didn’t lull me to sleep with some scotch-guarded sense of visual propriety.

    Basically Jeff’s argument boils down to what meathead reality contestants generally refer to as “bros before hos.”

    It’s the kind of fraternity of men, LIVE WITH CHIVALRY code I would GENERALLY endorse and thus agree with Jeff… EXCEPT I’m not really big on being “friends” with other dudes. Like some dude calling you and going, “What’s up, bro? You wanna hang out tonight? It’s gonna be SICK.” It all just seems so meatheaded and annoying, some other gross dude all sitting on your couch and playing video games or something… total arrested development, so by and large, except for occasionally rolling with an anonymous posse of co-workers to hit a strip club or something, I don’t see the sense in any guys having close male friends. Then they all call you and shit, which is annoying, or worse, drop by unannounced asking for money or a place to crash.

    I see no sense in having “friends” unless it’s a chick you want to sleep with. You think ELVIS had “friends”? Or THE ROAD WARRIOR? Think SNAKE PLISSKEN had a “bro” calling him up to play Sega?

    ROLL SOLO. Be a LONE WOLF. There’s more HONOR in that than having friends.

    And rule of thumb: If you’ve ever been in LINE somewhere and couldn’t be still with your own thoughts for 10 minutes so you had to call one of your “bros” to see what’s up? You’re probably a douche.

    I WALK ALONE.

    Reply ↓

  26. Well, if nothing else, it’ll force Ron Howard to forgo that boring, snooze-inducing, sub-Gordon Willis chocolate-brown “visual sheen of seriousness” he’s been rocking since “Beautiful Mind” and get him to embrace PRIMARY COLORS again. Gung Ho and Parenthood and Backdraft were at least shot in BRIGHT COLORS and didn’t lull me to sleep with some scotch-guarded sense of visual propriety.

    Basically Jeff’s argument boils down to what meathead reality contestants generally refer to as “bros before hos.”

    It’s the kind of fraternity of men, LIVE WITH CHIVALRY code I would GENERALLY endorse and thus agree with Jeff… EXCEPT I’m not really big on being “friends” with other dudes. Like some dude calling you and going, “What’s up, bro? You wanna hang out tonight? It’s gonna be SICK.” It all just seems so meatheaded and annoying, some other gross dude all sitting on your couch and playing video games or something… total arrested development, so by and large, except for occasionally rolling with an anonymous posse of co-workers to hit a strip club or something, I don’t see the sense in any guys having close male friends. Then they all call you and shit, which is annoying, or worse, drop by unannounced asking for money or a place to crash.

    I see no sense in having “friends” unless it’s a chick you want to sleep with. You think ELVIS had “friends”? Or THE ROAD WARRIOR? Think SNAKE PLISSKEN had a “bro” calling him up to play Sega?

    ROLL SOLO. Be a LONE WOLF. There’s more HONOR in that than having friends.

    And rule of thumb: If you’ve ever been in LINE somewhere and couldn’t be still with your own thoughts for 10 minutes so you had to call one of your “bros” to see what’s up? You’re probably a douche.

    I WALK ALONE.

    Reply ↓

  27. Great Scott is right. This is just dumb. Not the action of an Oscar winning director. Could be worse though. He could be directing that Stretch Armstrong movie Grazer is producing.

    Reply ↓

  28. Great Scott is right. This is just dumb. Not the action of an Oscar winning director. Could be worse though. He could be directing that Stretch Armstrong movie Grazer is producing.

    Reply ↓

  29. At least it puts off filming Dan Brown’s The Lost Symbol, which reads like National Treasure 3 with the most obvious “twist” ever and an ending out of Oprah’s book club.

    Reply ↓

  30. At least it puts off filming Dan Brown’s The Lost Symbol, which reads like National Treasure 3 with the most obvious “twist” ever and an ending out of Oprah’s book club.

    Reply ↓

  35. I would rather see the “I Walk Alone” movie LexG just wrote. Starring Dennis Leary and directed by Bill Hicks from the grave.

    Reply ↓

  36. I would rather see the “I Walk Alone” movie LexG just wrote. Starring Dennis Leary and directed by Bill Hicks from the grave.

    Reply ↓

  37. I’d pay good money to see a photo of LexG waiting in line by himself on the opening night of a blockbuster while wearing Lenny’s “Lone Wolf” jacket.

    Let’s pool our money together to see if we can get him to do it!

    Reply ↓

  38. I’d pay good money to see a photo of LexG waiting in line by himself on the opening night of a blockbuster while wearing Lenny’s “Lone Wolf” jacket.

    Let’s pool our money together to see if we can get him to do it!

    Reply ↓

  39. So you thought a Vince Vaughn comedy was going to be like two dramas starring Jeremy Irons… I can see why you were disappointed.

    Reply ↓

  40. So you thought a Vince Vaughn comedy was going to be like two dramas starring Jeremy Irons… I can see why you were disappointed.

    Reply ↓

  43. Thanks for sharing the information dude. I found the information very helpful. That’s a awesome article you posted. I will come back to read some more.

    Cheato

    Reply ↓

  44. Thanks for sharing the information dude. I found the information very helpful. That’s a awesome article you posted. I will come back to read some more.

    Cheato

    Reply ↓

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