I Recognize Six. (Sorry.)


On the cover of Vanity Fair‘s soon-to-be-sold Hollywood issue: (l. to r.) Abbie Cornish (above), Kristen Stewart (below), Carey Mulligan, Amanda Seyfried, Rebecca Hall….and the others. Anna Kendrick is on the far right.
  • LexG

    Come on, Jeff: Evan Rachel Wood!!! (Though she doesn’t look herself in this spread… and I couldn’t have told you who the Alice in Wonderland chick was without cheating.)

    Anyway, LOOK AT this assemblage. This is my dream. My DREAM. This is what I have fantasized about and aspired to achieve my entire life, and I’ve never come close. To be in that room… to talk to these actresses… to know them, date them, even just work with them.

    This is Human Perfection. The end-all be-all of life, of humanity. Since I was eight years old, I have loved movies more than ANYTHING in the world, have wanted to perform, to be a part of show business. And since around that age, I started fantasizing about women in magazines, models, actresses, celebrities.

    It’s like all my problems, issues, depressions, insecurities and doubts would be erased and I would be a thoroughly happy, functional human being if I could JUST date an actress, if I could hang out with these women and make out with them and listen to Goo Goo Dolls with them on my iPod NANO and like K-STEW or Seyfriedy would have one bud in her ear and I’d have one in my ear and we’d SWOON.

    They are magic. It is the gravest crime on the planet that my existence consists of, I kid you not, transcribing and logging pornography, dubbing reels, and doing DVD authorizing type BOREDOM. So close but SO, SO FAR. I can turn a phrase a little bit, I can act in class and in unpaid student films, but that’s still a long and winding road away from the majesty of 19, 20-year-old BEAUITIFUL, flawless women who only know show business, who damn sure aren’t worried that their pre-bought tickets for this weekend’s blockbusters are worthless if I have to telecine a Dutch TV print of them tomorrow morning before I even have a chance to go to the movies.

    All for the conservative, white-collar comforts of having one’s own apartment and paying some ridiculous bills, I’m making choices that are SAFE and MUNDANE, and these women are delighting the masses and will hold a place in eternity.

    So something like this gives me even some temporary happiness in a boring and generic drone life… the idea that such things as movies and such people as celebrities even EXIST is almost as supernatural to me as fucking Star Wars.

    Christ, I’ve lived in Los Angeles for 15 years and I’ve never once even spoken to or met a “celebrity.”

    The two most famous people I’ve ever exchanged words with are David Poland and Chris Hardwick.

    Greatest cover ever, greatest lineup of humanity since The Founding Fathers, none of whom were as cute as Mulligan and Stewie on their little white chair.

    YAY.

  • googs

    Lex, stfu. you’re out of your element.

  • LexG

    I should add if I HAD to nitpick this spread, it would be just a little more awesome if they were all barefoot, because that’s cuter and more carefree and playful like I like.

    Googs, drop the hate and get onboard the Lex Train. It’s pretty futile to resist the good cheer and isoucient wordsmanship.

  • BurmaShave

    I’m not generally one of those “too skinny, too white” people, but my god, it’s like a poster from Nazi Germany if the high command had all been gay instead of mostly. Also what the hell is up with Abbie Cornish’s face, she looks like semi-recent Kathleen Turner.

  • DeeZee

    Insert Lex comment here.

    Schumacher covered @ Sundance.

    http://tinyurl.com/ygu4nat

    Wasn’t this already called The Red Violin?

    http://tinyurl.com/yk4ks53

    A look back @ ’39’s nominees.

    http://tinyurl.com/yk897y3

    Olivia Wilde, Favreaeu, and Craig get their Cowboys + Aliens on.

    http://www.heatvisionblog.com/2010/02/olivia-wilde-cowboys-and-aliens-daniel-craig.html

    Watchmen meets Monster Squad?

    http://www.heatvisionblog.com/2010/02/i-frankenstein-underworld-kevin-grevioux-patrick-tatopoulos.html

    I guess if they can Marty can make a doc about Kazan…

    http://tinyurl.com/ygu8qo8

    Bourne 90210?

    http://www.darkhorizons.com/news/16224/fourth-bourne-goes-younger-

    Bloom takes on a medical thriller.

    http://tinyurl.com/ygk8o57

    Man, you know the industry’s running out of ideas when a movie ends up ripping off the Diary of Anne Frank.

    http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/content_display/film/news/e3i8decb5ca03594f579949207ec9c78a3f

    Titans int’l. trailer.

    http://www.themoviebox.net/movies/2010/Clash-Of-The-Titans/trailer.php

    Wolfman featurette.

    http://www.themoviebox.net/movies/2010/Wolfman,The/trailer.php

    Shutter Island Super Bowl spot.

    http://www.themoviebox.net/movies/2009/STUVWXYZ/Shutter-Island/trailer.php

    New ‘Paris clips.

    http://www.themoviebox.net/movies/2010/From-Paris-With-Love/trailer.php

    Valentine’s Day clips.

    http://www.themoviebox.net/movies/2010/Valentines-Day/trailer.php

    Frozen poster.

    http://www.aintitcool.com/node/43839

    R.I.P. Leslie Linder.

    http://tinyurl.com/ylgwjss

  • LexG

    Thanks for fucking up the page, DeeZee.

    CHRIST.

  • Nagads

    If they wanted to be truthful with this cover, they would have included Gabourey Sidibe, who this year performed on the same level as Mulligan, Cornish and Kendrick.

    That is what this cover is celebrating, right? The New Hollywood talent?

    Oh, no, wait. That’s not it. We’re celebrating Hollywood’s newest boner party instead. Screw talent.

  • DeeZee

    Lex, I told you. Jennifer Love Hewitt in the B+N @ the Grove in March.

  • googs

    @ Lex

    I went to school with the redhead ^. Trust me, your pure vision innocent vision of these girls is far from accurate.

  • LexG

    Nagads? So? Looks trump everything in life, especially for actresses. I’d prefer not having my TIME WASTED with some concession to the ruse that anyone goes to see movies, any movie, to see an unattractive woman act well.

    Gibourney Whatever was perfectly great in PRECIOUS, but this VF is kind of a New Stars of Tomorrow thing; You really think Precious is gonna have a lucrative leading-lady career in big movies?

  • Travis Crabtree

    That Carey Mulligan, third from left… what’s he doing there? Is he one of their little brothers?

  • DeeZee
  • LexG

    Crabtree, that’s fucking ridiculous.

    Christ, either everyone here is a eunech, gay, or has terrible taste in women and would rather lust after some doughy theater chick vamping and being loud.

    This is what LIFE IS ALL ABOUT: demure, innocent, fresh-faced, coltish, slightly awkward, gawky but sexy, cute, delightful, nonthreatening, non-pain-in-the-ass, creamy, skinny, playful 18-25 year old BEAUTY.

    There should be a lot more BOWING and a lot more complaining. I’m out for the night. But watch this thread go 100 comments easily… a nice slow lob over home and I bat it into the Citgo sign for JW.

  • Geoff

    Seyfried and K-Stew. That’s all I have to say.

  • Nagads

    @Lex

    No, no, you’re right.

    This is, after all, the same Hollywood issue that celebrated the talents of Jordana Brewster. Boy, her looks sure got her far in this town!

  • LexG

    Hey, speaking of famous people, I’ve spun this story on Twitter before, but I saw Jordana Brewster out and about one night, and I gave her the cheesiest, lamest, Roger Moore-in-a-powder-blue-leisure suit smirk/nod EVER, and she blew past me like fucking Romero from Escape from New York just pulled his dick out in a dark alley.

  • Burgus

    Do Stewart live in a dumpster ?Kind of looks like that.

  • LexG

    GOD:

    K-Stew

    SUBLIME:

    Seyfried

    Wood

    Mulligan

    Cornish

    YEP YEP:

    Rebecca Hall

    Anna Kendrick

    Ginger Spice 2010

    INDIFFERENT:

    Alice in Wonderland

  • googs

    Lex, like i said i know plenty of actresses even one of them pictured above. I would never use the words

    “demure, innocent, fresh-faced, coltish, slightly awkward, gawky but sexy, cute, delightful, nonthreatening, non-pain-in-the-ass”

    to describe any of them. this is a persona. they are ACTING. in reality they’re vain, alcoholics with daddy issues who are HUGE pains in the ass. And NEVER date one. You think you want to, but you don’t.

  • LexG

    Googs I do not believe you.

    They are love.

  • LexG

    Also, as Kerry King says about Machine Head:

    I don’t see how you can leave Dakota Fanning out of the discussion.

    Switch her out for Ginger or Mia.

  • googs

    if you look back at the older VF spreads on their site from the 90’s and early 00’s for the supposed “new breed” of actors, a lot of them have careers anymore. in fact a few I don’t even recognize at all.

  • LexG

    They should have put me in the middle of that spread in a tuxedo like James Bond with K-Stew and Seyfried on either of my shoulders holding guns. Like we were getting ready to paint the town white (TM Kid Rock.)

    This VF is what heaven looks like.

  • Gordon27

    Lex – I take it you didn’t watch ‘In Treatment’, where the Alice girl is quite sexualized.

  • CitizenKanedforChewingGum

    When did the lead guitarist for Slayer name-check Dakota Fanning?

  • CitizenKanedforChewingGum

    Also, she’s probably too unusual-looking for this particular spread — although I think she’s smoking — but Lily Cole is definitely someone I’d personally put in a lineup like this.

    I’ve never seen her in anything until Parnassus, but she really made an impression. Someone to watch, esp. if Manson ever gets HIS Alice movie off the ground (which is beginning to seem less and less likely).

  • Gordon27

    yes, after seeing her act, I definitely think Lily Cole should be on more magazine covers ;)

  • qwiggles

    Great thread. Informative.

    I’m normally intrigued by most of these women, but I’m getting a strong whiff of starched collared shirts from this photo. There’s something uncanny and icky about how stiff and doll-like they are.

  • The Winchester

    Agree on the Lily Cole suggestion. Couldn’t take my eyes off her that whole Parnassus flick.

    Why is Zoe Saldana not on this cover? Was she on it last year, or several years prior? Because that girl is all kinds of alright.

    (No disrepect to the church of Lex, but I’ll take Zoe on a bad hair and sweatpants day over TWO K-Stews making out with each other in a pool of Jell-O. )

  • Deathtongue_Groupie

    Lex has obviously not dated or spent that much time around really hot women.

    As the man once said, you show me a beautiful woman and I’ll show you someone who is tired of fucking her (and dealing with her shit).

  • CitizenKanedforChewingGum

    Haha, Gordon.

    I just thought it might be nice to see her featured in a magazine’s centerfold where she’s actually wearing clothing for once. :-P

    Well, I mean it would probably nice for her, anyway.

  • COCO

    My god…so young……or am I that old…..much success to all.

  • Anthony Thorne

    Not knocking the obvious babe factor inherent on that cover, but kudos to The Winchester for noting the absence of Zoe Saldana, a curiosity given that she was in two of the year’s biggest hits, received great notice for her mocap acting in the more recent of those two and is starring in some high profile titles due later this year (and, obviously, is smokin’ hot herself). Did the photographer not want to compromise his artistic vision of ‘nothing but white’ on the cover? This isn’t unexpected for them (though I believe VF has had plenty of different skin colors on past Hollywood issues) but if I was a Hispanic, African-American or Asian actress browsing through the mag I wouldn’t be thrilled. Just noting.

    In small type on the right, ‘The making of RAGING BULL’. This means I probably will at least read this fucking thing in the shop if I don’t bother to buy it.

  • Burgus

    Why am I waiting for the nominations to be revealed.

    Sandra Bullock, Monique will win anyhow. To girls in the picture above, is the real winners this year. Mulligan and Kendrick really gives wonderful perfomnces. Anybody could have played Bullocks part, and Precious is just to much of a Oscar movie.

    Just saw the Road and why the hell isnt Viggo the frontrunner for the Oscar. Thats so weird.

  • http://martiansattackingindianapolis.blogspot.com Josh Massey

    I’m sure I got the same six, although I thought Evan Rachel Wood was Staci Keanan for a minute. And that didn’t make any sense.

    Sad that Saldana probably doesn’t make this cover because she’s an ancient 31. (And I agree with Lex about Sidibe – she’ll very likely never have another significant role, so doesn’t belong here).

  • http://martiansattackingindianapolis.blogspot.com/ Josh Massey

    Somebody have a link to this picture 10 years ago, with the likes of Mena Suvari and Jordana Brewster on it? Would be interesting to see how many are still around.

  • vansmith

    Bland broads…a total white out…

  • Gordon27

    “And I agree with Lex about Sidibe – she’ll very likely never have another significant role, so doesn’t belong here”

    I’m hoping she gets a TV show, because I don’t see much else to give her a career.

  • Rich S.

    LexG has apparently never heard the song, “if you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.” Not to make too sweeping a generalization, but they can be very high maintenance and you’re always looking over your shoulder to keep an eye out for poachers.

    Then again, I don’t think Lex is really looking for a long-term relationship.

  • High Chaparral

    Zoe Saldana’s older than me, and I was born in the 70s.

  • reverent and free

    Looks like a casting call for a remake of Lolita.

  • jmevans

    @LexG,

    You need some serious psychological help. I’m not trying to be funny here. If you hate your life so much, do something about it. You spend endless time on here and Poland’s blog ranting about how awful your life is and what girls you want to bone. Wake up dude. Talk to a psychiatrist about why you hate yourself and then maybe you’ll make some progress. If you choose not to take action you’ll be forced to endure a life of online rants and self hatred.

  • jmevans

    And another thing….

    You are a funny dude Lex. Your Entourage vids on Youtube were pretty great. You do make me laugh at times in your rants. You seem like a pretty smart guy, and not awful to look at. If you are a few pounds overweight so what, that can change too if you want it to.

    The bottom line is, you seem like a good person, and it just bums me out to see you crash and burn like this online. Just my 2 cents.

  • JohnCope

    I’d take Gillian Anderson over any of them.

    Oh, and Lex, what was Chris Hardwick like?

  • Howlingman

    You have to introduce yourself to the neighbors every time you move, don’t you Lex?

  • http://lipranzer.blogspot.com lipranzer

    I never would have recognized Mia Wasikowksa in that Mia Farrow haircut, but she’s certainly talented enough to be labeled as an actress to watch, even if her best work so far has been in television (watch the first season of “In Treatment” sometime. It’s uneven at times, but all of her segments – she plays a deeply troubled gymnast – will break your heart).

  • erniesouchak

    Dear god, somebody feed those girls! Abby Cornish is the only one who looks like she isn’t on a hunger strike.

  • Hallick

    Vanilla Fair.

  • LexG

    Vanilla? Underfed? Please.

    There’s NOTHING more played than some bitter dude or jealous chick pulling the ol’ “Give her a sandwich!” bullshit, or even better, “So-and-so needs a cheeseburger,” so low rent, as if chicks like this eat fucking cheeseburgers. Again, it’s called BEING HOT.

    And vanilla? Look, we all know that the Lexman is down with all flavors of the hot-chick rainbow, from Korean Party Girls to Firecrotch to Eastern-Euro to Alicia Keysian black chicks, but these are basically IT GIRLS, ingenues, conduits through which mostly white male directors express their latent and not-so-latent fantasies. They are the ethereal muses of vaguely independent and hipster-type directors, so like or no, based on the people making the films, that’s gonna be one white-ass list.

    Personally, I think their visual similarity makes the photos rather striking… you can make the case for Zoe Saldana being in the mix, which I’d be ALL FOR… who knows, maybe at that point it becomes like on The Bachelor when they throw in one token Asian or black chick, and she promptly gets booted in week one and it’s almost more uncomfortable than if they’d just started with 25 shocking blondes from the jump.

    Zoe Saldana, I should also point out, in addition to being 31, has been in big movies for TEN YEARS; She was in Crossroads in, what, 2000?

    Though I’d also point out Evan Rachel WOOD, has also been in stuff since 2000, when she was on a hit TV show, and her “New Hollywood” It Girl day in the sun was in 2003 with “Thirteen.”

    But face it, all these chicks got in because they had crazy stage parents who put them in big movies at age 11, when I was recording Def Leppard songs off the TV set into a mono tape recorder like MacReady has in THE THING.

  • LexG

    Cope, Hardwick seemed a nice enough guy; I used to do standup, and did a lot of open mikes. Er, should say I ONLY did open mikes, since I never graduated to the next level. But even established dudes like Oswalt and Posehn and Hardwick would hit the good stages on open mike night just to try stuff out; He wouldn’t know me from a hole in the ground, but the handful of times we were there on the same night, Hardwick just seemed like any other working schmo comic, certainly didn’t pull any “HEY I HOSTED SINGLED OUT” shit with the no-names and seemed supportive enough.

    The above Moment in Boredom brought to you by LexG. Now I will go watch the behind-the-scenes video of this shoot and BASK in it.

    SEYFRIED’S EYES are two pools of loveliness.

    I LOVE ACTRESSES and I LOVE BLONDE PALE WAIFISH WOMEN.

    BOW.

  • KRush

    Don’t be too down on yourself, Lex. How many HE readers hit this VF piece just looking for your input? (Doesn’t reflect too well on the rest of us, maybe.)

    They are too skinny, btw, too waifish (saddle shoes? Geez, why didn’t Leibovitz give one of them an oversized lollipop?). And Emma Stone might not have been pure and innocent in high school, Googs, but “the redhead” at least comes off with an actual personality.

  • George Prager
  • Phreaker

    “Vanilla Fair.”

    Yep.

    LexG – you poor bastard. Go stick it in a warm place, for the love of all things holy. I feel badly for you that you are so awash in celebrity worship. :-(

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  • http://wendysreplica.com mao

    Cope, Hardwick seemed a nice enough guy; I used to do standup, and did a lot of open mikes. Er, should say I ONLY did open mikes, since I never graduated to the next level. But even established dudes like Oswalt and Posehn and Hardwick would hit the good stages on open mike night just to try stuff out; He wouldn’t know me from a hole in the ground, but the handful of times we were there on the same night, Hardwick just seemed like any other working schmo comic, certainly didn’t pull any “HEY I HOSTED SINGLED OUT” shit with the no-names and seemed supportive enough.

    The above Moment in Boredom brought to you by LexG. Now I will go watch the behind-the-scenes video of this shoot and BASK in it.

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