Snake Pit
Delivering an opinionated shocker that no one could have seen coming, Marshall Fine declares that Sex and the City 2 “is not very much” and that it “rarely made me laugh. And at two hours and 23 minutes, that’s a lot of not laughing.”
143 minutes? Who’s running the store at New Line/Warner Bros.? If I was the top hot dog I’d politely explain to director Michael Patrick King that he can use whatever unfunny horseshit that strikes his fancy, but come hell or high water SATC2 won’t run any longer that 110 to 112 minutes, tops. No discussions….finito.
“At the screening I attended, which was more than 50 percent women, the moments of actual out-loud laughter could be counted on one hand,” Fine remarks. “The verbal grumbles about the clothes or the lameness of the jokes outnumbered the expressions of mirth.”
“The first SATC film was such a downbeat snooze that one assumed it couldn’t get worse. But it can and it does.
“The most controversial this film gets is when Samantha (Kim Cattrall) gets arrested for publicly kissing a man she’s just met and incidentally aroused so that his cotton drawstring pants reveal an erection when he stands up in a restaurant — a guaranteed laugh-getter.
“Is this film offensive to Islam? These days, what isn’t? Muslims are touchier than the Catholics. It’s a Sex and the City movie set in an Arab country. Of course, it’s going to be offensive to Muslims! The title is offensive to fundamentalist Muslims.”
On top of which “the sour taste of conspicuous consumption is unmitigated by a couple of lines about how bad the economy is, [which are] obvious attempts at vaccinating this film against charges of tasteless irrelevance.
“If the women of Sex and the City 2 were to ever actually engage with the real world, it might cause a rift in the space-time continuum that would doom us all.”
143 minutes. that’s awesome. finally a movie that needed half of it cut out more than every one of the lord of the rings movies
You need to read Ebert’s hilarious pan:
http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20100525/REVIEWS/100529986
Offensive to Islam? Well I guess it’s not ALL bad, then.
And yeah, that 2 hour and 23 minute thing is a mind-blower. I guess since they shot it at an “exotic” location they tricked themselves into thinking it was an “epic”.
Thanks to TC for the LOL.
Christ, have there ever been 4 more over the hill, fugly looking chicks starring in a movie?
And Kyle Smith called it “Bitch-tar”. When your movie makes the uber-hetero Smith channel Rex Reed, you are in serious trouble…
“uber-hetero Smith”? Have you ever seen the guy up close?
Not to steal DZ’s thunder, but I’m going to make two rather depressing predictions:
(1) This film will make a boatload of money regardless of whatever we think here at HE,
(2) There will be another sequel at whatever length Michael Patrick King chooses to make it.
I didn’t see the first SEX movie, so I’m asking those who have: in the movies, does Carrie do those annoying voice-overs during scene CHANGES? You know what I’m talking about, things like “While Miranda was uptown getting her head examined, Charlotte was downtown giving head.”
(2) There will be another sequel at whatever length Michael Patrick King chooses to make it.
Everyone knows the business case for shorter movies, though, and if someone at the studio doesn’t say ‘hey, Mike, lets give you a little more on the back end to keep this one below 100, and save a little of the magic for SITC4′ about the next one they’re on crack.
Prager….. Yes.
(just got finished reading Ebert’s evisceration and he actually pointed that out, rather humorously)
The thing that I never understand is when exactly SATC decided its target audience was PRIMARILY old, gay men, and not young, urban, sophisticated women anymore. If you catch an episode on HBO it’s an entirely different kind of show to the movies. I know it always had a large gay following, but can you imagine in its HBO heyday if they kicked off an episode with a Liza Minelli song-and-dance number? Does ANYONE apart from gay men like Liza Minelli? If I was some 30-something female Manhattan singleton I’m sure I wouldn’t want to pay to see some dried-up old prune camping it up for the pleasure of 56-year old Joel from Chelsea in the audience.
@Prager: thankfully, no, but Smith makes himself out to be Joe Fratboy in print so I made the assumption. If you’re saying he’s a wimp, no surprise. If you’re saying he’s a closeted gay right-winger… no surprise either.
“Is this film offensive to Islam? These days, what isn’t? Muslims are touchier than the Catholics. It’s a Sex and the City movie set in an Arab country. Of course, it’s going to be offensive to Muslims! The title is offensive to fundamentalist Muslims.”
I’m offended by that ignorant, idiotic paragraph. A lot of Muslims and Arabs everywhere enjoy raunchy movies, sex, and comedies. Get over it.
DeafBrown…. yet somehow I doubt you’re offended by the dig at Catholics…. (you know, the one’s who aren’t killing Dutch filmmakers and threatening to kill cartoonists)
Christ, I’ll miss Roger when he’s gone.
Travis:
right. and there are millions of Muslims worldwide who don’t care about the Danish cartoon controversy and we are MORTIFIED and DISGUSTED by the killing of the Dutch filmmaker. Way to go for slumping a bunch of fanatics in line with 1.2 billion Muslims worldwide, douche.
as for the Catholic dig– no, not at all. I assume you mean American Catholics. Catholics aren’t subjected to racism, xenophobia, or constant scrutiny under the Western mainstream media. the CHURCH is being attacked (and with good reason), but Catholics themselves ain’t. If we’re talking about Catholics in Muslim nations who are being persecuted, killed and/or imprisoned, then we can talk.
Wanna argue with me? Take it off H-E and message me on Facebook. I’m not in the mood to discuss this on a film forum.
No problem. Just stop exploding things.
In the meantime:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyKdYTzMqWo&feature=related
Just stop exploding things? Honey, as someone who is extremely proud to be a Muslim and as an anti-racism activist, I’ll continue speaking out everytime someone– especially a well known blogger– writes an IDIOTIC, IGNORANT , OFFENSIVE comment about Muslims — and that includes other minority (racial, ethnic or religious) groups.
the Muhammad cartoon controversy is so fucking tired and overblown. Can we please move the fuck on?
Having never heard of Kyle Smith, I went to Wikipedia to discover he is the male Carrie Bradshaw: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kyle_Smith
You know, when I go to work with my hair parted a different way, or sporting a hat, I feel all self-conscious about it the entire day. About a barely discernible style change in an office with like 20 dudes who sure as fuck aren’t gonna notice or care…
So how is it aging actresses have the nerve to show up on 4,000 movie screens before MILLIONS of people with a face shot full of botulism to look like fucking Johnny Handsome? It’s like when suddenly Jeremy bald-ass Piven suddenly got a permanent full-time head of hair… I can understand the thinking behind that, if not Botox or facial work, but to be so blithe about it, when they’re 25 years of film of you with an entirely different face that wasn’t the size of a horse head.
The frequent use of the word “fuck” is offensive to my religion. I’ve declared a fatwah on this thread.
Exclusive, behind the scenes snaps from SATC 2!
http://sarahjessicaparkerlookslikeahorse.com/
If your reading-comprehension skills were as quick as your over-reacting ones, Deaf, you would have realized that what you took offense to is a quote from Marshall Fine and not a quote from Wells.
Criticizing SATC 2 for being unrealistic is like criticizing Wile E. Coyote and the Roadrunner for defying physics.
Jesus Christ…
Travis and DeafBrown in a race to see who can get the HE membership put on a fucking no-fly list the fastest.
Can you dumb-ass refrain from talking about that shit? Christ, the split second you type some of those words, you get put on a watch list, dumb-asses.
Hey, it’s not all bad news for SEX fans. Look at these positive reviews for the movie that I found on Rotten Tomatoes:
Wow, after trying to appeal to every possible demographic with cameos by Penelope Cruz, Miley Cyrus, Liza Minnelli and more, the makers of this movie are willing to cast a member of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour to sell a few more tickets?!?! I guess they need every single possible penny. Maybe Larry The Cable Guy can show up in Sex and the City 3 as Big’s driver to Git ‘R Done in Gucci).
– Willie Waffle
Chris Noth (2005′s “The Perfect Man”) is given a fairly meaty part, too, with Big’s relationship with Carrie ebbing and flowing but continually loving. In cameos, Miley Cyrus (2010′s “The Last Song”) and Penelope Cruz (2009′s “Nine”) are both cute, popping in and out quickly while still making an impression.
– Dustin Puttman
“When Big makes the mistake of bringing a television into the bedroom — as an anniversary gift, no less — Carrie fears their transition to “boring old married couple” has begun.”
–Josh Larsen
Apologies, LexG….. you are absolutely correct….
I got the rubber glove treatment last week whilst trying to board a UA flight from LAX to Washington-Dulles.
The reason? My cantankerous take on “Iron Man 2″. (Hollywood-Elsewhere: April 12: Comment #23)
The TSA is watching you.
Miley is in this?
Well, at least there’s a few seconds where someone utterly delightful and hot and likable and not repulsive and hateful is on screen.
The first Sex and the City movie was 2 hours and 25 minutes.
>So how is it aging actresses have the nerve to show up on 4,000 movie screens before MILLIONS of people with a face shot full of botulism to look like fucking Johnny Handsome?
there are these things called paychecks, and aging actresses like to get them
The thing more insulting than the running time is that SJP got 15 million bucks for this turd.
>Well, at least there’s a few seconds where someone utterly delightful and hot and likable and not repulsive and hateful is on screen.
Yeah, I like Penelope Cruz, too.
>The thing more insulting than the running time is that SJP got 15 million bucks for this turd.
Why not? We all worship at the altar of capitalism around these parts, right? Based on the grosses of SATC1 she’s probably worth what they’re paying her.
Miley Cryus > Cruz.
So the good news is that it’s two minutes shorter than the first film. Sweet.
Hey since this seems like an appropriately gay thread to ask:
I don’t watch or care about “Dancing With the Stars” in the least, but I see that Nicole Scherzinger from the Pussycat Dolls took the prize last night.
Um, doesn’t she kind dance for a living? I thought the concept was a bunch of ex-football players and hack actresses and reality-show losers learn to dance. What’s J. Lo Junior Scherzinger doing in the mix.
Let me guess… Slash is gonna take the prize over Jim Belushi, Ashley Olsen, Eddie Griffin and Russell Hantz in “So You Think You Can Play Guitar.”
Miley is in this?
Well, at least there’s a few seconds where someone utterly delightful and hot and likable and not repulsive and hateful is on screen.
Lex, I thought I’d throw out this link for you. You know, just in case…
http://www.ou.edu/oupd/selfarr2.htm
“Is this film offensive to Islam? These days, what isn’t? Muslims are touchier than the Catholics. It’s a Sex and the City movie set in an Arab country. Of course, it’s going to be offensive to Muslims! The title is offensive to fundamentalist Muslims.”
I’m offended by that ignorant, idiotic paragraph. A lot of Muslims and Arabs everywhere enjoy raunchy movies, sex, and comedies. Get over it.
Miley Cyrus is “utterly delightful”? And more attractive than Penelope Cruz?
Jesus.
And calling the women in Sex and the City “hateful” is the kind of hyperbolic hypocrisy that makes Lex sound like killing spree material.
Statement: “Is this film offensive to Islam? These days, what isn’t? Muslims are touchier than the Catholics…”
Response: “I’m offended…”
So what exactly was incorrect about the original point, then?
Travis:
right. and there are millions of Muslims worldwide who don’t care about the Danish cartoon controversy and we are MORTIFIED and DISGUSTED by the killing of the Dutch filmmaker. Way to go for slumping a bunch of fanatics in line with 1.2 billion Muslims worldwide, douche.
as for the Catholic dig– no, not at all. I assume you mean American Catholics. Catholics aren’t subjected to racism, xenophobia, or constant scrutiny under the Western mainstream media. the CHURCH is being attacked (and with good reason), but Catholics themselves ain’t. If we’re talking about Catholics in Muslim nations who are being persecuted, killed and/or imprisoned, then we can talk.
Wanna argue with me? Take it off H-E and message me on Facebook. I’m not in the mood to discuss this on a film forum.
Statement: “Is this film offensive to Islam? These days, what isn’t? Muslims are touchier than the Catholics…”
Response: “I’m offended…”
So what exactly was incorrect about the original point, then?
BOO-YA! Game. Set. Match.
Just stop exploding things? Honey, as someone who is extremely proud to be a Muslim and as an anti-racism activist, I’ll continue speaking out everytime someone– especially a well known blogger– writes an IDIOTIC, IGNORANT , OFFENSIVE comment about Muslims — and that includes other minority (racial, ethnic or religious) groups.
the Muhammad cartoon controversy is so fucking tired and overblown. Can we please move the fuck on?
You lose your temper too easily, DeafBrown.
DeafBrownTrashPunk says…
BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! You lose your temper too easily you racist, sexist piece of fucking shit!!! IF I MET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WOULD KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS!!!
“143 minutes? Who’s running the store at New Line/Warner Bros.? If I was the top hot dog I’d politely explain to director Michael Patrick King that he can use whatever unfunny horseshit that strikes his fancy, but come hell or high water SATC2 won’t run any longer that 110 to 112 minutes, tops. No discussions….finito.”
At which point, Mr. King would politely stand up and tell you, “Look, I don’t know who you are related to or fucked to get this position, honey, but the last one was 2 minutes longer and made $415M. So, call me when you figure out that the girls aren’t coming back without me and aren’t going to take kindly to the lack of respect.”
Which will bring Jeff Well’s position as head of the studio to a rapid, ignoble end.
thank you D_G for a dose of reality.
Almost every response DBTP has ever posted here plays like a long-lost demo of an unreleased Slits song.
Penelope Cruz is like, you know… MY age.
No thanks. Plus you know what they say about Spanish women.
They don’t use birth control.
Looks like one to miss this. Can’t believe they didn’t learn from the first one that this just doesn’t work.
Boxoffice-wise, the first SATC worked just fine. No one was expecting Chekhov.
“Boxoffice-wise, the first SATC worked just fine. No one was expecting Chekhov.”
I don’t expect Chekhov from a romantic comedy-type movie. I do expect a movie that doesn’t parade around the worst stereotypes about women around, and then has the colossal nerve to say their movie is one of the few examples of good movies for women.
The series, before it became an ode to materialism , happened to be funny and an interesting discussion on the single woman and sexuality. Even if one were to find Carrie Bradshaw unappealing, Cynthia Nixon was a perfect antidote for cynics.
The first movie was unwatchable. Two hours and a half of the leading lady feeling sorry for herself is as much as I can take. Not to mention the constant references to design labels, repetitive scenes (how may times do we need to see the girls squeal over Samantha being in New York?) and the self-absorbed behaviour.
Look at that pic of those horrible hens….
And people wonder why I like the young stuff.
Lex, soon will be the day that Miley and your beloved K-Stew will look like that.
By then, Winchester, Lex will have moved on to (and through) at least three future generations of “young stuff”…
“That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.” (Dazed and Confused)
There are good looking older women in the world. I’ve met many. Those four aren’t what I’m talking about.
There are good looking older women in the world. I’ve met many. Those four aren’t what I’m talking about.