The Dweeb Pack
A web journalist interviewed me last week about the way Jesse Eisenberg, whose latest film is Holy Rollers, seems to play the same guy all the time. That led me to conclude that this isn’t just true for Eisenberg but also Michael Cera and Jay Baruchel. They’re the leading lights of this spindly-Jewish aesthetic, I think — the smart-sensitive nerd triumvirate of 21st Century cinema.
(l. to r.) Jesse Eisenberg, Jay Baruchel, Michael Cera
They tend to play the same kind of thin, hesitant, cerebral types. Always susceptible to romantic delirium at the drop of a hat. Always with a girl who’s a little bit (or a whole lot) hotter than they deserve to be with, or could hope to be with in real life. They could easily step into each other’s roles. Same manner, similar neck size, height and weight, similar phrasings and dress styles.
They’ve all been deballed and almost girlified down, these guys. The culture has told them “this is how we need you to be.” Or rather girls have said this — girls who prefer soft and open and sincere to “manly,” whatever that amounts to these days. For most under-30 women, I suspect, old-school manly means not being emotionally reachable or accomodating — crusty, a touch of the hard-boiled, strong but lacking empathy.
If a 1963 incarnation of Steve McQueen was to return to earth, he wouldn’t have much luck with Kristen Stewart, I bet. She’d probably roll her eyes and chuckle and mutter “hah…whoa…a little too distant and hung up on himself.” (Megan Fox might fuck him though.)
However much men might talk about their admiration for McQueen and leaf through coffee-table books of his black-and-white photographs, they know his routine is more or less outmoded. Entombed even. Ditto the Robert Redford, Warren Beatty, Bruce Willis, Sean Connery, Clint Eastwood and Paul Newman models. All gone from the landscape, except as an opportunity for a spoof or satire of some kind.
Which is how Willis’s John McClane was played in Live Free or Die Hard. As a hide-bound geezer, clinging to the macho code for dear life. Justin Long, whose persona isn’t quite as distinct as Eisenberg-Cera-Baruchel and therefore hasn’t caught on in the same way, played an approximation of today’s male — bright and alert and courageous as far as it goes, but divorced from the mentality and the culture that produced McLane types in the mid to late 20th Century, and using his Obama-generation attitude to poke at Willis’s pretension.
The Expendables is being marketed, I think, in a semi-satirical vein. As a hyper-violent old-school goof. That was how Stallone’s last Rambo film was processed, or so it seemed when I saw it in Santa Barbara a couple of years ago.
The young Dustin Hoffman would fit right in with Eisenberg and those guys, I suppose. I think that’s why Hoffman took the David Sumner role in Sam Peckinpah‘s Straw Dogs — to show that he had more going on than just that smart, sensitive, internalized short-guy thing, to show he had the stuff to beat a guy to death with a golf club and feel good about it afterwards.
Could Eisenberg, Barchel or Cera have sold this quality in Rod Lurie‘s Straw Dogs remake, if Lurie had chosen to precisely duplicate Hoffman’s mathematician character? (Which he hasn’t, by the way.) I seriously doubt it.
I asked Jett about the Dweeb Pack, and he said they’re analagous to the anti-machismo, no-power-chords strain in today’s indie rock, which is about as far away from basic Lou Reed guitar, bass and drums rock as you can get. I realize (having been instructed by HE readers) that plenty of indie rockers play solid-beat, live-percussion, jangly-twangy rock, but the stuff I’ve heard on my sons’ iPhones seems so cut off from 20th Century blues-rock traditions — girlish, aerie-fairie, kind of whoo-hoo-heeyo — that it makes me wince at times.
Who else? Richard Dreyfuss played a fussier man-boy quite successfully in the 70s. He actually even replaced Steve McQueen in Close Encounters of the Third Kind because McQueen reportedly couldn’t cry on camera.
reminds me of what I said when I reviewed YOUTH IN REVOLT:http://www.cinemalogue.com/2010/01/08/youth-in-revolt/
Actually writing that made me wonder if these characterizations aren’t on the rise because of the director’s involved. Dreyfuss was sort of the Spielberg stand-in in his movies for years. Maybe it’s the same thing for Cera, Eisenberg etc.
The movies McQueen and Lee Marvin tended to shine in were directed by hard old men like Sam Peckinpah, Samuel Fuller etc. Or at least a good portion of them were(obviously they were in artier director’s fare as well).
Anton Yelchin and Emile Hirsch (and, yeah, Shia) could have trapped themselves into these kinds of roles (not that they haven’t played them in the past), but seem to be aiming for higher and broader ground.
“McQueen reportedly couldn’t cry on camera”
I don’t know what your source for that is but it sounds bogus … who can actually cry on command? Robin Wright? … I liked Eisenberg in The Hunting Party where he represents the new spoiled kid in contrast to the old spoiled reporter (Gere) and Barachel was never funnier than as the second banana comic relief in Tropic Thunder
Truth #1 – the reason these guys exist in cinema is because these are the dweebs making the movies. They ARE these guys and so to them getting the girl elevates them. In fact, in real life they get nowhere, mostly.
Truth #2 – don’t kid yourself. Even Steve McQueen, or any of the so-called tough guys on film, were never that tough in real life. They stand there with their big heads and their little bodies and they are as dweeby as these dudes. The truth is that they’re almost all short. The macho thing? An illusion.
These dudes reflect the emo fanboy culture that flock to these types of romcoms – like 500 Days of Summer, etc.
Oh and p.s. I know all of you guys pin your hopes on Kristen Stewart as the be all, end of all of good taste – but she’s already admitted to be dating Robert Pattinson. So yeah, she likes them on the delicate side.
“I don’t know what your source for that is but it sounds bogus … who can actually cry on command?”
Spielberg said it. McQueen told him he wanted to do the movie but didn’t think he could cry on camera.
Berg, your comment brings to mind a quote Margaret O’Brien reportedly said to a director before a weepy scene, “When I cry should I let the tears go all the way down, or should I stop them half way?”
I give Baruchel an outside shot at breaking the mold more than Cera and Eisenberg have done.
And wonder if Shia La Beouf did the whole drunk-driving thing in order to bust out of it himself, because he saw Mel Gibson doing it or something.
@ElstonGunnAICN .
i did thought of Anton Yelchin and Shia when I read this, I was wondering how they manage to scape this typecasting. I think because they did action films helps a lot. Transformers was beyond crap, but made Labeouf a kind of action star. I hope Anton can shine more in the second Star Trek.
“Truth #2 – don’t kid yourself. Even Steve McQueen, or any of the so-called tough guys on film, were never that tough in real life.” Who is? Though I’m pretty sure the comment reflects nada knowledge of the life of a guy like McQueen, who was a hardass street punk before he straightened his life out and joined the Marines and had a few scrapes to rival anything on the screen. So I wouldn’t want to question the manhood of him, or Lee Marvin, or Burt Lancaster, Sean Connery or Bruce Willis in their prime. Just because they were actors, they weren’t pussies. Crap, I might not pick a fight with Redford or Eastwood right now, for that matter.
Eisenberg is being lumped in with Cera? Ugh. I’ll take his resume over Cera’s any day of the week. Let’s see how his performance is in Fincher’s “The Social Network” before we consider him full dweeb.
Anyone think Cera will ever land in a Fincher film? Fuck no.
I wasn’t a huge Baruchel fan, but seeing him in The Trotsky has definitely given me hope that he may actually be more than a wimpy dweeb in the future. Definitely worth checking out.
I put money on Cera being around a long time. Say what you will about how it’s all the same character, but to be that young and have such laser-precise sense of comic timing is something many actors twice his age do not possess.
NICK & NORA is on Encore regularly so I will surf across it once a week. The ease with which he delivers those understated punchlines, rarely pausing which many would do to ensure the audience got it and had time to laugh.
He’s also whip-smart. As the low hanging fruit of these roles (which I suspect are now being written expressly for him) dry up, he’ll be bright enough to mature his persona to match his own body. I mean, dude’s only 22 next month.
As to the whole “these actors/characters are a projection of the current generation’s Id” debate here, I think the generation coming of age right now might be the first in a century not influenced by just a few overwhelming cultural fantasy role-models. Pop culture is so fractured (TV, movies/dvd, video games, music), nothing really dominates and therefore none of the stars really dominate.
Hence, the generation that Cera/Eisenburg/Baruchel represent more readily see themselves in their actions than any Alpha-dog personality. Only a couple of guys get to be the star basketball player/quarterback/hyper cool dude on campus. But these guys represent how the rest can achieve small measures of victory far more likely in their own worlds.
I myself would prefer more leading men in the Burt Lancaster mold and no more of these boys (both nerd and pretty), but the studios aren’t making movies for anyone my age anymore.
Looking at Baruchel in that pic, he looks far more movie starish than the other two (and I don’t just mean the fake tan). He’s almost got a Johnny Depp thing going on. I bet if he bulked up he could do an action flick.
Anyway this sort of goes back to the discussion from a while back about when Hollywood needs to hire a MAN for an action hero role, they turn to England or Australia – Bale, Butler, Craig, Jackman, Worthington, etc.
“He actually even replaced Steve McQueen in Close Encounters of the Third Kind because McQueen reportedly couldn’t cry on camera.”
I love the way people on-line telephone true stories into sentences like this.
Steve McQueen was never cast in ‘Close Encounters’, so Dreyfuss did not “replace” him. Spielberg wanted him, and McQueen liked the script but turned down the role because he couldn’t cry on command. Spielberg offered to cut it, and McQueen said no, because it was too good a moment.
I like how, every year, Jeff writes the same article about how Michael Cera’s career is dead, but adds another actor to it. Last year, it was Jesse Eisenberg. This year it’s Jay Baruchel. Of course, you have to ignore the fact that Jeff is writing the article about ten seconds after the actor even becomes an actual star. I mean, has Baruchel’s first starring role even hit video yet? (I’m not even going to mention the fact that Jeff openly didn’t see the movie despite most of his viewers telling him his read on it was flat wrong. Well, okay, I’ll mention it, but only in a parenthetical.)
Also, we’re about due for another fat comic actor for Jeff to hate on, especially now that Rogen has lost both all that weight *and* his sense of humor.
“who can actually cry on command? Robin Wright?”
You make it sound unprecedented in the realm of acting. It’s a pretty standard thing for lead actors to need to be able to do. Ricky Gervais can cry on cue. I don’t think it should be too hard for “real” actors.
I give Baruchel an outside shot at breaking the mold more than Cera and Eisenberg have done.
And wonder if Shia La Beouf did the whole drunk-driving thing in order to bust out of it himself, because he saw Mel Gibson doing it or something.
I wasn’t a huge Baruchel fan, but seeing him in The Trotsky has definitely given me hope that he may actually be more than a wimpy dweeb in the future. Definitely worth checking out.
Baruchel has definite potential as a bona fide leading man. The guy is extremely handsome and he hasn’t really been playing the doofus for a while. You should see the Trotsky, which is like a Montreal John Hughes movie and is great. And to evaluate his acting chops, watch a movie called Real Time.
And wait for Scott Pilgrim before you say the same tired thing again about Cera.
“Could Eisenberg, Barchel or Cera have sold this quality in Rod Lurie’s Straw Dogs remake, if Lurie had chosen to precisely duplicate Hoffman’s mathematician character? (Which he hasn’t, by the way.) I seriously doubt it.”
To be fair, Hoffman was well into his thirties at that point and the boys are a lot younger. With a decade’s worth of seasoning, they might be able to pull it off.
Yeah, Baruschel kind of rules and isn’t remotely as douchey as the other two guys here, but… how does Anton Yelchin get a pass from so many commenters? Because of Star Trek? Because he’s more of a dweeb than even Eisenberg. And like Eisenberg, got to be paired with K-Stew (in Fierce People), and also got to have a threeway with Seyfried and some other chick in Alpha Dog.
All of these guys, indeed, are exactly the kind of skinny-jeaned emo douchebags who get EVERY CHICK I LIKE… Pretty sure none of my favorites are really into 38-year-old balding alcoholics with a raging temper.
But it nonetheless bothers me, as it clearly does Jeff, THE LACK OF EFFORT OR ENERGY, the whole TAKING IT ALL FOR GRANTED-ness of it all. Being a LEAD in movies is roughly the most impossible thing on planet Earth, and Eisenberg, Cera, Long, Yelchin, etc, all shrug that shit off like they’re on a 7-11 run for more Twizzlers. Yeah, I guess it suits the EMO era and all, but it’s seriously annoying that the weight of these zillion-dollar productions are placed on this mop-topped pussies in HOODED SWEATJACKETS. Christ, dude, you’re a movie star, at least dress for the occasion.
Did you ever think life has just passed you by?
“how does Anton Yelchin get a pass from so many commenters? Because of Star Trek? Because he’s more of a dweeb than even Eisenberg.”
I think it’s because Yelchin hasn’t been anywhere near a lead role since ‘Hearts in Atlantis’. (Has he?) The actual roles he gets are pretty small — it’s just that he’s playing iconic characters. He’ll be added to Jeff’s list as soon as he is the lead in anything.
I just said, Fierce People. Where he gets to body-paint a jailbait K-Stew AND has the most annoying hair ever. And in which he gives the exact same performance Cera gives in every movie ever.
Oh, and Charlie Bartlett.
Note to all parents, once again:
Put your kid in commercials or movies at age 9, and IT DOESN’T MATTER how wimpy, douchey, unattractive, limp-dicked and charisma free they grow up to be, THEY’RE IN SHOWBIZ FOR LIFE.
Reading yet another column of this type, and the comments that follow, has pushed me towards a Howard Beale moment.
I honestly do not understand why some people feel the need to trumpet out loud to the entire world just how macho they are, and that anybody other guy who doesn’t is automatically a dweeb-ish girly man who needs to be put down like a dog. When the fuck did we decide that was the only way to be a real man?
So these actors give off the appearance of being “intellectual”. So maybe they couldn’t take Steve McQueen or whoever in a fight. So maybe women prefer them because they’re soft and vulnerable instead of aggressively macho. So the fuck what? Isn’t that better than the “unoriginal macho energy” (Charles Bukowski by way of Mickey Rourke) that drives people to prove they can always win in a fight by starting them for no reason, either on a micro scale (bar fights) or a much larger scale (what is the Iraq War, after all, if not George W. Bush trying to prove he wasn’t a wimp like his father was perceived to be)? Isn’t that more tolerable than those who back away from even showing themselves to be the tiniest bit vulnerable let they be perceived as (horrors!) gay?
With the exception of Eisenberg who’s in his late twenties, these guys are kids, and primarily comedic actors. Comparing them to Steve McQueen and Bruce Willis isn’t apples and oranges, it’s apples and coffee tables.
I think a fairer comparison would be to the Brat Pack actors who were all taking their shot in the eighties. Guys like John Cusack started out in a similar sort of routine as Cera, et al, but through effort as well as the inevitable side benefit of aging, managed to move beyond it. And I don’t think Cusack would still be a viable leading man today if he hadn’t spent those teenage/early twenties years establishing his likeable dweeb persona. Cera, Baruchel and Eisenberg are in the same boat.
Also, if you’re a young comedic leading man, it’s the nature of the game that you’re going to be regurgitating your basic persona until you establish enough box-office clout to start taking risks. Venture too far afield too early and you’re Andrew McCarthy. Give the audience what it wants and expects until you’re sure you’ve generated enough goodwill to take some risks, and can be Tom Hanks.
Jeff’s thesis is completely wrong. No matter what the recent popularity of these dweebs may lead you to believe, in the real world, women still want men, real men. Take heed gentlemen.
I don’t know if Lipranzer’s post above means that he’s gay or not, but it clearly proves that he’s never met a black or Latino guy, like, ever.
Eisenberg: Jewish. Baruchel: half-Jewish, half-Catholic. Cera: not Jewish. FWIW.
These guys have been paired with or co-starred with, in movies:
Eisenberg: K-STEW, Anna Paquin, Christina Ricci, Emma Stone, Eva Amurri.
Michael Cera: Emma Stone, Kat Dennings, Ellen Page, Portia Doubleday, Mary Elizabeth Winstead.
Anton Yelchin: K-STEW, Amanda Seyfried, Kat Dennings, Mischa Barton.
Emile Hirsch: K-STEW, Elisha Cuthbert, Olivia Wilde, Jena Malone.
Jay Baruschel: Alice Eve, Kat Dennings, Emily Hampshire.
Justin Long: (shoot me now): Britney Spears, Gina Phillips, Anna Faris, Jordan Ladd, LINDSAY LOHAN, Agnes Bruckner, Blake Lively, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Allison Lohman, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Christina Ricci.
CAN YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF knowing all this?
It reminds me of the 70S SHOW heyday where Wilmer would go on Stern and talk about fucking ALL the pop starlets and hot young actresses, would tell Howard how good each one is in bed and which ones did anal and stuff like this… Again, I am recycling my eternal questions, but how can you NOT be enraged by such things? To a guy like Michael Cera or Wilmer Valderamma, they DO NOT KNOW ANY DIFFERENTLY.
From like AGE 10 you are just IN MOVIES and FAMOUS and have people cater to you, and when you start getting laid or dating chicks, it’s WITH THE MOST FAMOUS WOMEN in the world, AKA THE HOTTEST.
This is their life. My life is seeing which beer is on the Vons Club Card and trying to decide at my transcription job is Keylani Lei is saying “Oh, yes, make me come” or just some indistinct squealing.
I DEMAND that you all get angry about this INJUSTICE, and I demand that someone make me an actor.
As a guy in my late 30′s I can’t get too upset about actresses in their early twenties co-starring with actors in their early twenties. Although I suppose if it was still the fifties last-legs Bogart would have been co-starring with Amanda Seyfried and sexegenarian Spencer Tracy would have been carrying on a secret affair with Allison Lohman.
Jeffmc2000, NONSENSE.
NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER BACK DOWN. I don’t care if you’re *SEVENTY-SEVEN*, you should want to date 18-24 year-old women. I will never, EVER stop fantasizing about young actresses, I will never give up on my goal of sleeping with them and acting in movies with them. “Regular” women are not a fulfilling substitute for what it must feel like– I can only imagine– to date, have sex with, and paint the toenails of a YOUNG ACTRESS who is not only in the Screen Actors Guild but who is on MAGAZINE COVERS.
Almost better than having sex with such a woman, is the fact that THE ENTIRE WORLD WILL KNOW YOU ARE WITH THEM. Actually, THAT is better than sex. That power. The power to be FAMOUS and DATE FAMOUS WOMEN. Better than the actual sex, it is the MAIN THING I WANT in life, and thus I cannot believe guys like Eisenberg and Cera take their status for granted, the former to the point where instead of bagging one of his AWESOME distaff costars, he was actually dating that HIDEOUS, HORRIBLE, UNFUNNY Charlene Yi or whatever her name is.
If I was Michael Cera I’d call up the 42 hottest actresses in Young Hollywood and line them up oiled and nude and put my face in all their racks one after the other going blubbbulbblbbulbb like Jonah Hill when he’s tripping balls in the Greek trailers, and I’d camcorder it all and put it on the Internet and instruct ALL OTHER MEN ON THE PLANET to commit suicide or BOW in awesome inferiority to my POWER.
Lex – the Wilmer thing pissed me off at the time. The most annoying person on a really annoying show…
A GREAT show, but (obviously) I watched it for KUNIS POWER and my favorite male character was Kelso, aka, GOD.
I always liked Topher Grace on that show, but even Danny Masterson was more appealing than Wilmer Valderama.
I mean, shit, even Kurtwood Smith.
MASTERSON RULES.
Completely off-topic, where the hell is Straw Dogs? Box Office Mojo says it’s slated for Sept 2011?!? Didn’t Wells visit the set early last year?
Gordn- Kurtwood Smith OWNS ALL.
BITCHES LEAVE…
Lex – I’m randomly curious; do the stories that Patrick Stewart regularly scores young tail bother you too? Or do you think they’re correct in that one?
But does he get FAMOUS young tail?
It doesn’t count unless it’s a starlet.
Seriously, are you guys gonna stand for this?
How many movies have you made with KRISTEN STEWART?
I don’t know about you, but my answer is absolute ZERO.
It is ASTONISHING that some people are IN MOVIES as ACTORS, all because their Westside psycho stage moms had an in with a hack producer back in 1991, and they are LEGACIED IN FOR LIFE, yet a true talent like the LEXMASTER, personally trained by Crispin Glover’s old man, former member of a PRESTIGIOUS SHAKESPEARE TROUPE, 11 years of standup comedy under my belt, has NEVER HAD AN AUDITION, doesn’t even have a headshot, because I have to slave away for 50k typing out WORDS for a living because I moved here at 22 and didn’t grow up in LA with rich producer parents, and wasn’t in the biz from childhood.
So I live the life of LOSERDOM while Michael Cera, of all jackoff no-talent emo pussies, gets to be WORSHIPPED LIKE A DEITY in his day to day life.
I think of this every second of every day, and I’ve had it, but I honestly don’t know what else to do. No agent, no manager, no headshot, no “reel,” just extra work, unseen open mics, and one decent short film where look like a fat, bad, salami-skinned fat fuck which will probably never see the light of day, and I don’t even have a DVD copy of it to present as my reel.
I NEED A GODDAMN AGENT, I NEED A SAG CARD, and I should be in movies as the new Paul Giamati.
THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN, and if ANYONE here knows how to start a website called CASTLEXG.COM, I demand to know how such a thing works, and I don’t mean some cheap-jack bullshit like BLOGGER which looks like crayons and construction paper and cheap as all hell.
I want a real goddamn website devoted to PROMOTING ME AS AN ACTUAL ACTOR, not a web writer, not a movie geek, not a guy who does dumb doodle cartoons on YouTube, but a PROFESSIONAL ACTOR with LEGITIMATE REPRESENTATION.
It is fucking CRIMINAL that I can’t score so much as an audition in Los Angeles
Well we can take solace in the fact that “Wilmer” will probably never be heard from again, perhaps with the exception of a VH1 reality show.
That’s no “solace” or consolation. The man taxed THE ENTIRE 1999 LINEUP of IT GIRLS. For that he is immortal like the mighty Highlander.
You can’t undo that kind of achievement. You should show the proper respect, and AT LEAST Wilmer was a cool, good-looking dude, not some hoodie-wearing emo sissymary like fucking Michael Cera, that NO CHARISMA douchebag
Lex:
(a) I’m not gay.
(b) Maybe you try to tune me out (only fair, I guess, as I do the same with you), but I believe I have mentioned how many black people are customers at my store, and we also get a fair share of Latinos. Also, there’s a macho streak within those cultures as well, so I’m not quite sure what your point is.
(c) Grow the fuck up.
I’ve said it before here Lex, this wanting to be famous thing is your “In”. Don’t bother with stand-up, you’ve got enough material just from posting on this site for a one-man show. If you ever inherit some money, or luck into getting hit by a car and get a sweet insurance settlement, this would be a smart thing to spend the dough on.
Do you know who else is too much of a wimp to ever be a real movie star? This Woody Allen guy. HIs career is as dead as Cera’s.
And though it is awesome to think about McQueen in Close Encounters, it’s hard to imagine a woman leaving him just because he made a mess with the mashed potatoes.
Since Gogocrank covered the Jewish angle I’ll just point out that Cera and Baruchel are both Canadian.
Isn’t that what this is REALLY about, Jeff?
“No agent, no manager, no headshot, no “reel,” ”
Lex – you’ve been in LA for 15 some-odd years and you don’t have a reel?
I mean, it’s bad enough when you say “I expect somebody to make me a sophisticated website for no money, why doesn’t anybody want to do that?” but how can you literally have no reel to send around?
And no headshot?
Basically, you’re saying “I’m not remotely serious about being an actor, I don’t want to invest *anything* in it, and yet I find myself unable to promote myself for no money! I’ve tried nothing and I’m out of ideas!”
Whoa, whoa, hey, you need to check that Lex-hate at the door and remember who’s HMFIC around here. I like this Gordn guy but what is with the sudden wholesale lack of respect after countless months of good-spirited bonhommie? I’ve made my life story perfectly Transparent in the words of the esteemed president, but once more for the cheap seats, Gordon.
I have primarily been a comic and stage actor, doing two-horse plays and shitty open mics. And extra work, which you can’t put on a reel or resume. I had a lead in a 20-minute short early this year, but a DVD of it is not readily available yet. The director offered to make some clips for a potential “reel,” but really, what’s the point of a REEL that’s one fucking part?
I don’t have current headshots because I never know what to do with my hair. Which is the worst hair on the planet.
Basically ask anyone who knows me, they’ll tell you I can perform and I’m dead serious about acting, but in terms of PROMOTION: Well, I’m not a guy with a hooky “look” that’s going to be conveyed in a flimsy still picture. And my hair needs a transplant or a rug, so that’s another strike… I can’t appear on camera looking as I currently do. I basically need to act in a movie where I wear a proper hairpiece so I can use THAT as my reel.
The old CATCH 22 stands. Oh, and I don’t have a reel or extensive list of credits, because rent is 1,500 a month, as well as 3,000 a month in bills and loans, so if I don’t make 60k a year, I’m on the streets. So I have to work a day job 60-90 hours a week, seven days a week, NEVER a day off. I don’t have time to do trivial acting until I get cast in something that pays 60k or more so I can quit my job for the year.
Can anyone imagine the beautiful peace that Lex will find when he realizes it’s okay not to be famous and moves to the Midwest or maybe PacNW?
Lex, I’ve always enjoyed you and your writings around these parts, but with all due respect, enough with your goddamned pity party.
This is like the 8th thread I’ve read where you go on about how ugly you are and how K-Stew won’t fuck you because you’re not a famous actor and how that’s everyone else’s fault but your own.
Frankly, all I see are excuses. Yes, you have debt and you have to work all the time. Guess what? So do the rest of us. There are far less talented people out there with far more responsibilities and debt than you who are finding the time to do these things.
You say you do stand up? Why don’t you write yourself something funny? Funny always trumps ugly, anyway, that’s why Knocked Up worked so well.
No time? Fucking make the time. Again, it’s all just excuses while doing nothing to better the situation. Shit or get off the pot.
Aren’t you an editor? You can cut that short yourself. Then you know what, you have a reel.
Don’t like your hair for headshots? Shave it all off. Hollywood make-up departments have wigs now, and can make you look like anybody.
I’ve seen countless people on these boards extend a helping hand, but all you do is whine about things and how you can’t do things and you do nothing but hijack threads about dweeby lead actors and talk about yourself. You won’t even go so far as to make a blog for yourself. And they give those to anybody for free.
And last time I checked, your name isn’t Jeff Wells. Don’t go swinging your dick around the man’s playground like that and expect everyone to bow down before you, especially when you display your lack of confidence for all to see. You’re just like the rest of us: anonymous whiners. And Don Murphy.
Now, having gotten the vitriol out of the way, and to show that I’m not attacking you and I do indeed respect you, here’s a link to a K-Stew panty flash in case you haven’t seen it.
http://thesuperficial.com/2010/06/kristen_stewart_being_famous_i.php
>Did you ever think life has just passed you by?
If “life” is defined as “banging gorgeous starlets,” I guess so. On the upside, you can still listen to Mozart and fly through the air at 600+ miles per hour, which Socrates and Da Vinci never got to do.
Winchester,
Wow, man. No need to be a jerk.
“I like this Gordn guy but what is with the sudden wholesale lack of respect after countless months of good-spirited bonhommie?”
No disrespect intended; think of it as a friendly kick-in-the-ass for somebody I think should be doing more with themselves.
Frankly (again, from a friend), your talk about not having a headshot and reel sounds like DZ’s logic about why he doesn’t have a job.
I’m sorry Lex.
It’s been an emotional day, and I didn’t mean to take it out on you like that. (I genuinely thought you would appreciate the panty shot if you didn’t see it, there was no mocking or derision there).
While Gordn states he wanted to give you “a friendly kick-in-the-ass for somebody I think should be doing more with themselves,” I was hoping for a more “Scared Straight” approach. There’s nothing worse than wasted talent, and I guess something kinda snapped when I read your posts on the subject.
Again, I acted unlike myself and I apologize. Can we put this behind us, while I will stick to witty non sequiters?
Dug the panty shot, but what was with K-Stew’s shoes? Also hurt my feelings that a lot of the commenters on that link seem to really dislike her, which I find UNIMAGINABLE.
Harping on her apparent “bad attitude” (it’s called not suffering fools and being EARNEST) and her alleged big ears (ie, BEST EARS EVER, especially when she ties her hair back).
Sorry I repeat myself so much, though for the dozen or so guys who hit refresh all day and are sick of hearing, surely there are dozens more casual readers who are ENJOYING IT ANEW.
Just gets me down that even if I DID get into SAG, I’d be playing like molestor parts on CSI instead of Michael Cera type roles opposite all the wispy, nonthreatening young women I pine for.
Instead of K-Stew if I was lead in a movie the female equivalent would be Stan White’s asexual shrew of a grandma wife in YEAR OF THE DRAGON, before The Mick starts taxing that INCREDIBLE Chinese chick.
Lex – I had to rush through that post a bit quick and didn’t have a chance to really respond much, so allow me a few more lines here…
“I’ve made my life story perfectly Transparent”
I’ve read plenty of your posts but obviously I missed a few, because I never heard anything about having no reel and no headshot.
Listen, what you’re doing in the world is already 99% luck, granted. But, if you’re trying to “make it” as an actor and you don’t have a headshot, that means that your plan is roughly: “I’m going to not only win the lottery, but I’m going to find a ticket on the ground.”
That said, it’s incredibly impressive that you managed to get a lead in a student film with no headshot, and certainly suggests talent.
“And extra work, which you can’t put on a reel or resume.”
That’s simply not true. Ask the guy who directed your student short to look at the resumes on the back of headshots. They don’t always use the word “extra”, but there’s an accepted euphemism for it.
“what’s the point of a REEL that’s one fucking part?”
You know, I could argue “How do you have only one part to put on your reel?”, but that’s beside the point. I’ll tell you the truth — your reel isn’t actually going to get you any work at all. Anybody who might watch it is already going to be leaning pretty heavily towards you, sure. But I’m reminded of something my aunt told me about college. Very few people in the job market are going to care what school you went to [the exception being the coincidence of going to the same school as your interviewer], and nobody’s going to care what your GPA was. But they’re gonna want to know that you graduated. That’s what the reel is — it’s a shorthand sign for casting people that you’re actually serious.
“I don’t have current headshots because I never know what to do with my hair.”
There is ABSOLUTELY NO VALID EXCUSE for an actor trying to get work to not have a headshot, period. Now, i’m not saying you should pay hundreds of dollars and get glossy stuff and all that, but I’ve seen plenty of interesting and original headshots. Take a picture, make a photocopy of it, and make a joke. You’re trying to get the attention of people who can cast you, it’s just not viable to do so with the “No Image Available” picture from Facebook.
“And my hair needs a transplant or a rug, so that’s another strike… I can’t appear on camera looking as I currently do.”
Dude, let’s try and be objective and leave self-pity out of this. Any actor who is currently bald or balding in Hollywood has always been bald or balding since their first role. The only people who need hair transplants to get work are people who have already gotten work when they had a full head of hair. Richard Jenkins was bald before he ever appeared on a single frame of film. Gandolfini’s had the same “receding” hairline since pre-’True Romance’. But Ted Danson needs to keep up appearances, because he was so young when he started.
“So I have to work a day job 60-90 hours a week, seven days a week, NEVER a day off.”
Okay, I don’t know if you have roommates or you could find a place to crash or any of that. I obviously don’t have the *specific* answer to your problems, and I’m not going to pretend I do. I’m not going to advise blithely “Find a job that you can work around,” in spite of knowing that there’s a whole buttload of actors who manage to do so in L.A., many of whom have loans and cars and apartments to pay for too.
But I do have a serious question: What *is* your plan to get more work as an actor? I mean, are you pushing for more 90 hour work weeks so that you can set aside the money to take a month off (let alone a few) to get acting work? Are you looking for a job that will allow you to work less hours for the same money?
I mean, you come on here complaining that you don’t have a website. I can tell you from my immediate recent personal experience, you’ll pay under $50 for a year [don't worry about traffic being higher than that to start], and my friend who’s even less technically minded than me has managed to figure out Dreamweaver [I believe he paid for it but, shit, torrent it]. Or find a friend who does webwork and paint his fence. But that’s not even my point — if you don’t have a headshot and you don’t have a reel, what is going to be on your website?
Serious advice: Try to answer a few of these questions honestly, even if you don’t do it here. Break down your goals into subgoals. Try to tackle a few of the more acheivable ones first, and you’ll find that your cripplingly low self-esteem is on the rise.
And, for the record, remember that you did, within the past few weeks, ask why nobody ever talked to you like this.
Also, for what it’s worth, I once got an extra job with a headshot I drew with a crayon. Spielberg flick, no less. True story.
Thank you, gogocrank10, although I do have to correct you – it turns out Jay Baruchel is actually just a quarter Jewish, not half.
But facts don’t matter to these people. They have a view of the world where everything nerdy and ugly is “Jewish”, and vice versa. So Eisenberg, Baruchel, and Cera are “Jewish” regardless of facts, and good looking non-nerdish Jewish actors are mysteriously “not Jewish” (call it an unwilling internet conversion to Christianity). Based on Wells’ previous comments, he appears to share this view, so it’s almost useless to try and talk sense intro him. These people, whether Jewish or not themselves, never, ever listen to reason or facts.
Jesse Eisenberg was the perfect pick for the Jewish boy’s role in ‘The Rollers’ but I found the state of transition in the movie a bit odd, something missing perhaps. He looked more naive, aggressive and shy but the way he delivered the criminal role was also near to flawless. Learned a lot about the Jewish community from the movie.
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