Doc, Grumpy, Happy & Bashful

My initial thought was to avoid Eclipse altogether, considering the awful time I had with New Moon last November. But with four sources — Variety‘s Peter Debruge, the Hollywood Reporter‘s Kirk Honeycutt, EW‘s Nicole Sperling and Lynette Rice and Indiewire‘s Anne Thompson — claiming it’s the best Twilight pic yet, I’ve decided to catch tonight’s all-media.

The reason for the uptick, they’re all saying, is director David Slade. I was down with Slade’s Hard Candy but not so much 30 Days of Night .

I’m most impressed by Honeycutt’s praise considering the fact — I need to put this delicately — that he can be a bit of a grump at times. (Like someone else I could name.) I’m figuring if a half-grumpy guy says a popcorn franchise flick like this is okay, you can half-trust him. But you can’t trust positive-minded people who smile and laugh and hug their friends and always say the glass is half-full. I’ll trust happy-face people when it comes to smaller films, the theory being that if a person with a relentlessly sunny attitude likes something that’s edgy or thoughtful or darkly trippy then it might have that open-window element that draws people in.

“While Catherine Hardwicke did a strong job establishing the franchise, Slade is by far the best director,” Thompson says. “And the story of Eclipse, adapted per usual by Melissa Rosenberg, is far more satisfying and well-structured than New Moon, [and] the central love triangle, as both men press their suits with Bella, is front and center. All three actors are comfortable with their characters, and Slade finds the right balance of action and romance; the story feels organic.”

The one “uh-oh” is Honeycutt’s line that “the CG wolves, huge creatures whose ferocity fails to mask their tenderness, are very cool.” That’s an ixnay, I’m afraid, if they’re the same size as the New Moon wolves. Those were the silliest-looking beasts I’ve ever seen in a supernatural fantasy film, bar none. And what does Honeycutt mean about “tenderness”? Wolves can’t be tender except to their own young.

Like a Gatling gun, the names of the Seven Dwarfs: Sleepy, Grumpy, Doc, Wheezy, Snoopy, Sleazy, Happy, Dopey, Bashful…wait, that’s nine.

100 thoughts on “Doc, Grumpy, Happy & Bashful

  1. Hard Candy was good. I’ve only seen 30 Days of Night in the background when it was on cable and I was doing laundry, but there was one particular shot that showed an aerial view of the town as the vampire-things went crazy and killed a bunch of people. It was very cool.

  2. Hard Candy was good. I’ve only seen 30 Days of Night in the background when it was on cable and I was doing laundry, but there was one particular shot that showed an aerial view of the town as the vampire-things went crazy and killed a bunch of people. It was very cool.

  3. Fuck, now I may have to see this. I thought 30 DAYS was good fun, and loathed HARD CANDY, but my problems with HC were about the lousy script – the direction was pretty good.

  4. Fuck, now I may have to see this. I thought 30 DAYS was good fun, and loathed HARD CANDY, but my problems with HC were about the lousy script – the direction was pretty good.

  5. 30 Days of Night was a film I was really hoping to like, and ended up disappointed. Mostly I think it was the script. The direction and sets were aces. Josh Hartnett in the lead was probably the biggest drawback, as he has zero charisma. Danny Huston was pretty awesome.

  6. 30 Days of Night was a film I was really hoping to like, and ended up disappointed. Mostly I think it was the script. The direction and sets were aces. Josh Hartnett in the lead was probably the biggest drawback, as he has zero charisma. Danny Huston was pretty awesome.

  7. Can Kristen Stewart either put down the weed for two seconds or take a good nap? What is up with this [deleted] always looking like she’s been up for the past two weeks doing tons of drugs, or looking like she just sparked a bowl before the photo shoot?

    OPEN YOUR EYES Kristen!

    Wells warning/comment: There’s no need to get ugly or belligerent in discussing a likable actress who has hurt no one. Those who can’t restrain themselves in terms of showing evenhandedness, decency and a modicum of respect are not welcome around here. I won’t host this kind of trash-talking.

  8. Can Kristen Stewart either put down the weed for two seconds or take a good nap? What is up with this [deleted] always looking like she’s been up for the past two weeks doing tons of drugs, or looking like she just sparked a bowl before the photo shoot?

    OPEN YOUR EYES Kristen!

    Wells warning/comment: There’s no need to get ugly or belligerent in discussing a likable actress who has hurt no one. Those who can’t restrain themselves in terms of showing evenhandedness, decency and a modicum of respect are not welcome around here. I won’t host this kind of trash-talking.

  9. Isn’t saying “Eclipse is the best Twilight film” a little like saying Blue Raspberry is the best flavor of Sour Patch Kids?

  10. Isn’t saying “Eclipse is the best Twilight film” a little like saying Blue Raspberry is the best flavor of Sour Patch Kids?

  11. Nice to know that in addition to our deaf reader (DBTP), we also have a blind one (Thunderballs). Enjoying that braille keyboard, u silly mutha…?

  12. Nice to know that in addition to our deaf reader (DBTP), we also have a blind one (Thunderballs). Enjoying that braille keyboard, u silly mutha…?

  13. Isn’t this kind of the standard-reaction to the “okay, it’s not going away” installment in a series known for sucking, i.e. everyone has kind of processed that the story is going to be awful, that Pattinson can’t act, etc. so they just let that be and focus on the production or whatever?

    If so, it’d be ironic – “Eclipse” the book (don’t give me that look, it was a blogging project) is easily the worst of the (overall awful) series – it has no reason to exist other than to rehash the love-triangle stuff that was already settled by the end of the 2nd one and for an extended action sequence that read like Dragonball fan-fiction.

    On the other hand… Slade has action chops like almost no one I’ve seen coming out of the US indie-horror scene in years, especially in that (praise the gods!) he seems to like tripods, long-takes, medium-shots and choreography. If nothing else, it’ll look good.

  14. Isn’t this kind of the standard-reaction to the “okay, it’s not going away” installment in a series known for sucking, i.e. everyone has kind of processed that the story is going to be awful, that Pattinson can’t act, etc. so they just let that be and focus on the production or whatever?

    If so, it’d be ironic – “Eclipse” the book (don’t give me that look, it was a blogging project) is easily the worst of the (overall awful) series – it has no reason to exist other than to rehash the love-triangle stuff that was already settled by the end of the 2nd one and for an extended action sequence that read like Dragonball fan-fiction.

    On the other hand… Slade has action chops like almost no one I’ve seen coming out of the US indie-horror scene in years, especially in that (praise the gods!) he seems to like tripods, long-takes, medium-shots and choreography. If nothing else, it’ll look good.

  15. That overhead shot of the vampires attacking the town in 30 Days of Night was pretty spectacular. The script was the problem on that picture, alongside the “Ben Foster Effect”

  16. That overhead shot of the vampires attacking the town in 30 Days of Night was pretty spectacular. The script was the problem on that picture, alongside the “Ben Foster Effect”

  17. Are there Blue Raspberry Sour Patch Kids?

    I have the chance to watch Eclipse tonight, but I’d rather tied up by eight Pygmy virgins and whipped to death with the severed testicles of what was once my traveling party.

  18. Are there Blue Raspberry Sour Patch Kids?

    I have the chance to watch Eclipse tonight, but I’d rather tied up by eight Pygmy virgins and whipped to death with the severed testicles of what was once my traveling party.

  19. “The script was the problem on that picture, alongside the “Ben Foster Effect”"

    Foster is an incredible ham. Alongside 30 Days, he also nearly ruined 3:10 to Yuma and Alpha Dog with his ludicrous performances.

  20. “The script was the problem on that picture, alongside the “Ben Foster Effect”"

    Foster is an incredible ham. Alongside 30 Days, he also nearly ruined 3:10 to Yuma and Alpha Dog with his ludicrous performances.

  21. Is it necessary for you to refer to her as a “bitch” Thunderballs? Or is that just a regular part of your vernacular, speaking like a 15 year old boy?

  22. Is it necessary for you to refer to her as a “bitch” Thunderballs? Or is that just a regular part of your vernacular, speaking like a 15 year old boy?

  23. How many more times will EW put TWILIGHT on the cover between now and the release of BREAKING DAWN PART II or whatever the last movie is called? I’m putting the over/under on 25.

  24. How many more times will EW put TWILIGHT on the cover between now and the release of BREAKING DAWN PART II or whatever the last movie is called? I’m putting the over/under on 25.

  25. It would not be difficult to make the best film so far in the Twilight series. A film about molding cheese would be dramatically and intellectually more stimulating than anything yet seen in any of the films.

    Not sure I agree with the werewolves being the worst CGI creatures ever. You saw Van Helsing, right??

  26. It would not be difficult to make the best film so far in the Twilight series. A film about molding cheese would be dramatically and intellectually more stimulating than anything yet seen in any of the films.

    Not sure I agree with the werewolves being the worst CGI creatures ever. You saw Van Helsing, right??

  27. The best Twilight movie so far? That’s sure an unintentional bit of damning with faint praise.

    Listing the Seven (Nine?) Dwarfs must be a set up for the California Split posting. But what’s it got to do with this posting?

  28. The best Twilight movie so far? That’s sure an unintentional bit of damning with faint praise.

    Listing the Seven (Nine?) Dwarfs must be a set up for the California Split posting. But what’s it got to do with this posting?

  29. what’s wrong with stewart smoking pot if she wants? i could think of about 10,000 other things that’d be a helluva lot worse that smoking some weed. i’d get stony with her.

    “It would not be difficult to make the best film so far in the Twilight series. A film about molding cheese would be dramatically and intellectually more stimulating than anything yet seen in any of the films.”

    spot on, ray.

  30. what’s wrong with stewart smoking pot if she wants? i could think of about 10,000 other things that’d be a helluva lot worse that smoking some weed. i’d get stony with her.

    “It would not be difficult to make the best film so far in the Twilight series. A film about molding cheese would be dramatically and intellectually more stimulating than anything yet seen in any of the films.”

    spot on, ray.

  31. oh, and david slade’s direction of hard candy was oscar worthy. i’m being totally serious. brilliant direction in that film.

  32. oh, and david slade’s direction of hard candy was oscar worthy. i’m being totally serious. brilliant direction in that film.

  33. @actionman – I agree with you about Slade’s direction on Hard Candy. Bummer that third act was so bad that it virtually ruined all of his terrific work.

  34. @actionman – I agree with you about Slade’s direction on Hard Candy. Bummer that third act was so bad that it virtually ruined all of his terrific work.

  35. Just a heads-up, guys:

    LexG just emailed me and wanted to let you know that he can’t post on this thread because he is too busy furiously masturbating to the mag cover. He’s on a bender and it will take some time to recover from it. Sends his love, though.

  36. Just a heads-up, guys:

    LexG just emailed me and wanted to let you know that he can’t post on this thread because he is too busy furiously masturbating to the mag cover. He’s on a bender and it will take some time to recover from it. Sends his love, though.

  37. Does anyone know a place that could make a poster-sized version of this cover?

    Or, better yet, make a pillowcase out of it?

    Thanks.

    Look. At. Her.

    (Also, HUGE “Hard Candy” fan. Was riveted from first frame until… well, until Sandra Oh showed up during the horrible last 5 minutes, but until then, what a movie. PAGE POWER.)

  38. Does anyone know a place that could make a poster-sized version of this cover?

    Or, better yet, make a pillowcase out of it?

    Thanks.

    Look. At. Her.

    (Also, HUGE “Hard Candy” fan. Was riveted from first frame until… well, until Sandra Oh showed up during the horrible last 5 minutes, but until then, what a movie. PAGE POWER.)

  39. scott: As many times as it takes to save them from the demise of print journalism.

    dangovich: Hopefully, not enough to beat Alice, but you never know.

  40. scott: As many times as it takes to save them from the demise of print journalism.

    dangovich: Hopefully, not enough to beat Alice, but you never know.

  41. “Isn’t saying “Eclipse is the best Twilight film” a little like saying Blue Raspberry is the best flavor of Sour Patch Kids?”

    “It would not be difficult to make the best film so far in the Twilight series. A film about molding cheese would be dramatically and intellectually more stimulating than anything yet seen in any of the films.”

    “The best Twilight movie so far? That’s sure an unintentional bit of damning with faint praise.”

    “Saying this is the best Twilight isn’t saying much considering how awful the first two were.

    A gag so funny it was repeated four times in the same thread!

  42. “Isn’t saying “Eclipse is the best Twilight film” a little like saying Blue Raspberry is the best flavor of Sour Patch Kids?”

    “It would not be difficult to make the best film so far in the Twilight series. A film about molding cheese would be dramatically and intellectually more stimulating than anything yet seen in any of the films.”

    “The best Twilight movie so far? That’s sure an unintentional bit of damning with faint praise.”

    “Saying this is the best Twilight isn’t saying much considering how awful the first two were.

    A gag so funny it was repeated four times in the same thread!

  43. I haven’t seen either of the previous Twilight films but this one is getting good reviews from Variety and THR. Ever so slightly intrigued.

  44. I haven’t seen either of the previous Twilight films but this one is getting good reviews from Variety and THR. Ever so slightly intrigued.

  45. Citizen, THANK YOU for the heads-up!!! Seriously, I usually check the late-night listings anyway and watch whoever has the hottest female guest, but had no idea KRISTEN was going to be on. Figured she’d never do the show again after Dave’s RUTHLESS, despicable condescension last time she was on.

    Also: KILBY’S BACK tonight too!!!

  46. Citizen, THANK YOU for the heads-up!!! Seriously, I usually check the late-night listings anyway and watch whoever has the hottest female guest, but had no idea KRISTEN was going to be on. Figured she’d never do the show again after Dave’s RUTHLESS, despicable condescension last time she was on.

    Also: KILBY’S BACK tonight too!!!

  47. And who the fuck are you, Bukoski? (what an edgy name!.. I get it! I get it!)

    Go back to sucking my nutsack, shitheel.

  48. And who the fuck are you, Bukoski? (what an edgy name!.. I get it! I get it!)

    Go back to sucking my nutsack, shitheel.

  49. “And who the fuck are you, Bukoski? (what an edgy name!.. I get it! I get it!)”

    Edgy? Naming myself after an author that has been dead for 15 years is an attempt at edgy? You must live a really boring life.

    “Go back to sucking my nutsack, shitheel.”

    So you’re into that? Never took you for being gay. Surprised your political party will have you.

    I’m with your sister at the moment. I’ll send you a text when I finish.

  50. “And who the fuck are you, Bukoski? (what an edgy name!.. I get it! I get it!)”

    Edgy? Naming myself after an author that has been dead for 15 years is an attempt at edgy? You must live a really boring life.

    “Go back to sucking my nutsack, shitheel.”

    So you’re into that? Never took you for being gay. Surprised your political party will have you.

    I’m with your sister at the moment. I’ll send you a text when I finish.

  51. OMG. Just saw a clip of tonight’s Letterman appearance and she has new reddish hair, slightly shorter but SO HOT. Like, hot as she’s EVER been.

    You will all watch, and post your feelings. Plus she seems to come equipped with ANECDOTES, funny stories (ABOUT WOLVES), and cute pictures of herself with said wolves.

    And Letterman seems much nicer this time.

  52. OMG. Just saw a clip of tonight’s Letterman appearance and she has new reddish hair, slightly shorter but SO HOT. Like, hot as she’s EVER been.

    You will all watch, and post your feelings. Plus she seems to come equipped with ANECDOTES, funny stories (ABOUT WOLVES), and cute pictures of herself with said wolves.

    And Letterman seems much nicer this time.

  53. Dangovich,

    Where did you get those figures from?

    I only know about boxofficemojo and they have Twilight 1 at 393 million.

  54. Dangovich,

    Where did you get those figures from?

    I only know about boxofficemojo and they have Twilight 1 at 393 million.

  55. Don’t get the praise for this one. Slade directs with his usual, visually slick style (and an apparent love of closeup), but the film delivers the same narrative loop as New Moon- talking about emotion and mushy conflict and straining at trying to convey INTENSE emotion with clenched jaws and furrowed brows. The action– all 10-15 combined minutes of it– is well done and some of the VFX seams have been tightened up a bit, but Eclipse exists as 85-90% more of the same.

    The best of the Twilight Series? Nah. With its strengths and weaknesses conversely offset by the previous entries, it’s simply, plainly on par with the rest of the Twilight series.

  56. Don’t get the praise for this one. Slade directs with his usual, visually slick style (and an apparent love of closeup), but the film delivers the same narrative loop as New Moon- talking about emotion and mushy conflict and straining at trying to convey INTENSE emotion with clenched jaws and furrowed brows. The action– all 10-15 combined minutes of it– is well done and some of the VFX seams have been tightened up a bit, but Eclipse exists as 85-90% more of the same.

    The best of the Twilight Series? Nah. With its strengths and weaknesses conversely offset by the previous entries, it’s simply, plainly on par with the rest of the Twilight series.

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