Lack of Discernment
At first I thought the Twi-hard thing was just another dumb-squealy-girl phenomenon, but then I saw Catherine Hardwicke‘s original 2008 film and went, “Okay, I get it…there’s something happening here with the film, which is pretty good, but also with Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson and the whole I-love-you-so-much-we-can’t-have-sex thing — a very clever packaging of conservative values.
The abstinence thing wasn’t about Mormonism or conservatism per se, but about how the current between a couple can feel much more powerful and transporting before sex — not just to hesitant younger women but anyone of any age. As Carly Simon noted many years ago, anticipation is almost more erotic than the act itself.
“I think it’s fair to call Twilight the most effective covert-conservative-values movie to be released since Four Months, Three Weeks and Two Days,” I wrote on 11.23.08. “Because it makes sexual abstinence seem like a fairly hot, pure-of-spirit state of being. And I say this as something of a lifelong libertine.”
But then Summit and Hardwicke parted ways, of course, and along came Chris Weitz‘s Twilight: New Moon a year later, and quality-wise the whole thing went into the crapper.
On 11.20.09 I wrote that “New Moon will obviously make financial history this weekend but it’s a total zombie franchise now — it walks and morphs and vacuums up revenue and makes teenage girls swoon, but it’s made of dead gray tissue and huge, stupid-looking, dinosaur-size cartoon wolves. It’s been smothered by Rob Friedman and Chris Weitz and all the other Summit bottom-liners who didn’t understand what they had. They’re be rolling in dough Monday morning, but they’ve totally killed the goose.”
Did the Twi-harders care about the franchise being degraded by hacks? Apparently not. Apparently they couldn’t tell the difference between Weitz’s film and Hardwicke’s.
And then it started to dawn on some observers that Pattinson isn’t that terrific an actor (especially after his work in New Moon, which he was stiff and lifeless in, and Remember Me ) and that the Twilight franchise was starting to droop along with him. Were Twi-harders in any way dissuaded? Did they think any less of him? Of course not.
That girl at :13: “You only live once, so why not come out here and do this.”
Me: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”
That girl at :13: “You only live once, so why not come out here and do this.”
Me: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”
I haven’t seen either of the movies, but there’s a scene in the trailer for New Moon where the vampire and the werewolf are about to go at it, and K-Stew jumps in between them. Behind her, Pattinson goes into a pose so exaggerated even Bela Lugosi at the height of his Ed Wood phase wouldn’t go there.
Every time I see that pose, I laugh out loud (sorry, Jeffrey).
I haven’t seen either of the movies, but there’s a scene in the trailer for New Moon where the vampire and the werewolf are about to go at it, and K-Stew jumps in between them. Behind her, Pattinson goes into a pose so exaggerated even Bela Lugosi at the height of his Ed Wood phase wouldn’t go there.
Every time I see that pose, I laugh out loud (sorry, Jeffrey).
Chick at :15.
Yeah, I’m thinking Pattinson’s gonna not propose.
Chick at :15.
Yeah, I’m thinking Pattinson’s gonna not propose.
The fat “future wife of R-Patz” should look in the mirror a bit longer and wonder wether life still any sense left for her.
The fat “future wife of R-Patz” should look in the mirror a bit longer and wonder wether life still any sense left for her.
You need to re-phrase and re-post, Spuij….sorry.
You need to re-phrase and re-post, Spuij….sorry.
I meant to say that the girl who wants to propose Pattinson should look in the mirror and wonder if life really is meant for her. In other words: I dislike her.
I meant to say that the girl who wants to propose Pattinson should look in the mirror and wonder if life really is meant for her. In other words: I dislike her.
As grotesque as that woman is, there’s always a man out there desperate enough to want her. Probably after a lot of disco liquid, but still. Whereas a fat chubby Star Wars nerd will likely never embrace a lady.
As grotesque as that woman is, there’s always a man out there desperate enough to want her. Probably after a lot of disco liquid, but still. Whereas a fat chubby Star Wars nerd will likely never embrace a lady.
‘Twilight’. What’s it for?
‘Twilight’. What’s it for?
Rich S – LOL yeah I remember seeing that pose. Hilarious stuff. You can’t ever do a Twilight parody, because it couldn’t be any funnier than just watching the actual films.
Rich S – LOL yeah I remember seeing that pose. Hilarious stuff. You can’t ever do a Twilight parody, because it couldn’t be any funnier than just watching the actual films.
While the abstinence issue is interesting, could we just not discuss these movies and pretend they don’t exist? You know, for the benefit of western civilization?
While the abstinence issue is interesting, could we just not discuss these movies and pretend they don’t exist? You know, for the benefit of western civilization?
Jeff’s got this right – the first film was near great – def rewatchable. Second film abysmal. I get that Catherine Hardwicke might be a pain to work with, but why replace her with someone so inept? 3rd film can’t be worse than 2nd but prob won’t be good as 1st, though I’ll be there on opening weekend just for Stewart.
Jeff’s got this right – the first film was near great – def rewatchable. Second film abysmal. I get that Catherine Hardwicke might be a pain to work with, but why replace her with someone so inept? 3rd film can’t be worse than 2nd but prob won’t be good as 1st, though I’ll be there on opening weekend just for Stewart.
Sorry, but the first one was far from great – and was more than enough of a deterrent to keep me away from any subsequent releases.
Sorry, but the first one was far from great – and was more than enough of a deterrent to keep me away from any subsequent releases.
I find a few things make me more wary about someone’s taste in film than pronouncing a liking for one or both of the movies. I saw the first last fall. That was more than enough for me.
This video is awesomely scary though. Glad they’re passionate, but let’s hope the break from reality is only temporary.
I find a few things make me more wary about someone’s taste in film than pronouncing a liking for one or both of the movies. I saw the first last fall. That was more than enough for me.
This video is awesomely scary though. Glad they’re passionate, but let’s hope the break from reality is only temporary.
I pity everyone here who’s actually seen any of those films. Except for professional reason. Eg. being a journalist.
Eloi Wrath: Lex Groupie.
‘Twilight’. What’s it for?
There’s really not that great a difference between Twilight 1 and 2. The first was maybe a bit cooler to look at – more interesting photography and didn’t have the stupid CGI. But it was still the same stuff. The second had that one good bit, too – the chase through the forest with the Thom Yorke song in the background.
They’re not as terrible and inept as some of you would like to make out. I’m sure if it came to women’s films, I’d far rather sit through a Twilight than a Sex & The City or even a Proposal. They’re just forgettable trash for girls.
The people who really aggressively rage against them – like Nick Nunziata – are pathetic, really. The amount of fanboy trash they give a free pass to, you’d think they’d either ignore this or just let it go.
There’s really not that great a difference between Twilight 1 and 2. The first was maybe a bit cooler to look at – more interesting photography and didn’t have the stupid CGI. But it was still the same stuff. The second had that one good bit, too – the chase through the forest with the Thom Yorke song in the background.
They’re not as terrible and inept as some of you would like to make out. I’m sure if it came to women’s films, I’d far rather sit through a Twilight than a Sex & The City or even a Proposal. They’re just forgettable trash for girls.
The people who really aggressively rage against them – like Nick Nunziata – are pathetic, really. The amount of fanboy trash they give a free pass to, you’d think they’d either ignore this or just let it go.
… And I think Jeff’s opinion changed so dramatically between the first movie and second because of the pop culture avalanche that followed. It’s like people who watched Jersey Shore and loved it, but now can’t stand the sight of them on chat shows and gossip blogs, etc. Jeff’s change of heart likely has less to do with a perceived drop-off in quality between Hardwicke’s film and Weitz’s, and more to do with overexposure and slight embarrassment that he liked the first one.
… And I think Jeff’s opinion changed so dramatically between the first movie and second because of the pop culture avalanche that followed. It’s like people who watched Jersey Shore and loved it, but now can’t stand the sight of them on chat shows and gossip blogs, etc. Jeff’s change of heart likely has less to do with a perceived drop-off in quality between Hardwicke’s film and Weitz’s, and more to do with overexposure and slight embarrassment that he liked the first one.
Where’s Triumph the Insult Comic Dog when you need him?
I know, right??? It’s killing me that Conan isn’t on the air right now. Not so much because I miss him (although I do…late-night tv really needs him), but because an event such as this would be an absolutely perfect female-geek answer to that classic Triumph ripping nerds outside the Attack of the Clones line back in 2002.
I know, right??? It’s killing me that Conan isn’t on the air right now. Not so much because I miss him (although I do…late-night tv really needs him), but because an event such as this would be an absolutely perfect female-geek answer to that classic Triumph ripping nerds outside the Attack of the Clones line back in 2002.
Isn’t Triumph owned by NBC or something? I’m not sure Conan will even be able to use him when he does get on TBS. He’s been banned from using the masturbating bear.
Isn’t Triumph owned by NBC or something? I’m not sure Conan will even be able to use him when he does get on TBS. He’s been banned from using the masturbating bear.
Lex, these are the kind of chicks you can score with. You can bond with them over appreciation of K-Stew!
Eloi — It’s unclear to me, and from what I can gather, anybody else. From a legal standpoint, it’s extremely tricky, as the rights to the actual character seemed to belong to comedian Robert Smigel (of TV Funhouse “fame”), but it seems like this may or may not have been one of the rights waved during the negotiations of that huge buyout NBC gave Conan.
But Triumph has been appearing on pre-recorded bits during Conan’s North American comedy tour, so unless Team Coco was violating a term of their deal there — it doesn’t seem to be a 100% binding thing.
Perhaps the routine just can’t be performed on another competing late night television program, or maybe just if it airs on one of the “Big 4″ networks, or possibly a certain amount of time must elapse (kind of like Conan couldn’t go back on the air anywhere until September).
Whatever the case may be, I’m sure it’s all there in no uncertain terms (NBC are absolute hawks notorious for their intellectual material…ever see any of their content posted on YouTube for more than an hour?) typed in small print on the contracts at the front of damn near every slimy NBC bigwig lawyer’s filing cabinet.
Eloi — It’s unclear to me, and from what I can gather, anybody else. From a legal standpoint, it’s extremely tricky, as the rights to the actual character seemed to belong to comedian Robert Smigel (of TV Funhouse “fame”), but it seems like this may or may not have been one of the rights waved during the negotiations of that huge buyout NBC gave Conan.
But Triumph has been appearing on pre-recorded bits during Conan’s North American comedy tour, so unless Team Coco was violating a term of their deal there — it doesn’t seem to be a 100% binding thing.
Perhaps the routine just can’t be performed on another competing late night television program, or maybe just if it airs on one of the “Big 4″ networks, or possibly a certain amount of time must elapse (kind of like Conan couldn’t go back on the air anywhere until September).
Whatever the case may be, I’m sure it’s all there in no uncertain terms (NBC are absolute hawks notorious for their intellectual material…ever see any of their content posted on YouTube for more than an hour?) typed in small print on the contracts at the front of damn near every slimy NBC bigwig lawyer’s filing cabinet.
I find a few things make me more wary about someone’s taste in film than pronouncing a liking for one or both of the movies. I saw the first last fall. That was more than enough for me.
This video is awesomely scary though. Glad they’re passionate, but let’s hope the break from reality is only temporary.
it’s probably not worth it, but which New Moon trailer are you referring to, Rich? I watched, good lord, three of them and I didn’t see the scene you are referring to.
it’s probably not worth it, but which New Moon trailer are you referring to, Rich? I watched, good lord, three of them and I didn’t see the scene you are referring to.
oh wait, i found it. i believe he’s saying “bleuh!”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cR9_rDSxxFg&feature=channel
oh wait, i found it. i believe he’s saying “bleuh!”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cR9_rDSxxFg&feature=channel
I liked NEW MOON a LOT more than Jeff apparently, and didn’t see it as too much of a comedown… It’s a little more flatly directed, and gets off to a sluggish start, but it’s more of an action picture than the original. Odd that JW complains about Pattinson being such a bad actor, when to me the one (apparently necessary) flaw of New Moon is Bella is stuck hanging out with Jacob for the entire movie, while Edward’s off on his soul-searching journey or whatever.
The dynamic between K-Stew and Pattinson is what made the longing and intensity so palpable in the first one. In the second, in its stead you get… Kristen repairing a motorcycle. Not really the same thing. That said, it works well enough as a pulp adventure movie.
Plus it has the slow-mo scene of a wet Kristen Stewart running through a fountain in Rome.
Which is essentially my equivalent of the Phoebe Cates scene in Fast Times… only with a woman who’s 10,000 times more beautiful, and with the best ears ever.
I liked NEW MOON a LOT more than Jeff apparently, and didn’t see it as too much of a comedown… It’s a little more flatly directed, and gets off to a sluggish start, but it’s more of an action picture than the original. Odd that JW complains about Pattinson being such a bad actor, when to me the one (apparently necessary) flaw of New Moon is Bella is stuck hanging out with Jacob for the entire movie, while Edward’s off on his soul-searching journey or whatever.
The dynamic between K-Stew and Pattinson is what made the longing and intensity so palpable in the first one. In the second, in its stead you get… Kristen repairing a motorcycle. Not really the same thing. That said, it works well enough as a pulp adventure movie.
Plus it has the slow-mo scene of a wet Kristen Stewart running through a fountain in Rome.
Which is essentially my equivalent of the Phoebe Cates scene in Fast Times… only with a woman who’s 10,000 times more beautiful, and with the best ears ever.
Lex: The K-Stew running scene fell a bit flat (no pun intended) for me. It was the hallmark of the busty babes of Baywatch, so why make a small-chested lovely repeat it? For whose benefit was that scene filmed? I think she’s great, but I don’t see why, in a film aimed squarely at women, that scene was included. Her male admirers obviously aren’t attracted to her for her tits, so it seemed weird. Like they wrote it before they cast the actress.
But yeah, I thought New Moon was fine. I saw it because I drag my girlfriend to about ten movies a year that she blatantly doesn’t want to see, so I am happy to see Twilight in exchange. It’s really not that bad. The banshee screams of the SATC women are a sensory disgrace, but there’s nothing equivalent in Twilight. At worst, it’s cheesy and a bit boring. But it’s not actively hateful like most romcoms. But the SQUACK (underused LexG word) is first-rate. K-Stew, Kendrick and Ashley Green. Plus Nikki Reed and that other girl.
Lex: The K-Stew running scene fell a bit flat (no pun intended) for me. It was the hallmark of the busty babes of Baywatch, so why make a small-chested lovely repeat it? For whose benefit was that scene filmed? I think she’s great, but I don’t see why, in a film aimed squarely at women, that scene was included. Her male admirers obviously aren’t attracted to her for her tits, so it seemed weird. Like they wrote it before they cast the actress.
But yeah, I thought New Moon was fine. I saw it because I drag my girlfriend to about ten movies a year that she blatantly doesn’t want to see, so I am happy to see Twilight in exchange. It’s really not that bad. The banshee screams of the SATC women are a sensory disgrace, but there’s nothing equivalent in Twilight. At worst, it’s cheesy and a bit boring. But it’s not actively hateful like most romcoms. But the SQUACK (underused LexG word) is first-rate. K-Stew, Kendrick and Ashley Green. Plus Nikki Reed and that other girl.
Small tops RULE.
Small tops RULE.
One thing’s for sure. The fanboy sites went wild for G.I. JOE, which was genuinely the worst major blockbuster I’ve seen since FANTASTIC FOUR, and yet they still trashed NEW MOON. I’d rather see a TWILIGHT movie than any fucking sequel to G.I. JOE, which was genuine fucking gash. And yet CHUD gave it 8/10.
One thing’s for sure. The fanboy sites went wild for G.I. JOE, which was genuinely the worst major blockbuster I’ve seen since FANTASTIC FOUR, and yet they still trashed NEW MOON. I’d rather see a TWILIGHT movie than any fucking sequel to G.I. JOE, which was genuine fucking gash. And yet CHUD gave it 8/10.
Hey, Ross the gay intern on Leno just did his usual shtick at the TWILIGHT premiere.
Not only were Dakota and Brycey (as I like to call her) totally CHARMING, but…
Miracle of miracles, K-Stew played along, smiled, actually was friendly and joking and seemed amused.
Plus her ears looked ADORABLE.
Hey, Ross the gay intern on Leno just did his usual shtick at the TWILIGHT premiere.
Not only were Dakota and Brycey (as I like to call her) totally CHARMING, but…
Miracle of miracles, K-Stew played along, smiled, actually was friendly and joking and seemed amused.
Plus her ears looked ADORABLE.
Mate, do you like Pixie Lott?
Mate, do you like Pixie Lott?
dino: Actually, this dude has some great parodies.
Eloi: I’m ok with them, as long as they don’t elevate ‘em to the gal equivalent to Star Wars or something. ‘Cus I sure as hell wouldn’t even put Willow in that same ball-park. As for Jeff’s downgrade of the series, I’m guessing it’s got more to do with Avatar than anything else.