Bloody Kids
I’m relatively comfortable with this Ranker.com piece called “The 7 Most Annoying Kids in Action Movie History ” because I agree with 83.3% of it — simple. Except I’d put The Phantom Menace‘s Jake Lloyd at the top of the roster. The list includes Edward Furlong in Terminator 2, Jonathan Ke Quan in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Joseph Mazzello and Ariana Richards in Jurassic Park, the wussy Rupert Grint from the Harry Potter films, Shia LeBeouf as Mutt in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and Dakota Fanning in War of the Worlds. (Fanning is quite good, however, in Tony Scott‘s Man on Fire.)
My disagreement, of course, is in Ranker thinking about LeBeouf as a kid — he’s been a young dude all along.
“My disagreement, of course, is in Ranker thinking about LeBeouf as a kid — he’s been a young dude all along.”
Absolutely. He was 22 when that film came out. Seems well past kid age. And besides, there was so much massively wrong about that movie that he was the least of its problems. Were I to put together a list, I would only pick good movies that are consistently weakened by an annoying kid. Which would eliminate the phantom menace from any contention…
Oh and about Man of Fire, was anyone else creeped out that it was written (and acted by Fanning) like she was in her 20s? Basically it was one of those platonic love affair movies, only in this case the girl was like 10. Seriously weird how it was written and played. At no point was she really a kid; she was that classic “young love interest that needs protection” character from so many seventies movies (often starring Burt Reynolds). Only this time she was 4 feet tall and not yet even a teenager.
I’d put the foul-mouthed punk from Robocop 2 near the top.
I’m ok with Shortround. It’s Capshaw who ruins the film. Also, the mom and dad in JP are a lot more irritating than the child actors. They just look like they came out of the factory unsealed. Will agree with Fanning, though. But in her defense, all she really gets to do is scream a lot. And Tom Cruise’s character comes off more douchey than anyone else in the film.
Coincidence that over half are directed by Spielberg?
Not a kid, but Willie is far more annoying than Short Round in Temple of Doom.
So far, for me, the most annoying child actors have been Osment in Sixth Sense and Moretz in Kick-Ass.
rich: No, I dug him. It’s that female gang-member who didn’t add shit to the film.
Virtually any time they put a kid in an action film, he/she is guaranteed to be annoying. They’re ostensibly there for the audience to “identify with,” when in reality they’re there to put the hero in jeopardy. The Joker used to refer to Robin as “boy hostage.”
It might be better to make a list where the kid in the action movie is actually not annoying. Like Newt in Aliens.
“Coincidence that over half are directed by Spielberg?”
I think it just highlights the list maker’s limited experience more than anything else.
Shit, if you’re going to go for Spielberg, why not the gymnast daughter of Jeff Goldblum in The Lost World?
Tim and Lex in JP are meant to be screamy, helpless kids. As Rich says, they’re there because many of the other characters (Nedry, Gennaro, etc.) have deaths that are meant to be enjoyed by the audience. They’re horrible people so they die in horrible ways. Children, however, are especially vulnerable and ‘innocent’ so the audience identifies with them. And considering Jurassic Park is primarily a family action film, it makes sense to have young kids for the parents in the audience to fret about, and the kids to identify with. It’s not Deep Blue Sea.
I’m annoyed there even IS a site called “ranker.com.” Sick to DEATH of every other article out there being a top 5 list of some kind.
I would submit the entire cast of The Goonies for some kind of special ensemble award.
Ever seen the TV remake of The Shining? The single most annoying performance by any person in history belongs to the little shit in that – I was actually rooting for Jack to toss him outside to the hedge animals.
Also, although he wasn’t a kid, I would make a special category for Elijah Wood’s breathy, homoerotic pantomime of acting in the Lord of the Dorks movies. That character was sort-of kid-like so he deserves mention.
Say what?
Dakota Fanning in WAR OF THE WORLDS is one of the coolest kids in movie history. And her performance is incredible… Not that I’d ever have a kid, but if I did I’d want her to be half as awesome as Fanning was in that movie.
Wasn’t the Shining TV kid Courtland Mead? One of THE most obnoxious kid actors of the 90s… Little punk was in everything, never caught on.
See also, Ross Malenger, the little prick from Sleepless and Seattle. I was an extra on a movie that kid “starred” in, and the little fucker was throwing his weight around on set like he was fucking Jimmy Caan. Couldn’t be MORE DELIGHTED that he hasn’t done jack or shit in ages.
I’ll also add Jay Underwood from The Boy Who Could Fly. I just wanted to punch him in his smug face.
Let’s face it – most kids suck. Which is what makes Christian Bale’s performance in Empire of the Sun (the most underrated Spielberg movie in his oeuvre) so legendary.
Lex, I think it’s more of an issue with character, not performance. Kids are mostly written as grownups see them; brats who talk too much and can’t walk 10 feet without having to get saved by a parent. In that vein, you also have to include Korsmo in Dick Tracy, and that little twerp daughter in Long Kiss Goodnight.
Pardon my pickyness, but Harvey Dent (Two-Face) coined the phrase ‘Robin the Boy Hostage’. As for the rest of the list, it feels more like the author just picked as many popular movies as he could with kids in them and then just bagged on the kids.
The siblings in Jurassic Park are supposed to be a little annoying, as their primary purpose in the first act is to bug poor Sam Neil. Their wide-eyed naivety is supposed to be symbolic of Hammond’s stupidity in thinking a dino-park would work. Besides, unlike a lot of kids in horror films, they get their asses kicked pretty hard when the carnage kicks in. They don’t die, but they both get bruised and bloodied pretty badly, and the boy pukes on himself and gets electrocuted for good measure. Dakota Fanning acts in War of the Worlds the way I’d imagine most 7-year old kids would act if they found themselves in the middle of a global extermination. Were you expecting the kind of knowing sarcasm and attempted snark that earned so many other kids a spot on the list?
As for the Harry Potter films, Ron is supposed so be a bit of a twit, the obnoxious normal kid who keeps Harry honest and tells him to go to hell when the need arises.
And Jake Lloyd? Yes, fatal casting (as you see on the Phantom Menace DVD documentary), as Lucas chose the kid who could hit his marks over the kid who could act really well (fatal because Lucas didn’t want to direct actors). But let me tell you, surfing through HBO channels and seeing the opening act of Phantom Menace and then flipping to the climax of Revenge of the Sith: genuinely chilling and you get what Lucas was attempting.
I don’t generally care for picking on kid actors (ya know, cause it’s Jake Lloyd’s fault that Lucas didn’t make time to actually direct him), but if I had to choose one, it would be the in-your-face obnoxiousness of Austin O’Brian in Last Action Hero. First time I ever felt that a single performance killed a movie…
I don’t know why I’m so taken with this subject but kids in non-kid’s movies have always bothered me…
Also at the top of the list, the whiny little bitch in The Last Boy Scout. She went toe-to-toe with Damon Wayans to see who could ruin an otherwise solid neo-noir action film.
What about that irritating twerp from “Last Action Hero”?
One of the best kid roles of all time is Chris Barnes as Tanner Boyle in The Bad News Bears. He steals nearly every scene he is in.
” Hey Joey, you want my burrito ? Go and take it, it’s the best way to eat it ! ”
Agree with DeeZee that Short Round and the JP kids are okay (and flying trapeze girl in JP:LW is not as Eloi said.)
To continue unoriginal thought, Rich is right that Newt is the Gold Standard for kids in action films. (And Eliza Dushku isn’t bad in True Lies. Cameron seems to do better casting girls than boys.)
How bout the kid in “Jerry Maguire?” Remember him? Remember that movie? Remember Cameron Crowe?
The most annoying kid performance in history has got to be that whiny brat from “Over the Top”.
Hailee Steinfeld looks like a solid choice by the Coen Brothers.
Wondering what effect the teaser will have on everyone’s Oscar poker hands…
Agreed with the surprise above, Dakota is actually pretty great in War of the Worlds. Especially the basement scene, where she is present for Martians flipping through old photo albums, probably the craziest thing Spielberg has ever filmed.
The most annoying child performance ever, besides every single thing Chloe Moretz has ever done, is freaking Jason Reitman in Ghostbusters 2. I wanted to kill him with a flamethrower, and only partly because I was the same age and jealous my dad wasn’t a director. (Same goes for Oliver Stone’s son ruining the first 10 minutes of Born on the Fourth of July).
And I still can’t believe they put a kid in the Blues Brothers sequel.
Oh, man, the BLUES BROTHERS 2000 kid is a winner. That’s a great choice for an insufferable, unwanted kid intrusion, and the kid was a DOUCHE. The Last Action Hero kid Mendelson mentions is a good one too– and why did that kid have 1979 Chuck Norris-Tommy from Halloween flop-hair in 1993????
The AWESOME kid in Last Boy Scout was Danielle Harris, who was OSCAR WORTHY in Halloweens 4 and 5 and has grown up to be a great and smoking-hot actress. She in no way harms Last Boy Scout… she contributes to its awesomeness.
“You know how I hate to waste food.”
Lex’s Five aweomest kid performances ever (list form to annoy LYT):
Kristen Stewart in Panic Room.
Jodie Foster in Taxi Driver.
Danny Lloyd in The Shining.
Dakota Fanning in absolutely everything.
Danielle Harris in Halloween 5.
Good call on Danielle Harris.
I’d argue that aside from maybe Donald Pleasence- she easly gives the best performance(s) in the entire Halloween franchise.
Chloe Moretz in Kick Ass, and, well, anything else she’s been in. I understand a lot of people dig her – I just don’t
Moretz RUUUUUUUUUUUUUULES.
You will BOW.
Abbey: I was ok with Feldman, but yeah, everyone else in Goonies sucks. Oh, and what’sername from My Girl and the fat-boy from Christmas Story. And Fred Savage’s brother. Those kids in The Sandlot were ok, though.
The original thread was Action Films, but horror is close enough, so a good calls Lex on Lloyd and Harris. I thought the Corys were at their best in “The Lost Boys”. I also thought the kids in “Night of the Hunter” worked, but then again, I liked Henry Thomas in “Cloak & Dagger”, so what do I know?
Top children performances the last 40 years…
1) LInda Blair- The Exorcist ( way beyond her years ! )
2) Jodie Foster- Taxi Driver
3) Tatum O’ Neal- Paper Moon
4) Alfred Lutter- Alice Doesn’t Live Hear Anymore
5) Danny Lloyd- The Shining
6) Chris Barnes- Bad News Bears
7) Dakota Fanning- I Am Sam
8) Christian Bale- Empire Of The Sun
9) Natalie Portman- Leon
10) Kristen Dunst- Interview With A Vampire
Honorable Mention- Emma Bolger- In America, Tina Morjorino- When A Man Loves A Woman. Haley Joel Osment- The Sixth Sense, Abigail Breslin- Little Miss Sunshine. James Bentley- The Others.
Pa’s got things for you to do! And mother wants you! I know she does! Shane! Shaaaaane! Come back!
The awful kid that ruined “Real Genius”.
‘The awful kid that ruined “Real Genius”.’
Pretty sure that was Sarah Jessica Parker.
I always found Spencer Treat Clark to be something of a douche, not least because of his candy-ass middle name. He was a whiny, girly bitch in Gladiator, and then was on the verge of tears the entire time in Unbreakable.
Henry Thomas as Elliott remains the ultimate kid performance of all time. Haley Joel Osment was also good in both The Sixth Sense and A.I. The kids in To Kill a Mockingbird are good.
Recently, I thought the little kid who played H.W. Plainview was decent.
Any and all child performances pre-1960 can be instantly dismissed, as they were all insufferable Hollywood darlings like Shirley Temple.
Totally OT, but if you want a chuckle, have a gander at the Devin Faraci/Nick Nunziata showdown currently going on over at CHUD. Their amicable split lasted all of a few weeks. Comedy scenes.
How does one classify Alicia Silverstone in THE CRUSH?
Other than YEP YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
I get what you’re saying about the Shirley Temples, Eloi, but I’d direct you to these fine child performances from that era:
1. Ivan Jandl, from The Search (1948), is fairly miraculous as WWII refugee separated fro his mother.
2. Bobby Henrey, from The Fallen Idol (also 1948), is one of the most convincing “kid” roles I’ve ever seen. Not at all sarcastic or precocious.
3. Joseph Boudreaux, from Louisiana Story (1948, a banner year, apparently), was a non-actor who really works wonders portraying a Cajun boy enamored with a new oil well.
4. As previously mentioned, the kids from Night of the Hunter (1955) are remarkably well-played. Again, not “adults” but not you’re typical frightened orphans, either.
5. Jean-Pierre Leaud, from The 400 Blows (1959), could be described as a bit of a “brat,” but his performance really carries the film. Without it, Truffaut effectively wouldn’t have had a film.
Pretty much agree with the list and other contributions, but I take strong exception to Edward Furlong in T2. Among the actors in actual action films, he ranks among the best. Go back and watch him carefully – it’s very hard to play cocky & brash for most kids without coming across as mugging.
The fact that he was pretty much plucked off the streets makes it that much more impressive, especially as Cameron isn’t exactly an “actor’s director.”
Furlong, Fanning and Quan belong on that list. I’m ok with the rest.
I wish they expanded the list to include all child actors. Top spot goes to Freddie Highmore. Unbearably annoying in Finding Neverland that it took me about 5 years to get over him and finally watched Charlie & The Chocolate Factory. Macaulay Culkin is Number 2. I don’t have a problem with his brothers though.
moviechick – darn good list
and I would include both leads in Let The Right One In.
Yes, the original – which I won’t believe is lesser than the remake…until I see the remake, that is
moviechick,
No River Phoenix in STAND BY ME?
(and specifically for action movies, an honourable mention for Rhiana Griffith as Jack/Jackie from PITCH BLACK)
—
On the other tack (kids that were bad in action movies), may I humbly present:
Alyssa Milano as Jenny fucking Matrix in COMMANDO.
OK here’s one, even though I like her in almost everything else she has done…
Natalie Portman in HEAT.
“MY BARETTES!!!! NOW THAT THEY ARE MISSING I AM GOING TO SLIT MY WRISTS!!!”
I don’t think Portman counts in LEON and DEFINITELY not in HEAT, since those are essentially young adult performances in rather adult roles. Though I guess I said Foster in Taxi Driver is one of the best, which it is, but there’s kind of a line there… at one point is it not a kid performance, if the “kid” is a teen in a mature role in a violent or provocative movie? Portman in Leon is obviously photographed with certain provocations that render it NOT a “kid” performance, no? And by HEAT, she was basically playing teen characters… One wouldn’t consider Anthony Michael Hall a “kid” performance in Weird Science, correct?
“Also, the mom and dad in JP are a lot more irritating than the child actors.”
What Mom and Dad? Attenborough’s character, their grandfather, alludes to the fact that he’s taking the kids with him to the island because their folks are having problems. The fact that you’re bitching about characters that don’t appear in the movie makes me think you didn’t see it. And the fact that it’s taken so long for people to point out your obvous mistake makes me thing no one pays attention to what you have to say.
HOLY SHIT, the JP chick went on to be in the video for BRICK by Ben Folds Five? That’s like the most depressing song EVER. You learn something new every day.
Best action movie kid ever is far and away the Feral Kid from Road Warrior. If you’re going to put a kid in an action movie, make it so he can’t talk. Perfect.
JC: http://www.imdb.com/media/rm3908868352/tt0107290
They’re NOT the kids’ parents!
I would put River Phoenix ( or all the kids ) from Stand By Me on a larger list.
JC: Well, they’re parental figures.
Just admit to yourself you were wrong, say so and we’ll move on. It’s not hard. Just do it. Take that step to maturity. We’re here for you.
tiffany co jewelry
tiffany & co
Tiffany jewelry
Spain Travel Guide
Spain Travel
Tiffany Necklaces
Tiffany Pendants
Tiffany Charms
Tiffany Bracelets
Tiffany Earrings
Tiffany Rings
2010SuperBowl
AnaheimDucksJerseys
ArizonaCardinalsJerseys
AtlantaHawksJerseys
BaltimoreRavensJerseys
BuffaloBillsJerseys
ChicagoBearsJerseys
nfl clothes
That annoying kid in AI. Actually the whole movie sucked.