Cheap Seats

The only Star Wars film I’d like to see converted into fake 3D is The Empire Strikes Back. The best of the bunch, certainly the most handsomely photographed, etc. You can have the rest of them. And how good is the fake 3D going to be anyway? We’ve seen what it is, and that it doesn’t quite make it.

38 thoughts on “Cheap Seats

  1. the analog kid on said:

    Well he’s starting with the prequels so at least theoretically the 3D conversion should be easier, as most shots have so many layered digital elements. Not to mention the 3D camera info within the digitally created scenes.

    Let’s hope by the time he gets to Empire they’ll have it down to a science – but that’s not until 2016 – who knows what the technology will be then.

    I just hope he doesn’t start tinkering around again by adding 3D gimmicks or embellishing shots for a gag.

    But then again he is the devil.

  2. I honestly can’t imagine these are going to be successful. Nobody is pining to see the prequel trilogy again, especially in an overpriced 3D format.

  3. Shit article. Not one single quote from George or anyone. This, does not a press release, make.

    But glad to hear that George will purportedly oversee the production to verify that it’s done to the best of everyone’s ability. My god. Two writers needed to share this byline?

  4. and just to point out, it actually took FIVE writers at The Hollywood Reporter to write that article, three additional writers contributed to it. ha

  5. Who in the world will go see The Phantom Menace in 3D?? Or Attack of the Clones? After what Red Letter Media did to these films, I cannot imagine even the hardiest nerd forking over a twenty dollar bill (in 2012) to watch them.

    The only one I’d like to see in 3D would be Empire, if only for the asteroid sequence.

  6. Er, anyone else thinking they’re just a little optimistic in planning 3D releases for 2016?

    Be like Brian De Palma REALLY fretting over making sure DRESSED TO KILL has a killer Sensurround mix.

    And, yeah, STARTING with the prequels is a bad miscalculation. Lucas might be the only person in the world who thinks “episodes 1 through 6″ are really perceived in that order by ANYONE. Even undiscriminating 12-year-olds sense the wholesale lack of any visual or storytelling continuity between the two trilogies.

  7. Lex – you’re wrong. My mother’s a teacher. Kids love the ‘Star Wars’ prequels and think the old ones are too dark (lighting wise, not tone wise) and too slow.

    So this prequel business will be a whole new generation of childhoods raped.

  8. BobbyLupo’s right. If you spend any time around young kids, you know how huge the Clone Wars/prequel stuff is.

    Say what you want about the quality of the prequels, but from a purely marketing standpoint, Lucas knew what he was doing. This stuff crossed over to a new generation in a monster way.

  9. I would separate the Clone Wars from the prequels. Amazingly, the Cartoon Network show does everything right (characters, plot) that the prequels did wrong.

  10. I’m a bit amused by Ray’s assumption that the Red Letter Media videos are sufficient to put a dent in Lucasfilm’s empire.

    As if the 3D thing will flop; as if no one will buy the Blu Rays next year.

    Anyone who’ll spend 70 minutes (!) listening to a takedown of Star Wars (TWICE!) cares enough to go see it in 3-D. Even The Phantom Menace. Dig that paradox.

    Also, we’ve seen a lot of crappy, rushed 3-D conversions; I don’t think we’ve seen a quality effort yet but clearly Cameron (with Titanic) and Lucas are trying to actually do it correctly. How good it turns out remains to be seen.

  11. We all agree with Wells on the Empire love, but come on, the original Star Wars is equally as great, just in a different way.

    Empire is an excellent film all by itself, but the emotional wallop in the film is provided by the bookend with the optimistic Star Wars. They both go together, it’s a package deal.

  12. DavidF is right, and I’ll take it further: if anyone thinks the internet-famous Red Letter Media videos have been seen by enough people to matter in any kind of box-office way, and if you think the people who chortled heartily through those “takedown” videos are people who would’ve otherwise been willing to spend $20 on 3-D prequel reissues, then, wow, your nerd bubble is strong.

    Personally, I couldn’t watch the whole thing — not out of some easily wounded Star Wars love, but because his complaints are straight out of hack screenwriting books, his jokes are mostly lame, and I’m more interested in critics/fans who don’t operate with such a deranged level of self-important hyperbole. The prequels, whatever their failings, are more fun to watch than the impotent nerd range surrounding them.

    For that matter, they’re more fun to watch than the Lord of the Rings movies, too. Yeah, the dialogue is sucky and some of the performances are a little stiff, and there are a few things set up in the first two that they wind up not having “time” to pay off in the third one (I thought of this when the Lost creators mentioned not having time to pay off everything… haven’t you guys been in charge of timing for at least the last two years of the show?! Same deal with Lucas). But the story is actually pretty interesting, the effects/designs are imaginative… they’re fun movies. For all of the “everybody hates these movies” anti-hype, I dunno, the lowest-grossing one made $300 million in 2002 and the worst-rated Rotten Tomatoes score was something around 60%. That’s not poisonous word-of-mouth or withering reviews. That’s mixed-to-positive. But whatever. Keep pretending that they were supposed to be the Terminator 2 of Star Wars or something.

    Lucas releasing them in “episode” order does seem weird, but maybe it’s with an eye towards not burning people out on them — otherwise, the original gets released first and grosses drop with each subsequent release. There’s also, gulp, a nostalgia factor. Kids who were seven, eight when Phantom Menace came out in ’99 might be college kids enticed into a revisit circa 2012.

    It’s the one-a-year-thing that feels weird to me. It seems like it would be better paced at two or three per year. You could do it in each box-office off-season: January, April, September.

  13. now more than ever someone invent a time machine so Patton Oswalt can go back to 1997 and smash Lucas’ skull in with a claw hammer.

  14. Lupo: Even if kids like the prequels, they’re more fickle. So you can bet if that last Twilight movie goes 3-D, it’ll make more dough than that old-ass CG thing they saw over a decade ago.

    David: People will probably buy the Blu-Rays, but if Avatar can’t hold onto 3-D sales after only a year, I doubt there’s much hope for the prequels.

    jesse: The plots are lazy, the RT score has more to do with the Portman love than the quality of the films, and I’ve gotten better production values out of The Matrix sequels than the SW prequels.

  15. Well. George is always ready to FUCK all of the world out of some more billions for an idea he is drained every ounce of life out of since Empire. Many will happily roll over and hand out the cash for George.

  16. It’s ILM. It’s John Knoll. It’s George and it’s Star Wars. It won’t look or feel like fake 3-D. They will re-write the process, they will INVENT a new process as John and his brother invented Adobe Photo Shop.. a long time ago.

  17. and yes I would fork over whatever is asked to see the prequels along with the originals on the big screen again. No question, no doubt about it.

    and those who keep squalling about George only in it for the money…..match his donation of half his fortune to charity and create your own Edutopia.

    and for those who are hoping he’s not on earth much longer? I wish the same for you.

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