Wounds

Two seconds after glancing at this ad for The Freebie (Phase 4, 9.17) my eyes went right for those red sores or chicken-pox spots on Dax Shepard‘s upper right arm, right above the tattoo. “What’re those…self-applied needle marks?” I asked myself. “Or pimples? Who has pimples on their upper arm? The movie’s about a couple who decide to give each other permission to play around for a single night, so why introduce an element of bacteriological infection on the husband’s arm? How could this possibly boost the want-to-see?”

  • Travis Crabtree

    I think that 9 out of ten times I see ink on a hot chick near her face. “Eww, what happened to your…..ohhh, I get it. it’s not a scab/burn mark/disease, It’s a tattoo. Rad.”

  • corey3rd

    what part of Dax Shepard doesn’t say “Box Office Herpes?”

  • LexG

    I’m sure this is some DTV-level shit that’s getting a one-theater release, so it ain’t like the guy’s making James Cameron movies. But why are we still enduring Dax Shapard? Wasn’t he just the lead prankster on the early seasons of PUNK’D? Not like the guy’s THE ROVING BARD or anything… He’s kind of a reality-TV personality, so the fact that he’s somehow an “actor” in movies (and engaged to Kristen Bell) is somewhere on the WHAT THE FUCK? alternate reality meter between Chris Pontius having a leading man career in Ridley Scott movies, and Mike Boogie from Big Brother Season 2 dating A-list starlets.

    I had to look him up on Wiki… Says he went to UCLA for “anthropology.” Is there some deal where if you go to USC or UCLA for any reason, there’s still a 90% likelihood you’ll end up an actor? Showbiz is littered with dudes who went to those two schools for totally square-jawed, workaday reasons, and now they’re actors. Why wouldn’t they just go to school for ACTING?

    Also, 99% of motherfuckers who go to JULLIARD can’t get into movies as an actor… Why is an ANTHROPOLOGY MAJOR WHO NEVER ACTED EVER BUT WAS ON A REALITY TV SHOW somehow a “movie star”?

    FUCK LIFE.

  • squealy

    I can never tell if you’re kidding with these posts but…. Aren’t they leaves? The tattoo is of a tree.

  • squealy

    “Why is an ANTHROPOLOGY MAJOR WHO NEVER ACTED EVER BUT WAS ON A REALITY TV SHOW somehow a “movie star”?”

    What he did on Punk’d was improv, essentially. He had to “play” all kinds of people.

  • George Prager

    It’s the kind of tattoo that you might see on one of the villians in KINJITE: FORBIDDEN SUBJECTS, not the male lead of a romantic comedy.

  • raygo

    Wow. I love Kristen Bell since Veronica Mars. I thought she had better taste, but I would chalk it up to the dude probably rocks her in the sack. No other explanation. It must be her bad boy/loser phase, like Drew Barrymore and Tom Green.

  • George Prager

    He was funny in IDIOCRACY.

  • Jeffrey Wells

    They may be leaves in your mind, but they’re sores to me. Red pimply needle scars.

  • raygo

    He did get the funniest line in Baby Mama … “… if it’s a boy I want to marry you…”

  • actionman

    Lex — no comment on how f’ing gorgeous Aselton is? Shocked.

  • krumly

    Who the hell is Katie Aselton? I have zero recognition for her. This looks like one of those fake posters for the “movie within a movie” of some cheesy romantic comedy about an actor in love with a civilian, like Notting Hill.

  • LexG

    Eh, I’m sick of drooling over C-level starlets, and actresses in general. The whole game is rigged, plus I’m fat and bald, so I’m going back to school for a teaching degree, so I can move to Minnesota and marry some doughy undiscriminating 40-year-old heavyset single mom who looks like the fat chick from MIKE AND MOLLY.

    UNCLE.

  • George Prager

    She’s in THE PUFFY CHAIR. If it was a mumblecore movie, it might work.

  • LexG

    Dax Shepard. Too bad I come from ZERO MONEY and raised myself on the streets, because I couldn’t afford USC or UCLA, both of which I was ACTUALLY ACCEPTED into, but couldn’t pay the tuition being an out of stater.

    Plus at the time I was smitten with some local chick, so I just went to LOCAL COLLEGES in the Rust Belt to get MY THREE COLLEGE DEGREES. Now, if I’d had the money to get into UCLA, I’d have become part of a TIGHT KNIT CIRCLES OF ASPIRING DIRECTORS who would’ve put me in their movies, and as a result I’d have stayed in shape, banged hot chicks, and KEPT MY GODDAMN HAIR.

    But since I come from no money and my degrees are worthless and I have NO Hollywood “in,” I’ve worked for fifteen years TYPING IN OTHER PEOPLE’S CREATIVITY in the most soul-sucking, dictation-level fields of POST PRODUCTION, got fat, became a drunk, attempted suicide over a dozen times, and am over 100 grand in debt because my salary isn’t HALF of what I’d need to even keep a roof over my head.

    So DAX FUCKING SHEPARD can get the bozack, KRISTEN BELL sucks, and I don’t even know who Katie Asselton is. I DO know I haven’t had sex since the first term of the Bush administration, my life sucks dick, and I have to go to some flourescent office to dub fucking tapes for the next twelve hours, and I CAN’T THINK OF ONE GOOD FUCKING REASON why I should go on in life at ALL, other than it’d make my family sad, and I’m a giant pussy anyway.

    I have never MET anyone famous, except for Jeff Wells and Atlanta Brave Bob Horner. And David Poland.

    But one time I DID see Dax Shepard at the Bob’s Big Boy in Toluca Lake, and he had a fucking ENTOURAGE, and every teenage girl in the joint was rolling up to his table swooning over him like he was 1971 Warren Beatty.

    Fucking DEPRESSING.

  • LexG

    There’s not a single Dax Shepard moment ever that wouldn’t be improved with the awesome Joel David Moore in his stead.

  • Gabe@ThePlaylist

    Joel David Moore fits into the “awesome” club? Not too exclusive, I gather.

  • LexG

    HOTTIE AND THE NOTTIE, AVATAR, the KATY PERRY Waking Up in Vegas video, and that Peter Hyams movie with Michael Douglas.

    ALL awesome. BOW.

  • 115thDreamer

    Knowing that Shepard is with Kristen Bell just makes me angry….she’s such a dish.

    Oh, and Katie Aselton is on “The League”, an FX show about a group of guys obsessed with fantasy football – she plays one of the wives and is really good, actually. She’s ‘sneaky hot” – just seems like a plain jane at first, then before you know it, you start thinking “wait…she’s kind of hot”. This movie is her 1st chance at a starring role, I guess, and she gets Dax as her running mate – my condolences.

  • Gabe@ThePlaylist

    I am rarely flummoxed. And yet…

  • LexG

    Pretty sure Dax isn’t looking forward to a thrilling day in a female-free office under humming flourescents transcribing a firebrand 1983 Central American documentary, all to make roughly 165 bucks. After taxes that comes out to about 110.

    LIFE SUCKS.

    If I go to see SOCIAL NETWORK tonight at midnight, it’s gonna set me the fuck off with its depiction of GOOD LOOKING PEOPLE FUCKING AND GETTING RICH. Doesn’t that shit make you guys ANGRY?

    How do you get through life HATING EVERY SECOND and being bitter? If JESSE EISENBERG or DAX SHEPARD is MAKING MOVIES WITH HOT ACTRESSES, how do you ACCEPT that you are not? What gives you solace? Family? Friends? A job well done? Religion?

    Really, how do you stand it? If you’re not making money, and you’re not fucking hot women, you’re NOBODY. In a world where every dumb-fuck rapper and pop slut has a MANSION and drives a LAMBO.

    GET ANGRY. I MEAN IT.

  • LexG

    I am so fucking ugly and broke and sexless I FUCKING HATE MYSELF.

    Fucking DAX SHEPARD MOVIE STAR. I’ve never even been on an audtion. I’ve never had an agent. FUCKING HATE MY LIFE AND HATE MYSELF, and this FUCK is FAMOUS.

    I need sex so fucking bad the jizz is backed up to my lower leg like in that Isabella Rosselini movie where he legs are made of beer.

    My life is bullshit. YAHOO.

  • DaveyFrank

    Heroin chic is back, already? The poster’s real tragedy is Katie Aselton’s face. Whatever photoshop mutant tool the designer used gives the impression Aselton has carried on a life-long love affair with meth and morphine.

  • LexG

    Shocker, none of you HOLLYWOOD INSIDERS clocking in with a line on an agent or how to get going with the acting for the Lexman.

    Because my “GREAT WRITING SKILLS” (hahahahaha) are BULLSHIT, and WORTHLESS, and unless someone’s gonna pay me 100K to be a film blogger, I’M NOT DOING IT. I WANT TO BE A STAR, NOT WRITE ABOUT STARS.

    Someone get on that. GET ME AN ACTING AGENT.

    Or a hooker.

    NOW.

  • Wiggumx

    Lex, watching “HOTTIE AND THE NOTTIE” over and over has ruined your mind.

    Calm down. You need therapy.

  • The Thing

    Damn, Lex, something’s really bothering you tonight. I mean, I’ve seen a depressed post from you from time to time, but nothing of this magnitude.

    Let me put some perspective on things. I haven’t had sex in almost 19 years (do the math). I’m going to graduate with roughly $150,000 in debt, and that’s if I don’t get a credit card or a mortgage. I have next to no social skills and really only have friends through luck and proximity. When I leave college, I’ll be shuffling papers for 80 hours a week at some law firm, or doing some bullshit in an area of law I’m not going to enjoy. I’m not going get anywhere near a woman half as hot as the ugliest popular actress. My family is full of addicts of all shapes and sizes, and I know that if I try anything remotely habit-forming, I’m going to be fucked. And I’m pretty sure that I’m at least partially crazy.

    But you know what? I keep going. Maybe it’s my youthful optimism, or maybe its that I’ve accepted those things. Throughout my life, I’ve been shitted on by God and my peers, and I’ve reached some dark depths years before other people do (I hit my lowest point around 11 or 12 years old, and had Columbine-esque thoughts). But I’m still here, as are my peers. And now, nothing really bothers me too much. I’ve come to accept that I’m not going fulfill all of my dreams, or probably most of my dreams. I’ve accepted that shit is going to happen to me more often than it seems to happen to others. I’ve come to terms that I’m never going to be famous for any of the reasons that I want to be. I’ve accepted that I’m probably going to live the life of the 99% of Americans out there.

    Life sucks. Shit happens. Get over it. You’re old enough to know that. You should have grown a thick skin to this stuff years ago. Lord knows I have, and I’m half your age. So please, don’t complain about your life. We all got shit we have to deal with. Your shit is no different than my shit.

  • Daniel Tayag

    115th Dreamer is right. Aselton is pretty damn funny on the League with her husband Mark Duplass. In fact, I think it’s one of the better comedies on TV right now.

  • brad

    and people say that movies are not as good as they used to be

  • snowback

    Whatever you may think about Dax in general — it’s become a cliche to say that he is a hack and dates over his head, etc. — he’s remarkable in this movie. From what I could see, many people who saw it at Sundance seemed to feel the same way — it was a real surprise to a lot of people.

    The weirdest thing to me about this poster isn’t Dax’s tattoo (which I agree is weird); it’s how old and haggard they made Katie look. She is miles prettier than this, both in person and in this movie.

  • Wrecktem

    He’s pretty funny in When In Rome, which is a terrible, terrible film.

  • Jeffmc2000

    This is a low budget movie that probably considered themselves lucky to get Dax Shephard (I’m assuming Jamie Kennedy turned them down?) and there’s no way any filmmaker or marketing company is going to throw away whatever percentage of the audience is going to be put off by that gross tattoo, unless it was part of some egotistical movie stars contract. So I’d say Shephard probably gets the blame twice—once for getting such an ugly tattoo, and again for insisting people look at it.

  • G.N.A.

    He’s actually really good on the show Parenthood, but I’m guessing you movie snobs have never watched an episode.

  • MilkMan

    Dax Shephard is hung like a Clydesdale. You can just tell. He’s tall and lanky and slightly goofy looking with a big Adam’s Apple. He reminds me of Jordan Ash, hard-working porn stunt wang. So not only is he rich and famous and dating a 5’1 superhottie, but he is used to girls, during sex, looking at him, then down at their tenders, and saying, “OH MY GOD.”

  • televisiontears

    Lex, why do you get so pissed at complete strangers when they don’t try to do you huge favors? Jeff offered you your own column, you don’t get to say shit.

    How can someone have such a crippling case of self-loathing and still be so ridiculously entitled?

  • LexG

    Televisiontears and TheThing:

    TTears: Whoa, whoa, first off, DO THE RESEARCH. Yes, Jeff once kindly offered a column. Yes, o master of Lexian trivia, so did David Poland once upon a time. Fuck, at one point, Poland was hitting me up on the regular asking if I wanted passes, wanted to try going to some junket with Sasha Grey and one with Megan Fox. If I had it to over again, I probably WOULDN’T pussy out and reply “Nah, too busy, can’t take the time off work TO MEET HOLLYWOOD STARLETS THAT I POST ABOUT constantly.”

    But those ships have sailed. Anytime anyone offers to help with writing, blogging, and movie criticism type stuff, I bow out. Because, and this is for the cheap seats, so excuse the CAPS:

    I DO NOT WANT TO WRITE ABOUT FILM. I want to be a CREATIVE TYPE who WORKS IN FILM AS AN ACTOR. Maaaaaaaybe as a screenwriter, but let’s face it, screenwriting is boring, it sucks, and those dudes all have goatees and don’t get top-line trim. I WANT TO BE AN ACTOR. Nothing else. NOTHING. I don’t want to start a blog, and besides that, I HAVE NO VOICE to talk about movies.

    I appreciate the supporters who think I do, but I DON’T. All I do is repeat the same tired phraseology, ogle the lead actress, and filter it through my own entirely subjective “I wish I was banging chicks and doing coke and shooting off guns” retard act that’s BORING even to me at this point. There is no movie about which I have anything remotely interesting or incisive to say, only the most superficial brand of criticism and fantasy-life wish fulfillment by approaching it viscerally. If that amuses some people, glad you enjoy it. But my writing SUUUUUUCKS, it’s one-note, and most importantly, UNLESS I CAN MAKE 100K from being a blogger or critic, I am not interesting.

    I am looking TO GET PAID. In a LUMP SUM, a WINDFALL, so I don’t have to work a job I DETEST. I work like a fucking slave, in a city where every 16-year-old welfare kid drives a Lexus, and every failed actor just hangs out by the pool all day.

    It is BULLSHIT that I am the only person in Los Angeles who works. I GUARANTEE not one poster here even has a concept of what DIRECT DEPOSIT is, because you all work scrappy on-the-fly jobs.

    Fuck it ALL.

    The Thing: Hey, I was depressed as fuck when I was 18, I’ve ALWAYS been depressed and self-loathing. Tends to happen when you’re raised amidst the nightmare of religion. But DUDE, you are what, 18? 19? I would KILL to be 18 and 19 again, to hit on all that FRESH CUT BAIT and all that YOUNG TAIL. MMMMMM, everywhere you go it must be nothing but dumb-ass 18 year old freshman chicks in their little shorts and flip flops acting all STUPID and giggly. You do not know how LUCKY you are. Come see me again in 20 years if you live in a city where the only Caucasian women under 50 are tweakers or some grungy Burbank horse-fuckers, all of them married, and the rest of the selection is like old single moms and first-gen Filipinas. TIME OF YOUR LIFE, KID. ENJOY IT.

    Wiggumx: FUCK therapy. Last summer I threatened suicide for the millionath time, and finally decided to try therapy just to shut certain people up. It was a WASTE OF MY TIME, it was TORTURE; I tried to talk about how horny I am and how I need sex, and the dude wanted to ask about my parents and shit. SUCH A WASTE.

    But doesn’t surprise me, since it’s well known PSYCHIATRY IS A PSEUDO-SCIENCE and it’s for the WEAK. The only THERAPY I need is a shit-ton of alchohol and a herpes-free hooker with her tubes tied. That’s ALL.

  • LexG

    Holy shit, maybe I can write, because that post was awesome.

    Seriously, some magazine should PAY ME to pen shit like that once a week. My going rate is 100K PER YEAR.

    I will not accept ANYTHING LESS than 100K.

  • The Thing

    Lex, you are the craziest mother fucker I know. Seriously. You go on about how your life sucks, then turn around and complement yourself.

    Let’s face it, how many people start acting at 40+ and become famous? I might be able to see screenwriting, but that’s a slim chance. And if you’re in it for the money, then you sir, are royally fucked. When’s the last creative type to make hit after hit for a paycheck? Besides, unless you make a ridiculously good script, no one is going to give 100k to an unknown and unproven writer. Same for being a blogger (who only makes money from ads) or a journalist (who usually make shit for money unless they’re gods).

    You should watch Clerks, if you haven’t already. You are Dante to a T. You blame life for your problems and complain all day about them, but you won’t disturb things so you can shit comfortably. If you want things to change, you need to make them change.

    But see, that’s your problem. You want to live in the past, rather than live in today and look at the future. You need to accept that your life sucks now, and that if you do a few hard things over the next couple of years, you’ll come out with a better life. Looking towards the future gives you hope that life can, will be better then they are now; they have to be. Looking at the past makes you depressed, as your romanticized childhood makes your current life look horrible. You need to stop with the big dreams and keep things realistic. Find a woman who may not be really hot, but who is incredibly nice and is able to connect to you on a less superficial level than sex.

    As for the pussy, I’m going to Drexel. The girls here are the future engineers of the world – not exactly super model hot. And I think you skipped over the part where I told of my social ineptitude.

  • adorian

    Lex, maybe you should try Scientology. I’m sure they can help you lose weight, get hair transplants, and start a great movie career.

  • http://JeffC JeffC

    Damn. This makes me want to see Enter The Void so fucking bad. Whatever it did to Lex is just starting to take hold.

  • Eloi Wrath

    The Thing: Probably best not to admit on a widely-read message board that you’ve had “Columbine-esque thoughts”.

  • KrushGroove

    Working on my “LexG: THIS IS FOR THE CHEAP SEATS” treatment right now. Lex, you can count on 1 percent of the back end gross. In this movie, you get the babe in Act II, but it there is retribution for messing with the gods and all that.

  • LexG

    “Lex, you are the craziest mother fucker I know.”

    You don’t know me.

    “Let’s face it, how many people start acting at 40+ and become famous?”

    I am 37. I started acting in the mid-90s. I did standup comedy from 1995-2006. I’ve been in plays, trained with a certain well-known B-actor as my coach in the 90s, and have classical drama training. It’s not like I’ve been an insurance salesman for 20 years who on a WHIM decided one morning at 40, “Hey, I should try ACTING.” It’s a tough racket to break into. Utterly impossible if you don’t know the right people and aren’t supernaturally good-looking.

    “You need to stop with the big dreams and keep things realistic. Find a woman who may not be really hot, but who is incredibly nice and is able to connect to you on a less superficial level than sex.”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    FUCK “realistic.” If everyone was “realistic,” we wouldn’t have the light bulb. And since I ONLY SEE WOMEN IN SEXUAL TERMS, no, I don’t want to be with some folksy Midwestern doughball just because she’s NICE. Fuck NICE. NICE doesn’t give me a boner. Nor does the fact that she’s DECENT or even LIKES ME. Fuck ALL THAT. I only want sex. Sex, sex, sex.

    See, sport, as I occasionally mention, I’m not the fucking 40-year-old virgin here. I used to be a neutered house-husband type pussy, and it WASN’T EXCITING. “Regular women” aren’t EXCITING. Only famous chicks, models and WHORES could give me what I want. Constant sex and arousal. I couldn’t even get an erection for some NICE girl who isn’t my physical ideal. I also can’t get aroused for any women over 30. EVER.

    I WILL SETTLE FOR NOTHING in this life.

  • LexG

    FUCK ALL THIS SHIT. I am going to look into Scientology TOMORROW. Why not? I would give my eternal soul to be famous. I will fuck over everyone I’ve ever known or cared about to be famous. I would give EVERY PENNY I HAVE to get laid by a model or whore for just ONE HOUR.

    I would LITERALLY DO ANYTHING– ANYTHING ANYTHING ANYTHING (except maybe gay sex) — TO BE FAMOUS.

    I would kill to be famous. I would destroy the planet to be famous. I would destroy anyone’s life to be famous. I want to be famous more than ANYTHING, MORE THAN ANYONE ever has.

    Honestly if it was like THE BOX and Frank Langella said, “You can be in a Tony Scott movie BUT it will kill the ENTIRE POPULATION OF AFRICA?” Fuck it, I don’t know anybody over there anyway.

  • gradystiles

    Not sure why there are so many bitchy comments about this movie on here. As for Aselton, she also directed the movie, which no one here has seemed to notice. There was a good article about her in the L.A. Times a few days ago:

    http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/la-ca-indie-focus-20100926,0,6892819.story

    As a couple of others have noted, she’s quite good in ‘The League.’

  • LexG

    FEMALE DIRECTOR ALERT? Ugh, yeah, now I’m SURE it’s a work of genius. Because women make such incredible directors. I’m sure it’s a visual tour de force on par with ENTER THE VOID, what with all the laser-precise cinematography and fascinating mise en scene that women usually know how to apply behind the camera.

    Women can’t direct for shit. FACT.

  • John M

    “Women can’t direct for shit. FACT.”

    Claire Denis, Lucrecia Martel, Kelly Reichardt. Chantal Akerman, Agnes Varda, Mia Hansen-Love.

    Maya Deren, Elaine May, Sofia Coppola, etc etc etc.

    Fact: you’re wrong again.

    Fact 2: women might get more chances in Hollywood if knuckle-dragging misogynists like yourself would stop running studios.

  • LexG

    Yeah, I’ve heard of THREE of those people.

    There are obviously exceptions to every rule (Bigelow, Coppola, Campion), but it’s generally true: Women have no visual style. Plus their crappy movies are usually about WOMYN’S ISSUES that NOT EVEN WOMEN pay money to see.

    You can blame “knuckle-dragging males” for the scarcity of GOOD MOVIES FOR WOMEN, or for the lack of female directors… but usually it’s because FEMALE AUDIENCES GO TO SEE BRIDE WARS and SEX AND THE CITY and shit like that. Not Claire Denis movies or that chick who made ROMANCE or any of that stuff.

    Female audiences, by and large, like DUMB SHIT.

  • DeafEars

    @JeffC – I just saw ENTER THE VOID this afternoon, it was great. It certainly goes to some dark places (such as literally straight into a Japanese toilet) but I was exhilarated by Noe’s vision and a tale fully told.

    I also saw the trailer for THE FREEBIE – meh.

  • JapAdapters

    “I would give EVERY PENNY I HAVE to get laid by a model or whore for just ONE HOUR.”

    Then shut the fuck up and DO IT.

    I know, I know … POW POWER.

    *yawn*

  • John M

    “Female audiences, by and large, like DUMB SHIT.”

    I don’t really agree with this, but I will point out that you’re now making an entirely different argument.

    And I know you’ve heard of more than 3 of the people I listed. You don’t fool me, Mr. Closet Feminist.

  • Absinth Quell Pro

    Good thing Wells had that talk about all the hormonal bullshit around these parts.

    You don’t have to give all your money to sleep with a whore. Probably a few hundred bucks. So yeah, as JA said, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DO THAT. We’re sick of your shit.

  • LexG

    Claire Denis: Of course. She made that Vincent Gallo movie.

    Lucrecia Martel: Not a clue.

    Kelly Reichardt: Vaguely familiar.

    Chantal Akerman: Related to Malin? No idea.

    Agnes Varda: Old shit, right?

    Mia Hansen-Love: Clueless

    Maya Deren: Nope.

    Elaine May: Of course.

    Sofia Coppola: Of course

    So, again. Three I’ve heard of where I could name their movies. Why didn’t you name people like Campion or Cholodenko or Hoffensteffer (or whatever it is) or Bigelow or, hell, Drew Barrymore, who make actual movies I might see?

  • John M

    Lex, didn’t you go to film school?

    You don’t know who Maya Deren is?

    You might wanna go back.

    (And yes, Agnes Varda’s made some old shit, but also some new shit. Check out Vagabond on Criterion.)

    Lucrecia Martel, by the way, is one of the very best filmmakers in the world. Hands down. She’s singular.

    Also, don’t you like Michelle Williams? And you don’t know who Kelly Reichardt is?

  • John M

    “Why didn’t you name people like Campion or Cholodenko or Hoffensteffer (or whatever it is) or Bigelow or, hell, Drew Barrymore, who make actual movies I might see?”

    I mean, I think they’re all good too (haven’t seen Barrymore’s movie)…the ones I listed are just filmmakers who I thought have particularly strong visual senses. (Bigelow would be in that group, of course.)

  • LexG

    Campion didn’t stand out as the most visually acute female director? Damn, her body of work goes against EVERYTHING I stand for, and I have no problem saying she’s a genius, and as an ACTOR, she’d be one of the top 20 directors I’d work for in an INSTANT no matter how small the role. She’s a genuine artist.

    Of course I love Michelle Williams. She has great feet. Oh, Reichardt is the one who directs all those 70 minute movies? Like, lady, TRY MAKING A FEATURE. Aren’t all her things like an hour-fifteen? I’m not paying 16 bucks to see a 70 minute movie unless it’s a documentary about Williams’s toes. Not some Bonnet shit.

  • John M

    Sorry, yeah, Campion’s got a great eye. Missed that one. I actually haven’t seen Bright Star yet…would really like to.

  • LexG

    Looking up Lucrecia Montel. I’ve honestly NEVER heard of her or ANY of these movies, ever.

    Do they show her stuff on Cinemax ever? Where do you guys SEE this shit?

  • Caged Horse

    How tragic is it that I whack off to furry porn and yet I’m still more content than LexG is?

  • LexG

    You’re only content because you’re unbelievably stupid and lame.

  • Caged Horse

    You’d know, you stupid, self-loathing crybaby cunt.

  • Caged Horse

    FURRY PORN POWER. FACT RULEZ.

    (I’ve no idea what this phraseology means but LexG seems to think it adds authority and gravitas.)

  • ximeroni

    LexG, your mind is pretty fascinating.

    You clearly have talent – I don’t know about your acting skills (I’m sure you have some, otherwise you wouldn’t be so frustrated about the lack of appreciation), but I can totally imagine your writing in some nihilistic, sarcastic comic book or something like that.

    I know what the lack of connections means.

    I’m a singer/songwriter myself and all these internet success stories are very humiliating since my web presence has gotten me absolutely nowhere, while everyone says and thinks that you can be famous in an instant once you put your music anywhere on the web. I don’t think I’m great, but I’ve seen worse artists become successful.

    I’ve been reading HE for a year or so, but I usually don’t comment since I don’t feel I have much to contribute, not being an Hollywood insider (I’m not even in America, so I don’t get to see the movies as soon as you do).

    From reading your posts I just have this feeling that I like you .You posts have often amused me and sometimes, as in this case, they have made me a little sad and concerned – even though I don’t know you at all.

    I don’t want to give you any advice and I don’t want to analyze you – both of these things always drive me crazy when someone wants to give me that treatment.

    But I can tell you that the thing that gives me solace is the fact that we are all going to die anyway and therefore nothing really matters that much. When you remind yourself of that basic fact it’s easier to calm down a little and look at the comedy of life somewhat amused.

    Just don’t feel worthless because your gifts are not appreciated. I guess that’s the norm for most people. We can only accept that an keep trying anyway or we can loose our minds. I don’t know what’s the better alternative.

  • http://www.youtube.com/AGODNamedPABLO Los Bostonian

    I think some of LEX’s point about women are sort of dead on for those of us living in LA.

    If you don’t live out here, it is difficult to explain but its basically the fucking lottery in real terms of both women and careers. Settling is horseshit, if you want to settle, you should move home to the midwest/south/”fill in the blank”

    I also loathe anyone saying “You should settle”, why the hell should I settle for a meh girl that is ok when every girl I know out here doesn’t settle and surrounds herself with 15 guys who all want to nail her and usually picks the best looking one with the most money to sleep with. People don’t marry their high school sweethearts and rarely marry people for their “personalities”, they generally hook up with the best looking/moneyied/careered combination they can find. Every beautiful girl is an actress who will inevitably meet 100 plus handsome actors every year through parties that are professionally charismatic, she will most likely keep moving onto until she dates one who is a working actor. There are certainly few exceptions, but they are few and far between.

    Nice is terribly boring, having an interesting conversation with a “nice” girl is goddamn impossible if you are a guy like LEX because either:

    1. Once they really get to know you and your neurosis, they run because they can’t believe someone thinks like that or has those tendencies.

    2. They get to know you and are fine with your tendencies, but that is because you are bringing everything to the table and they are insufferably boring and or uncharismatic.

    All these people offering LEX advice should move to LA with the intention of working in the industry and try to “date” a boring girl when every bartender and waitress within a 4 block radius could be a day player on a CW soap.

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    Havnot seen this movie yet, but look the tattoo is so fake, lol

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