I’ve been walking around Washington, D.C. for the last three and 1/2 hours, mostly near the Dupont Circle area and along K Street and N Street and that general thing, and I’m just not feeling that old pin-striped, power-elite, uptown-and-connected vibration that I recall from my visit here in ’94. There are too many tourist-schlub types, and most of them are poorly-dressed with ordinary faces and (I’ll bet) not all that much to say. It doesn’t feel right. Being here has made me want to fly to Vienna or Paris.

Friday, 10.29, 8:25 pm.

Friday, 10.29, 7:10 pm.

There used to be a kind of hush all over Washington — a vibe that told you “like it or not, this is where the power is, and where the best minds and the great statesmen and the slickest hustlers and wheeler-dealers live and operate.” Now the vibe says, “Haw! Yo, dude, three Blue Moons and two Jack Daniels neat!”

This is Washington D.C. — a place that used to stand for something. Now it looks like a town that Senator John Blutarsky took over and remade in his own image. America has largely become a nation of mallbilly pudge-bottoms and commoners with meager educations, and dressed in ugly-ass T-shirts and man-shorts and bad pigtails and grotesque Foot Locker cross-training shoes.

A barrel-chested guy got out of a taxi on Pennsvlvania Avenue and he looked like Akim Tamiroff with a Van Dyke beard, and the woman with him looked like a Las Vegas slut with too much make-up. Even the storied Tabard Inn felt just a tiny bit downmarketed. Pudgy middle-aged people were hanging out in the bar and going “blah, blah, blah, blah” — they looked and sounded like real-estate agents from Trenton.

If you’re not “in” with the connected government crowd (like me), Washington, D.C. is basically a hick town with large boulevards and big government buildings and tens of thousands of beefy-bodied, T-shirt-wearing, under-dressed dorks walking around and slurping beers. It’s not cool. It’s turned into Fairfax, Virginia or…whatever, Scranton, Pennsylvania.

Where’s the Washington of lore and legend? If the ghost of Jack Kennedy was to return here for one day in the manner of Billy Bigelow, he would say, “This is what America has come to? Get me out of here. I want to be dead again.”

30 thoughts on “Low-Renters

  1. “This is what America has come to?” …indeed, sir.

    Absolutely spot-on post and now let’s sit back and watch as all the schlub-defenders geton and try to rip you a new one simply for stating facts.

  2. Yeah and who is he connected with? Who of any import or value if he had the gall to compare the Rally To Restore Sanity with MLK? Maybe some of Jetttt’s intern friends?

  3. “This all started when men stopped wearing hats.”

    Yeah, American men need to wore hats more often. Not enough of them wear baseball caps.

  4. Me too … Self Awareness is really necessary at this time

    Another way to lower the cost of your renters insurance is to get your roommates to also get insurance. The more policies you can get, the lower your cost will be.

    There may also be some discounts that you can qualify for if you have protective devices such as a burglar alarm, or fire detection system.

  5. Jeff, unfortunately democracy means having to share your country with people who either don’t know how to dress well, can’t afford to dress well, or don’t care if they dress well.

    Perhaps there’s some folks who are pissed that they have to share this country with someone who looks down on them for that.

    Take solace in this fact. America!

  6. The Platonic Ideal of Populism.

    You want to shake things up? Go take a dump outside of the American Enterprise Institute, or CATO. Better yet, CEI.

  7. I wasn’t sure just why the hell Jeff wanted to go to this rally, quite honestly, but now I know: It’s part of his never-ending search to find a place full of nicely-dressed, trim people who give off a quiet vibe of “don’t-fuck-with-me” power. People Jack Kennedy would be proud to return from the grave to see. Damn.

    Good thing for me I wore that blazer and the cherry-red Docs last week when I met him up in Suffern…

  8. There are too many tourist-schlub types, and most of them are poorly-dressed with ordinary faces and (I’ll bet) not all that much to say.

    Good thing they’ll all leave after the rally is over.

  9. I’ve visited D.C. at least twice since playing Fallout 3 — trust me, it really ain’t that bad a place now in comparison.

  10. Just like from Thanksgiving to Xmas the area around that darn decorated tree is rife with shlubbolas, so too is the area you are in a tourist mecca — and only worst with the Stewart-Colbert crowd. And Dupont is over as a hangout. Go to the U St. corridor if you want thin cool hipsters. As for the lack of power attitude, try a weekday on K Street.

    And I don’t know how much you saved taking the bus over the Acela or even a normal train from NYC, but a D.C. rush hour is just about the worst of any major metropolitan area in the USA. If you don’t have to fly, the train is the way to go.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>