Among 2011′s Worst
Your Highness won’t Norbit-ize Natalie Portman‘s Oscar hopes since it comes out post-Oscar (i.e., 4.8.11). But to call this latest trailer “not funny” isn’t the half of it. The blase throwaway tone doesn’t just make me cringe and convulse. It makes me dream about fantasy paybacks. In a word, retribution.
Portman, James Franco and Zooey Deschanel get a pass because…well, they just do. But I’d be okay with the careers of Danny McBride and director David Gordon Green being hurt by this. This trailer completely destroys all the hip-cool vibes created by Pineapple Express.
Notice how Portman gets to perform all the standard 2010 female-action-star stuff in a medieval guise — punch, kickbox, shoot arrows (as Cate Blanchett did in Robin Hood) — but she also peels down to a thong bikini in one swimming hole scene. This is basically a case of Portman and her reps (a) demanding and getting all the socio-political power demonstrations afforded a major female star when costarring in a throwaway idiot-costume comedy, or (b) elevating the 2010 industry horseshit factor to level 12. (I would have been okay, incidentally, with Olivia de Havilland having a thong-bikini scene in Michael Curtiz‘s Robin Hood…no complaints at all.)
Remember how it was Kevin Costner who performed the au natural swimming-hole scene in Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves and not Mary Elizabeth Mastrontonio? Imagine the humor from McBride taking a dip in a pond and Portman watching nearby from a hidden place, checking out his pot belly and pimply ass and man-boobs and going “ahh, my heart goes pitty-pat!”
Having read the script and knowing DGG’s comic sensibility, I guarantee the actual movie will be much weirder than this trailer. That moment at the end seems like a good indication of how screwed up the actual movie might be. That said, the script is aggressively low brow, so I wouldn’t expect insightful satire or anything.
We’re going to be Portmantized all of 2011: Thor, This one, No Strings Attached, and the Other Woman. Could she be over doing it a bit?
I suspect that the producers are eager to get her films out NOW, because of the nominations; also, she could be the next hot thing…..but I’m betting that Zoe Saldana, Blake Lively and Mila Kunis should they get really good material are the next hot things.
The red band trailer was hilarious I thought.
The Other Woman looks like another weak Portman performance. I think Black Swan was just an aberration.
Don’t forget HESHER. That would make 5 Portman movies for 2011.
I saw it at a screening over the summer; mostly finished effects.
Funny, though not quite as funny as Pineapple Express (which is a tough bar to reach). Franco’s really really good in this, easily the best thing in it. Portman doesn’t really have many jokes besides to be the straight man role.
Funny movie; Wells is being too harsh on it.
Why not just re-release START THE REVOLUTION WITHOUT ME?
The red-band trailer was much funnier and had 75% less ass coverage in the Portman swimming scene. I’d see this in the theater.
Saying it’s not as funny as “Pineapple Express” is like claiming it’s only half as good as “Yellowbeard.” This makes Broken Lizard seem like genius. I have no interest in KROD MANDOON the movie.
The red band trailer is very funny.
Some of you guys are way too uptight.
this new cut looks like it should say “From the Makers of Xena except without any Bruce Campbell.”
and JD – what do you know of David Green’s Comic Sensibilities? Have you seen Will You Lather Up My Rough House?
I didn’t like Pineapple Express. As for dissing Broken Lizard, I’d take Super Troopers, Beer Fest, and even Club Dread over that.
It’s all about your sense of taste. If you find Danny McBride and Ben Best’s writing to be funny, then you’ll probably like it. I know a lot of people are mixed on Eastbound and Down. I think it’s rad, but my girlfriend hates it.
I think “Your Highness” will be in the same area of taste that “Pineapple Express” fell into.
It’s not for everyone, but at least it takes chances and goes for the stoner audience. Maybe it won’t succeed, but I don’t see any other R rated fantasy stoner comedies being made with a cast like this. It’s tougher to pull off than you think.
Portman’s Oscar chances are facing more booby traps than Indiana Jones. This sucky trailer here, this awful looking movie coming out over there.
I think y’all are sleeping on Justin Theroux.
Who the fuck is Justin Theroux?
5 movies in 2011? Sh***TT!!! Who’s her agent?
If this movie needs to bomb in order to get McBride back to the set of Eastbound & Down for Season 3… so be it. I need more Kenny F-ing Powers!
(Seriously, though… how many of the “sidekick” roles in mediocre comedies must McBride take?)
Eastbound S2 was a pretty steep drop-off from 1… I think they should call it quits on that while they’re (somewhat) ahead. It’s getting a little tiresome.
I know what happened here – Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis made a bet on the set of Black Swan over who could make the stupidest movie as a followup. Mila probably thought she won when she did a romantic comedy with Justin Timberlake, but with this, the movie with Ishtar Ketchup, AND Thor, Natalie is playing on a whole other level.
Can’t bring myself to see the ttailer at this time, but is this on a par with the “mighty joint” dope joke in Mel Brooks’ HISTORY OF THE WORLD PART 1?
Chicago: I think she knows her 15 minutes are up, and she’s just cashing in before she realizes she’s yesterday’s news. For some reason, people thought she was one of the few positives in the SW prequels, and now that she’s no longer coasting off them, she’s resorted to pandering to the lowest common denominator male movie-goers to keep her name in print. But at the rate she’s going, she’ll be the next Shannon Elizabeth in terms of attractive and likable actresses who pissed away their careers.
dino: Nothing’s stupider than Black Swan.
Kakihara, what career did Shannon Elizabeth have that she pissed away?
JR: Does Love Actually count for anything?
more brilliance from DZ – Natalie Portman’s 15 minutes are up — two months before she wins the Oscar.
Natalie Portman and I are DONE professionally.
Kakihara: no Shannon Elizabeth’s bimbo part in Love Actually most certainly does not count as a ‘career’ or even potentional career. Nor does anything else she’s ever done. She’s a no talent bimbo who flashes her tits in every second piece of crap movie she’s in.
Portman is a competent enough actress with some class.
Anyway, I call bullshit on every opinion you have from here on out for this, the stupidest of comments of this thread: Nothing’s stupider than Black Swan.
A Gabe: What did Portman do to end your ‘profesionall’ relationship? Dress up in a costume in a movie??
Lupo: “Natalie Portman’s 15 minutes are up — two months before she wins the Oscar.”
And isn’t the Oscar usually the career kiss of death for most actors?
Rich: “She’s a no talent bimbo who flashes her tits in every second piece of crap movie she’s in.”
And it took talent to be a teen hooker in The Professional or some weird space geisha thing in the SW prequels?
“Portman is a competent enough actress with some class.”
I’d say she’s as competent as Drew Barrymore. Though I will agree that she did have class until that Boleyn Girl movie.
“Anyway, I call bullshit on every opinion you have from here on out for this, the stupidest of comments of this thread: Nothing’s stupider than Black Swan.”
Sorry, but Swan’s the Avatar of the indie world, bloated and self-important, but not really original or daring.
Sort of reminds me what Cheech and Chong’s THE CORSICAN BROTHERS would have looked like with CGI plus drug and masturbation jokes.
I laughed..thought it was funny – and don’t believe it will have any effect at all on Natalie’s Oscar chances. She has no control over when her films are going to be released – at least two of these were filmed so long ago they could have been released last year and no, I’m not seeing her delivering a bad performance in any of them.
And Blake Lively over Natalie Portman for who’s “the next hot thing”? Ya can’t be serious. Blake will never be the next anything unless you’re talking about boob jobs and fashion.
Good lord . . . somebody ban DZ again.
How can you say “Natalie Portman’s 15 minutes are up” when she’s already had an incredibly successful career for well over a decade?
Your stupidity know no bounds.
Kakihara: Filthy Rich covered my point about Shannon Elizabeth very well – she never had a serious movie career to piss away, thus you placing Natalie Portman in her camp was ridiculous.
The movie just looks like shit. The photography, the costumes, the sets, the special effects, weird looking actors, James Franco’s hair.. it all looks weird/unpleasant. Some movies just misfire completely visually like that, and audiences don’t show up. I know I won’t.
There were teen hookers in The Professional? Or does someone hate the shit out of women?
Krazy: “How can you say “Natalie Portman’s 15 minutes are up” when she’s already had an incredibly successful career for well over a decade?”
Again, ‘cus most of her career consisted of her coasting off the Star Wars prequels.
JR: “she never had a serious movie career to piss away, thus you placing Natalie Portman in her camp was ridiculous.”
Again, what was so serious about Star Wars? By that logic, Orlando Bloom had a serious career with LOTR and POTC.
Gabe: Isn’t that what she played in the film? Or was I mistaken?
Kakihara:
In The Professional, Portman did not play a hooker.
If you want to believe that Portman “pissed away” her career with paycheck gigs like Star Wars prequels, go ahead, but you are wrong – she has had a very real and rich career for almost 20 years.
I and others are simply pointing out that your comparing Portman to Shannon Elizabeth, as if Elizabeth ever had a career worthy of pissing away, is delusional. SE had two bites at the big time apple, in 2 bimbo roles – Love Actually and American Pie – and has never been cast in Hollywood for any serious roles. Portman has had an astonishing career and will continue to be an A lister for the next 30+ years.
The red-band trailer’s funnier. It’s as though Danny McBride and LexG were pulled into a room and told to remake The Princess Bride.
You say Justin Theroux and all I can think is Mulholland Dr. and co-writer of Tropic Thunder. For half the trailer I thought he was Mark Strong.
JR: “In The Professional, Portman did not play a hooker.”
Ok, a slut, then. I guess I misread the deleted scene column on IMDB. Though it’s not like that’s a step up for her.
“she has had a very real and rich career for almost 20 years.”
Doing what? Playing quirky goofy girls?
“I and others are simply pointing out that your comparing Portman to Shannon Elizabeth, as if Elizabeth ever had a career worthy of pissing away, is delusional. ”
Well, again how is an irritating cartoon Gungan any classier than a dude who fucks a pie?
“and has never been cast in Hollywood for any serious roles.”
That’s not true. She did Thirteen Ghosts, the Kid and I, and Cursed. What you mean is high-profile, which I guess I’d agree with you on.
“Portman has had an astonishing career and will continue to be an A lister for the next 30+ years.”
It’s not astonishing as much as lazy. And her A-list days were over when she decided to do an R-rated Willow parody.