If Movies Were Food

The Social Network is a specially seasoned grade-A ribboned steak served in a top-ranked Cambridge restaurant. Or maybe it’s just a plate of roast herbal chicken served in a nice, inexpensive Cambridge cafeteria, filling and nutritious. Black Swan is a breakfast of grapefruit and one lightly-boiled egg. The King’s Speech is a well-prepared meal of roast duck and rice pudding served at Rules on a Tuesday night. Winter’s Bone is an organic vegetable salad, except the person eating it is unshaven and only showers twice weekly and is wearing a flannel shirt and has a bad smoker’s cough. The Town is an admittedly tasty (for some) hamburger with sauteed onions and large fries with a little paper cup of mayo on the side. Others?

41 thoughts on “If Movies Were Food

  1. JR on said:

    True Grit is a satchel full of hardened corn pone, more suitable for target practice than food…

  2. I am sorry Jeff, but you have your Scott Rudin and Sorkin blinders on. THE SOCIAL NETWORK is microwaveable slop all around to anyone that has ever been close to Harvard Sq. let alone sat in on any class. The only hilarious thing is that Facebook came out of Harvard and not MIT and two rowers on the Charles were the driving force behind it.

    NEVER LET ME GO is the steak and BLACK SWAN is the foie gras.

  3. ——————————————————–

    Just watched “Inside Job.” That film’s portrait of Harvard is quite different from the portrait of Harvard in “Social Network.”

    “Inside Job’s” portrait of Harvard president Larry Summers is quite different from the “Social Network” portrait of Harvard President Larry Summers.

    Please make sure this is no discussion of this.

    ——————————————————

    This message above was sent to me by Julian Assange, who said it came from leaked Consensi documents that were sealed, until now, by the Contentioni.

  4. All right, Duke Savoy wins. Hands-down. And complaining about The Social Network has become akin to bashing the Matrix sequels.

  5. The Town is a steak at Applebee’s. Social Network is a cheeseburger from Wendy’s.

    DukeSavoy is right about The Fighter.

  6. Shutter Island is a big, steaming bowl of liberally-seasoned gourmet chili with an extra couple of tablespoons of chili powder, pungent with red wine, beef stock, black beans and balsamic vinegar, topped with minced onion and chopped tomato. With a double-baked potato smothered in a lobster mixture, butter, Creme Fraiche, Jarlsberg cheese, chives and crispy bits of bacon.

  7. The Social Network is a grilled cheese sandwich upon the upper side of which some people claim they can clearly see the face of Jesus.

  8. Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland looks like a sweet-tasting banana and mango smoothie of a movie, but it is curiously tasteless. As you consume it, you can feel it tickle the back and bottom of your throat in a way that makes you feel nauseous.

    Salt is a big bag of extremely… *salty* popcorn. Drenched in movie theatre “butter.” You can’t help but indulge yourself for a good 90-something minutes, but you’ve forgotten all about it by the time you reach your car in the theatre parking lot.

    The Expandables is a Ballpark hot dog from the grocery store, given loving care by a guy who wants it to taste good with deli mustard, sweet relish, chopped onion, jalapeno slices and all the works, but it’s still a Ballpark hot dog underneath all of it.

    The American is a precious, labored-over braised broccoli rabe with Orecchiette, offered with an eye towards presentation and served at a slightly lukewarm temperature.

  9. ‘Shutter Island’ is a tofu-steak, and the whole time you’re eating it the waiter keeps telling you it’s a real steak, and you say, “Are you sure, because it seems like it’s tofu” and then, at the end, when you’re done eating, he gives you a really long speech about how it was actually tofu the whole time.

    ‘The Ghost Writer’ is like when your dad spends a really long time talking up a restaurant, and you finally go with him, and it turns out it’s just ‘Five Guys Burgers’, but then you eat it and it’s not that bad for what it is, it’s just weird that he spent so much time hyping it.

  10. The 2010 3-D releases of Pirahna, Clash of the Titans, and The Last Airbender are a discarded Trio Sampler taken out of a dumpster at the back of your local Jack in the Box.

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