If Movies Were Food

The Social Network is a specially seasoned grade-A ribboned steak served in a top-ranked Cambridge restaurant. Or maybe it’s just a plate of roast herbal chicken served in a nice, inexpensive Cambridge cafeteria, filling and nutritious. Black Swan is a breakfast of grapefruit and one lightly-boiled egg. The King’s Speech is a well-prepared meal of roast duck and rice pudding served at Rules on a Tuesday night. Winter’s Bone is an organic vegetable salad, except the person eating it is unshaven and only showers twice weekly and is wearing a flannel shirt and has a bad smoker’s cough. The Town is an admittedly tasty (for some) hamburger with sauteed onions and large fries with a little paper cup of mayo on the side. Others?

  • JR

    True Grit is a satchel full of hardened corn pone, more suitable for target practice than food…

  • Yih

    Little Fockers is a piece of shit

  • Ray DeRousse

    Inception is an overcooked Rubik’s Cube with a generous side of expository salad.

  • JChasse

    Yih for the win… laughed for a good minute and a half.

  • Tristan Eldritch2

    The Social Network is a TV dinner with gourmet ingredients?

  • paul_kolas

    Somewhere is a paper cup portion of bottled water.

  • Kate88

    “The Kids Are All Right” : Miso-marinated grilled tempeh, local greens, and a bottle of Merlot.

  • TheCahuengaKid

    “Never Let Me Go” is raw liver spiced with slow-working arsenic…

  • filmsofdusts

    I am sorry Jeff, but you have your Scott Rudin and Sorkin blinders on. THE SOCIAL NETWORK is microwaveable slop all around to anyone that has ever been close to Harvard Sq. let alone sat in on any class. The only hilarious thing is that Facebook came out of Harvard and not MIT and two rowers on the Charles were the driving force behind it.

    NEVER LET ME GO is the steak and BLACK SWAN is the foie gras.

  • Edward

    The Kids Are All Right is a gourmet potluck.

  • Mark

    Greenberg is intentionally undercooked chicken breast with a yummy picatta sauce.

  • DukeSavoy

    The Fighter is red corned beef, watery cabbage, butter-basted boiled potatoes, all flecked with Guinness froth.

  • Gaydos


    Just watched “Inside Job.” That film’s portrait of Harvard is quite different from the portrait of Harvard in “Social Network.”

    “Inside Job’s” portrait of Harvard president Larry Summers is quite different from the “Social Network” portrait of Harvard President Larry Summers.

    Please make sure this is no discussion of this.


    This message above was sent to me by Julian Assange, who said it came from leaked Consensi documents that were sealed, until now, by the Contentioni.

  • Mark

    Wall Street 2 is beef tenderloin stuffed with american cheddar and cotton candy.

  • the sandwich

    Tron Legacy is Fun Dip (or Lik-M-Aid for those old enough to remember). Blue flavor of course.

  • Josh Massey

    Off-topic, but I just wonder what bothers Jeff more: the fact Mo’Nique is announcing the Oscar nominations, or this picture.

  • MrTribeca

    127 Hours is slow-cooked beef, off the bone.

  • Chase Kahn

    All right, Duke Savoy wins. Hands-down. And complaining about The Social Network has become akin to bashing the Matrix sequels.

  • nightheat
  • Movie Watcher

    The Town is a steak at Applebee’s. Social Network is a cheeseburger from Wendy’s.

    DukeSavoy is right about The Fighter.

  • Wiggumx

    DZ, posting while hyperventilating:

    “A stolen egg! Black Swan is a stolen egg! STOLEN!!!!”

  • http://colemancornerincinema.blogspot.com Alexander

    Shutter Island is a big, steaming bowl of liberally-seasoned gourmet chili with an extra couple of tablespoons of chili powder, pungent with red wine, beef stock, black beans and balsamic vinegar, topped with minced onion and chopped tomato. With a double-baked potato smothered in a lobster mixture, butter, Creme Fraiche, Jarlsberg cheese, chives and crispy bits of bacon.

  • adorian

    The Social Network is a grilled cheese sandwich upon the upper side of which some people claim they can clearly see the face of Jesus.

  • http://colemancornerincinema.blogspot.com Alexander

    Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland looks like a sweet-tasting banana and mango smoothie of a movie, but it is curiously tasteless. As you consume it, you can feel it tickle the back and bottom of your throat in a way that makes you feel nauseous.

    Salt is a big bag of extremely… *salty* popcorn. Drenched in movie theatre “butter.” You can’t help but indulge yourself for a good 90-something minutes, but you’ve forgotten all about it by the time you reach your car in the theatre parking lot.

    The Expandables is a Ballpark hot dog from the grocery store, given loving care by a guy who wants it to taste good with deli mustard, sweet relish, chopped onion, jalapeno slices and all the works, but it’s still a Ballpark hot dog underneath all of it.

    The American is a precious, labored-over braised broccoli rabe with Orecchiette, offered with an eye towards presentation and served at a slightly lukewarm temperature.

  • ketut

    Y’all are making me hungry.

  • BobbyLupo

    ‘Shutter Island’ is a tofu-steak, and the whole time you’re eating it the waiter keeps telling you it’s a real steak, and you say, “Are you sure, because it seems like it’s tofu” and then, at the end, when you’re done eating, he gives you a really long speech about how it was actually tofu the whole time.

    ‘The Ghost Writer’ is like when your dad spends a really long time talking up a restaurant, and you finally go with him, and it turns out it’s just ‘Five Guys Burgers’, but then you eat it and it’s not that bad for what it is, it’s just weird that he spent so much time hyping it.

  • CitizenKaned4Life

    The 2010 3-D releases of Pirahna, Clash of the Titans, and The Last Airbender are a discarded Trio Sampler taken out of a dumpster at the back of your local Jack in the Box.

  • lazarus

    The Human Centipede = rump roast

  • http://www.newfreeonlinegames.net free games

    If the movies were food then every one has to watch this to be alive :-)

  • http://www.moviesfunzone.com/download-the-social-network-movie nicole36

    I watch The Social Network movie its really wonderful movie, the story or casting is too good

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