Deadpan Smoothie & Cuckoo Girl

I’m getting a deeply referenced, self-tilting, performance-art vibe from those James Franco-and-Anne Hathaway Oscar promo spots. It may as well be faced — these guys aren’t going to be that funny.

They’re obliged to be “out there,” of course, and do whatever they can, but I’m sensing very little to come in the way of machine-gun panache, nervy Billy Crystal-like broadsides, and/or Steve Martin-ish stingers. They’ve obviously decided to be the anti-Ricky Gervais duo. If you’re not willing to be cruel, what’s the point?

They’ll probably be “amusing,” okay, but all night long the invisible left-to-right crawl at the bottom of the screen will read “well…what’d you expect?” In a 2.24 Gawker piece titled “An Oscars Problem: Anne Hathaway Is Not Funny,” Richard Dawson wrote, “This is going to be a disaster. ”

Hathaway’s Madonna-as-Evita spot has me especially concerned. She’s imitating Madonna with the low-rent New Jersey accent and the “boom boom”…right?

From Gervais’s website, a sampling of Franco and Hathaway’s opening patter:

Franco: “I’m James Franco.”

Hathaway: “…and I’m Anne Hathaway.”

Franco: “You probably know me from 127 Hours where I play a man trapped in an enclosed space who decides he would rather cut his own arm off than stay where he was. Now that sounds ‘way out’ but wait ’til half way through this fucking ceremony and you’ll start to identify with him.”

Hathaway: “And I’m the new Catwoman. The first white woman to play that role since Michelle Pfeiffer. I want it to be an inspiration to all white people everywhere. Your dreams can come true in Hollywood too.”

Franco: “It’s a daunting task hosting The Oscars but we’re not alone. Presenting awards tonight will be a string of Hollywood legends and some other actors who have a film out in March or April.”

Hathaway: “Usually they hire comedians to host the Oscars, but tonight, instead, you get us!”

20 thoughts on “Deadpan Smoothie & Cuckoo Girl

  1. Love both actors, but it’s like someone looked at the tape of Rob Lowe & Snow White and said “Hey, what if they’d hosted?!”

  2. The Crystal/Goldberg/Martin era is over. They might bomb, but at least they’re trying. I wonder who they are going to leave out of the IN MEMORIAM this year?

  3. What I wanna know is, with Franco & Hathaway playing wacky Oscar hosts instead of actually hosting with their own personalities, will they be eligible for acting Emmys in the fall?

  4. IN MEMORIAM checklist:

    John Barry

    Betty Garrett

    Kenneth Mars

    Tura Satana

    Maria Schneider

    Blake Edwards

    Tony Curtis

    Gloria Stuart

    Dino De Laurentiis

    Dennis Hopper

    Corey Haim

    Arthur Penn

    Lena Horne

    Susannah York

    Maury Chaykin

    Lynn Redgrave

    John Forsythe

    June Havoc

    Jean Simmons

    Kathryn Grayson

    Peter Graves

    Patricia Neal

    Robert Culp

    Leslie Nielsen

    Jill Clayburgh

    Claude Chabrol

    Irvin Kershner

    Did I miss anyone?

  5. Maybe Sally Menke, Ronnie Chasen, Theoni Aldredge, Erich Segal, Anne Francis, Zelda Rubinstein, Peter Yates, Pete Postlethwaite, and Eddie Fisher? Certainly the Oscar nominees among them.

    I’d love to see Tura Satana on there but I’m kind of doubtful it’ll happen. And I wonder if Garrett, Mars and Barry died after the segment was locked. (Then again Barry’s music would make appropriate underscore.)

  6. Good list, Robert. I don’t see Eddie Fisher and Erich Segal making the cut. And I think they included Rubenstein last year, didn’t they?

  7. The Evita spot is ATROCIOUSLY BAD.

    I was hoping that some of the sly hipster humor Franco uses in his YouTube spots might show up here, but these show that’s clearly not going to happen. Maybe he’ll get stoned and riff off-cue.

  8. Wow, you guys are really “looking forward” to the IN MEMORIAM section of Sunday’s telecast?

    How morbid/pathetic/ancient.

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