Punched, But No Sucker

I saw Zach Snyder‘s Sucker Punch last night, and the first review I read this morning was from Marshall Fine. His admiring assessment mainly said three things: (1) “If you’re looking for Sucker Punch to make sense, see another film,” (2) Yes, it has “some flaws” but (3) “Snyder, in the space of three films” — i.e., this + Watchmen and 300 — “has become the most distinctive visual storyteller since Brian DePalma.”


Calling the LexG’s of the world! Emily Browning as “Babydoll” in Zach Snyder’s Sucker Punch.

That last statement is true in a faintly-tragic, merrily-we-go-to-hell way. Snyder does have a DePalma-esque visual paintbrush married to a crazy-maestro attitude . But I couldn’t let that “some flaws” remark stand so I wrote Fine immediately and said this:

“‘Flaws’? ‘FLAWS’? Sucker Punch is many things, but one of its goals — and it succeeds in record time, before the first act is over — is to torture people like me. Snyder has said he meant to make “Alice in Wonderland with machine guns”…machine guns and thunderclouds and samurai swords and red-eyed, medieval Japanese soldier-giants and hot kewpie-doll babes with false eyelashes, he meant. Either way the putrid remnants of the body of Lewis J. Carroll are now reanimating and reforming and adding flesh and bone and clawing their way out of the grave in order to find Snyder and his wife Deborah and strangle them in their bed.

“Snyder is a kind of visual dynamo of the first order who has created in Sucker Punch a trite-but-fascinating, symphonic, half-psychedlic, undeniably ‘inspired’ alternate-reality world — gothic, color-desaturated, Wachowski-esque — that is nonetheless ruled by so much concrete-brain idiocy and coarsely “mythic” cliches (i.e., an evil father figure so ridiculously vile and gross beyond measure that he makes the cackling, moustache-twirling villains of the Snidely Whiplash variety seem austere if not inert) and ludicrous, charmless, bottom-of-the-pit dialogue and cheaply pandering female-revenge fantasies that you literally CAN’T STAND IT and WANT TO HOWL and THROW YOUR 24 OZ. COKE AT THE SCREEN.

“Snyder is a masterful visual maestro (loved the proscenium arch ‘theatrical’ touches at the very beginning) but also — this is crucial to the Sucker Punch experience — an Igor-like, chained-in-the-basement, genius-level moron at dumbing things down. The movie is a digital torture device for those seeking at least a hint of compelling narrative, a tendril-ish remnant of logic, a tiny smidgen of story intelligence, and dialogue with a hint of flair or some kind of tethered-to-the-world normality.

“Apart from sending people like myself into tailspins of depression, Sucker Punch is essentially about the Warner Bros. corporate uglies giving loads of money to a wild-eyed 21st Century primitive and in so doing trying to turn on the younger female ticket-buyers with fantasies of power and revenge against all the oily men in their lives who’ve sought to exploit or use or treat them with cruelty. It is putrid ComicCon swill of the lowest order.

“In fact, Sucker Punch strongly suggests that there is, in fact, a ComicCon screenwriting software that is being secretly peddled to GenX and GenY filmmakers that insures that the exact same mythical imaginings and the exact same high-flying Matrix-y sword battles and the exact same wild-action-fantasy, go-to-the-next-video-game-level story progressions are repeated ad infinitum.

“Yes, there’s a worlds-within-worlds scheme going on (i.e., a dream-world-within-a-play-being-performed blahdeeblah) but it’s basically about LexG horndog lust and notions of hotpants girly-girls with onlinehookerblowjobslut fantasy names like Babydoll (the lead blondie played by Emily Browning) and Sweet Pea (Abbie Cornish), Rocket (as in “you’ll go off like a rocket,” played by Jena Malone), Blondie (Vanessa Hudgens) and Amber (Jamie Chung)…oop-poop-pee-doop! Sucker Punch delivers like VHS porn, and I’m not just speaking of the dialogue but the acting. And to think of these nice, attractive, presumably intelligent actresses collecting a paycheck for their willingess to be chained in Snyder’s basement…the shame of it.

“How infuriating that a guy who really knows how to direct and whip up a frenzy with all kinds of serious, high-style production-design lather, is such a prisoner of his own sub-mental “holy shit, that’s so cool!” imaginings…such atrociously labored, poisonously cliched comic-book/video-game sludge that the mind reels & the stomach turns as the vomit goes splat on the sidewalk.

“This was Snyder’s first creation that came straight from his own imaginings (and also from the head of Steve Shibuya, “the guy who wrote the original score that Sucker Punch is based upon”). The tragedy is that there are no guiding hands or creeds or mechanisms or mentors in 2011 Hollywood to rein Snyder in and urge him to refine or re-shape or otherwise up his game. His producing-partner wife Deborah has obviously goaded him in this flamboyant direction, and the WB corporate hell-hounds are basically saying ‘yeahh, Zach…go for it, whatever, video-game fantasy crap…love it!”

“No offense but Sucker Punch feels to me like a ghastly, deranged and darkly depraved thing…it’s the apocalypse, the end, the flames of hell…and yet, at the end of the day, conversely brown and gooey.”

  • Edward

    This is inspired: ‘but it’s basically about LexG horndog lust and notions of hotpants girly-girls with online hookerblowjobslut-fantasy names like Babydoll …’ Makes me almost want to see it now. This sounds like porn that should be seen on the big screen!

  • Eloi Wrath

    “The tragedy is that there are no guiding hands or creeds or mechanisms or mentors in 2011 Hollywood to rein Snyder in and urge him to refine or re-shape or otherwise up his game.”

    That’s what I’m hopeful Nolan will be able to do for him.

  • ErrantElan

    I think I’ve used this on this site before, but I always had a high-school-and-early-college-age quote for the kids (and older kids at heart) that movies like this appealed to – “people who think they’re smart because they’re not stupid”.

    These are the kids who weren’t dumb jocks, or mainstream not-a-thought-in-their-heads, or, god forbid, actually intellectually challenged “special education” types. They might have a bit of a streak of color in their hair to show they were “rebellious”. They knew the words but not the music to concepts like intellectual curiosity, and they thought that was enough. The point being, there is a milieu of music and movies that tended to appeal heavily to these people, and not ALL of them were bad (I’d say “Fight Club” and Nine Inch Nails would be prime examples). But movies like “Sucker Punch” are right up their alley, and Zach Snyder seems like their poster-boy.

  • http://fortmchenryii.blogspot.com/ admiralmpj

    Saw it last night. I thought Watchmen was the most vile movie I’ve seen this Frat-Boy panderer make, then I saw Sucker Punch.

    Most painful sit…ever.

    I cannot believe that this guy’s going to be allowed anywhere near Superman. Zack could actually do something impressive. He’s bad enough that he could be the first blemish on Chris Nolan’s otherwise spotless career.

  • JLC

    I’ll be interested to see what the genre crowd makes of this. Contrary to popular belief, they don’t give rubber-stamp approval to everything in their wheelhouse. See: Scott Pilgrim.

    I’ve said before, but the film this most reminds me of is Sky Captain, which bitterly disappointed me when it came out seven (!) years ago. It looks like a moving painting, but underneath is empty air.

  • George Prager

    It will do 20 million tops. Better than PAUL at least.

  • Edward

    I wish I had seen Watchman on the big screen. It was such a refreshing blast of originality to the growing sameness of superhero films.

  • Luke Y. Thompson

    “such atrociously labored, poisonously cliched comic-book/video-game sludge that the mind reels & the stomach turns as the vomit goes splat on the sidewalk.”

    GREAT turn of phrase…I liked the movie, but this is a wonderfully written pan.

  • Jonathan Spuij

    His visual style is distinctive but serves absolutely no function here. At least it worked so well for Watchmen, that was really an alternate universe intended to be different from the get-go. This movie is just one bloated mess that doesn’t require all his fancy pancy slomo’s and idiotic visual effects. Oh and the girls couldn’t stop crying. That becamse truly annoying after only 20 minutes in. I kinda liked the bastardized pop-songs though. Probably because they were the only things in the film even remotely related to quality.

  • michael

    Jeff, you call the Warner people “Hell Hounds”.

    These are the same exact Hell Hounds that Green lit the 200 million dollar “Inception”, so they can’t be that bad can they?

    I don’t understand. You hate people like me. You hate us and look at us with such distain that it drips from every word you speak like venom, and you hate anything geek related. So why exactly would you even go to a screening of this flick? I mean really? Why? Is it just so you can detail in flowery language the new levels of hate that you’ve reached this time? I’m not mad or pissed off or anything like that, I am actually curious about it. Like me for instance, I can’t stand Uwe Boll films ( I know, I know…who does?) so when a new opus of his opens at the local multi-plex, I do an interesting thing….I stay the fuck away from that theater. I just don’t submit myself to the torture that I know i’m going to endure if my eyes happen to scan that particular screen. Anyone and everyone who reads this site on a daily basis (like myself) already knows you hold people like myself in distain, so we don’t expect you to like these films or even really talk about them. Every once in a while you surprise us by loving something like Avatar or Inception, but by and large, these kinds of films just aren’t your thing and that’s fine. I don’t like a lot of films that fall under the geek banner either, but I do hold a love for certain genres like Science Fiction and Fantasy that geeks tend to call their own. But you’ve made your hatred of these things crystal clear over the years, so why do you keep torturing yourself?

  • actionlover

    I love reading all the fanboy, BiMonSciFiCon nerds’ rationales for seeing movies like this.

    (i.e.)

    “Sadly, you’re probably right, Jeffrey. I’ve heard it isn’t very true to the source material and the casting of Camaro The Inquisitor is ALL wrong and it apparently doesn’t have a masterful title sequence like “Watchmen”.

    However, I am kind of interested in seeing how they shot the ninja sword vs. cobra canon sequence, so I’ll be seeing it today at the Arclight for it’s first show, and then again tonight, not because it’s good or anything, but to gauge it’s impact on an evening crowd.

    There’s no way I’m getting any action figures, though. Unless they’re available on line.”

  • Ray DeRousse

    At least DePalma had stories to tell and characters to feature with all of his flash and style. Snyder has yet to manage that, even with WATCHMEN, his closest coherent film thus far.

  • corey3rd

    “has become the most distinctive visual storyteller since Brian DePalma.”

    Of course it helps when he’s merely adapting comic books to the big screen and thanks to CGI, he can live action Xerox a panel to give it motion.

    Although this time he just made his own motion comic book instead of taking from the modern masters.

  • Rashad

    Watchmen blew, Dawn of The Dead was lame, and 300 was only fun in the theater. Trying to watch it any time after is painful. Although it’s one of the most gorgeous movies to look at.

    “No offense but Sucker Punch feels to me like a ghastly, deranged and darkly depraved thing…it’s the apocalypse, the end, the flames of hell…and yet, at the end of the day, conversely brown and gooey”

    I thought this movie looked like shit, but this makes me want to see it.

  • Krillian

    RotTom’s at 29% this moment. Roger Moore called it “Last Airbender with bustiers.”

  • http://moviebob.blogspot.com/ THE MovieBob

    Actually, Warner Bros. is scare shitless of this movie – that’s why they’ve been hiding it from the press and even the “fanboys” up until now. It’s too smart in an “I’m-not-holding-your-hand-figure-this-shit-out-for-yourself” way for most of the mainstream action crowd; but unlike (for example) “Inception” it’s frame of reference is too “current” for the old-guard critical press – if the girls were vanishing into fantasy-world of, say, film noir or B-Westerns or other things over-40 cinephile types know/respect they’d probably get into it… but since the dreamtime stuff is comics/anime/steampunk/videogames (i.e. stuff the young women in the target audience are actually into) they’ll be dismissing it out of hand.

    That, and it’s a full-on new-feminist estrogen-fueled thing – there’s NO positive male/female romance, all the male characters (save for one zen-like, asexual “grandad” figure) are beastial monster, I don’t know that there’s ever been a more wholly-female, fuck-the-patriarchy action film of this type made at this level. Make no mistake: the ONLY reason something that’s clearly this much of a personal, written-in-blood passion project for someone like Snyder is seeing the light of day is because Warner Bros. HAD to let him do it to keep him on the reservation for stuff like “Superman” where they NEED a guy who works as efficiently as he does.

  • kingofnails

    Pretty terrific review if that’s what this is. And I have to ask, and I’m sorry but I really HAVE to: how does Jena Malone look in this thing?

  • Gaydos

    Has anyone alerted the New York City Police Department that someone has kidnapped Marshall Fine’s brain? Or that someone is holding his loved one’s in a basement threatening them with a violent death if he doesn’t completely shame himself with a review that will haunt him all his days?

    Jeff: Your review is one for the ages. Truth to power.

    In the immortal words of my good friend Carl Wyant, who summed up everything you have to know about our biz:

    “You can’t swing a dead cat in this town without hitting a ‘genius’.”

  • Luke Y. Thompson

    kingofnails – my girlfriend thought she looked like “Link” from the Legend of Zelda games.

  • LexG

    MovieBob said:

    “the dreamtime stuff is comics/anime/steampunk/videogames (i.e. stuff the young women in the target audience are actually into)”

    What? WHAT? What “young woman” is into ANY of that shit? I defy you to show me a young chick on this planet who reads THE FUNNY PAPERS like you guys or who plays VIDEO GAMES. And *I* don’t even know what the hell “steampunk” is, so I guarantee NO WOMAN ALIVE does either.

    Enjoyed my shout-out in the review. This looks SO arousing, I cannot wait.

    I’m trying to decide preemptively who my favorite little Sucker Punch is. Abbie Cornish was all YEP YEP in Limitless, but sometimes I just think she’s this bioengineered mix of Nicole Kidman, Sarah Polley and Charlize Theron. Jena Malone is pretty good and totally my type and will make for a hot Sucker Punch, and Jamie Chung is one of the rare Asian chicks who gets a full LOOK AT HER!

    But it’s down to Little Hudgens (YAY!) and Emily Browning. Browning was smooooking in that evil stepmother movie with Elizabeth Banks where the teen girls sat around a dock in little bikinis the whole movie, but Hudgens is SO ADORABLE and especially dolled up on LITTLE OUTFITS in this, is going to rule all. Still, I’m going to embrace the new and go Team Browning on this. Plus the name BABYDOLL is *so* fucking hot, I wish I knew a chick with that name who wore LITTLE OUTFITS and showed her feet a lot and just liked to have sex and had NO LIVING RELATIVES or, frankly, any opinions other than how to best look hot for me.

  • Markj74

    “has become the most distinctive visual storyteller since Brian DePalma.”

    Oh boy. Where does one begin?

  • kingofnails

    LYT, your girlfriend is kind of awesome.

  • George Prager

    Obviously, Lex, you haven’t been hanging out with a lot of morbidly obese baristas who cut themselves. And “steampunk” is all of that old junk you saw used 25 years ago in BRAZIL.

  • Rashad

    Jena Malone looks all busted and used up.

  • George Prager

    What do you know about someone being “used up”, Rashad? You’re still years away from losing your virginity.

  • DavidF

    I don’t think there’s anyone on earth as concerned about where Hollywood artistes get their paycheques as Jeff Wells.

    All these sensitive souls forced to dress up in boustiers, spandex and leather to please the Eloi when what they’d really like to be doing is Shakespeare in the Park and Warholesque experimental film.

    Poor, Vanessa Hudgens, forced to degrade herself.

    Poor Mark Ruffalo, forced to do silly motion capture for a green monster.

    Poor Chris Nolan, left to tend for himself in this sick, fanboy infested environment! Woe! Woe!

    As for Sucker Punch, I had pretty low expectations (and I liked Watchmen) so I don’t really care. But I find it hard to believe WB would be allowing Snyder near Superman if this thing was such an abomination.

    Don’t worry, Jeff. Soon you’ll have Mallick and his dinosaurs (!) and his pretty shots of leaves and sunlight set to way-too-on-the-nose voice-overs about fathers and sons and animals and nature (and fathers’ and sons’ animal natures!) to moon over. Now, there’s a man who’d never just take a paycheque!

  • LexG

    Just yesterday everyone across the ‘sphere was telling me I should check out Liz Taylor in that bathing suit movie she did.

    Sorry, but just not seeing it, even for back in the day. Any of these chicks over prime Liz, in an INSTANT. I think sometimes Old Movie fans go beyond just rose-colored glasses into total blinders. There’s three or four chicks in SUCKER PUNCH who require TOTAL BOWING, there are young ingenues today who are THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN who ever lived, and movie critics, straight and gay, are like, “Eh, whatever,” whereas if this were 1957 and it was Lana Turner or Rita Hayworth or some other chick who WASN’T HOT AT ALL dressed like I LOVE LUCY, you guys’d be all, ‘WAAAAAAAAAAAH! LOOK AT HER LOOKING LIKE BETTY RUBBLE!”

  • michael

    DavidF: You nailed it. Malick and his goddamned endless shots of leaves and grass blowing in the wind. All the snobs and pretensious asshats with their black berets and scarfs kneel and blow Malick when he throws away things like narrative and cohensive scenes. HIP O CRITES!!

  • Gaydos

    Two further thoughts:

    1) Jonathan Spuij: Succintly put, on the nose, right the eff on.

    2) “Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow” meets “Kick Ass” meets “Scott Pilgrim” = $55 – 65 million domestic gross against $130 million negative + p&a costs = $130 million needed from o’seas and home ent to break even = everyone survives the dud?

  • Indeed

    Devin Faraci recommends it. Then again, he called Scott Pilgram an important film or some shit like that.

  • Jonathan Spuij

    ‘”wholly-female, fuck-the-patriarchy action film of this type made at this level.”

    Wrong. It’s trying to be but isn’t trying seriously because the females are still pure lust objects and have incredibly weak morales, oh and did I mention yet they can’t stop crying for more than 30 consecutive seconds?

  • LexG

    “he females are still pure lust objects and have incredibly weak morals, oh and did I mention yet they can’t stop crying for more than 30 consecutive seconds?”

    Sounds HOT. I can’t remember who or where, but some douche once tried to make a distinction between male directors “who love women” and male directors “who love to fuck women.”

    I think it’s an important and awesome distinction for the exact opposite reason intended, because with the latter you get YEP YEP and women POSED to LOOK HOT and wearing outfits and serving as pliant lust objects, in other words, AWWWWWWWWWESOME and what ALL OF LIFE should be about. Bay. Besson. Stone. Ratner. Snyder. On the pussyish flip side…

    With “directors who love women,” you get STRONG WOMEN! who look like they have body odor taking Valium and dressed like Sally Kellerman in a burlap sack in Brewster McCloud. NOBODY wants to see this, EVER, except non-attractive women and gay men.

    It is a FACT OF LIFE that when it comes to movies, straight guys just want the chicks to LOOK HOT AND SEXY, and we have ZERO interest in them as anything other than sex objects. This is not a nice thing to say, but it is ABSOLUTELY true 100% of the time. ONE HUNDRED PERCENT.

  • Jeff and/or Danny Is Always Wrong

    Either way the putrid remnants of the body of Lewis J. Carroll are now reanimating and reforming and adding flesh and bone and clawing their way out of the grave in order to find Snyder and his wife Deborah and strangle them in their bed.

    You know, like Creepshow.

  • Gaydos

    L:exG: William Burroughs had this idea about having a small explosive charge implanted in every human and the moment a person ever says “I AM ONE HUNDRED PER CENT RIGHT” they will be blown up.

    We all need to remember that.

    And always floss.

  • Jeff and/or Danny Is Always Wrong

    What? WHAT? What “young woman” is into ANY of that shit? I defy you to show me a young chick on this planet who reads THE FUNNY PAPERS like you guys or who plays VIDEO GAMES. And *I* don’t even know what the hell “steampunk” is, so I guarantee NO WOMAN ALIVE does either.

    Turn off the computer and leave the apartment, you’ll meet a young woman that fits that description within five minutes in Los Angeles.

    Of course, you’d have to talk to her to learn this, so… maybe you won’t.

  • Rashad

    Prager still on with his old man schtick

  • George Prager

    Rashad makes Kodi Smit-McPhee look used up.

  • Gaydos

    Questions:

    Has anyone from the SteamPunk Anti-Defamation League been contacted for a reaction to the film?

    Will Gloria Allred find a young SteamPunk aficionado who will claim to have been traumatized by the film?

    Why wasn’t the film titled “Steamer-Punched” or”Steam Punk’d?”

    Am I the only one who thought the film needed more steam, more punk and less sucker?

  • TimDG

    Jena Malone looks like the missing link between Kristen Stewart and Rumer Willis.

  • MilkMan

    I’ve read a lot of dumb things on this site, but “Snyder is the most distinctive visual storyteller since Brian DePalma” might be the dumbest.

    Hey, Marshall, do you mean that Snyder is the most distinctive visual storyteller of the last 35-40 years, when DePamla really got going? Out of every single filmmaker who has made a film since the early 70s? Is that what you’re saying? Because if you are, I have one (or two, or three, or four) question(s) for you: How did you get a job writing about movies? Was your hiring part of some affirmative action program for people with learning disabilities? And when you watch a movie (that is, a movie not directed by Brian DePalma), do you actually look at the screen, where all the pretty pictures are, or do you, like Leonard Maltin, bury your face in a bag of Mother’s Animal Cookies (the ones with white and pink frosting and sprinkles) from credits to credits?

  • Jim Peacock

    Wait, did you reference a commentor in your retort to a professional critic?

  • NickF

    I never want to hear Zach talk about how his wife keeps him in check. She’s just as self-indulgent as he is.

    WB somehow cut a nice trailer for the comiccon sheep, but you could sense the fear that had about the movie in the months after that.

  • actionlover

    Okay Prager, that’s really weird.

    I know one girl who’s really, really into Steampunk. (actually the only person I know who’s into Steampunk) And though she is not only not obese, (actually quite slim and otherwise pretty) she is a former “cutter”. (I’ve seen the scars….. she laffs it off as a youthful phase)

    Is that a normal thing? Yeesh.

  • George Prager

    It’s just that cutters are usually people who can’t focus their energies on anything constructive and have low self-esteem.

    Hard to believe that there is anyone who is “into” steampunk.What does that really mean? Kind of like saying that you are “into” electricity or running water.

  • George Prager

    I’m into plates! When I sit down to dinner, you just know that I’ll be rockin’ a plate!

  • LexG

    “Kind of like saying that you are “into” electricity or running water.”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, SERIOUSLY. Until today I was entirely unaware there are throngs of fans who get off on seeing RISING STEAM and hissing pipes. Do you guys orgasm when Matrix kills Bennett in Commando?

    Also: “Cutter” is usually a synonym for “hot chick.”

  • JohnCope

    “Obviously, Lex, you haven’t been hanging out with a lot of morbidly obese baristas who cut themselves.”

    This is LOL dead on. Beyond that, I have to tell you that anime fixations for young women and girls is so prevalent here in the midwest at least that a friend of mine was thinking of designing a class of his around it just to bring in those students. And another friend was planning at one time to write a play exploring this whole phenomenon. Never did though.

  • coxcable

    Still think Snyder is twice the filmmaker Christopher Nolan is. One is funny and horny and not afraid of being weird. The other wants you to know how dark and clever he is. I don’t know why WB thinks these two different talents would make a good team on Superman.

    Bummed to hear the Snyder didn’t pull off Sucker Punch. Was really looking forward to it.

    And Lex, I think I was the douche in question.

  • DarthCorleone

    I haven’t been commenting as much lately, but a couple things demand response…

    MilkMan’s attack on Marshall Fine is awesome.

    LexG’s COMMANDO joke made me laugh out loud.

  • BobbyLupo

    “genius-level moron at dumbing things down”

    I loved this line and I can’t believe nobody else called it out.

  • The Thing

    Wow, you guys can’t be that old, can you? Not knowing what Steampunk is (or how to Google it), not realizing that there are a lot of people (especially girls) who are into anime, not knowing who a cutter really is or why they cut themselves. I mean, really, I didn’t think these concepts were all that new, but I guess they are if you guys don’t know about them.

    Oh, and this movie looks good for what I’m going to see it for – pretty pictures with hot girls. From the onset, I knew this wasn’t going to revolutionize narratives in films. I saw that this was going to be filled with hot girls shooting guns.

  • markj

    “has become the most distinctive visual storyteller since Brian DePalma.”

    Oh boy. Where does one begin?

  • CitizenKaned4Life

    Hahaha, Wells, great review! I don’t doubt for a second that what you say is true, but there’s just too much eye candy contained in the trailer for me to pass on this one. I suppose Snyder would be one of my “guilty pleasures;” unlike Bay, he’s never quite out-and-out offended my intelligence yet (although, like you say, this is his first script not based on preexisting material).

    But I never pass on a chance to see what at least hold the potential of being “visionary” filmmaking on the big screen. After all, if some things fall into place and the story isn’t completely horrible, you can at least end up with something “viscerally cool” like Speed Racer.

    Lupo — that was indeed a great line. Although I think the “problem” here is that there’s so much density to his blustering, spewing bile that it almost makes it impossible to single out one or two sentences. It’s pretty much all gold — and the off-the-charts frustration level (boldface and all) — never really relents after the third paragraph. I was just sitting here giggling with how upset this flick made him because, really, how could you not see this coming?

  • CitizenKaned4Life

    “Am I the only one who thought the film needed more steam, more punk and less sucker?”

    Sight unseen, I’m pretty comfortable in assuming this film could use more sucker.

  • CitizenKaned4Life

    “Still think Snyder is twice the filmmaker Christopher Nolan is. One is funny and horny and not afraid of being weird. The other wants you to know how dark and clever he is.”

    (a) I don’t really think they’re nearly as different as you’re making them out to be — they both specialize in big-budget spectacle filmmaking, but (b) if you truly believe Snyder is superior, where is his small indie that proves he can hold your attention through plot construction, characters, sheer ingenuity, and um, original scriptwriting?

    Don’t get me wrong, I dig Snyder a lot, but he’s got plenty of room left to grow, and a lot left to prove before I’d even think about putting him on the same level as Nolan.

  • cyanic

    With “directors who love women,” you get STRONG WOMEN! who look like they have body odor taking Valium and dressed like Sally Kellerman in a burlap sack in Brewster McCloud. NOBODY wants to see this, EVER, except non-attractive women and gay men.

    I hate that this made me laugh.

  • dkaye

    I wouldn’t get all superior and condescending toward the fanboys on this one…a number of their reviews are mixed to poor. I didn’t care for it at all and I know several of my colleagues who didn’t.

    Contrary to what Wells and others on this site think, if you even read just some of the fan-oriented websites, you’ll see that they don’t pull punches in their reviews if they don’t like something. Faraci, for example, was famously not a fan of THE DARK KNIGHT. and many of the other sites were split on things like WATCHMEN, KICK-ASS and IRON MAN 2.

  • The Word

    “Do you guys orgasm when Matrix kills Bennett in Commando?”

    Bennett did.

  • Eloi Wrath

    Faraci is an awful turd of a man.

  • Patrick Juvet

    You want to know what Warner are REALLY afraid of ??

    Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2, which is tracking well enough to match or possibly beat Sucker Punch for the top spot this weekend.

  • actionlover

    Prager-

    Uhh……

    By “into” I meant that she is quite a fan of the fashion, aesthetic framework, customs and designs that fall under the current label of “steampunk”.

    Didn’t mean to confuse you.

  • Gaydos

    I have a dream: Instead of flocking to multiplexes this weekend to encourage the making of films that are not only about lobotomies, but also themselves lobotomizing as well, Young America turns to Netflix en masse and clears out the shelves of all the Bresson, Ozu, Resnais, Olmi, Sturges, Hawks, Hitchcock, Fellini, Dreyer, Bergman, Allen, Peckinpah and Roeg and the headline in VARIETY on Monday reads:

    ZACK SMACKED BY ART ATTACK.

    And yes, I also dream of electric sheep.

  • Mr. F.

    Patton Oswalt made a pretty good joke about the movie today:

    “Should I go see SUCKER PUNCH or jerk off to Sailor Moon while reading Mein Kampf and save the $15?”

    Yeah. Don’t know if there’s a lot of geek love for this…

  • LexG

    Patton Oswalt sucks.

    BOW TO THE PUNCH

  • Alboone

    Judging by the trailers you could tell this was just a case of pandering to the comic-con geek set. I don’t know when this industry is going to learn that you can’t spend a 100 million dollars pandering to a slice of a demographic quadrant and expect a hit.

    Snyder is just not good with details that could make a scene more than the sum of its parts. Just look at Watchmen. Certain scenes sing and some just fall flat on their ass. In my opinion his only successful movie was the Dawn of The Dead remake because you gave a shit about the characters. They were relatable.

    I definitely want to see this because of Well’s review. The stench of it is just too appealing for me to dismiss it outright. But I’m pretty sure going in at this point that this will be terrible.

  • actionlover

    “I definitely want to see this because of Well’s review. The stench of it is just too appealing for me to dismiss it outright. But I’m pretty sure going in at this point that this will be terrible.”

    And there’s Alboone fleshing out what I said earlier…. (comment #11)

  • Michael

    Still think Snyder is twice the filmmaker Christopher Nolan is.

    coxcable, have you ever heard of the Theory of Disqualifying Statements?

  • Kakihara

    Bob: “but since the dreamtime stuff is comics/anime/steampunk/videogames (i.e. stuff the young women in the target audience are actually into) they’ll be dismissing it out of hand. ”

    Actually, one of the target audience members on my Twitter hated it, so…

    “the ONLY reason something that’s clearly this much of a personal, written-in-blood passion project for someone like Snyder is seeing the light of day is because Warner Bros. HAD to let him do it to keep him on the reservation for stuff like “Superman” where they NEED a guy who works as efficiently as he does.”

    No, they just need Supes in the can to beat the expiration date, quality of the actual movie be damned. So we’ll probably just get the CG answer to Quest for Peace.

    Lex: ” I defy you to show me a young chick on this planet who reads THE FUNNY PAPERS like you guys or who plays VIDEO GAMES. And *I* don’t even know what the hell “steampunk” is, so I guarantee NO WOMAN ALIVE does either.”

    Agree with you on steampunk, but disagree on anything else.

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