Wolf Man

I’m not a coffee snob, but I’ve owned a couple of cappuccino machines and been to dozens of European cafes and have acquired a mature understanding, I believe, of what makes a really good cup. Imagine my surprise, then, when it hit me two or three weeks ago that this kind of instant coffee is really delightful — rich, rounded, full-bodied.

  • QualityGibberish

    Agreed, that stuff is surprisingly good. I’m too cheap to buy it, though. Ran out of coffee at home a couple weeks ago and trying to quit. So far, so good, except for this weekend.

  • scooterzz

    sorry about this martha stewart moment but i absolutely love this product so forgive the enthusiasm (but i get tons of it through where i work)…. one of those tubes in vanilla ice cream, left to dissolve and then stirred will give you the BEST coffee ice cream ever…even better than regular starbucks coffee ice cream… jus’ sayin’…..

  • Krazy Eyes

    I always keep a few tubes of VIA in my purse and will often dump one in a weak cup of restaurant/diner coffee to make it taste good.

  • Edward

    You people are insane, instant coffee? It’s bad enough it’s Starbucks. I’ll go to Starbucks in a pinch, but there are a lot better cafe’s here in Oregon. I can’t speak for LA, but Jeff there has to be a good cafe that has wi-fi and really good coffee? I owned a coffee cart for awhile and we used Allann Brothers coffee.

  • QualityGibberish

    Actually, Eduard, I think it’s better than their regular coffee.

  • CitizenKaned4Life

    Coffee should be outlawed; you guys are worse than crackheads with your little fixes.

    If you can’t get up from bed every morning out of your own volition, you’re just going through the motions. You’ve already lost at life, trolls.

  • Eloi Wrath

    Tea FTW

  • George Prager

    I had some Taster’s Choice (free sample) recently. It was also surprisingly not terrible!

  • lazarus

    Bravo, CitizenKaned. People having a cup of coffee after dinner doesn’t bother me, but it’s beyond pathetic that such a high percentage of western society can’t seem to function without it on a daily basis, as if the human body wasn’t designed to operate without it, or that waking up with the sun is somehow unnatural and requires extra stimulants.

  • George Prager
  • The Mean Freaks

    Lazurus, it’s more like the human body wasn’t designed to sit at a desk for 8-10 hours a day. In my office, even a phonecall is mildly exhilarating. I’m drinking a redeye right this minute. Gotta do what you gotta do.

    Also, fun tip: put VIA into chocolate cake batter before you bake it–frigging awesome dark coffee-chocolate heaven. That shit dissolves like nothing else.

  • wester

    What is up with all these moral finger waggers on Jeff’s site lately? People getting up in arms, vitriolic, and dogmatic about (OMG! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?) infidelity and now people griping about morning cups of coffee being UNNATURAL? It’s starting to sound like home schooled creationist 20 somethings telling teens they shouldn’t have oral sex.

  • The Thing


    While I agree that people are retarded to be so vehemently against coffee (everyone has their fix; some people smoke, some drink coffee, some watch porn, etc). But I think debating the morals and ethics of infidelity (whether for or against) is a tad different than berating people for needing to drink coffee to get through the day.

  • Movie Watcher

    Jeff I agree that it’s pretty good. I keep some in the house in case I run out of the regular coffee. Kaned, I have a fresh cup of coffee right next to me…it’s great!

  • Edward

    Amazing how we can go nutso, depending on the thread. Got to love HE when we stray away from film.

    I love the wolfman in the pic. He sure looks like he needs his morning jolt of coffee!

  • Arduga

    Hey Jeff, want some cash to paint the walls?

  • lazarus

    Mean Freaks: I see your point, but it’s amazing that anyone is able to get through high school without it, huh? Some people don’t even develop the habit until after college. I’ve never required the stuff, or had trouble staying awake, but I imagine that a quick jog or yoga, or even just a decent breakfast is a much better idea than ODing on caffeine every A.M.

  • LexG

    My old man used to say “Coffee is for fags.” To this day, if you mention going to a Starbucks, he mimics a gay accent and calls you “Pierre” and a commie pussy.

    Every dude in my family ALWAYS considered coffee a pure “woman’s drink,” and one time when I was a teenager my Mom made me a cup just so I could taste it, and my Dad walked in and was like Frederic Forrest in FALLING DOWN and his stogie fell out of his mouth like Aykroyd in GHOSTBUSTERS and was all, ‘What the FUCK is THIS shit? COFFEE?????”

    I felt like the biggest douche ever.

  • wester

    @the thing- agree completely that these are different issues in terms of potential emotional consequences and what-not, but the tone was often the same in both cases. I just don’t get why people’s monocles are falling off into their champagne flutes, I guess. Or why they decided that it was here, on Hollywood Elsewhere where they decided they must draw the line in the sand.

    Of course I’m typing this just after having given my wife’s sister a post-coital cup of coffee, so I guess maybe I’m just feeling a bit defensive.

  • bluetide

    Sorry to diss your dad Lex, but my granddad picked up the habit of drinking coffee not in some French salon but with a bunch of other Marines on fucking Iwo Jima. He – still alive, mind you – takes his pitch black and the stronger the better. Every Marine over there drank the stuff and it was mostly mud and shit but it was warm so it was something to look forward to.

    Now, I agree with your dad about Starbucks. The only thing worse than Wal-Mart’s leviathan banality is Starbuck’s incessant effort to manufacture “atmosphere.” I always think of that scene in Up in the Air when Clooney talks about “fome-y” hotels when I see a Starbucks. Their coffee tastes like over-processed shit. Wal-Mart sells us cheap Chinese shit and pays their workers slave wages, but they really don’t pretend to do otherwise. Starbucks sells themselves to latte liberals as some kind of liberal bastion in the corporate world when the reality is that they are probably doing more to help fuck over coffee growers than anyone in the retail sector.

    I always try to go for the locally roasted, fair trade stuff, but when that’s not available I’ll take the shittiest greasy spoon over a Starbucks. Fuck them.

  • Deathtongue_Groupie

    And now more of Lex’s pathology comes into focus. There’s macho, and then there’s batshit insane. Or just made up, of course

    When VIA was first coming out, they had “guess the real coffee” samples at every Starbucks I walked in wanted me to test it. I think I only missed once. But will admit the VIA was pretty damn close. And I go to Starbucks because they offer nice leather chairs, a quiet crowd and free wi fi that doesn’t require a code or comes with fucking “net nanny.”

    Now, if you really want to get down to brass tacks about this moronic debate, most guys I’ve run across who make fun of those of us who do like to frequent the better known caffeine joints (Starbucks, Peets, Coffee Bean, Seattle’s, etc, etc) also tend to think it’s pretty girly, faggy, soft, egg-headed, etc to talk about films in terms other than body count and tit sightings. Much less frequent a site that does on a daily basis.

  • Homie Cat

    Screw that overpriced swill at Starbucks. At home it’s Lavazza and my Bialetti stovetop espresso maker with the cow spots on it, and outside it’s the nearest roach coach.

    Also, love that Wolf Man.

  • CitizenKaned4Life

    Admittedly, I was being overly-antagonistic when I made my first post here (I’m actually shocked that my first response was one of agreement). Of course I don’t care if you drink fucking coffee or not. It’s just a pet peeve at my job because — as Lazarus states — people act as though it’s a goddamn life or death situation if they can’t get their lips on a cup within 10 minutes of waking up. How did we get to that point of complete and utter weakness and helplessness that we pretend we cannot function without this steaming mug of caffeine? It is learned, conformist behavior at its worst, IMHO.

    Here’s the key for me: if you think, “I can’t wait to have some coffee,” I think that’s totally understandable POV. Everyone has their routine, which is great — I enjoy stretching and having a glass of orange juice (and maybe even a pop-tart or two) in the morning. But those are things that I simply enjoy, and can easily do without.

    It’s this despairing attitude of “I GOTTA HAVE MY COFFEE OR I CAN’T FUNCTION” where I think some people need to back off and reevaluate things a little bit. That’s a mental addiction, guys, and one that society not only readily enables but endorses. That’s fine, also, as long as you realize it’s a total crutch (and god help you if you actually try something that’s actually addictive — like cocaine).

    I guess I’m just not a fan of crutches (unless I like break my leg or something). *shrug*

  • George Prager

    Overpriced swill? It’s $1.50 for a 12 ounce cup.

    i think Lex is pulling our leg. Unless is father is a closet-case. A distinct possibility. What do people in the service drink besides coffee? My Army veteran father has been drinking the same Maxwell House shit since I was a kid. I worked at Starbucks. I’m sure his Dad wouldn’t call the cops, fireman, paramedics and mechanics who came in there on a regular basis “Pierre.” (He’d save that epithet for the Dockers-wears who worked in finance who came in the afternoon for White Chocolate mochas. And they all voted for Bush.) And the reason you can go to a greasy spoon or a McDonalds and get a decent cup of coffee is because of Starbucks. Before Starbucks these places used a Robusto blend. Robusto beans are cheap to grow, can grow anywhere and taste like shit. Now everyone uses 100% Arabica beans because of Starbucks. Starbucks wins.

  • George Prager

    P.S. I agreed with everything Kaned just wrote.

  • Eloi Wrath

    The worst people are the ones who shout at co-workers, then blame it on the fact that they haven’t had their coffee yet.

  • George Prager

    LexG’sDad says…




  • Floyd Thursby

    Drink coffee only when having breakfast in an diner but go to Starbucks almost every day for the tea latte.

  • George Prager

    The best thing for you is black tea with no milk. Dr. Weil says so. Healthier than green tea.