This Is It

Justin Lin‘s Fast Five (Universal, 4.29) will have its all-media screening at the Arclight in less than three hours. Hollywood Elsewhere will be there. The air is crackling with electrons. Some may have missed a riff I posted on 4.13.

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40 thoughts on “This Is It”

  2. This is the most excited I’ve been about any movie since BLACK SWAN, no AMERICAN GANGSTER, no BAD BOYS II, no HEAT…

    It is literally causing me DEPRESSION that I haven’t seen this yet, and I am a NERVOUS WRECK that like the projector will break or the sound with jump the track or I’ll be seated next to a fat kid crunching nachos (as happened during 2 FAST 2 FURIOUS) this Friday…

    Some GENIUS on Twitter had the hilarious idea that I should absolutely be invited to press screenings of this, but ONLY if I was forced to sit next to Jeff, who’d grumble and groan and make comments and lie on the floor and make “vroom” noises for all 130 minutes, destroying the experience of my most-anticipated movie of 2011.

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  3. “This is the most excited I’ve been about any movie since BLACK SWAN, no AMERICAN GANGSTER, no BAD BOYS II, no HEAT…”

    One of these things is most definitely not like the others…

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  6. YEAH BIG TIP OF THE MOTHERFUCKING HAT to the EIGHT ZILLION ASSHOLES I FOLLOW ON TWITTER who were so kind as to extend an invitation to me to come to the screening–

    Oh, wait, NOBODY DID THAT, I’ve gotta work on it at YE OLD POSTHOUSE or see it with cholos at the Burbank 14, because none of you FUCK ASSES could be bothered to invite THE BIGGEST FAST AND THE FURIOUS FAN OF ALL TIME, LexG.

    Fucking PISSING ME OFF that a bunch of MOVIE HATING ASSHOLES all got to see it tonight, and I HAD TO SIT AT MY SHITTY POSTHOUSE TRANSCRIBING TODD FUCKING SOLODNZ.

    THANKS A MILLION FOR ALL THE INVITES.

    FUCK ALL OF YOU.

    CAN’T BELIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE you fucking haters and ASSHOLES got to see this before me.

    THIS MOVIE WAS MY FUCKING LIFE, and nobody could’ve hit me up with a ticket or an invite, even after I hinted about it all goddamn week to the 70 alleged followers of mine of TWITFUCK who all went to see it.

    CHRIST, POLAND’S AT HOME and CAN’T SEE MOVIES ANYMORE, he couldn’t have offered me a seat?

    FUCK ALL OF YOU.

    I’m gonna KILL MYSELF if I have to transcribe this shit tomorrow.

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  8. BIG FUCKING UPS to everyone who GOT TO SEE THIS TONIGHT BUT DIDN’T THINK TO INVITE ME.

    I hope you ALL BURN IN HELL, you fucking HACK NOBODIES, FUCK YOU

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  11. I SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS BY NOW.

    Anyone who can get me into a screening and doesn’t is a RIGHT ASSHOLE.

    But guess what, I’ll have to blow off the offer anyway, because I have a shitty POST JOB.

    I WANT TO DIE.

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  12. Next motherfucker to CONDESCEND TO ME, Wells included, goes on the SHIT LIST, L7 STYLE.

    What’s it like being LESS SMART THAN ME?

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  13. PER TWITTER,

    MARGARET CHO I mean JEN YAMATO, THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WORST “FILM CRITIC” in America (aka Gilchrist’s boyfriend) saw FAST FIVE BEFORE ME.

    Must remind her of her white boyfriend’s dick

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  14. I’m NOT EVEN JOKING about this shit, THIS WAS THE MOVIE OF MY MOTHERFUCKING LIFE, and LIKE NONE OF YOU FAGGOTS HAD A FREE SEAT? WELLS? RASHAD? BURNETT? All you HEY LEX LET’S SEE FAST FIVE motherfuckers suddenly disappeared last night, eh?

    You will all RUE THE FUCKING DAY, cocksuckers.

    FUCK ALL OF YOU.

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  16. Seriously, RASHAD, who HATES MOVIES, and JEFF, who surely HATED EVERY SECOND, saw this before me.

    In the words of SHANE VENDRELL:

    WHERE’S THE RESPECT IN THAT?

    Thanks for the INVITE, bitches.

    EAT A DICK.

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  19. CKane, you’re one of my favorite HE regulars, but don’t push me tonight, and don’t do that thing where you CONDESCEND, because I’m NOT HAVING IT.

    You DO NOT KNOW what it’s like to work at a TRANSCRIPTION-TRANSLATION job where NEW MOVIES come to the YE OLD POSTHOUSE the week of release, every week, and your life is a LIFE OR DEATH STRUGGLE AGAINST THE CLOCK to see them in theaters before you’re told to start QCing them at MINUTE 60 at a shitty desk.

    I’ll bet NO ONE HERE knows WHAT I MEAN, but it is a fate worse than PRISON RAPE…. Yet it afflicts a handful of people.

    So combine that with FAST 5 being my MOST ANTICIPATED MOVIE EVER, and knowing that a bunch of MOVIE DESPISING WHATEVERS saw it, and in the next two days I’ll be told to watch the last 45 minutes of it on TV in BLACK AND WHITE out of context?

    FUCK your condescenstion

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  21. OH YEAH, before I pass out at 8AM::::

    A big FUCK YOU to everyone who saw this last night.

    I hate ALL of you motherfuckers.

    My life is DESTROYED, and a bunch of WORTHLESS HACKS get to interview celebrities and see movies early.

    BURN IN HELL

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  24. LexG freaking out over nothing and promising impotent threats he has no way of delivering? Is it Tuesday already?

    But seriously, Wells, unless you’re encouraging him to do this as a means of driving page views up (and I give you a lot of shit, but I honestly believe you’re better than even that), you owe it to yourself and to your readers to address this noise. This bile is driving the thread count of the site, if you will, into the low teens.

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  27. Hey! Good news! I hear they are going to show this movie all over the world, in thousands of theaters, with multiple showings per day on each screen!

    So we can all enjoy it, not just those lucky few that went to the premiere. I wonder if it’s any good? Eh, I’ll find out in a week or so, I already have plans this Saturday.

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  29. Now WHERE’S MY PROM SCREENING INVITE, motherfuckers?

    TEEGARDEN POWER.

    My ears are still ringing from the epic email beatdown I got from Wells over this. HOLY SHIT was he PISSED!

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