Nine or Ten Gallons
The guy in the apartment next to mine has been taking a shower for a good ten to twelve minutes so far. Will he go 15? Do we dare talk about 20? Now I know, in any case, who he is and what he’s made of. 9:09 am update: He finally turned the water off after 13 or 14 minutes.
I was wondering “what the heck is this all about?” Then I saw the previous post attracted 72 responses. Carry on.
Why you didn’t call this post “Water for Elephants” is completely beyond me.
But back in the real world, have you considered donating some of your extra time for volunteer work? It might help your corner of the world, and you’d have less time to fret over crucial issues like your neighbors’ bathroom habits.
What if he’s just thinking? I’ve lost myself in thought many times during a shower, and ended up spending 15-20 minutes or more in there.
I also average about a 10-minute shower, I wouldn’t consider myself to have “weak character” or be “soft”
He was jerking off.
Duh.
Now you can’t say your neighbor is unclean, Jeff.
How long it takes you depends how dirty you are…and whether you are alone or not.
Jesus, nobody ever had a stiff neck from sitting at a desk all day and just sat under the hot water for 10 minutes?
Not that Actionlover probably isn’t right, but still.
“I’ve lost myself in thought many times during a shower, and ended up spending 15-20 minutes or more in there. I wouldn’t consider myself to have “weak character” or be “soft”"
Newsflash, Jeffrey, and thus humanity, already definitively declared that you have no character, and that your personal perception of yourself is thus worthless. I mean, where has all this reflection gotten you? Have you completed that novel you’ve been talking about? Invented the toilet-paper killer? Or has it just gotten you here, on the HE forum, with the rest of us schlubs?
Admit it. That shower time is not character building. It’s just a day-dreaming getaway; a mastabotory decompression from things that actually do build character.
Mark, look up the dictionary for that word you misspell that is the adjectival form of jerking off.
What’s a dictionary? BTW, you tripped over “that” twice in your sentence, and omitted it from the one place that it actually belonged.
Has nobody considered that perhaps it was a WOMAN in the shower, who could have been shaving her legs?
Doesn’t it take three-four minutes just to get your hair wet enough to put shampoo on it?
Plus there’s the three minutes of scalding furious hand washing you need to do after watching each part, so you’re not, say, washing your face after you’ve touched anywhere near your balls. Plus insert that old Dennis Miller joke about having to do the Karate Kid stance just to wash your privates, etc, which is like a five, six minute ordeal.
You can’t get properly clean in less than ten minutes. This is fact. Not if you’re truly washing behind the ears, alongside the balls, your ass, navel, shampoo, etc. That shit takes forever. You’re not porn shoot-clean without a ten, fifteen-minute shower.
..and to make matters worse, the bastard was eating a Twinkie as he left his apartment.
“I was reminding myself this morning that it’s a sign of weak character to take long showers. Anyone who does this is a soft sister — a person looking to hide inside the warm amniotic fluid of his mother’s womb, which is what a nice hot shower feels like.”
-Jeffrey Wells
It could be said that someone who spends his life in darkened rooms watching other people live fictional lives while his own life atrophies is trying to hide from life, the world and themselves. That same person claiming that certain behaviors in others are an indication of same condition could be accused of having a lack of introspection. Drop some acid, or mushrooms, or peyote and go into the desert Wells and stay there for a while…..face yourself.
Am I the only one who would be terrified to discover that my neighbor blogged exactly what time I got out of the shower?
Televisiontears: No, you’re not.
The Lives of Others, Jeff. And don’t come back until you’ve realized which side of the wall you’re on.
To ensure that my feet , generally clad in flip flops, are clean prior to dates with young women who are at least a full foot shorter than I am, my showers take at least 7-10 minutes.
If you truly believe the crap you write in your “Jeffrey’s Rules for Gentlemen” you are a creep. If, on the other hand, you’re simply trying to incite reactions and generate comments, then I guess you’re just a phony.
So Eloi Incarnate not only takes long showers but is a guy that wears flip flops. You sir should be banned from Hollywood Elsewhere.
ahahahahah superb intelligence
Jesus, nobody ever had a stiff neck from sitting at a desk all day and just sat under the hot water for 10 minutes?
Not that Actionlover probably isn’t right, but still.
Jeff’s “only sissies take long showers” rant is the dumbest thing on this site. Maybe the dumbest thing on the Internet. It reads like a ham-handed, humorless parody of his Cranky Old Man posts. They always span the gamut from pathetic to inspired, but this is really off the chart.
You have time to measure TO THE MINUTE your neighbor’s personal care activities, but he’s the one with innate character defects?
You’re really squeezing every drop of juice from the lemon of life, ain’tcha?
Maybe he filled up the tub, THEN turned on the shower, and pretended he was in a sub that got hit.
BILGE BAY CLOSED… SIR!
(BTW, The Pope wins).
Mr. Wells, not to threadjack but was wondering if you knew: looks like you’re getting some major linky-luv from your conservative friends Big Hollywood (and for a completely non-political piece, to boot).
http://bighollywood.breitbart.com/hollywoodland/2011/04/25/jeff-wells-is-the-classic-film-blu-ray-market-drawing-to-a-close/
“Drop some acid, or mushrooms, or peyote and go into the desert Wells and stay there for a while…..face yourself.”
Mr. Wells wouldn’t do that. There’s no wi-fi out there.
Anything that can be said about people who take long showers is surely far more true of people who sit around timing how long their neighbors are in the shower. Did you not have any sudoku in the house? Couldn’t find any paint to watch dry?
My goodness but this is what I live to see on this site — this kind of post and these kinds of retorts. Fabulous and it’s hard not to laugh out loud. Wells is some kind of eccentric blogger. Hard not to love someone who can get this kind of discussion going.
This is off the main topic–sorry–but since someone linked to Breitbart stealing Jeff, I went there and read some of the comments, including this telling one:
“I’ve seen Casablanca and Gone with the Wind on Blu-ray but never considered buying them for my collection for one simple reason: No matter how much a studio spends on a frame-by-frame restoration of the original classic film print from the 1930s or 1940s, it’s going to have two huge black bars on either side of my widescreen LCD HDTV. You can clean up all the dirt scratches on the acetate, separate the mono sound for a Dolby 7.1 mix, but can’t fix a 4:3 source picture.”
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I remember when people wouldn’t watch letterboxed movies on then-standard TVs because of the black bans. And now… Are there really a lot of people who think this way? I’m genuinely curious now.
I dunno, I usually take 20 minute showers. Showers are good, isolated places to think, and I find that the hot water stimulates my imagination and creativity.
The only proof I have that there may be a God is the fact that I didn’t end up on Hollywood-Elsewhere when we were rooming together at Sundance
“I don’t believe that one should devote his life to morbid self-attention, I believe that one should become a person like other people.”
Meaningless meaningless, everything is meaningless
>”I don’t believe that one should devote his life to morbid self-attention, I believe that one should become a person like other people.”
Nice
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