Satanic Banality

I try to isolate myself from the Kardashian gas chamber as much as possible, but every now and then it flanks and surrounds. Yesterday I ran into two Kim posters — one on Santa Monica Blvd. in West Hollywood, another in a Hollywood Blvd. parking garage near the Chinese. Nobody blames KK, of course, for pushing her brand and hustling around. I’d pocket the dough if I were her.

But what can be said for under-educated women who even half-believe that a Kim Kardashian endorsement = coolness and intrigue? Could there be a more unmistakable manifestation of 21st Century worthlessness? No striving, no singing, no intelligence to speak of, no acting, no book-writing, no athletic glory, no journalism, no filmmaking, no political passion, no charity, no oceanic exploring, no children…nothing. And yet she holds sway over millions of girly-girls.

Maybe the wacko Christians are right. Maybe we are living in end times.

  • Mr. Palmer

    A couple of years a go, a friend of mine was having lunch in NYC and Robert Crumb was sitting a few tables away with his wife, enjoying their lunch and my friend might’ve been the only one to know who he was. Not a minute later, KK came through the door of the joint, entourage in tow, everyone going nuts. If that doesn’t say it, nothing does.

  • cinefan

    As Sir Mix Alot would say, Kim Got Back. That is the key to all of her fame and success.

  • LexG

    LOOK AT HER.

  • Tad Whatever

    Just out of curiosity, does it also bother you that Victoria’s Secret models have no intelligence, no acting, no book-writing, no athletic glory, etc etc? Because it seems to me that Kim Kardashian is just one member of a pretty sizable group of women in this world who get paid just to look hot.

  • Jeffrey Wells

    LexG, sometimes your relentless hormonal cravings & libidinal longings lead into total negations of intelligence and perception…into self-mockery. Grow some values, for Chrissake. She’s a brainless twat and a metaphor for the ongoing cultural downswirl.

  • LexG

    I was being silly. Kristen Stewart is my female ideal, the complete antithesis of KK. Well, except that they’re both smoking hot.

    I am, however, an unapologetic Paris Hilton fan– I realize to most KK and PH are the same thing, and Paris is sort of humorless and, yeah, vapid, but something about her can-do spirit is pretty disarming, how she at least TRIES to do SOMETHING, even if she’s kind of bad at whatever it is. I’ve seen enough of Paris on reality shows and interviews to say she comes off as a basically nice, enthusiastic person, kind of sweet if sheltered and a little dim, but somehow there’s more soul and pathos in her travails than in Kardashian’s, as Kim is basically a robotic copycat and, like you say, doesn’t do much of anything.

    Plus Paris has one of the best bodies ever, or at least did in her 2003-2006 heyday. I do think Kim’s beautiful, though. And, really, how can you ever be THAT mad at a gorgeous woman? Ever?

  • MilkMan

    Moral of the Story: Get fucked on camera.

  • DiscoNap

    I don’t know about the Christian Wackos, but the Turks probably had the right idea.

  • LexG

    Eeee. ixnay on the Armenian jokes. Armenians are some of the awesomest people in the world.

    But yeah, living in a city that has more Armenians than Armenia (literally), I see trillions of piping-hot Armenian teenage girls all over, so it’s weird Kim is the first famous Armenian hot chick since 1967 Cher… I’d take the Cingular Umbrella Girl over the Kardashians.

  • W.J.

    I am proof that there is salvation from the gas chamber. I’m reasonably well-versed in pop culture yet I’ve managed to make it through the last decade without really knowing who Kim Kardashian is. I know she doesn’t do anything, that she’s an heiress of some sort and that I’d fuck her if the opportunity arose (it won’t), and that’s all I care to know. By not watching the kind of TV or reading the kinds of periodicals or visiting the kind of websites (besides HE, of course) that purvey Kardashian “news”, I’ve managed to get by just fine.

  • Glenn Kenny

    Good to see you finally going there with “twat,” Jeff. Embrace your inner woman-hater. Feels good, doesn’t it?

    So. Kim Kardashian is a bimbo and Howard Hawks had a cock. That’s some vital data you’re putting out there.

    Also weird to see you concern trolling for young women who are never going to think of you as anything other than a creepy old guy even if they DO educate themselves. Although if they educate themselves they’ll find fancier terminology for it.

  • Movie Watcher

    She is proof that you can do nothing and be famous. She knows what she’s doing.

  • Jeffrey Wells

    Wells to Kenny: What is the male version of a “twat”? A lunkhead? A dickbrain? A dolt? Are you saying that the traits that most of us associate with the behavior of lunkheads, dolts and dickbrains don’t exist and are therefore figments of our collective imaginations? And in line with that there is therefore only imaginary sexist justification for the word “twat” or the term “dumb cooze” or whatever derogatory term? There is and can never be unflattering terms to describe women of a certain stripe or tendency?

    You and I both know that these terms came about in the American vernacular because suffiicient numbers of people believed that there are traits exhibited by certain men and women that earn and/or justify these terms or epithets. And you know that so zip it.

    “A word is a tool, Miriam…a word is as good or bad as the person speaking it…remember that.”

    Was I trolling for women when I said that young mothers are a significant cause of global warming because they all love the feeling of family safety and protection provided by big fat SUVs? And guys know that they love SUVs so they buy them and that’s the fossil fuel pickle we’re in? How did guys ever protect their families and wives and children on the big bad highways before SUVs came along? My God, all they had were Dodge coupes and station wagons!

  • Eloi Wrath

    Calling someone a woman-hater for using the word “twat” is as ridiculous as calling someone a man-hater for using the word “dick”.

    You never called someone a “pussy,” Kenny? Really?

  • LexG

    Whether it’s right or wrong, calling a woman a “twat,” you ARE going to get called a misogynist. It has a sexist undercurrent to it.

    Also, again, Kim is sexy, so even if she were a mass murderer, I don’t see how any guy could be that angry about her.

    She could stand to hit a gym, though, and get those curves down.

  • bluefugue

    Whatever else can be said of this thread, I think “Kardashian gas chamber” is a lovely coinage.

  • Kakihara

    Disconap, don’t be a dick.

  • Hamm Slamwich

    Wells drove a 240sx. He is disqualified from cultural commentary, as though his yellow shoes and Starbucks affinity weren’t enough already.

  • Glenn Kenny

    Sorry, I do know a little about usage, and “twat” isn’t the analog to “dick.”Or “pussy.” It’s basically a cunt hair, if you will, above “cunt,” and not “cunt” in the British sense. “Dumb cooze” is about the same. Really Jeff? “Cooze?” What are you, fifteen?

    I stand by my taking exception. Here’s an easy test: do you feel entirely comfortable saying the word to the woman’s face, even if it’s a woman you believe to be precisely that?

    And yeah, Jeff, I’ll “zip it” all right.

  • Buk94

    “She could stand to hit a gym, though, and get those curves down.”

    You really hate women that look like women.

    Nothing strange going on in your head…

  • raquelswell

    “your relentless hormonal cravings & libidinal longings lead into total negations of intelligence and perception”

    Oh, that reminds me of your interview with Jennifer Lawrence: http://www.hollywood-elsewhere.com/2010/10/lawrence_on_the.php

  • ZacharyTF

    Apropos of nothing, but at the Super Bowl party I went to this year, I asked the group of people I was watching the game with if I was the only one that didn’t find Kim Kardashian attractive. Sure enough, I was the only guy there who didn’t. Maybe if she wasn’t famous just for being famous, I would find her attractive. I don’t know.

  • DiscoNap

    Daniel I’m sorry I caused you to look to others to decide how you’d feel if you could. I was out of line.

  • DiscoNap

    But yeah, not my finest hour. Truly a useless person we’re talking about here though. Satanic Banality is perfect.

  • LexG

    She’s not useless. She’s hot. That always has a use.

    I’m doing Lex By Numbers, but are there really straight guys who prefer intelligence over beauty? Integrity over beauty? Talent over beauty? I’m sure most people who come here have predominantly dated smart women, as this is a fairly smart bunch (despite being wrong about everything, ever)… We’ve had the experience of being with probably a lot of college-educated and successful, professional women…

    But, really, if YOU COULD… wouldn’t you rather date a mannequin? Wouldn’t you prefer Paris or Kim to your wife? Isn’t LOOKS the absolute MAIN THING that you fantasize about? When you daydream about sex (which is all I have left at this point in life)… Do you fantasize about discussing Chaucer with an Ivy League bookish 44-year-old chick with her hair in a bunch… or do you picture porn-sex with an 18 year old who looks like Megan or Alba or Sasha Grey or whoever?

    If you had the money and the means to date WOMEN WHOSE ONLY TALENT WAS BEAUTY, would you EVER choose an opinionated woman, a politically aware women, a ground professional woman, a woman over age 30? I never would, EVER, and if you were honest you’d admit the same.

    A hot chick who’s mute and lobotomized is a better deal than an average woman who IS GOOD AT THINGS. Nobody cares. With women, LOOKS are the ONLY thing WE really care about; We only say otherwise because we don’t have the OPTION to date Kardashians and Hiltons and CW actresses and Victoria’s Angels.

    Women should LOOK HOT. The rest is for guys who can’t get any better.

  • Tad Whatever

    What is this hang up people have about Kim being famous for being famous? Can somebody tell me the worthwhile things Miranda Kerr or Adriana Lima have done to deserve being famous?

    What talent does Alessandra Ambrosio possess that Kim Kardashian does not?

  • Tad Whatever

    Also, let’s face it, Lex has a point. Whenever a man is a position of enough wealth and power to have any woman he wants, he will always choose the hottest woman available to him. That’s an indisputable fact.

  • CitizenKaned4Life

    “I’m reasonably well-versed in pop culture yet I’ve managed to make it through the last decade without really knowing who Kim Kardashian is [...] by not watching the kind of TV or reading the kinds of periodicals or visiting the kind of websites (besides HE, of course) that purvey Kardashian ‘news,’ I’ve managed to get by just fine.”

    In other words, you don’t know who Kardashian is because you’re not reasonably well-versed in pop culture?

    That’s not a diss in the slightest, btw…just sayin’.

  • Captain Dustbunny

    No, LexG has no point, a complete fallacy.

    Kate Capshaw, Diane Taylor, Helen Morris, Pamela Kerr Omidyar, Jessica Seinfeld, Melinda Gates, Suzy Amis, the list disproving such a ridiculous assertion would be endless. Real men want real women. Insecure morons want brainless, mute blow-up dolls.

  • writer

    I don’t know why people are perplexed that the Kardashians have a hit show (several now) and have surpassed Paris in popularity.

    The show is a modern day Brady Bunch with Bruce Jenner as befuddled dad living in a house full of women.

    The multi-ethnic make up of their friends and family speaks to the younger Fast Five generation who really don’t related to Paris. The closeness of the sisters and the family is also appealing to a lot of people.

    They have that “it” factor. E! tried to copy their success with that show “Pretty Wild”. Didn’t work. Despite having pretty sisters, a wacky mom, scandal etc. etc.

    What I don’t get is the popularity of the Jersey Shore gang. I completely understand why the show is popular but not why The Situation would have fans.

  • TerryF

    She has a fetish-sized rear end. This is the main reason for her fame. Fact.

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  • Floyd Thursby

    “She has a fetish-sized rear end.” Now I’m interested.

  • MechanicalShark

    Well, really it’s an equation of balance between utility, personality, intelligence, and attractiveness. Obviously the latter plays a far larger role than many men are willing to admit, but frankly, I’m intimidated by model-level beautiful women. They don’t seem quite human, and it bothers me. I really wouldn’t want to live with a mannequin.

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