Cowflop and Gag-All

“Chicago is the great American city. New York is one of the capitals of the world and Los Angeles is a constellation of plastic, San Francisco is a lady, Boston has become Urban Renewal, Philadelphia and Baltimore and Washington wink like dull diamonds in the smog of Eastern Megalopolis, and New Orleans is unremarkable past the French Quarter. Detroit is a one-trade town, Pittsburgh has lost its golden triangle, St. Louis has become the golden arch of the corporation, and nights in Kansas City close early. The oil depletion allowance makes Houston and Dallas naught but checkerboards for this sort of game. But Chicago is a great American city. Perhaps it is the last of the great American cities.” — from “Miami and the Siege of Chicago: An Informal History of the Republican and Democratic Conventions of 1968” by Norman Mailer.

I’m trying to find online the entire opening passage of the Chicago section of Mailer’s book. I don’t mind buying the book again but I’d like to re-read right now the section in which he describes in great detail the killing of steers in the Chicago stockyards and how the aroma from this slaughter used to rise up and make its way up into the city and to some extent affect the town’s psychology. Or something like that. It was out of date when he wrote it (more reflective of the way things were done in the ’50s and before than in 1968) but it’s still lovely writing, and I was looking to read it once again. Alas…

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49 thoughts on “Cowflop and Gag-All”

  2. As a former resident of both Los Angeles and NYC and a current resident of Chicago I would agree.

    Chicago is New York done right.

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  4. If you’re only capable of falling in love with one American city, I feel sorry for you. I’m wild about at least seven, and there are plenty I have yet to visit.

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  5. I love most of America, even the places Wells would never, ever visit (let alone love), but Chicago will always have a fond place in my heart.

    It’s all about balance, and Chicago is America’s most balanced city: the architecture, the lakefront, the Midwestern people at a big city speed, baseball in the spring and football in the winter, cute girls and great food.

    If only the people in charge weren’t always crooks, it’d be just about perfect.

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  6. Such a wonderful city. I was there earlier this year for job orientation on a thing, and after work I took a walk down Michigan Ave with the earbuds in, checking out the architecture, the people. The wind was in my hair and the air was cold and the light was changing and the feeling was electric.

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  8. I lived in Chicago for five years. Minus 30 degree weather, fat guys, casual racism and people living and dying by the current Bears score. Fuck that. I’ll stay in L.A.

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  9. Visited Chicago last year and can say among other things that I ate dinner at the Billy Goat Tavern immortalized by the Belushi/Aykroyd “cheeseburger Pepsi” sketches on SNL.

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  10. I’ve gotten a hard-on reading that passage. America sure has produced some great writing. Mailer. Vidal. Wolfe. Capote.

    Amazing.

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  11. Plus, the girls aren’t anorexic enough for LexG. Gentle curves and dimples when they smile, not heroin chic.

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  12. I’m with Wrecktem. I spent my first 22 years in that place and now only return for weddings and funerals. Great food, nice architecture, but no city with such awful weather could ever be the best. The summers are almost as bad as the winters.

    Give me a coastal California city; nothing compares. And there’s more things to do, a wider variety of things within short range, in Los Angeles than any U.S. city I’ve been to.

    Haters can suck it.

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  14. Ray, you’re right about the baseball reference. But I’m a Dodgers fan, and look what happened to them. Still, I could live in Chicago.

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  16. Totally, completely disagree after living in Chicago for 22 years. Chicago is filled with fat, white, boring Midwesterners — sorry, it’s true, and I was raised in the MIdwest. Chicago has neither the cultural relevance or intellect of the East Coast or the many geographical pleasures of the West coast. Chicagoans, by and large, don’t give a hoot about art — movies in particular, beyond a rather limited scope of entertainment. The “diversity” of the city isn’t, really, there are all cultures but anyone downtown on any day will see mostly white men in kahkis and polos and yuppie women who don’t venture from their Lincoln Park, Irish-pub watering holes. It’s a town that lives or dies on sports and lame street fairs and festivals — “Taste of Chicago” passes for summer culture on the lakefront. Sure, the Joffrey is in Chicago and great museums as well and eclectic restaurants and blah blah blah. Too bad the entire Loop closes after 6pm. Anyone who says Chicago is “New York done right” or has “everything that New York has” is out of their fucking minds.

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  17. Bad accent, bad weather, proliferation of Pittsburgh-level psychotic sports fans with said accent, bad music (the blues!) are all no-gos. Also the MAIN THING that annoys me about a city like Chicago– that unwarranted hometown pride, where everyone who’s from there is ALWAYS all into it and name-checking the EL and all “I’m from SOUTH SIDE CHICAGO!” or wherever like that’s some world-renowned calling card that the rest of us give a shit about.

    Absolutely beautiful architecture, good comedy scene, too many awesome comics and actors and artists from there to dismiss it, which would be stupid, but yeah that whole CHICAGO PRIDE thing is annoying, and one reason why L.A. is AWWWWWWWWWESOME– like it rules, it’s sunny, it has better cars and palm trees and even in the HOOD everyone has a house that looks all pleasant with nice skies and everything, as opposed to going around in double goose and riding public transportation. But NO ONE in LA really brags on it like it’s some badge of honor. It’s just a city, and 90% of us didn’t grow up here anyway.

    Hometown pride is the most idiotic concept in the world. Having come from Pittsburgh, aka Chicago Jr., I’ve had enough of it to last a lifetime. And fuck seasons.

    Though Chicago probably has more and hotter white women than Los Manilangeles does.

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  18. I spent a weekend in Chicago with my wife, for our fifth anniversary. We ate at Lawry’s, went to the Art Institute, took a tour of Haunted Chicago, ate at the Rock and Roll McDonald’s, walked The Magnificent Mile, had an authentic Chicago Deep Dish pizza at Lou Malnati’s… It’s an okay city, but outside of still needing to go to a game at Wrigley, I honestly have no reason to ever go back.

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  19. I lived in Chicago for 2 1/2 years, and enjoyed the good things about the town, the foremost of which was my wonderful, lovely Greek girlfriend.

    The happiest day of my life to that point was the day I moved away.

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  20. “The wind was in my hair and the air was cold and the light was changing and the feeling was electric.”

    You got hit by a truck?

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  23. Spent 18 years in Chicago. Raised my kids there. It’s a good city…not as great as it might think, but it’s a striver, at least. Lived in DFW and it was convinced it had already arrived before it ever got there.

    Yeah, we ate too much grease and we’re homers. And I prefer El Ay nowadays for the weather, the mountains, and the wimmen. But the one good thing I can say about Chicago is…at least we’re not fucking Boston.

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  24. Peterzee FTW.

    I think that pretty much applies to most things in life: “At least we’re not fucking Boston.”

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  26. Plus, the girls aren’t anorexic enough for LexG. Gentle curves and dimples when they smile, not heroin chic.

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  27. Boston is less than half the size of Chicago and has easier winters. Seriously.

    Also, I’ve never understood adults under the age of 80 who can’t handle winter. Like, go inside.

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  28. I can handle winter. I grew up in every state in the northern East Coast, from Maine on down to West Virginia and out to Ohio. It’s for that reason that I can safely say, NEVER AGAIN. The hell with snow, with winter. It’s HORRIBLE. That shit where it gets dark out at 4pm in winter is depressing enough in awesome California; Throw in sleet and all the chicks bundled up in parkas, and I’m out.

    That said, the stupidly-maligned (on HE) Boston kicks the shit out of Chicago. BOSTON RUUUUUUUUULES. Bunch of amped-up hostile white Irish drunk motherfuckers with bad accents slinging back beer and beating the shit out of each other? Leary, the Wahlbergs, the Afflecks, Damon, Boston Rob? Fenway, Carl Motherfucking Yastrzemski, the BIG ASS TEXACO SIGN in the outfield, the awesome neighborhoods?

    Boston KICKS ASS. Chicago is a bunch of blues-rockin’ Steak-and-Shake pasty Dick Butkus dudes farting hot dogs. Boston is HOUSE OF PAIN (er, never mind, they’re from Canoga Park, but still….)

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  29. I think you’re more likely to run into a married gay Cape Verdean couple working in biotech than an actual Irish person in Boston at this point, despite what Ben Affleck movies suggest, but okay.

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  31. Bobbyperu has got it right. I live in Chicago and he pretty much nailed it. Anyone who goes gaga over this city believe me has never stayed more than a few days here. But one thing he’s got wrong It’s not just white people… EVERYONE here is FAT!

    And LEXG – Chicago has got hotter women than LA? Are you fucking insane?????

    And oh did I mention that everyone here is a die hard Cubs fans A team that hasn’t won a World Series in 105 YEARS!!!!!!!! I mean what kind of lunacy is THAT?

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  32. “And LEXG – Chicago has got hotter women than LA? Are you fucking insane?”

    I wasn’t saying it as a point of fact, as I’ve never lived in Chicago and only been there on vacations and stuff. But since it’s mostly white women, and not Koreapinos with 24 kids in tow, I would wager that Chicago has more hot women in terms of sheer numbers. Everyone thinks LA has hot women because of TV and movies and because all the actresses live here, but go into the suburbs and there are pretty much no hot women in L.A. At least not that are available to “regular Joes.” I imagine in Chicago some big fat John Popper looking BLUESMAN goes to a SPORTS BAR in his CUBS jersey and can possibly pick up white women; In L.A., unless you’re Ryan Reynolds, this is never going to happen, ever.

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  33. “But NO ONE in LA really brags on it like it’s some badge of honor. ”

    Lex,

    Really? You’ve been in LA too long if you really think this is true.

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  34. LexG

    What’s with this infatuation of yours with white women? How did you put it that Chicago is mostly “white women” as you say???? I see woman of every possible race, color and creed in Chicago every second of every day. I think you’re late for your cross burning

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  35. sergio M with the Lex G block! Lex lives in the burbs here where you only see armenian mustached women, hispanics by the bunch and asians and older people. all the hot women in LA are in a specific square mile location, there are tons of them on display but they are NOT in the valley..chicago is a great weekend bender town, but its not models and bottles chic like NY, but NY is overrated now. LA is the last city standing, the only city people are constantly moving TO.

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  36. “LA is the last city standing, the only city people are constantly moving TO.”

    You’re right. No other city showed population growth in the 2010 census. Thank you for your wisdom.

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  37. “But NO ONE in LA really brags on it like it’s some badge of honor. It’s just a city, and 90% of us didn’t grow up here anyway.”

    This is because Los Angeles, without even a POSSIBILITY of argument or debate, is the WORST CITY among the top 40 or so major world cities. There’s not even a close second. There’s absolutely NO culture to the place, and you can get the good climate in lots of other places.

    And trust me, I’ve lived (not visited, lived) in NYC, LA, and Chicago for multiple years, and by far the best, hottest women for anyone making less than $100K a year is Chicago. It’s not even close. Yes, LA and NY may have a higher percentage of super-hotties, but no one on this board is ever getting any.

    Boston is a close second to Chicago for my fave American cities. Lex did get that right. Then Seattle and Savannah.

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  40. All of you guys need to give some props to The Triangle. The amount of long-legged, tan and healthy hotties on any given day is amazing.

    And the weather is pretty great.

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  41. Don’t be butthurt, Citizen, that you’ve chosen to live in the worst major city in history. Doesn’t say THAT much about you. Well, maybe not.

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  42. lol, and what city would that be?

    Not that I would disagree with you in the slightest, other than the “major” part…

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  43. what is this LA has no culture bullshit i always here? what? you want museums, we got those, two or three. you want french cuisine and stuff, we got that, we dont have 400 year old buildings and stuff but so what. you want foreigners we got em by the ton, you want parks beaches mountains – check. and another thing, you get better looking when you live out here, it’s true. spend a year and then go back to that dreary home town of yours, everyone will tell you how great you look…

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