Joey, Come Home
The beautiful amber-pinkish red sunset clouds and the obvious bond between Joey the horse and Albert (Jeremy Irvine) tell us that Steven Spielberg‘s War Horse (Touchstone, 12.28) is going to lay it on thick. This is basically going to be an emotional family-friendly film about caring and love and the romance of beautiful photography (by Janusz Kaminski, of course) and the always affecting strains of John Williams‘ score.
If you’re the sort of moviegoer who lives for stark, this-is-life, take-it-or-leave-it, matter-of-fact realism, chances are you’re going to feel a bit starved by War Horse in this respect. Maybe.
Which is fine in and of itself. There’s nothing wrong with making this kind of movie with this kind of material if it’s handled well. But a presumably studio-written synopsis that I found this morning on Coming Soon has scared me half to death.
“Set against a sweeping canvas of rural England and Europe during the First World War, War Horse begins with the remarkable friendship between a horse named Joey and a young man called Albert, who tames and trains him,” it reads. “When they are forcefully parted, the film follows the extraordinary journey of the horse as he moves through the war, changing and inspiring the lives of all those he meets — British cavalry, German soldiers, and a French farmer and his granddaughter — before the story reaches its emotional climax in the heart of No Man’s Land.”
“Changing and inspiring the lives of all those he meets”? Isn’t that what Lassie used to be do when she made her way across the Scottish and English countryside and running into farmers and children and constables and whatnot?
I’m always soothed whenever I meet a horse. I smile and feel good and want to pet him and tell him I like him a lot. That’s one thing. But does a horse inspire me and lead me to change my life? Animals warm our hearts but they don’t ‘inspire’ us. In fact, they explain us. The way you respond to an animal always reveals an aspect of who and what you are.
That is why the way the exploitive way the donkey was treated in Robert Bresson‘s Au Hasard Balthazar revealed the selfish and cruel side of human nature. The donkey was a kind of saint, a Christ figure, and he was constantly shat upon and used as a beast of burden by almost every working-class figure he runs into (except for a couple of female characters). But along comes War Horse delivering…what, the opposite message? That people are basically kind and decent and compassionate and that Joey brings this out in them?
I’m sorry, but that passage about “changing and inspiring” makes War Horse sound like sentimental slop.
Perhaps N.Y. Times critic Ben Brantley‘s description of the play provides a hint or two.
“I once attended a midnight show of Steven Spielberg’s Jaws, where the audience was heartily enjoying the carnage wrought by a man-eating shark until a pooch was seen swimming in the ocean, and someone seated near me, expressing the feelings of multitudes, called out, ‘Oh, God, not the dog!’
“War Horse taps that same keg of emotion. It’s ‘Oh, God, not the horse,’ elicited to bring home the savagery of war.
“The play also speaks, cannily and brazenly, to that inner part of adults that cherishes childhood memories of a pet as one’s first — and possibly greatest — love. This is a show for people who revisit films like National Velvet and Old Yeller when they need a good cry.
“In truth, the script of War Horse makes that of National Velvet (I mean, the heavenly 1944 movie, starring the 12-year-old Elizabeth Taylor) seem like a marvel of delicacy.”
Good lord is Armond White going to love this.
I love how old-school that poster is. Looks like a Regency Pictures release from 1994.
Where is Armond White since the NY Press folded?
That horse has Harlequin Romance novel hair. Please tell me that Fabio did the mo-cap work for the tussled-mane lead.
Usually, I think Jeffrey goes a little overboard with the Spielberg bashing. When I saw this one-sheet, I knew what was coming. I think he’s probably right this time, though. It’s going to be Empire of the Sun with a horse, and that sunset tells you everything you need to know.
I’m still trying to figure out how they’re going to show the horrors of WWI trench warfare in a PG-13 film.
Oh, and it’s too bad Jeffrey isn’t into TV, because he would have had a field day with the cliche-fest that was Terra Nova. Drinking-game bad.
“War Horse” is the worst movie Jeffrey Wells hasn’t seen yet.
Going out on a limb here and I invite you all to laugh if I’m wrong, but Spielberg is about to get his first billion dollar grosser. I reckon this is going to be earth-shakingly HUGE.
Beautiful sunset clouds + “oh, no, not the horse!” = yeesh.
If the horse has a stutter: Best Picture is in the bag.
And Pope: come on! I love Spielberg and all… but no. No billion dollars for this, unless there’s a third act twist involving giant robots. (Really, if it’s such a big deal — adjust for inflation and a number of his films have already grossed a billion)
Is the horse struggling with learning disabilities?
(half retard?)
(based on the poster)
I hate the guy.
I understand that a leading man should be handsome, but why do they have to look like some pouty, pretty-boy, male runway model, guyliner-wearing pussy?
The most worrying aspect is that the script is from the writers of Billy Elliot and Love Actually.
I think I’ll see ‘Dragon Tattoo’ instead. If not that then maybe Moneyball again. This looks every bit the heart-string puller that Slumdog Millionaire was, and I didn’t like that film at all.
This movie is going to emotionally destroy me, especially if the horse dies. I’m very much looking forward to seeing it, but I am a sucker for animals, so this one will require some tissues.
SPOILER ALERT: He is eaten by the French.
it’s a warm, inviting poster, telling you have nothing to fear, except fear itself.
Nothing quite as tiresome as a critic who insists on reviewing movies before he’s seen them.
“I understand that a leading man should be handsome, but why do they have to look like some pouty, pretty-boy, male runway model, guyliner-wearing pussy?”
I know — and that Jeremy Irvine guys looks just as bad.
Or alternately:
“You’d look pouty with a bit in your mouth, asshole!”
Signed, “The Horse”
Eloi and Mr. F!
Nicely done.
It’s a great poster. There will be graphic war violence so I assume the horse “inspires” through its actions in the war. WW1 being the the final war with cavalries and when new weapon technology massacred the old.
It’s going to be Empire of the Sun with a horse,
So it’s going to be about the death of innocence, and the harrowing things (and delusions) a boy sees? If it’s anything like Empire it will be great.
Seems a tad unfair to judge a film by a poster. This however is a pretty cool looking poster. Hope the film pleases in the same way.
If you’re the sort of moviegoer who lives for stark, this-is-life, take-it-or-leave-it, matter-of-fact realism, chances are you’re going to feel a bit starved by War Horse in this respect. Maybe.
Or Spielberg could have done a Von Trier-circa-DOGVILLE approach and filmed the original play on a soundstage with marionette horse.
The most worrying aspect is that the script is from the writers of Billy Elliot and Love Actually.
It’s based on a children’s book, not A CLOCKWORK ORANGE. The play has breathtaking stagecraft, and a strong, uplifting story–like, you know, many classic movies…
By the looks of that sky on the one-sheet – Spielberg has remade ALWAYS. Holly Hunter is now a horsey.
Yeah, this does not bode well. What makes the play work is the dazzling work in the puppetry. It is well acted but the story itself is quite shallow. It’s a sort of blood, sweat, and tears theatrical invention and inspiration that has no real cinematic equivalent.
Watched about 5 minutes of “Terra Novocain” last night and there was every cliche in the pandering playbook, right there to retch over. With dinosaurs. So substitute a horse. Simple.
The problem will be if he doesn’t stick to its roots as a children’s book — an almost naive and trusting and embracing view of the world — and tries to elevate it into something more ‘eloquent’ and message-y. I wonder what his old friend Kubrick might’a done with this. “Paths of Glory” shows how you really do a redemptive movie about war: where all seems lost for the human condition, just a flash of hope has more impact than a mountain of treacle.
Hollis:
Your comment has me thinking: why not combine the War Horse and Always one-sheets for a new ad campaign… for America’s favorite dessert?
Over a picture of the War Horse:
They couldn’t hear him.
They couldn’t see him.
But he was there when they needed him…
Even after he was gone.
JOE-LLO Brand Gelatin — available in your local grocery store!
Peterzee: Paths of Glory’s ending is more sentimental and “manipulative” than anything so far about this film. It’s also a pointless scene, as the soldiers were the ones who showed fear, and humanity throughout the film, in particular the battle scenes. If it had been the generals crying, maybe it would have made sense, but it doesn’t.
“If the generals had been crying, maybe it would have made sense”? Kubrick’s sympathies and faith don’t lie with the generals. They’re exactly the brand of bureaucratized inhumanity he always warned about. The film cares about the soldiers, but take Mrs. Kubrick out of the film and you’ve lost a sense the world is about anything more than shit and survival. Up to that point in the movie, all acts of human nobility have been met with cynicism or defeat.
What sense? The shitty men in charge, are still in charge without the slightest change in their philosophy. Nothing has changed for the soldiersl. The movie should have ended without it. All it does is tack on an ending that goes against what the movie was all about. The entire thing was to show the difference between the authority figures and the soldiers, and how the former lacked any foresight or compassion. They were always in service for themselves. The only interpretation that makes sense was that the soldiers were no different from the generals when in a position of power. Except they were more barbaric with their hooting and hollering. Otherwise, it’s redundant and pointless.
Sarah Jessica Parker looks great. Who plays the kid?
Has there ever been a major director with some great and near great films as well as some really bad films in his cannon? From the trailer, this looks like one of his lesser works. Pretty to look at, but with bombastic music cues to tug at our heartstrings. WWI will never look so good.
One of my favourite HE things is when Jeff reviews movies based on trailers or even teasers.
Now we’re kicking it up a notch! We’re not just going to say, “Wow, that’s a bad poster,” we’re actually going to evaluate a 150-minute movie (estimate) based on it…oh, and a studio blurb, of course!
I’d hate to make it sound like this was the equivalent of literally judging a book by it’s cover. No, we’re looking at the cover AND reading the flap before reviewing it. Nice.
It’s also a bit sad that HE’s default position on one of the most talented and important filmmakers of the past half-century is, “This one’s gonna suck, I can tell…” until proven wrong.
Wells to DavidF: Will you read the Ben Brantley piece, for God’s sake? This is clearly more Spielberg horseshit (no pun intended).
“I haven’t even seen the posters for the next five Roman Polanski films but I can tell you they are going to be MASTERPIECES OF BRILLIANCE! Screw you, puritans!”
“My heart sank when I heard the working title for his most recently announced film, UNTITLED STEVEN SPEILBERG PROJECT. I smell trouble!”
“And it ain’t because of the spelling!!!!”
Hallmark Hall of Fame presents “Saving Mr. Ed”…
Who gives a fuck about what a “presumed studio synopsis” says? Really? THAT’S the source we base this rant on?
I don’t know if you have Turrets or the BIG A(lzheimer’s) – but you always seems to be disgusted or pissed about a Spielberg film upon REFLECTION. Go back and read your original review of Saving Private Ryan. You fucking RAVED, and event he bookends didn’t piss you off. You loved SO MUCH of War of the Worlds, and even that shitty ending didn’t have you dismiss the whole film. You were cold on Catch Me If You Can and The Terminal, fine, but you had your words and your ass given to you when “Munich” was nominated in categories you didn’t think it deserved (Best Director and Best Picture) and even your review of that film was gracious – I got a kick when you said Spielberg got to say “fuck you” to you with those nominations (your words). You dug Jurrassic Park (the first one) and you blew your wad like all of us did on Schindler’s. Your original reviews are never as harsh as your recollections – when it comes to Spielberg, you’re like the kid who lives to be included in the group, only to talk shit about it when he leaves.
You know, like a coward. You haven’t even seen the movie yet, but of course, you condemn.
I am sure Steven could give a shit though…fuck, even Munich made a profit. I look forward to seeing it (War Horse) …and seeing you lavish praise and then pussy out and piss on it later.
Like. You. Always. Do. With. Spielberg.
And the Brantley piece is about A PLAY. WITH PUPPETRY, for fuck’s sake. A play that, by the way, WON THE TONY AWARD FOR BEST PLAY.
“The entire thing was to show the difference between the authority figures and the soldiers, and how the former lacked any foresight or compassion.”
My god – the stupidity! It burns!!
I guess you learned nothing at all from that “pepper Spray” thread, huh?
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I’m not such a big fan of the movies about the war. Still, this one strongly impressed me. I’ve also noticed the good critics.