Dead And Knowing It

HE’s Continental Airlines prolonged agony day continues unabated. I sat in a munchkin-sized middle seat from LAX to Houston, next to a guy eating stinky barbecue Doritos. Awful. My first-class sensibilities don’t synch with flying coach or sitting next to riff-raff. Currently standing next to Gate B75 — “hellgate” — at Houston Airport. Charging phone. No wifi or wall outlets, of course. No massively obese people waiting for the flight, which is good. Flight is delayed 85 minutes and counting. At best I’ll check into Savannah’s Marshall House by 7:30 pm.

25 thoughts on “Dead And Knowing It

  1. JLC on said:

    6:30 will still give you plenty of time to unwind. In fact, try not to overdo it on the first night. Savannah has a way of creeping up on you.

  2. Whaddaya mean? The party mood sneaks up on you & before you know it you’re lying in a gutter? Or ghosts & spooks creep up on you, especially this weekend as it’s Hdlloween?

  3. Jeff with his aspersions against “riffraff” is channeling the foolish and terminally snobbish aristocrat George Amberson Minafer (Tim Holt) in Orson Welles’s THE MAGNIFICENT AMBERSONS, who, as any admirer of that great film knows, “got his comeuppance — he got it three times filled and running over.”

  4. Both. Savannah has a reputation as this genteel southern town,full of tradition and ghosts. It certainly earns that. It’s also a kind of poor man’s New Orleans, with plenty of places that serve drinks strong enough to knock you right on your ass. The closer you get to the river, the more careful you need to be.

  5. Once you’ve checked out the more traditional places, I think you’d enjoy the Rocks on the Roof bar at the Bohemian Hotel. It’s new and fairly upscale and overlooks the river. (Though what I wouldn’t give to see Jeffrey upstairs at Kevin Barry’s after a couple Jameson’s.)

  6. L’enfer, c’est les autres.

    Once you’re above sustinence level, your level of happiness is pretty set in stone and almost completely independant of wealth. It’s acutally more related to the wealth distribution of your society.

    Annoying people exist in first class too. And the people up there find just as many ways to be unhappy. “For the amount of money I paid for this seat …”

  7. For someone who makes a big deal about travelling light, $125 worth of hair and skin products is overdoing a little, don’t you think?

  8. First Jeff forgot his passport for an international flight, and now he got “$125 of hair and skin products” taken at security – Jeff, you make fun of rubes and hicks, but I swear, in terms of travel savvy, you aren’t too far removed from the people you despise so much…

  9. If you’re paying for $125 hair and skin products, you can afford to have them taken away from you.

    And Doritos are a blight on chips. I’m with Jeff in his total disgust. I image that the toxic orange/ red stuff they coat them with is what napalm tastes like.

    Potato. Plain or Ripple. Everything else tastes like shit.

  10. Wait, “barbecue” Doritos? Is this some weird new flavor thing? I know they’ve been getting weird lately, but just for clarity’s sake, I’ve never heard of such a thing.

    And you know, anyone who carries around $125 of men’s products…well, yeah, you should know what the regulations are about carry-ons. (If they were under the oz. limit, then carry on and semper fi.)

  11. No innovation anymore. No one is inventing new junk foods, instead they are just making new flavors. Look at Pop-Tarts.

  12. If I had a dollar for every time Wells has ranted about “travel folk” this year, I’d have an extra $125 in my wallet.

  13. And now for something completely different.

    Albert Finney has been cast in Bond 23. Shaping up to be a fairly interesting cast. Could be a good one.

  14. J Wells – snob? I refused to even consider the possibiltiy and then you throw in your 1st class sensibilities – No one would choose to sit next to a burping, farting, peasant with bad breath but must it sound so bourgeoisie wanna be?

    Much worse is body language spilling over to your side of the seat. EVERYONE can relate to that unpleasantry.

  15. I’m COMPLETELY with you on the guy on the plane (Who fucking eats DORITOS on a plane????) but, as others have said, you lost me on the hair products thing. Who travels as much as you do yet doesn’t know the rules? Unless you come back with more information about how you were right and they were wrong, you mostly did that one to yourself.

  16. “My first-class sensibilities don’t synch with flying coach or sitting next to riff-raff. ”

    We are the (pausing to munch a fistful of BBQ Doritos) the 99%!

  17. “My first-class sensibilities don’t synch with flying coach or sitting next to riff-raff.”

    Champaign taste, beer income. A deadly combination.

  18. “No massively obese people waiting for the flight, which is good.”

    Posted literally a day after chastising his readers for lack of tact and sensitivity regarding the way someone (and an actress, at that) looks.

    Jeffrey, do you have any idea how completely and utterly hilarious your lack of self-awareness is?

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