Sony Classics Swag
In recognition of the ongoing celebration of the 20th anniversary of Sony Pictures Classics as well as the generosity of the current principals, an earnest thank you from Hollywood Elsewhere. I’ll use it this weekend for my trip to the Savannah Film Festival.
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I almost missed my flight to Savannah this morning. At the LAX security gate, a morbidly obese Filipino Eloi took one look at my Sony Pictures Classics bag and asked me to step to the side and undergo a full body search I blame the bag because things were going smoothly until I was about to take off my shoes and I still had the bag over my shoulders. He instructed me to put the bag on the conveyor belt before I took off my shoes. I said that I was going to put the bag on the belt after I took off my shoes and he pretended not to listen and asked me again. I said that I had a pear cake in the bag and that I didn’t want to crush it. The second I said “pear cake” his eyes popped out and within seconds I was surrounded by airport security guards who looked like they wanted to tear me apart with their bare hands. The Eloi pointed to the bag and a tall middle-aged African-American man with a Marine’s posture who I assumed was his superior took the bag and stared at the lettering for what seemed like twenty minutes. At this point a crowd seemed to take form around us and I said. “It’s swag from a movie studio.” “Swag?” He asked me. “You know,” I said. “Like when actors go to Awards shows and they have a room where they can get expensive designer clothes and bags for free.” He nodded and then looked at the Eloi, who was sweating profusely (don’t they have a weight limit for these guys?) and then quietly asked me to step aside and submit to a thorough bag check. After what seemed like and hour, but was actually 10 minutes later, I was running for my plane (I was also very late getting to the airport because I set my new iPhone 4s’s alarm to 7:00 pm instead of am)….
Best laugh I’ve had in a few days. I was a mess after reading that. Expertly played George.
Jeff would write “ayem” instead of “am.”
Excellent work, George!
Except, Jeff wouldn’t make the punctuation errors, and STILL bringing up the pear cake (or the emotionally vivid cowboy hat or the boob pictures) is really lame.
(We get it. Some of you think those are jokes that never stop giving. Trust us. They stopped giving a long time ago.)
Also, I think Jeff would blame Siri for messing up the setting of the alarm.
Arguing with the security guy over the order in which he was going to comply with the search, however, is a fantastic detail that is pure Wells.
Sorry, Wiggumx, but the pear cake “incident” has taken on a status of mythical proportions–I place it right up there with Seinfeld’s marble rye.
Nine out of ten HE readers agree: Prager is awesome.
And the 10th is DeeZee, so who cares?
Apparently “has taken on a status of mythical proportions” is the same thing as “beating a long-dead horse” in your book.
I said that I was going to put the bag on the belt after I took off my shoes and he pretended not to listen and asked me again. I said that I had a pear cake in the bag and that I didn’t want to crush it. The second I said “pear cake” his eyes popped out and within seconds I was surrounded by airport security guards who looked like they wanted to tear me apart with their bare hands. The Eloi pointed to the bag and a tall middle-aged African-American man with a Marine’s posture who I assumed was his superior took the bag and stared at the lettering for what seemed like twenty minutes. At this point a crowd seemed to take form around us and I said. “It’s swag from a movie studio.”
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I think Jeff would blame Siri for messing up the setting of the alarm. Arguing with the security guy over the order in which he was going to comply with the search, however, is a fantastic detail that is pure Wells. best treadmills for home | Drug Rehabs in Johannesburg
(We get it. Some of you think those are jokes that never stop giving. Trust us. They stopped giving a long time ago.)
Also, I think Jeff would blame Siri for messing up the setting of the alarm. Los Angeles Interactive Agencies
He instructed me to put the bag on the conveyor belt before I took off my shoes. I said that I was going to put the bag on the belt after I took off my shoes and he pretended not to listen and asked me again. I said that I had a pear cake in the bag and that I didn’t want to crush it. The second I said “pear cake” his eyes popped out and within seconds I was surrounded by airport security guards who looked like they wanted to tear me apart with their bare hands. The Eloi pointed to the bag and a tall middle-aged African-American man with a Marine’s posture who I assumed was his superior took the bag and stared at the lettering for what seemed like twenty minutes.
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We get it. Some of you think those are jokes that never stop giving. Trust us. They stopped giving a long time ago.Also, I think Jeff would blame Siri for messing up the setting of the alarm. Arguing with the security guy over the order in which he was going to comply with the search, however, is a fantastic detail that is pure Wells. attorney websites | local search marketing | Food Education Magazine
At the LAX security gate, a morbidly obese Filipino Eloi took one look at my Sony Pictures Classics bag and asked me to step to the side and undergo a full body search I blame the bag because things were going smoothly until I was about to take off my shoes and I still had the bag over my shoulders. He instructed me to put the bag on the conveyor belt before I took off my shoes. I said that I was going to put the bag on the belt after I took off my shoes and he pretended not to listen and asked me again. I said that I had a pear cake in the bag and that I didn’t want to crush it. The second I said “pear cake” his eyes popped out and within seconds I was surrounded by airport security guards who looked like they wanted to tear me apart with their bare hands. The Eloi pointed to the bag and a tall middle-aged African-American man with a Marine’s posture who I assumed was his superior took the bag and stared at the lettering for what seemed like twenty minutes. At this point a crowd seemed to take form around us and I said. “It’s swag from a movie studio.” “Swag?” He asked me. “You know,” I said. “Like when actors go to Awards shows and they have a room where they can get expensive designer clothes and bags for free.” He nodded and then looked at the Eloi, who was sweating profusely (don’t they have a weight limit for these guys?) and then quietly asked me to step aside and submit to a thorough bag check. After what seemed like and hour, but was actually 10 minutes later, I was running for my plane (I was also very late getting to the airport because I set my new iPhone 4s’s alarm to 7:00 pm instead of am)….
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