Wanna Drag?

Herman Cain‘s…I mean, Mark Block‘s recently surfaced web ad is an absolute howl because of how it ends. After saying that “I really believe that Herman Cain will be ‘united’ back in the United States of America” and “if I didn’t believe that, I wouldn’t be here” and “we’ve run a campaign like no one’s ever seen,” Block sucks in a lungful of cigarette smoke.

Obvious message: If individual voters or small business owners or corporate chiefs want to act in some kind of irresponsible or unhealthy way, President Herman Cain will not give them grief for that because this is a free country. In a way the cigarette finale is almost brilliant. Hah!

“When have there have been so many alleged GOP frontrunners whom we all know haven’t a prayer of being the nominee of their party?,” a filmmaker friend asked this morning. “Michelle Bachman, Rick Perry, the Hermanator. Cain is one of the strangest men to ever run for President (up there with Ross Perrot but not as qualified). If he does become the nominee you can expect Obama to win forty-five states.

My response: Cain is building a political-celebrity business. He wants his own Fox News show…that’s all. And to stay on top of the public-speaking circuit. He’s a total hustler and a total animal. He’s in this game for what he can get. Romney will almost certainly be the nominee.

49 thoughts on “Wanna Drag?

  1. I thought the obvious message was that he was blowing smoke up our asses, and everyone working for Cain knows it’s a joke campaign not intended to win, but rather for reasons you mention.

  2. Blah blah blah, political thread response, blah blah.

    I never had you pegged as a racist, Jeffrey. All of those racist things you just said were so full of racy racism. (sorry, replace “said” with “spewed”…gotta get the words right) You wouldn’t have said negative things about Michelle Bachmann or Rick Perry, and we all know why, too.

    p.s. there’s some really obnoxious (and possibly racist) spam postings all up and down your comments section… destroy them at once… (unless you’re interested in Chinese shoes)…

    Did you ever get around to seeing “Tower Heist”?

    Wells to actionlover: I explained yesterday that I was blowing off Tower Heist in order to attend the Hollywood Awards.

    An “animal” or “total animal” is someone who is focused on what he wants and intends to have that prize or goal to the exclusion of all other considerations. Like a wolf, say. He sees the rabbit and chases it down and tears its throat apart and eats it. That’s a pretty good analogy for Herman Cain and his lust for fame and influence and making as much money as he can. There isn’t the faintest whiff of racism in that observation. The man is what he is. Just as you are what you are — a right-wing hammer and a troll who always stands up for (or tries to justify in some way) the uglies.

  3. Has anyone ever volunteered to work on a political campaign? I saw IDES OF MARCH and it looks like you just hang around with an Evan Rachel Wood type in some little office, which seems like a good idea… Also I have few if any activities to get me out of the house other than movies or working, so I’m thinking about becoming a Rick Perry campaign volunteer. Maybe I’ll meet a bunch of hot-ass pro-life white chicks… surely in Los Angeles working on a Republican campaign is a good way of meeting some of the 11 white people in this city.

    Plus when Perry wheeled out the Harrison Ford FINGER last week at Romney, I don’t know how anyone couldn’t have enjoyed that– some bad-ass Texas maniac who looks like James Brolin and sounds like Bush just going FULL asshole at a debate, it was INSPIRING.

    I’m voting for Perry. Seems like a great guy.

  4. My girlfriend worked on the Charles Palantine campaign back in ’76. Had fun, did some good work. Met a lot of really weird people. Got hit on a lot.

    She did get to see “Karlekens Sprak” on the big screen, though.

  5. Cain once ran the National Restaurant Association. He allied himself with cigarette makers fighting restaurant smoking bans, spoke out against lowering blood-alcohol limits as a way to prevent drunken driving, fought an increase in the minimum wage…

    In other words, he’s a Republican. Duh.

  6. “…who always stands up for (or tries to justify in some way) the uglies.”

    You sound like a couple of the others on here. Calling “bullshit” or pointing out hypocracy is NOT the same as standing up for someone per se. Or maybe it is. I dunno. If somebody says that Michelle Bachman is mentally retarded and say “no she is not mentally retarded” then, yeah, okay…. I guess I am sticking up for her. In a way. I can’t fucking stand Al Gore but if someone says that Al claimed to have invented the internet I tell them that that isn’t true. So I guess I’m constantly sticking up for Al Gore.

    Jeez. Touchy touchy.

    And I know about your awards gala crap, just thought you might have had another chance to catch “Tower Heist” and I was curious to see if you liked it…(despite the fact that it features black people in it).

  7. Great line today from Taylor West of the National Journal:

    “You know it’s a weird campaign season when reporters must verify that an ad by a leading candidate is not intended as a joke.”

    Now time to go on the iTunes store to download “I Am America”!

  8. We’ve been looking at this thing the wrong way! Cain for president, serious. No one or act or bill is going to fix the economy, its not gonna happen. this thing has to run its course, more bloodletting, so get Cain in there to lighten the mood

  9. Jeff, it’s time to drop the hammer on Actionlover.

    No one’s going to mourn his passing other than a couple other cancerous asshats on here.

  10. @LexG

    I’ve worked for Hillary Clinton and Ron Paul’s campaigns and trust me with the exception of some of the Obama staffers no one looks like Evan Rachel Wood at these things.

  11. Lazurus, Wells already “dropped the hammer” on actionlover back when he was Travis Crabtree. I don’t know why he bothers “banning” anybody when anyone can just come back under another name. Isn’t that right, DZ (Kakihara)?

  12. “Calling “bullshit” or pointing out hypocracy is NOT the same as standing up for someone per se.”

    No, but the “bullshit”s you choose to call, versus the “bullshit’s that you choose to let lie, tend to have a pretty consistent nature. It’s not like “Oh, it’s bullshit that the West Memphis Three are in prison for a murder they didn’t commit” it’s “Oh, it’s bullshit that people are protesting on Wall Street”. “It’s bullshit that you call the Tea Party racist just because they say racist things and are motivating largely by racism.”

  13. Great Scott, you’re right, but there’s always the chance someone would have the dignity not to return to a place where they’ve been 86ed, especially if it’s more than once.

    Also, people usually take a bit of a break, because it’s a little obvious when a new name pops up parroting familiar schtick. And even a small respite from actionlover’s unconstructive, myopic snark would be better than nothing.

  14. Wait, I’m confused. That actionlover post was not somehow just a misguided attempt at ironic humor? He was sincerely calling Jeff a racist, then following up with a Tower Heist question. Put that one in the vault; top 10 HE post, hands down.

  15. “Whaaaa! Make actionlover go away, Jeffrey! His posts hurt my eyes! Ban him! That way I won’t have to read his posts and feel sad!”

    - Sincerely, Lazarus

    Jesus.. grow a pair and learn how to use your scoll button, you limp-wristed pussy…

    Yes, Mark. I was SINCERELY calling Jeffrey Wells a racist because of his goofy Cain post. But since I’m cool with racists, I found nothing wrong with moving past that and asking him about “Tower Heist”.

    (the preceding sentences were further misguided attempts at “ironic humor”… but you probably didn’t get it, most likely due to your racist tendencies)

  16. Does that MO, i.e., hamfisted insult followed by OT question, usually work out for you? Have you ever thrown a drink into a girl’s face, and then ask for her phone number?

  17. Anybody ever read “Last Exit to Brooklyn”? Do you remember the last chapter? Herman Cain is the black guy.

    Meanwhile, Mark Block reminds me of the guys who grabbed the young Tim Robbins at the beginning of MYSTIC RIVER.

  18. (sorry — I should have explained when I posted the link above that it’s not a link to counterfeit Prada handbags… it’s a great segment from last night’s Colbert Report on this very ad)

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  20. Yes, Mark. I was SINCERELY calling Jeffrey Wells a racist because of his goofy Cain post. But since I’m cool with racists, I found nothing wrong with moving past that and asking him about “Tower Heist”.

    (the preceding sentences were further misguided attempts at “ironic humor”… but you probably didn’t get it, most likely due to your racist tendencies) web marketing | best web hosting | San Antonio DWI Classes | Omaha Web Design

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  22. You sound like a couple of the others on here. Calling “bullshit” or pointing out hypocracy is NOT the same as standing up for someone per se. Or maybe it is. I dunno. If somebody says that Michelle Bachman is mentally retarded and say “no she is not mentally retarded” then, yeah, okay…. I guess I am sticking up for her. In a way. I can’t fucking stand Al Gore but if someone says that Al claimed to have invented the internet I tell them that that isn’t true. So I guess I’m constantly sticking up for Al Gore.

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  23. Yes, Mark. I was SINCERELY calling Jeffrey Wells a racist because of his goofy Cain post. But since I’m cool with racists, I found nothing wrong with moving past that and asking him about “Tower Heist”.

    (the preceding sentences were further misguided attempts at “ironic humor”… but you probably didn’t get it, most likely due to your racist tendencies) real estate | Rick Flanigan

  24. “We’ve run a campaign like nobody’s ever seen.” That’s for damn sure. Is this the CEO of Godfather’s Pizza or of Philip Morris? He’s an embarrassment of riches in the truest sense, if you catch my drift. But I’m a liar if I deny his entertainment value. Four years of his presidency could make for the most entertaining politician ever. He would put George Bush to shame. Home Appliances

  25. “…who always stands up for (or tries to justify in some way) the uglies.”

    You sound like a couple of the others on here. Calling “bullshit” or pointing out hypocracy is NOT the same as standing up for someone per se. Or maybe it is. I dunno. If somebody says that Michelle Bachman is mentally retarded and say “no she is not mentally retarded” then, yeah, okay…. I guess I am sticking up for her. In a way. I can’t fucking stand Al Gore but if someone says that Al claimed to have invented the internet I tell them that that isn’t true. So I guess I’m constantly sticking up for Al Gore.

    Jeez. Touchy touchy.

    And I know about your awards gala crap, just thought you might have had another chance to catch “Tower Heist” and I was curious to see if you liked it…(despite the fact that it features black people in it).

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  27. “Calling “bullshit” or pointing out hypocracy is NOT the same as standing up for someone per se.”

    No, but the “bullshit”s you choose to call, versus the “bullshit’s that you choose to let lie, tend to have a pretty consistent nature. It’s not like “Oh, it’s bullshit that the West Memphis Three are in prison for a murder they didn’t commit” it’s “Oh, it’s bullshit that people are protesting on Wall Street”. “It’s bullshit that you call the Tea Party racist just because they say racist things and are motivating largely by racism.” Ephedrin

  28. You sound like a couple of the others on here. Calling “bullshit” or pointing out hypocracy is NOT the same as standing up for someone per se. Or maybe it is. I dunno. If somebody says that Michelle Bachman is mentally retarded and say “no she is not mentally retarded” then, yeah, okay…. I guess I am sticking up for her. In a way. I can’t fucking stand Al Gore but if someone says that Al claimed to have invented the internet I tell them that that isn’t true. So I guess I’m constantly sticking up for Al Gore.

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