Afternoon Delivery

  • Colin

    I envy the hell out of you right now. What I wouldn’t give to write about films for a living and receive fyc screeners.

  • Gabe@ThePlaylist

    Wow. Someone, somewhere, is going to watch Tower Heist a second time.

  • Chase Kahn

    I’d rather watch “Tower Heist” ten times than sit through “The Rum Diary” again.

  • Alexander

    You’re just a dumb red state-dwelling hick, Chase, according to J-Depp.

    But, yes, The Rum Diary was quite awful.

  • Snoop Marlo

    Are those heart glasses 3D enabled?

  • Snoop Marlo

    Didn’t Depp shoot the Rum Diaries when 21 Jump Street was still on first run television? I would think they would’ve sent a VHS screener.

  • actionman

    really bummed i missed TRD in the theaters…

  • Gabe@ThePlaylist

    Rum Diary has Amber Heard. Tower Heist does not.

    Both movies look like they were shot in 1995, but at least Rum Diary has beaches.

  • Flash Gordon

    What Colin said. And I bet Wells can’t wait until he gets that War Horse screener.

  • DiscoNap

    I don’t understand how studios haven’t shifted to private streaming yet. I feel like all the pirated movies I’ve ever watched have been awards screeners.

  • CinemaPhreak

    At least the screeners these days have high tech watermarks. I still need to go back and re-watch ALI because the first time was an effing screener that had “Property of Sony Pictures” pop up every 10 minutes through the ENTIRE film. It wouldn’t have been half as annoying and distracting if it had just stayed there, but like some drunk ghost purposely trying to piss me off it would fade in and out.

  • Dan Revill

    Didn’t see Tower Heist, but The Rum Diary was terribly boring.

    So Drive wins this lot.

  • LexG

    RUM DIARY was a little underrated. It had its moments, Depp was game, Heard was hot, Eckhart and Rispoli were in good form and RIBISI brought down the house…

    Kind of some weirdness, though, that at one point–

    SPOILER ALERT IF ANYBODY STILL CARES…

    Heard is apparently gang-raped by like black/Puerto Rican guys, after which Eckhart throws her out and Depp just kinda shrugs and doesn’t do much to stop it, then romances her like two days later, when she ought to be seeking a trauma clinic or something. But more to the thematics of the movie, I’m a little confused about what Robinson (and, more specifically, Thompson himself) are saying: The story is allegedly about the birth of Gonzo and his distrust of fat cats and “bastards” like Eckhart…. But then the movie ALSO portrays the locals as hostile, gun-toting, gang-raping savages– when it’s not romanticizing the beauty of their land and culture.

    It’s a very strange dynamic that may or may not come from the book, which I’ve never read, but the way Heard’s character’s heinous tragedy gets kind of white-washed as she’s treated like a pawn…. it’s very odd. By the rambling last act, you’re wondering why nobody’s THAT pissed that this gal got locked in a juke joint to get raped, but some typical rich land baron asshole is like the worst villain imaginable.

  • notjon

    Did Lolita deliver those?

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  • Jericho Cane

    Lex, that is beat-for-beat EXACTLY what happens in the book. Small wonder it sat in the good Doctor’s filing cabinet for something like 40 years before it was published.

  • Luke Y. Thompson

    Lex, I don’t think it’s a clear-cut gang rape. She’s going all wild and having fun, the locals are freaking it with her, Eckhart and Depp get actively worried about the situation and get kicked out. We never know what happened behind the closed door, or whether it was consensual or not.

  • Rashad

    Do they send blu ray screeners now, or is it still dvd? Might as well not even watch

  • chinawholesale
  • LexG

    LYT, I think you’re wrong… The locals LOCK HER IN THE CLUB and kick out Depp/Eckhart… What, you think they just DANCED ALL NIGHT?

    Also gotta say seeing all those black dudes grind up on AMBER HEARD filled me with rage. The entire filmography of James Toback and the music catalog of the Black Eyed Peas is based around the RAGE vs prurient fascination white people have with seeing beautiful white women in proximity to black guys.

    If local Puerto Rican DANCE GUYS are pulling a train on a piece of human perfection like WHITE BLONDE Amber Heard, it makes every sad sack white guy in the audience who’s only ever dated Asian women looking for a Green Card FILLED with rage anger bitterness and jealousy.

    FACT.

  • CinemaPhreak

    Damn, Thursday night I drove past the lot where the National once stood in Westwood and then I see this:

    http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/entertainmentnewsbuzz/2011/11/curtains-to-close-on-amc-avco-center-4-in-westwood.html

    Pretty much all the places I watched movies when I first arrived in LA are now gone. And yet the barn known as the Bruin still survives…

  • LexG

    Yeah that sucks Phreak, a lot of my faves are going too– paid last respects to the SUNSET 5 the other day seeing RAMPART… When I got to LA, I’d see EVERYTHING that played at Laemmle’s 5, ’cause it was across from the Laugh Factory and Coconut Teezer and Chateau and I thought I was KING DICK hanging out at that intersection, so that’s where I saw Chasing Amy and Sling Blade and Nowhere and that movie with Priestley and John Hurt about Long Island and Happiness and all that shit–

    WHO CARES ABOUT THAT, I WANT A WHITE WOMAN A BLONDE CHICK WITH SKINNY HIPS AND SMALL FLAT ASS AND TINY BREASTS AND FETCHING BLONDE BLONDE BLONDE HAIR, and I get sick of seeing ethnic guys bang white chicks in LA when the ONLY think WHITE MEN of a certain income can get is yellowtail.

    FUCKING SUCKS.

  • corey3rd

    Tower Heist wants consideration for what? Are you a Razzie voter?

  • LexG

    GET ME SOME WHITE PUSSY

    WHAT GOOD ARE YOU FUCKING PEOPLE?

    I WANT MY COCK INSIDE A WHITE WOMAN, A WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITE WOMAN, THE ONLY KIND OF WOMAN, I WANT WHITE PUSSY AND WHITE VAGINA

    I WANT SEX. I AM SO ALONE AND DEPRESSED AND I JUST WANT TO BE PORN-FUCKING A WHITE WOMAN SHOOTING LOADS ON HER WITH HER TRAMP STAMPS AND PIERCED NIPPLES

    NOT ONE of you fuckers are worth your weight in gold. NO ONE HERE gets me laid, despite ALL THE JOY I BRING YOU.

    FUCK YOU I AM SO ALONE AND I WANT A WHITE WOMAN, NO ASIANS, NO LATINS, JUST WHITE WHITE WHITE WHITE WHITE WITH BLONDE HAIR, ANYTHING ELSE YOU MIGHT AS WELL BE BANGING A GUY.

    WHITE PEOPLE. THE BEST KIND OF PEOPLE.

  • LexG

    WOW can’t wait to see DICKBENDER in SHAME this weekend as a SEX ADDICT.

    LET ME GUESS, he only fucks white women.

    FUNNY HOW THAT WORKS. Oh, yeah, because WHITE WOMEN ARE THE ONLY ATTRACTIVE WOMEN IN THE WORLD, except MAYBE Freida Pinto or Zoe Coozedana, but even then, you KNOW, you KNOW you’d want some LILY WHITE PUSSY with no pubes and BLONDE HAIR and flat asses, the ULTIMATE TYPE OF WOMEN.

    I’m gonna watch SHAME SIXTEEN TIMES next weekend, then I’m-a slit my wrists, WHITE WOMEN ONLY ONLY ONLY.

    WHAT A SHOCKER if Fassbender doesn’t fuck any RICEBOXES in it. WHO’D HAVE THOUGH.

    GET ME A HOOKER NOW SOMEBODY OR FUCK OFF.

  • http://www.lenen-zonder-bkr-toetsing.org lenen-zonder-bkr-toetsing

    wow what a language?

  • http://www.collinspost.com.au/work-from-home/ work from home

    Drive is definitely my pick of the Summer!

  • ModernLifeIsRubbish

    For the record, I read an interview with Fassbender where he admitted he prefers darker women. And I believe the second most significant female part in the film is played by an African American actress.

    I guess, unlike Mick Jagger, he has that much jam.

  • LexG

    ” I read an interview with Fassbender where he admitted he prefers darker women.”

    Oh, that’s ALWAYS such PC bullshit, like when Tarantino goes on THE VIEW and has to pretend it’s Shari Shepherd not Hasselbeck whose feet he wants to see.

    Every man on this planet prefers white women. This is a fact… hey, HEY, EVER SEE Leo or Mick Jagger or Charlie Sheen or Brett Ratner with a Mexipino-black chick who weighs 190?

    Didn’t think so.

  • LexG

    Also SHAME just became a little less exciting to me if Fassbender’s hooking up with black chicks. This is like my fantasy movie/porno of all time… Why would I wanna see a guy banging ethnic women? Don’t we all AUTOMATICALLY fast-forward through adult videos when the black or Asian girls show up?

  • Eloi Wrath

    Didn’t Fassbender date Lawrence Bender’s ex-wife for a while, and then Zoe Kravitz?

  • beerbelly burl

    I hear ya dogg

    I’m almost at the point where I don’t even want to see brunets. Just blondes and redheads or the best strawberry blondes.

    AAAHHHHHRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    What color hair does Sasha Stoner have? It’s gotta be blonde aight?

  • Nick XX

    Counting down until this comment thread gets justifiably scrubbed…

    Lex, you’re way too drunk at 5 am.

    Fassbender (who, interesting, is by most accounts kind of slender and elfin in real life, even though his chiseled & square-jawed head makes him appear imposing onscreen) generally dates black women in real life. Google image it.

  • DiscoNap

    Fassbender is like 100% Irish Catholic and German, he probably feels obligated.

  • http://www.franklin-et-marshall.net franklin marshall

    What Colin said. And I bet Wells can’t wait until he gets that War Horse screener.

  • cyanic
  • York “Budd” Durden

    Looking at this blog is sometimes like staring into the mouth of madness.

  • televisiontears

    And this is why I rarely look at the comments on HE anymore. Disgusting.

  • Jason S.

    The better quality the movie the smaller the title on it’s cover. Fuck TOWER HEIST.

    @Lex – “They’re all pink on the inside.” Dennis Rodman.

  • Noiresque

    Actually, Brett Ratner used to date Serena Williams.

    Unlike Lex here who has confused H-E with Stormfront. I counting down the posts until his next sub-Lenny Bruce target will be Jews. Anyway, I thought Jeff warned him about the suicide threats would make him persona non grata, even if the slurs against women with black pubic hair apparently aren’t a problem.

  • nola

    I don’t understand why Lex’s racist tirades are tolerated.

    They are not cute or entertaining and really the last thing I would expect to see on a website about film.

    If this guy hates non-whites so much, he needs to move the fuck out of L.A. I’m sure there must be a place where he can hang out with other bitter white men in their 30s/40s who are unhappy with their lives so they spew their venom at people (women, “ethnic” people) who have nothing to do with the choices they have made in their lives.

    The sad thing is, I met a lot of people like Lex in L.A. I’m glad I left that city. It can be a very unhealthy place to live.

  • LexG

    Nola, I am neither racist nor hateful, at all. I don’t hate minorities in any way whatsoever. I respect all people of all stripes on a certain level. I also hate all people who aren’t me or hot women pretty much equally.

    I just am expressing an enthusiasm for white women, who are in limited supply in Los Angeles, so it bothers me that thanks to the fucked-up caste system of LA, the pretty white women KNOW what they’ve got and they’re very careerist in their dating, and only date guys who can DO SOMETHING for them in the biz. So some workaday white sadsack like me NEVER has a shot at Caucasian women, just single Latina moms with sixteen kids or Chinese girls trying to get a Green Card, and to get in their pants you gotta let Aunt Wu from the homeland move into your apartment and run up your bills, and you have to go to FUCKING TEA CEREMONIES with GENERAL TSO looking askance at you, and in your head you’re just like CAN I JUST DATE a nice white Atheist chick with no living relatives?

    No, you can’t, because THAT chick is banging a rapper who’ll put her in a video. Guys like GAME and KANYE are banging the women I want. White women.

  • televisiontears

    Lex, you’re not racist?

    “…seeing all those black dudes grind up on AMBER HEARD filled me with rage.”

    “If local Puerto Rican DANCE GUYS are pulling a train on a piece of human perfection like WHITE BLONDE Amber Heard, it makes every sad sack white guy in the audience who’s only ever dated Asian women looking for a Green Card FILLED with rage anger bitterness and jealousy.”

    “I get sick of seeing ethnic guys bang white chicks in LA when the ONLY think (sic?) WHITE MEN of a certain income can get is yellowtail.”

    “WHITE PEOPLE. THE BEST KIND OF PEOPLE.”

    Fuck you. Fuck you so much. I don’t care how much you hide behind your ‘character’, you’re living this to a certain degree and the bile you sometimes spew is fucking poisonous. Think about what you’re saying. Please! Think about why you write what you write for whatever reason you write it.

    You are the worst of the worst. You can write beautifully when you want to, but even considering the character that you use as a shield, you’re obviously fueled by self-hate which manifests itself into ugly racism and bitter misogyny.

    Go fuck yourself forever and ever.

    I am so disappointed in Jeff that he’s allowed this to go on while banning DZ from posting links to fucking Nikki Finke. This whole place is disgusting for encouraging this.

  • York “Budd” Durden

    I’m starting to get the sense that the above poster is actually someone of substance in the industry, who likely has money and success and maybe even awards for his work, yet gets off like mad on seeming like a complete and utter racist, drunken, faux-suicidal sociopath on movie message boards.

  • LexG

    Stay fascinated, York.

  • Noiresque

    Well, a drunk tween actress (rumoured to be Chloe Moretz) called Doutzen Kroes a “n***er lover” at fashion week.

    Whoever this kid is, she sounds like someone Lex can set his sights on.