Find Another Word

Each and every time a job-appointment release is sent out, the new hire is quoted as saying that he/she is “excited” by the upcoming task or challenge or opportunity. They never omit that word…ever. And I can’t remember the last time an appointee has said they’re enthused or aroused or elated or intoxicated or intrigued or enthralled or charged or throttled or invigorated, or that they’re humming or tingling with anticipation.

They never convey an inkling of any particular passion, and in fact go to some lengths to suggest that particularity of any kind is not something they intend to even consider, much less look into.

The under-message is always the same: “It sure is nice to land a high-paying gig, and for starters I’m not going to say anything that will even vaguely hint that I’m anything other than a very grateful go-alonger.”

Even Frederic Boyer, a Frenchman and former Directors’ Fortnight honcho at the Cannes Film Festival, said be was “excited” at being named artistic director of the Tribeca Film Festival. “I could not be more honored and excited to begin this new chapter at Tribeca,” his statement read. “This Festival has matured and developed so impressively from its origins, but there are many more frontiers” blah blah…zzzzzzzz.

Please, please remove that word from job-appointment press releases for the remainder of the 21st Century…please. I’m not saying that anyone who subsequently says they’re “excited” by a new job is presumed to be a corporate drone who will do little more than follow the usual dance steps. I’m not saying that. But from here on anyone who uses the term “excited” in any official context will (and probably should) be regarded askance.

  • Krillian

    “You’re hired. How do you feel?”

    “I’m enthused!”

    “Enthused? Are you being sarcastic?”

    “No, no, I’m genuinely intrigued.”

    “Intrigued? So glad we pique your interest.”

    “No, maybe I’m not saying this right. I’m intoxicated.”

    “If you have a drinking problem, I haven’t signed any paperwork yet.”

    “No, please, look I am grateful for this job. I am aroused.”

    “Uh-huh. And I’m married. Maybe this was a mistake…”

    “No mistake! No, no, this’ll be great! I tingle with antici… pation.”

    “You tingle now? I hired a guy who tingles?”

    “I’m elated! Enthralled! Bowled over! My adrenaline is high, I’m pumped, stoked, thrilled, I’m ready to go full throttle! I’m charged, wired, over the moon.”

    “Next!”

    “Wait, please! I… I am excited for the opportunity.”

    (long pause)

    “There’s the man I hired. Welcome to the team!”

  • George Prager

    I was looking for a job and then I found a job and heaven knows I’m miserable now.

  • Edward

    I’m excited to be retired and not working!

  • Edward

    I’m excited to be retired and not working!

  • berg

    there was a group out of Austin that put out a great LP under the name Zeitgeist, then they found out there was another group somewhere with the same name, so they changed it to The Reivers

  • actionlover

    “I’m terrified of the task ahead, because frankly, I lied in my interview and on my resume about my skills, and now I’ve gotta pretend like I know what the fuck I’m doing.”

    “Oh, and call me morbid, call me pale, but do you have a vacancy for a back scrubber?”

  • berg

    The Smiths … Louder Than Bombs is a great double LP

  • eddie mars attacks

    My least favorite English word is “fun.” Every brain dead socialite I’ve ever met has tried to convince me some lame function would be “fun.” “It’ll be so fun.” They say. I’m convinced “fun” translates into “stuff I hate.”

  • Super Soul

    It beats shoveling shit in Louisiana.

  • MrTribeca

    I’m aroused and tingling with anticipation about War Horse’s chances of an Oscar.

  • longrunner

    @berg: Love love love The Reivers’ album, “Saturday”!

  • A Pop Calypso

    Damn Edward, you’ve obviously got too much time on your hands now time on your hands now.

  • lipranzer

    Let me guess; inspired by Matt Damon telling his son to find another word besides “whatever” in WE BOUGHT A ZOO?

  • nemo

    This thread is probably past its sell-by date, but here is the history of your attitude towards your new job, after having been jobless for a few months:

    Stage 1: First few weeks. Pathetically grateful to have a job, any job.

    Stage 2: Second month. Well, it’s a job, I guess. It pays the rent.

    Stage 3: Third month. If I have to work this hard, how come I’m not being paid more?

  • Cadavra

    Some years ago, when I landed a big promotion, I said I wanted the press release to say “how excited I am to have pulled the wool over their eyes.” I was told point blank that “we never allow anything funny in a press release. Ever.” It went out with a generic “quote” from me that fooled no one who knows me.

  • http://www.gedichtliefde.com seatrend

    I few years ago I didn’t have a job! now I’m working for quit a few years and I wish I was retirerd!

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