A Little Touch of Harry In The Night

In a just-posted Esquire.com sex survey, only 22% of male readers “said they’ve had 20 or more sex partners in their lifetime,” and 16% said they’ve done it with between 11 and 19 sex partners. 23% — the biggest chunk — said they’ve been with five or less. 5% — the LexGs of the world — said they haven’t been blessed at all.

Esquire.com heard from 522 internet-connected guys, aged 21 to 59. If you cut out the over-50s (i.e., guys who were sexually active in the mid to late ’70s) the tallies would be a lot lower, I’m guessing. For presentable, well-mannered fellows lucky enough to have experienced the glorious nookie era of the ’70s and early ’80s, 20 or more sex partners might have represented…let’s be careful here…two or three years’ worth of activity, but certainly not a lifetime’s.

“And gentlemen in England now a-bed

Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,

And hold their manhoods cheap…” — Henry the Fifth, William Shakespeare.

22 thoughts on “A Little Touch of Harry In The Night

  1. Mr. F. on said:

    Look at it this way, Wells — now you can officially consider yourself a member of the 1%.

  2. From hence forth, sir Wells, I shall call you St. Crispin!

    Not to brag (OK, maybe a little), but I made it to 40 “partners” before I got married and cashed in my chips. And I’m no Don Juan…a 7 at best. It’s really not that tough, even for those of us who spent the ’70s in grade school.

    And just because I’m in a mood, I shall provide the following presumptuous, unsolicited advice for the under-30s (or whoever) who still haven’t made the 20+ club:

    Women (or at least well-adjusted, normal, undamaged women) want sex just as much as men, but they lack assurance that they’ll actually enjoy it because the guy they take home might not know what he’s doing, or be a creep, or get clingy, or otherwise act like a moron. Your job is to position yourself as a guy they WILL enjoy taking home. Project confidence (not arrogance), LISTEN TO HER, take an interest in your appearance and the world around you, bathe regularly, hit the gym now and again, and hold your liquor properly (a trait which will always impress women, no matter how enlightened this world becomes, and yes I know what movie that’s from, and no I’m not ashamed about it one bit because it’s true). Consider yourself a catch, don’t constantly drool over the object of your affections. They should want to bed you just as much as you want to bed them…if you are trying to “talk her into it,” you’re doing it wrong.

    And another thing: Choose wisely. It’s true that some women love to be “pursued,” but it’s not worth embarrassing yourself like that. Pick someone in your class, someone a bit humble. Someone with a sense of humor about herself. Avoid overtly strong and confident types with taut, aerobicized asses who wear too much makeup; a high percentage of them end up being drama queens/nutjobs/egotistical/self-righteous/princess types, and total bores in the sack. Listening to them should be a pleasure, not a chore…if they’re that boring and/or self-oriented, move on.

    One last thing: Unless you’re a real expert and know what you’re doing, avoid bi women. They’re great and all, and I got nothing against them, but they’re sought after and hunted, and thus used to being coddled. Girls who actually like and get hot exclusively for MEN tend to be better, more enthusiastic and appreciative lovers, in my experience.

    Last, by all and any means, avoid women with fake tits.

    That is all.

  3. From hence forth, sir Wells, I shall call you St. Crispin!

    Not to brag (OK, maybe a little), but I made it to 40 “partners” before I got married and cashed in my chips. And I’m no Don Juan…a 7 at best. It’s really not that tough, even for those of us who spent the ’70s in grade school.

    And just because I’m in a mood, I shall provide the following presumptuous, unsolicited advice for the under-30s (or whoever) who still haven’t made the 20+ club:

    Women (or at least well-adjusted, normal, undamaged women) want sex just as much as men, but they lack assurance that they’ll actually enjoy it because the guy they take home might not know what he’s doing, or be a creep, or get clingy, or otherwise act like a moron. Your job is to position yourself as a guy they WILL enjoy taking home. Project confidence (not arrogance), LISTEN TO HER, take an interest in your appearance and the world around you, bathe regularly, hit the gym now and again, and hold your liquor properly (a trait which will always impress women, no matter how enlightened this world becomes, and yes I know what movie that’s from, and no I’m not ashamed about it one bit because it’s true). Consider yourself a catch, don’t constantly drool over the object of your affections. They should want to bed you just as much as you want to bed them…if you are trying to “talk her into it,” you’re doing it wrong.

    And another thing: Choose wisely. It’s true that some women love to be “pursued,” but it’s not worth embarrassing yourself like that. Pick someone in your class, someone a bit humble. Someone with a sense of humor about herself. Avoid overtly strong and confident types with taut, aerobicized asses who wear too much makeup; a high percentage of them end up being drama queens/nutjobs/egotistical/self-righteous/princess types, and total bores in the sack. Listening to them should be a pleasure, not a chore…if they’re that boring and/or self-oriented, move on.

    One last thing: Unless you’re a real expert and know what you’re doing, avoid bi women. They’re great and all, and I got nothing against them, but they’re sought after and hunted, and thus used to being coddled. Girls who actually like and get hot exclusively for MEN tend to be better, more enthusiastic and appreciative lovers, in my experience.

    Last, by all and any means, avoid women with fake tits.

    That is all.

  4. Does it need to be pointed out just how inaccurate any passive polling is? It’s like when MSNBC or Fox runs a poll that finds – Holy Stats Batman! – their viewers agree/disagree along ideological lines.

    That said, will have to resist the urge to get a “I AM THE 22%” T-shirt made up…

  5. Does it need to be pointed out just how inaccurate any passive polling is? It’s like when MSNBC or Fox runs a poll that finds – Holy Stats Batman! – their viewers agree/disagree along ideological lines.

    That said, will have to resist the urge to get a “I AM THE 22%” T-shirt made up…

  6. Why would the boards at Hollywood-elsewhere be the place to post advice about how to sleep with women?

    I call folly at discussing “golden ages” for casual nookie, however. If my sex life was a director’s career, it would probably be John Carpenter’s. Unfortunately, I’m in the Body Bags portion, but man, Dark Star to They Live was INCREDIBLE.

  7. Why would the boards at Hollywood-elsewhere be the place to post advice about how to sleep with women?

    I call folly at discussing “golden ages” for casual nookie, however. If my sex life was a director’s career, it would probably be John Carpenter’s. Unfortunately, I’m in the Body Bags portion, but man, Dark Star to They Live was INCREDIBLE.

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  9. They’re great and all, and I got nothing against them, but they’re sought after and hunted, and thus used to being coddled.

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