Haagen Dazs
I used to spot a hot girl in a crowd and feel the hunger and delectation, like I was looking at ice cream. Like ten million other guys hanging around bars, offices, parties, barbecues and baseball games at the exact same moment. (Girls would occasionally gave me the same look, of course, sometimes in a more direct way than I’d feel comfortable putting out.) Nowadays I spot a hot girl and I still see the ice cream, but ten seconds later it melts and I just see the vulnerability, and I think what a shame it’ll be if she hooks up with a creep.
But if we happen to chat and she seems a little boring or vain or insufficiently informed, the compassion starts to ebb a bit.
It’s Creepy Time!
LOL, EO.
So, in continuing with that theme — Jeff, you ever get a taste of that “mocha” ice cream?
Inner voice: “Why is that creepy guy in the cowboy hat leering at me???”
so first you think of her as ice cream and then feel sorry for her and then lose compassion for her if she isn’t sufficiently informed. whoa. i’d say the creep you’re worried of her hooking up with, is you!
I just pull back if she’s not interesting, that’s all. What do you do when a guy you’re talking starts to disappoint in some way? Get more aroused? I swear to God, it’s impossible to say anything honest in this space without drawing some kind of flak or condemnation.
As usual, the commenters here have not a shred of normalcy when it comes to real life.
Wells, don’t listen to these assholes, nothing creepy about what you wrote. Even if you end up banning my ass, I still agree with most, if not all, of your social commentary.
Wells, you simply cannot comment on real life and the way shit is on this website. I’ve never seen such a conglomeration of commenters who seem to have little to no common sense and take everything so literally and seriously, without a shred of actual real world experience. It’s actually kind of scary.
You just have to acknowledge and embrace middle-aged male creepiness, Jeffrey. Once you do that, the tension is diffused and no one can use it against you. Works for me, at any rate…
@DG:
Lighten up, dude – just about every time you post I can almost feel your pulse throbbing thru the web…that can’t be healthy for a conservative chap like yourself.
“I used to spot a hot girl in a crowd and feel the hunger and delectation, like I was looking at ice cream.”
Already this sounds like the worst AMERICAN PIE fan fiction ever written. Congrats.
Sure, EO, I’ll lighten up as soon as people stop chastising Wells for making a simple observation.
Why don’t you tell the people calling Wells a creep to lighten up? Oh right, cause you’d be telling yourself.
That sinking feeling when you know a babe is shallow or dull is just awful. Even worse is thinking of all the women who had the same feeling regarding yourself.
DG, I’m a balding, middle-aged IT guy, so I’m certainly the poster boy for creepy! Heck, my first posting is a phrase I’ve used to break the ice when working with young women. So in my case, I’m just messing with Jeff without rancor, because you have to admit the ice cream thing reminds me of something George might say on “Seinfeld”.
As for Jeff getting dogged out? Man, nothing I’ve seen here comes close to what Harry Knowles endures on his site (well, except for Lex’s meltdowns – those are in a class by themselves). Granted, HE has an older demographic, but there’s something about anonymity that brings out the worst in folks.
“I’ve never seen such a conglomeration of commenters who seem to have little to no common sense and take everything so literally and seriously, without a shred of actual real world experience.”
Just wait until the Republican National Convention.
my issue is more with the ice cream of it all. you don’t expect a meal to give you conversation or be informed. you expect it to satisfy you. that’s what you’re saying when you equate a woman with ice cream.
but then you use the old “she’s not that smart anyway” defense. as if you wouldn’t bed her if you had the chance, no matter how moronic her “information”.
i get we all like to window-shop, and it certainly informs our decision in partners, but if you’d equated me with a cup of ice cream before i even opened my mouth, i wouldn’t want to give you the time of day.
also, whats wrong with vulnerability?
There’s nothing wrong with what Jeff wrote. He’s just saying that as he gets older he’s more able to see attractive women as actual human beings than just as beautiful works of art. And actual human beings are capable of disappointing you occasionally.
@Batgirl:
Vulnerability is dangerous without the wisdom and knowledge gained by experience. Young women tend to go for the bad boys because they don’t know any better (plus, there’s the evolutionary angle of bad boy=good genes). At this stage, nice guys are seen as weak losers.
Cut to ten or twenty years down the line, and our young thang has gained some battle scars from being raked over the coals by the bad boy (along with a divorce and a kid or two). Now the nice guy looks more stable and appealing – if he hasn’t been raked over the coals by a controlling harpy.
So, by the time we all stagger into middle-age, we look longingly at youth and wish we could replay some parts of it with what we know now. And in the animal mind of men of a certain age lurks the thought that if God made anything finer than young pussy, he kept it for himself.
generalize much Captain?
I’m done with this fucking thread. just wanted to bring Wells to attention because he should know better than post shit like this.
PEAR-CAKE FLAVORED HAAGEN DAZS SAYS…
[WELLS TO JOHNNY COME LATELY CHUMP: Thanks for reminding me, I've got some cleaning up to do. I'll start with you. The purge now starts in earnest.]
WHINY GUY SAYS…
You wanna purge, Wells? Why not start with the routinely unfunny Ira Pfucks.
GABE TORO SAYS…
Yeah, yeah, I’ll weigh in. Though none of you can really heed my advice, since you all come from the sexual dark ages. The women I’ve known biblically have all been appreciative. You know why? I don’t talk much, I listen, something I doubt Captain EO has done much of.
Yeah I’ve known women, alot actually, but I don’t go on about it. It’s not called the PLAYlist for nothing. I’m a player, will be for the next few years, too, and I’m not an adonis. What’s your excuse for sleeping alone?
SASHA STONE SAYS…
If you guys are trying to drive away Jeff’s female readers, you’ve succeeded wonderfully. Put em’ away, boys. Save it for cinemax.
@Batgirl:
Did you post something? I was too busy generalizing to pay attention.
I dunno why some folks here can’t simply run with a topic without getting all pissy. I made an overarching post hoping to generate some dialogue, but instead people flip out and start name-calling. I’m surprised Jeffrey doesn’t ban the whole lot of us in an OT-style cleansing and start over…
Duluoz
Get laid. Please.
IRA PARKS!
“At this stage, nice guys are seen as weak losers.”
Not really. Unless you mean there is competition for a mate, in which case bad boys tend to win out because they are invariably better looking, more intriguing, etc. But what Jeff is dealing with is the loss of interest in the chase. Could be this is the moment evolution has selected him out of the mating pool and thus, his interest in spreading his seed has suddenly diminished.
And when you’re looked up and down by an attractive male as if you are ice cream? Feels pretty good most of the time, be it sexist or not. Just my 2c.
Captain EO, my apologies, I thought, mistakenly, that you were like the other losers here who take Wells to task for making simple true observations of humanity.
Your subsequent posts show you to be a man of wit and humor. Particularly your use of the word harpy.
My apologies for lumping you in with trash like nakedman and girlwithabat.
“My apologies for lumping you in with trash like nakedman and girlwithabat.”
At least I’m not a racist, sexist, moron as you were recently proven to be.
For once, I’m siding with Jeff. He made a basic statement of human sexuality as you begin to leave middle age and start becoming “old” (no offense). You lose the lust, the drive to nail-and-bail, the idea that women are just something to be attained for a night. He just did it in a round about, slightly more poetic way.
“Competition for a mate”
Heck, that’s shorthand for getting laid, and a bad boy wins that as well – the nice guy is either the celibate confidant who’s left holding the purse while she dances with the stud, or held in contempt because he’s pansy enough to agree to watch her purse after knowing her for only 10 minutes so she can go dance with the stud.
“leave middle age”
I can dig it – eventually a man should move beyond the “nail-and-bail” stage towards a more aesthetic appreciation of female beauty (or male beauty, if gay). I, for one, tend to avoid prolonged gazing at youngish women because, well, it’s kind of creepy, and women tend to be more alert to oddball gazers than we’d like to think.
But in the end, sometimes it’s just fun to mess with with Mr. Wells when he posts some of his observations that, perhaps, seem more profound/compelling in the composition stage. I, for one, will never forget the “Titanic” post where he suggested throwing tables over the side for people to cling to, and then parking the doomed ship next to the fatal iceberg so passengers could disembark to safety. that was one for the ages!
…part deux, back from working out to maintain my “old age of youth” forty something bod, in preparation for the “youth of old age” fifties (as the French say):
DG: apology accepted – nice to see some civility around here.
@Sasha: also keep in mind the “ice cream” context here. Is Jeff talking about the bookish lass by the window reading Susan Sontag, or the chunky girl in the corner munching a donut and perhaps hoping for an appreciative glance? Nah, he means the poised young femme who looks like Alice Eve in “She’s Out of Your League” or the lissome lass in those T-Mobile cell phone commercials.
In my experience, the bookish or chunky women would probably be cool with the nice guy, especially if he treated her well and, in the case of the bookish lass, could discuss Voltaire without blowing a gasket. But the attractive woman has the “hot girl’s burden” and thus has to fend off tons of suitors – and therefore has the pick of the genetic litter, so to speak. And unfortunately, she may pick the suave chap who has all the right moves but all the bad character.
Me, if I has to choose between the Jamie Lee Curtis or P. J. Soles’ characters in “Halloween”, I’d go for Jamie – in part because Soles would blow me off for the cool guy with the van anyway, but mainly because Jamie is someone you could actually build a life with…and yeah, she’s still hot in a coltish, smart sort of way, even in bell bottoms.
@Captain EO: Bell bottoms are boss and I won’t tolerate a word against them…(There you go, Jeff. I just gave you your next screed to be re-posted to our delight in 3 years.)
Otherwise, good thoughts.
yes nakedman, in your twisted world someone is a racist if they make fun of how gross some white girl is.
This is what Liberalism has come to.
I’m not a liberal. Get out of your bubble.
And you are using a bit of revisionist history there of what you really said.
Racist.
“But the attractive woman has the “hot girl’s burden” and thus has to fend off tons of suitors – and therefore has the pick of the genetic litter, so to speak. And unfortunately, she may pick the suave chap who has all the right moves but all the bad character.”
Likewise, the so-called bad boys have their pick, too. So are they to just settled on the one girl when they can have many? Hence, they usually get the bad boy label because they are sharks that way – and they are sharks because they can be. They know how to seduce and how to step out the back, Jack. Hot women take the challenge because their ego tells them they can be “the one” to change the bad boy.
And yeah, I’ve spent enough time with Jeff to know what kind of woman he’s talking about.
Generally speaking, in our culture — it’s really the rich and powerful guys who nab those hot chicks, not necessarily the bad boys. Money is traded as a valuable asset, as are good looks. Those who aren’t at the top of the mating pool, either hot or rich, can do just fine looking past the surface. Or they can torment themselves for a lifetime hoping that they can miraculously be let into the top of the mating pool (LexG) without being a millionaire or a babe.
On the other hand, there are guys like Bill Gates – rich as fuck but not in need of a hot girl. And there are hot girls like Nat Portman who are not in need of a rich dude or a bad boy. So it’s not 100%, this mangled theory.
“it’s not 100%’ this mangled theory.”
Nothing is ever 100%, except death and taxes…
“And when you’re looked up and down by an attractive male as if you are ice cream? Feels pretty good most of the time, be it sexist or not. Just my 2c.”
Sasha, name the ice cream parlor, and I will bring my eyes, for you…
Beautifully put Jeff. This post made me feel so melancholy. Sexual arousal is so unforgiving of human flaws. Unfortunately no-one can be fascinating/desirable 100% of the time. Compassion can come in waves though… a person can keep peaking your interest as much as they erode it. That’s the hope
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