Cold Storage

If something in the refrigerator is looking stale or moldy or icky, I don’t throw it out. That takes too much effort — putting it in the garbage, pulling out the plastic garbage bag and tying it up, and then taking it outside and downstairs to the dumpster. It’s much simpler and easier to just put the moldy-stale thing in the freezer. That way it’s out of sight and won’t smell the place up, and when I’m ready (and I mean good and ready), I can take all the frozen discards out to the dumpster in one trip.

  • JLC

    I just….I mean… know…..

    Nope. I got nothin’. The elevator no longer goes to the top floor.

  • Kristopher Tapley

    Impressive. You just got some crazy air sailing over that shark.

  • DukeSavoy

    Brilliant use of thermal inertia.

  • Stewart Klein

    Jeff’s freezer is full of gold toe socks, 250 thread count bedsheets and grey sneakers, and normal colored shoes.

  • JoeTanto

    Heh, I kinda do the same thing. Gotta a box of leftovers that’s been in the freezer for a month, and in the fridge itself has half-full cans of soda and shit dating back to March.

    It’s apartment living. You guys scoffing at Wells are probably homeowners, got a big ass yard and driveway, and TAKING OUT THE TRASH is some suburban swinging-dick homeowner ritual you enjoy, bagging it up and rolling those cans out to the street like fucking Craig T Nelson in Poltergeist.

    But if you live an apartment, a) taking the trash over to the dumpster 2) doing laundry are both just a fuck-it pain in the ass that ONLY increase your odds of having to see your neighbors, and rule #1 of apt living is avoid any- and everyone in your building at ALL COSTS, so you end up storing trash and cans and shit for two, three months at a time like a hoarder.

  • Mr. F.

    “If something in the refrigerator is looking stale or moldy or icky, I don’t throw it out.”

    Of course not. If it’s ever found in your trash cans, the cops can DNA test it or try to pull fingerprints to I.D. the victim.

  • Tristan Eldritch2

    I’m just wondering why this being posted: the onset of some kind of Memento-like senility? The first in a series of fragmentary memory aids? Tomorrow’s post: “My name is Jeffrey Wells. I write a movie blog. THIS movie blog. Need to keep it updated a couple of times a day. Produce occasional troll-bait a la JAWS putdown…..VERY IMPORTANT: maintain presence of pictures to either side of text, and above masthead…;”

  • roland1824

    Do you not have one of them fancy garbage disposal modern contraptions?

  • Pete Apruzzese

    The 55 gallon drums with the dead hooker bodies get buried. Jeff just puts their heads in the freezer.

  • The Thing

    Lex, as a fellow apartment dweller, I don’t keep stuff around. I’ll either eat it at the edge of expiration, or just toss it in the garbage can. I usually end up with filled trash bags every 3-4 days, so nothing sits around too long.

    But maybe I’m just a neat freak and like having space in my fridge and freezer. Nothing really wrong with either system, just different priorities.

  • Jesse Crall

    Are the moldy containers being moved up to the freezer some kind of euphemism for Jeff’s brain?

    Kidding, kidding.

  • clownpenis.fart

    Love this!! Jeff, the fans want more of THESE types of posts and less Blu Ray DVD reviews of crappy movies from the 50’s.

    Miss you buddy.

    – Wings Hauser

  • Movie Watcher

    Is it that hard to take it out and throw it away? Wow…

  • raygo

    My mom put all the food garbage (table scraps, old stuff) in the freezer, then put it in the garbage on trash day. Kept the raccoons from finding it. Yeah, we were homeowners, with a big ass yard and driveway. But my mom didn’t have a swinging dick, at least not that I ever saw.

  • Mr. F.

    Maybe instead of reader donations to help pay for screenings of TYRANNOSAUR, SIDE BY SIDE, etc… we can have a special fund known as “Garbage Elsewhere” to pay for a trash can to go under Wells’ sink.

  • Ghost of Kazan

    If you wait long enough, you can just throw the still-loaded freezer out when it’s time to buy a new one.

  • Still Ray

    Leave the man alone. He has to empty the fridge out, where else will he store his mason jars of urine?

  • lazarus

    I think it’s time to put that Aspect Ratio nonsense in the freezer.

  • M’Lady


  • Glenn Kenny

    Next week on HOARDERS….

  • nemo

    Hints from Heloise, guest hosted by Jeffrey Dahmer.

    Actually, I do the same thing, even though I am a swinging-dick homeowner., and not because it’s a hassle to take it out.

    I put potentially rotting stuff in the freezer for the same reason raygo’s mom does it. The rotting stuff will stink up the garbage can and attract raccoons. Put it out frozen the night before garbage pickup – no stink, no raccoons.

  • jiu99