Metaphor Dominates

How did Governor Fat Fattie do tonight? Like others I like his feistiness, directness, New Jerseyness. He connects more than Romney — that’s for sure. But I didn’t get much of a launch feeling from his speech, certainly not on the level of Barack Obama‘s 2004 speech in Boston. Not a word about the ruinous acts of the Bush administration. Not a word about the obstructionist, hell-bent, loony-tune Congress.

There is well-fed, portly, bulky, fat, grotesquely overweight and Jabba the Hut obese. Gov. Christie is somewhere between the last two. Did you catch his profile? The man is clearly out of control — much bigger than Jackie Gleason‘s Ralph Kramden — and a couple of his kids are lardos besides.

57 thoughts on “Metaphor Dominates

  1. Sasha Stone on said:

    I think it’s unseemly that none of the major Republican speakers brought up the war in Afghanistan or Iraq or Osama Bin Laden or their precious “war on terror.” They’re phonies – they dump us with them and then they turn tail and run. How disrespectful to the soldiers on the ground and how unAmerican.

  2. You have no class, Wells. What if Christie spoke the truth and said you were a clueless, largely unsuccessful, pale and puffy blowhard?

    Wells to davie: But I’m not clueless, am successful as far as it goes, and not puffy since I stopped drinking.

  3. Was a good speech… ABOUT CHRIS CHRISTIE. Not sure why he thought, when given the Keynote slot, he shouldn’t say anything about Mitt Romney. (OK, I’m exaggerating… but not by much.) Ann was a lot better.

    Also curious to see how “This is how we feed the animals!” is explained away.

  4. I really really hope they broadcast the name of whoever it was that threw those peanuts.

    I liked Ann’s speech. She humanized Mitt the way only a wife can.

    Haven’t watched Christie’s speech yet, but I gather he’s a gentleman who struggles with his weight?

  5. “Fat Fattie” — good one, Jeff!!!

    Phil C. is really right, though — we all need to blow this antiquated two-party system right the fuck up.

    In this day and age, it’s a damn travesty that all we essentially have is an either-or option for President of the entire country.

    Take away the pat, one-word affiliations that make it too easy for people to tow the party line without ever bothering to examine the actual platforms, plans, and stances candidates are actually taking (or as is more often the case, “not taking”) on issues.

    But most people aren’t really open to changing anything — about this country, let alone their own views. And that’s the way we (secretly) like it — we’d rather just sit around and reinforce our own prejudices while knocking down those who share a different set.

    Eff both of these guys. Seriously.

  6. The cutaways to Romney watching from his seat and looking bored spoke volumes.

    Christie’s wit and humor were entirely missing. I don’t think he even smiled once during the last half of his speech. I’m not exactly a fan of Palin, but even she understood the effectiveness of laugh lines. His speech basically admits that Romney isn’t at all a candidate anyone’s actually voting FOR, and he was cranky about it.

  7. And by the way guys, before you pile on Jeff for going the low road with Christie’s weight, at least admit that Jeff gives everyone shit about weight.

  8. [Still Ray lays down some trite condescending you're-better-than-this-Wells condemnation, Travis fires off a few stilted cringeworthy jokes because he has absolutely nothing else of value to contribute, nakedman & jasonb turn feign moralistic outrage while playing footsie under the table, Mr. F and qdpsteve's relative evenhandedness gets lost in the noise, DuluozGray thinks MIAMI VICE is the best movie of the last decade so fuck him, and "JoeTanto" might chime in on how pointless politics on a movie blog is once he's done plotting an Ethan Hunt-like heist of the skinny blonde in 4B's dirty panties from the communal laundry room.]

    That’s how I thought this thread would go.

  9. When Mitt and Ann were sitting in the box applauding Chris Christie, I noticed Ann’s granite stare in Christie’s direction.

  10. When Mitt and Ann were sitting in the box applauding Chris Christie, I noticed Ann’s granite stare in Christie’s direction.

  11. >In this day and age, it’s a damn travesty that all we essentially have is an either-or option for President of the entire country.

    Multi-party systems don’t seem to stabilize well in democratic societies. Sometimes (especially in parliamentary systems unlike the U.S.) you have a case with one or two big parties and smaller ones forming alliances and coalitions as they may — though really, any large party is itself just a more formalized coalition of divergent interests who have agreed to band together.

    The thing is, it’s not about whom you want to vote for. It’s whom you want to vote for that you also think has a chance to win. This alters the entire calculation in casting one’s vote, and ripples powerfully through the power structures of election-based societies.

    Maybe one or both parties needs to go the way of the Whigs, but I think there’s a deeper reason, not unique to the U.S., why political choices tend to become limited. Someone has probably mathematically modeled it…

  12. Wait for a year. He will start to look thinner. Then you know he will run in 2016. Nobody wants a fat president. Sad but true.

  13. Christ, speaking of Poland, this last 24 hours of H-E have been so boring I’m half expecting a DP-30 with some old white dude in a sweater who was like the ninth line producer on a movie where he’d easily be the worst “get” in the junket room.

    Hey, how does Poland get all those celebrities in his HOUSE? This is a legit question, he banned me for asking. Actually I asked him if he washed the cushions after having Christina Hendricks in his HOUSE. Like David Poland is such a king-dick all-star that like Emily Blunt’s “people” are like, YEAH, WE GOTTA GET YOU OVER TO DAVID POLAND’S BALCONY next.

    Someone explain this. Does Wells have actresses over to his apartment?

  14. “Not a word about the obstructionist, hell-bent, loony-tune Congress.”

    YEAH!!! Why WON’T the Senate pass the President’s budget after all these years???

    Oh….. you meant something else?

  15. Wait, was Ray the black guy who was in the military?

    Sometimes I get everybody’s shtick mixed up, like I can’t tell who Watcher of the Skies was before, but his “I’m a black session musician on tour in Europe” riff was ultra weird even by HE standards.

  16. Feels great Ray. Please come back as Still Still Ray after Wells bans you again. I’m sure your toolish screeds will one day alter his mindset.

    [Travis' painfully unfunny snark collapses thread. Connection terminated.]

  17. “Yeah, I’m sure Obama will be bringing up Afghanistan every time he gets, even though there’s no end in sight.”

    He will. Of course he will. Why? Because when he became President we were coming out of two terms of a war mongering administration. They left the mess he then had to clean up – and look at these asshats – not a word. They are cowards.

  18. @raising Kaned. thought that was what Obama was trying to accomplish. Hear everyone, get facts, and make the best decision. Results – He now has the rep of not being effective. Even the Dems are giving up because he wasn’t overtly effective in this must see results immediate gratification world.
    Christie was interesting. His speech was rather generic. If you put Obama in the spots where he stated Romney you could give recycle the speech at the DNC. I only caught the end of the speech though so that might not hold true. It certainly was not a warm supportive endorsement for Romney. Do you think the media filming the event were Dems? When they moved the camera over to Romney he looked nothing other than sinister. I felt a chill. How smart it was for Romney to pick Ryan…very. I always saw Romney as a hologram but next to Ryan he tends to be flesh and blood.
    Phil C. – so true. Each party overstates their message to the point of making it unbelievable and just pushing the viewer or listener to recognize the unscrupulous ways the facts can be spinned making one want to run to the other side.
    …Oh there is so much more. This election is electric.

  19. Sasha, Obama hasn’t brought up the wars once in his campaign to date, so why would he start at his convention? His apparent vision on the wars doesn’t separate from his opponent, so you will not hear about it. If this is an important issue for you, then you’re unfortunately SOL.

  20. Christie said in his keynote speech, “Our problems are big and the solutions will not be painless. We all must share in the sacrifice. Any leader that tells us differently is simply not telling the truth…”

    Translation: We need to cut Medicare and other social programs that many Americans rely on to survive, but keep tax cuts that ensure Mitt Romney pays the least amount of taxes possible.

    Let’s just cut through the bullshit.

  21. Oh come on Mark, you don’t think he’s going to boast about ending Iraq and all the al Qaeda leaders he’s killed? You can criticize him about those wars fair enough, but of course he’s going to mention it at the convention.

  22. Mark, I am talking about accountability from the Republicans. They are cowards, running from the fire they started (democrats, too, but not to the same degree). Moreover, with soldiers still dying every day, with the death toll up to 2,000 they have to say something. They have to take a side. They are whiny crybabies if they don’t. Obama talks often about the war because he has to. He inherited it. It’s repulsive how the right has turned tail and ran. Obama will bring up the wars because the ended the war in Iraq and he and his army shot Bin Laden in the face. The Republicans are showing ZERO leadership on that front except to keep defense spending where it is. At war, are we supposed to trust Romney/Ryan? I don’t think so. I will take a leader with a hanging pair, not a leader who hides from it.

  23. “The Republicans are showing ZERO leadership on that front except to keep defense spending where it is.”

    Uh… that’s not what they want, Sasha. In fact, they want to INCREASE defense spending, which is even more asinine.

  24. Lordy, Sasha. Stick to movies….(well, movies in your apartment with your cat, assuming you’re still frightened of going to a movie theater, lest some crazy guy shoot up the one YOU’RE in!)

    And I totally respect Obama and “his army” shooting Bin Laden in the face.

  25. Staying on topic: the whole night (and I assume the rest of the convention) relied on two big lies: “You didn’t build that!” and “Obama’s gutted welfare reform!” We’ll see if we can at least approach honest territory at some point this week… but I doubt it.

  26. Rachel Maddow accurately described Christie’s spiel as his “2016 acceptance speech.”

    I’m certainly no fan of the man, but attacking his weight is a distraction from his politics–which ARE worth attacking. Moreover, it puts you in the gutter with the GOP, which were (and in one case still are) making fatso remarks about Clinton and Gore.

  27. Why is Travis allowed to stay here? He’s dumber than a box of rocks, won’t say a single bad word about the Republican party, his schtick has been old and boring for years.

    He makes DuluozGray seem interesting and well read.

    I know he’s been axed before, isn’t it time once again?

  28. “Rachel Maddow accurately described Christie’s spiel as his ’2016 acceptance speech.’”

    Uh… if that’s the kind of speechifying he’ll make during the GOP primaries, he’s not going to be accepting anything in 2016. It wasn’t a good speech.

  29. There are genetically fat people, but in that image, Christie doesn’t look like one. Comparing the size of the top of his head to the bottom, he definitely looks like a dude who was meant to be thinner. He reminds me of that one Tales from the Crypt episode where Jeffrey Tambor played the gross fat guy with hideous prosthetics.

    The better-looking guy generally wins the presidency. When he doesn’t, it’s generally because the other one seemed friendlier (Bush over Gore). Christie has neither factor in his favor.

  30. “The better-looking guy generally wins the presidency. When he doesn’t, it’s generally because the other one seemed friendlier (Bush over Gore). Christie has neither factor in his favor.”

    Just wait until he starts dressing like Santa Claus in 2016. LANDSLIDE.

    Future campaign slogan: “Have a holly, jolly President!”

  31. “I know he’s been axed before, isn’t it time once again?”

    “Whaaaa, make it go away, Jeffrey!”

    Grow a pair, you twerp. Calling for other people to be banned because reading their posts, (which you are apparently FORCED to do…my apologies), makes you sad and angry is the epitome of weak.

    Besides, if I go than you’ll pretty much lose your entire HE raison d’etre, no? I mean really, what’s your point on here other than playing remora?

  32. We’re at a point in history where electing a person who “prays every day to [a] god for guidance” (heard Mitt say this on NPR this morning) is a dangerous fallacy. We need a secular government based on rationality and logic vs. a theocracy founded on dogma and mysticism.

    That said, even if Romney wasn’t a member of a fringe religious movement, I still wouldn’t vote for him because of his smarmy CEO-ness. This country can’t afford another dose of GOP madness…

  33. Fat fuck Christie telling poor people that they have to make due with less because it’s “the truth.” The perfect metaphor for a decadent, waning empire.

  34. If there is one thing I can about Wells, and often it’s the ONLY thing, it’s that he wears his prejudices on the outside. He hates fat people, mid Westerners, TV that doesn’t take place in a vacuum, the sandal wearing hippies and the occasional minority (Hispanic party elephants). As a black, gay man in America, I do appreciate that. For real.

  35. Weren’t you supposed to quit the board so you could go to London with your “band” or something?

    I’d put good money down you’re about as black or gay as fucking Dolph Lundgren.

  36. I wonder what happened to him…he was a fit guy when he was younger and athletic as well. Weird.

    Nevertheless, I live in Jersey and forget his politics…he’s just a nasty human being, nothing good about him. A lot of people thought he would do good, but he’s just continued our trend of hot mess governors. He reminds me of the meanest person you knew in high school who still thinks they can dominate people by talking louder.

  37. “Grow a pair, you twerp. Calling for other people to be banned because reading their posts, (which you are apparently FORCED to do…my apologies), makes you sad and angry is the epitome of weak.

    Besides, if I go than you’ll pretty much lose your entire HE raison d’etre, no? I mean really, what’s your point on here other than playing remora?”

    You gonna track me down on Facebook again and be a tough guy?

    Seems like I struck a nerve with you. Again.

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