Get It Right
Buzzfeed posted this about seven or eight hours ago, or very early in the morning. The synopsis was written by the late Lee Winfrey, former TV critic for the Philadelphia Inquirer. (Here is apparent evidence that the quote is real.)
Winfrey’s flaw, of course, is that Dorothy never “meets” the Wicked Witch of the East. Dropping a house on a witch doesn’t constitute a meeting. If you hit and kill a homeless guy with your Lexus while driving on the 405, you haven’t “met” him before taking his life. You’ve simply killed him. To meet him and then kill him you’d have to pull alongside him, roll down your window and shake his hand and say, “I’m going to back up about 300 yards now and then accelerate and run you over — nice to have met you!”
Correctly written: “Transported by cyclone to a surreal landscape, a young girl accidentally kills a female practitioner of black arts and then teams up with three strangers to steal a prized possession from her sister. In so doing they accidentally kill her.”
The revision may be accurate. But it’s not funny.
Like the old joke: “If ignorance were Corn Flakes, you’d be General Mills!” Not nearly as funny with the accurate cereal company.
I can’t stop laughing at the lameness of Jeff actually writing this post out.
Way to suck out the funny.
There are some great ones here:
http://www.postmodernbarney.com/2009/04/uncomfortable-plot-summaries/
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: “Deranged pedophile big-business industrialist tortures and mutilates young children.”
Gone With the Wind: “Rich, white slave owner enjoys getting raped, miscarries.”
Juno: “Teen fails to get abortion, ruins lives.”
The Passion of the Christ: “Mel Gibson fulfills fantasy of showing a Jew beaten to a bloody pulp and killed on-screen.”
that Wizard of Oz synopsis is from like 1989
God damn. I mean really, god damn…
My favorite is a super-short newspaper TV-listing description for “Sex, Lies and Videotape” years ago. (Nashville’s “Tennessean” maybe)
“Impotent man films women.”
Ironic, Gabe, I have the same problem with your posts too.
Wells to Henny Youngman: “No, Mr. Youngman, I do not want to take your wife, and even if I did, she is a strong, independent woman and must be allowed to make such decisions for herself.”
Jeff, I have to ask: Is it hard for you to defecate with that stick up your ass?
RE “movie summary” link: “THE GOONIES: Physically abused, retarded man finds love with overweight preteen. ”
Doesn’t that also apply to Pumpkin?
Cadavra!
Troubled teen runs away from home to a strange land where she hooks up with three guys and kills two sisters.
Jeffery Wells!
For the love of God, all of humanity and the future generations of children. You have zero sense of humor.
Some people are born without limbs. Some people are born without sight. You sir, were born without a funny bone. Quelle tradgety!!
Comedy to you is like a menstrual period…
…you just don’t GET IT!
Stick to the Drah-ma Sirrah and leave the comedy to the professionals.
Adieu! (deep bow)
MARTHA MARCY MAY MARLENE. (8-10PM IFC)
– Remake of Meatballs with an Olsen sister in the Chris Makpeace role.
Inquirer Television Writer DeeZee.
ADVENTURELAND (9-11PM FLIX)
LOOK AT HER!!!!!!!!!!!!
Inquirer Television Writer LexG.
THE GODFATHER (9-1AM TNT)
Short Italian hood marries tall WASP. Hard to swallow.
Inquirer Television Writer Jeffrey Wells
RAGING BULL. (8-10PM AMC)
Box office failure about a boxer who beats up his wife and brother and then becomes stand-up comedian..
Inquirer Television Writer DeeZee.
LILITH. (10-12AM TMC)
Mannered B&W Robert Rossen classic about Jean Seberg (with hair) giving Peter Fonda and Warren Beatty blue balls. I came in my pants twice.
Inquirer Television Writer Glenn Kenny
BOOGIE NIGHTS. (10:30- 1:00 Sundance Channel)
Saturday Night Fever meets Star 80 as Bill Macy ruins a New Year’s Eve party.
Inquirer Television Writer DeeZee.
MARATHON MAN (11PM-1AM ENCORE)
Short Jew with an apartment fiull of dirty water glass nails a tall fraulein. Then a Nazi drills his teeth.
Inquirer Television Writer Jeffrey Wells
Well done, Prager.
I actually liked Boogie Nights.
Prager!
Home Alone: Eight-year-old boy is abandoned by parents at Christmas. Turns sadistically violent.
Over year, this soft toy has been the most preferred playing item by kids as well as people of different ages. These days stuffed bear was invented and gained popularity and loved across the world.
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Romeo and Juliet:
Two teenagers have sex for three days, resulting in the deaths of six people.
King Lear:
A father’s problems dealing with his three incorrigible daughters.
Macbeth:
A woman urges her husband to try harder to get ahead in the world.
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To meet him and then kill him you’d have to pull alongside him, roll down your window and shake his hand and say.Rent Rv
You’ve simply killed him. To meet him and then kill him you’d have to pull alongside him, roll down your window and shake his hand and say, “I’m going to back up about 300 yards now and then accelerate and run you over — nice to have met you!” Free YouTube Views
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: “Deranged pedophile big-business industrialist tortures and mutilates young children.”
Gone With the Wind: “Rich, white slave owner enjoys getting raped, miscarries.”
Juno: “Teen fails to get abortion, ruins lamberts lives.”
The Passion of the Christ: “Mel Gibson fulfills fantasy of showing a Jew beaten to a bloody pulp and killed on-screen.”
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: “Deranged pedophile big-business industrialist tortures and mutilates young children.” north face store
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“Transported by cyclone to a surreal landscape, a young girl accidentally kills a female practitioner of black arts and then teams up with three strangers to steal a prized possession from her sister. In so doing they accidentally kill her.” Emergency Dentist Carlsbad
The Passion of the Christ: “Mel Gibson fulfills fantasy of showing a Jew beaten to a bloody pulp and killed on-screen.” Christian louboutin hommes
For the love of God, all of humanity and the future generations of children. You have zero sense of humor.
Some people are born without limbs. Some people are born without sight. You sir, were born without a funny bone. Quelle tradgety!!
Comedy to you is like a menstrual period…
…you just don’t GET IT!
Stick to the Drah-ma Sirrah and leave the comedy to the professionals.
Adieu! (deep bow)
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For the love of God, all of humanity and the future generations of children. You have zero sense of humor.
Some people are born without limbs. Some people are born without sight. You sir, were born without a funny bone. Quelle tradgety!!
Comedy to you is like a menstrual period…
…you just don’t GET IT!
Stick to the Drah-ma Sirrah and leave the comedy to the professionals.
Adieu! (deep bow)
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Like the old joke: “If ignorance were Corn Flakes, you’d be General Mills!” Not nearly as funny with the accurate cereal company. memory foam pillows
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