Solution for Hamill-Fisher Problem

Star Wars poobah George Lucas has told Bloomberg Businessweek‘s Devin Leonard that Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher are pretty much locked down for cameos or supporting roles in JJ Abrams‘ Star Wars, Episode VII, which will come out in 2015.

I’m cool with Ford, who turns 71 on July 13th, returning as a grizzled and sinewy Han Solo, but do we really want the people in the above photos (Hamill’s pic was taken in 2010, Fisher’s in 2009) messing with cherished memories of the eternally young Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia? Isn’t it better to leave the past alone and…you know, let sleeping dogs lie? I really, really don’t want to see jowly Hamill fighting anyone with a light sabre, and the thought of a plus-sized Fisher wearing Princess Leia outfits…wow.

I’m sure all three will soon be hitting the gym and sticking with a jello, coffee, apples and navel orange diet but there’s only so much you can do with the “lived-in” faces that Hamill and Fisher have acquired. In the words of Dr. Heywood Floyd in 2001: A Space Odyssey, there’s a serious potential for “cultural shock and disorientation” should they try to re-inhabit characters they first played 36 or 37 years ago.

Remember how James Cagney looked in Public Enemy in 1931? And how he looked 37 years later when he made Never Steal Anything Small?

The way to bring Luke and Leia back for Episode VII (seriously) is to announce that they were killed by Imperial forces many years ago, but that their spirits are with us like Alec Guinness‘s Obi-Wan Kenobi was a character of sorts in The Empire Strikes Back (’80). And then digitally replicate their bodies from Star Wars, Empire and Return of the Jedi footage and give them new things to do, and then get Hamill and Fisher to simply “voice” them. Spectral holograms of a talking Han and Leia would totally work. Plus the fans would be enormously grateful to Abrams for not having subjected them to a lesson in the ravagings of age.

“We had already signed Mark and Carrie and Harrison — or we were pretty much in final stages of negotiation,” Lucas told Leonard. “So I called them to say, ‘Look, this is what’s going on.’ Maybe I’m not supposed to say that. I think they want to announce that with some big whoop-dee-doo, but we were negotiating with them. I won’t say whether the negotiations were successful or not.”

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  • Eve

    I’d reserve judgment until seeing the finished product. We’re a year at least from seeing SW7, right? Why get worked up about anyone’s appearance now?

    • Mark74

      2 years, it’s slated to open 2015.

      • Eloi Wrath

        It almost certainly won’t make that date. I believe Disney stepped back a bit when Abrams came on board. If he delayed Star Trek another year to get it right, there’s no way he’ll rush Star Wars.

        • Mark74

          You’re right, no way this is coming out in just 25 months or so. Probably 2016 then.

          • Eloi Wrath

            Disney can also afford to stretch it out. They’ve got Avengers 2 in 2015 so it might be to their advantage to save it for the following summer. Add the constant stream of media frenzy surrounding the film and it’ll never be out of the news, so by the time it finally comes out they’ll make a killing.

  • http://www.hollywood-elsewhere.com/ Jeffrey Wells

    What? Get real. There’s only way to salvage this grotesque situation, and I’ve spelled it out in paragraph #5.

  • http://www.stlcardinalbaseball.com/ Ray DeRousse

    First of all, I DO NOT want a grizzled, crabby-ass Han Solo, so please stop suggesting it. Secondly, those pics of Hamill and Fisher aren’t fair – they’re obviously being photographed there without the makeup and lighting of a feature film. I agree that there’s only so much makeup and lighting can do, but still … I wouldn’t judge them too harshly by the standard of a hastily-snapped paparazzi photograph.
    I do, however, fear that inevitable scene of Hamill or Fisher waddling into a pool of light as the character as if they were showing up on the Muppet Show as the character in some “special guest star” appearance. It feels too gimmicky.

  • The Petulant Pug

    Ep 7 comes out in 2015. That’s a few more months for fish and ham to work that treadmill and down those kale shakes.

  • Edward Klein

    Heaven forbid older actors shatter our fantasies of when they were young and lovely looking.

  • http://www.hollywood-elsewhere.com/ Jeffrey Wells

    The photos of Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher that I used are the featured portrait photos on their Wikipedia pages.

    • http://www.stlcardinalbaseball.com/ Ray DeRousse

      So? Hamill is obviously being photographed in mid-speech by a random photographer. Same with Fisher. They aren’t posing at Sears great lighting and makeup.

      • Raising_Kaned

        No, but I think they both might be working at Sears.

    • Sonny Hooper

      Those aren’t portrait photos where they posed for them; those are just candid snapshots. And since anyone can contribute to a Wiki page it’s a safe bet MH and CF had nothing to do with it. They probably haven’t even seen their Wiki pages.

  • jermsguy

    Star Wars 7 is set to open in May 2015. i gather it’s going to take place 35 years after the events of Return of the Jedi, so yeah, they’ll be older. It sounds like it’s mainly going to be about the Skywalker kids. Leia’s going to be the Dowager Countess of the galaxy.

  • http://2012diaries.blogspot.com/ tristan eldritch

    The only thing that could be more exciting than the news of Hamill et all returning to Star Wars would be a full Police Academy cast reunion, with the original Blue Oyster extras.

    Seriously, though, who cares what they do? This thing is a cynical corporate cash-grab that nobody really wants to make, and nobody in their right mind wants to see.

  • The Petulant Pug

    They’ll have Luke taking Yoda’s place as a jedi trainer on some swamp planet like Degobath. That way they can film him in low lighting and he can cover part of his face with those Jawa hoodies like Kenobe to look more mysterious. They could even get away with scaring up his face some and say it happened in some battle between ep 6 and 7 we didn’t get to see. A little CG touch up and it will be be good enough if he’s not the central focus. And I doubt Fisher is gonna be wearing any slave bikini’s in this one. But I see you working wells. That pic you use at the top of the site is at least 10 years old, yes? Old people are to be heard or read, not seen.

  • Kat

    Carrie Fisher has lost quite a bit of weight in the last couple of years (though she is still nuts, as evidenced by her recent cruise-ship-cabaret debacle). Regardless, i’m assuming they’re all going to play their characters as being 70 or thereabouts, so what’s the big deal? People age and it’s not extremely telegenic. You want Carrie Fisher to go the Faye Dunaway route? Or Mark Hamill to follow Bruce Jenner’s path? Fit but freakish-looking?

    • Raising_Kaned

      HE still has female readers???

      I say put Kat in the role of Princess Leia — hell, I say put Kat in every single role in the flick (the probot may be a bit of a challenge, but she can go method on that shit).

      • Roybatty

        Annnnnnd she’s gone…

  • Carl LaFong

    Hamill will be approximately the same age Guinness was when Star Wars was lensed, and they share roughly similar builds in their early 60s. Depending on how the role is written, he’ll do adequately.

    Abrams got Nimoy to fight off a giant snow monster in the last Trek movie, so I think Hamill is in good hands.

  • Vennard13

    Helen Mirren.

  • Bobby Cooper

    Now that Abrams has been sanctioned by our corporate overlords as the steward of our country’s evergreen nerd properties, will he turn repentant opportunist and give us one staggering, incendiary work on the side?

    Nah. Hell has chosen well.

  • Duffy

    Maybe Hamill could wear a black mask and have breathing problems??? Forget it… give him goatee and get the look he had in slipstream.

  • http://twitter.com/calmixx calmixx

    Jeff, why do you even have an opinion on this? Isn’t this “geek” stuff beneath you? Trolling for hits from Star Wars searches? People age. How do you stack up against 30 years ago?

  • Sonny Hooper

    What about using the same techniques (i.e. software) that was used for Jeff Bridges in the Tron sequel? It wasn’t perfect but I’m sure some improvements in the technology have been made since, and besides, they would look no more cartoony than anything in the SW prequels.

  • theaterguy

    Carrie Fisher is actually going to be playing Leia and Jabba’s lovechild.

  • Krazyeyes

    Jeff obviously took his own advice when picking his masthead photo.

  • Eve

    Maybe Abrams’ famed lens flares will distract everyone from any flaws.

  • roland1824

    It might be a contract negotiation play, but Fisher’s pr walked back her quote on her involvement:

    http://marquee.blogs.cnn.com/2013/03/06/carrie-fisher-as-an-elderly-princess-leia-not-so-fast/

  • lazarus

    Not sure why everyone is overlooking the obvious: like Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan before him, Luke will almost certainly be sporting a beard in his older Jedi days. His face will look a lot more “Star Wars” with one.

    Bringing Fisher and Ford back is a mistake.

  • http://twitter.com/sdcinerama San Diego Cinerama

    I’m the biggest SW fan here, and the news that Hamill, Fisher, Ford, etc would be back was kind of depressing.
    What are we supposed to be expecting? The spry adventures of the galactic saviors? 10 or 15 or even 20 years after ROTJ, maybe.
    That we’re 30 years after the fact, 35 when this VII hits means we’re not going to get what we think we want.

    I’ll get killed for this, but I really hope they keep the post-Jedi backstory. If only because it resonates with what the US did (and didn’t) do in the Middle East, only on a galactic scale. That’s right: the Expanded Universe foretold the Iraq War.
    Make a movie about THAT.

  • Correcting Jeff

    “Hamill’s pic was taken in 2010, Fisher’s in 2009″

    Both pics more recent than the one at the top of the masthead, I’d venture.

  • Eloi Wrath

    Hamill will be fine with flowing robes and a beard. Someone else mentioned in the other recent SW thread that it’s his eyes and voice that are still recognizably Luke Skywalker, so that’ll be fine. An Obi-Wan role seems inevitable and kinda nice.

    Ford looks old, but good for his age. I am sincerely hoping his entrance will be something badass – perhaps one of the Skywalker Jrs. in trouble and in comes Han to save the day.

    Fisher is a bit more of a worry, mainly because of her raspy voice. But they’ll dress her in regal clothes and bathe her in soft lighting and it’ll be fine.

    One or more of them will die and it’ll have geeks the world over weeping uncontrollably, providing they don’t botch it like Star Trek botched Kirk’s death.

  • D.Z.

    Part of me was hoping Hamill would play Vader in Sith, but I guess that didn’t happen.

  • Raising_Kaned

    Luke, Leia, Han…this is all well and good, but can someone alert me when the real news breaks — like Tommy IIsley (a mere one letter away from being the “lost” Isley brother) returning as Ponda Baba?

    Walrus-man doesn’t like you!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=509321150 Jason Geyer

    Phil Noto did a piece of concept art envisioning what Hamill *could* look like. But seriously, these guys are most likely making extended cameos at best (maybe Hamill will get as much screen time as Guinness, but still a supporting role).

    Considering how different the prequels were from the first trilogy, judging any aspect of these new films before we see any actual footage is just foolish.