Jean Luc Godard’s Contempt

If I was a big-studio production chief whose survival depended on greenlighting as many dumb-ass, CG-driven superhero-franchise-comicbook bullshit jizz-whiz movies (Batman Meets Superman, The Avengers: Age of Ultron, Edge of Tomorrow, Guardians of the Galaxy, Thor 2, Captain America 2, Suck My Dick 3) as possible, I would need to get a colonic every weekend just to get rid of the poisons in my system. To say I would be seething with contempt for the tens of millions of fanboys who pay for my lifestyle…that would be putting it mildly. Ahab’s last words would have nothing on me. On the other hand I would donate generously to liberal causes, and I would drive a hybrid and worship my children and eat as healthily as possible.

  • I love this! So true!

  • Actually

    If you were a big-studio production chief, I’d want to be Jeffrey Wells, and I’d write tons of shit about you, and beg you to swallow a gun, and throw sausage in your face when I ran into you at Sundance.

  • Browncoat

    That’s the 100th mention of jizz-whiz, everyone here gets a free car!

  • m_00_m

    Ah, but the studio guys have superhero powers of their own – the super-ability to Not Mind If People They Might Personally Dislike Would Enjoy Their Movies.

    How much contempt can they really have? Companies who make cigarettes and Twinkies help send their customers to an early grave – even the most awful slate of lowest-common-denominator films can’t do that.

  • brenkilco

    Hope you would leave room for a little self loathing for not at least attempting to inject some, wit, craft and decent dramatic values into your high concept product. On the other hand you could console yourself with the idea that providing dumb, disposable entertainment in hard times isn’t the greatest sin; that what you provide isn’t giving people cancer or make them obese, and isn’t fabricated by child slave laborers in Singapore. No, my bet is that after a couple of stiff drinks and minor rationalizations Jeff the movie mogul would sleep like a baby.

  • NephewOfAnarchy

    I dunno, I think the Suck my Dick franchise is underrated. Looking forward to see how Brett Ratner completes the trilogy, and I’m sure Ashton Kutcher will give it his all this time.

  • hmotes

    I heard that Marvel’s lining up Vincent Gallo to direct the reboot of Suck My Dick.

  • Glenn Kenny

    Things that Mr. “I Was There, I Know” has never heard of:

    Portable wi-fi for individual users
    mirrorless DSLR cameras
    The past subjunctive

    • brenkilco

      Sneering at location based Wi-Fi but holding tight to the archaic subjunctive mood. If I were a cynic I’d say you were trying to have it both ways.

  • Brian Bouton

    Why do you keep working if this is the state of the industry for the foreseeable future?

  • Raising_Kaned

    You know, Jeff — since you work for yourself — you are free to see and write about other movies (ones that don’t exasperate you so much).

    Neil Jordan’s newest opened on Friday, and I’ve seen next to no coverage of it.

    I understand you’re just trying to maintain relevance, but if these things are such an interminable chore to sit through (and, again — to quote Rock — “I understand”), I’m really not sure why you even bother…cinematic masochism?

    • Keith Emroll

      Even though I don’t know what Jeff’s daily schedule is like, I still agree with this comment. Being self-employed can eat up a lot of one’s time in a heartbeat, but based on the output we’ve been seeing here for the last little while, something tells me that Jeff might be better served to redirect the energy he spends ranting about personal hangups towards perhaps doing as you suggest: seeing and writing about other movies. I feel like Jeff is at his best when he champions a movie he really loves than railing for 350th time about stuff that he *knows* he’s going to hate or the 480th time about shitty wi-fi somewhere.

      More specifically, I prefer it when he champions a movie he really loves without feeling the need to take down other films and/or people who disagree with him.

      • Raising_Kaned

        Good points.

        Just to be fair here: I really like his “railings,” too…provided I haven’t heard a variation on them 20 times before within the past year (which usually isn’t the case as of late).

        The problem with writing exclusively about smaller films he loves (like Tyrannosaur), of course, is that those posts don’t tend to get the number of hits or comments.

        But the balance seems to have shifted recently, and not in a healthy way. What was the last film he really loved (and I mean loved) other than Silver Linings Playbook?

        I would even take some of his longer, more thoughtful mixed reviews (he did a really nice one for Life of Pi) over this endless loop of “everything sucks.”

        • Keith Emroll

          I hear what you’re saying, and I realize he needs to do things to boost his traffic so he can get more ad buys and so forth.

          But having followed him since he was at, I’ve grown weary of the incessant bitchiness that has crept into this site lately. And I get the need to rant and rail about things sometimes, but bragging about not tipping a waitress because you don’t like the place’s ambience? Seriously? Are we that desperate for traffic? I would like to think that he’s intelligent enough to see that a post like that comes off as bait so that people can light him up and run up the comment count. Hell, I even weighed in on that one because I thought his attitude and opinion were completely moronic.

          Beyond that, it just seems like the site is getting starved for content. I need to go back and review some of the more recent stuff to confirm it, but I get a vibe that he’s spending more time cross-posting other people’s stuff and re-posting pieces of his older posts than he’s spending on much else. Sadly, I feel like the only stuff he puts serious energy into is the crap like the waitress post, and that’s what’s starting to wear me out.

  • Alan Burnett

    I’m sorry, but what was the last Godard film you saw? Thought so. Let’s not pretend that you’re out there on the edge, looking for new experiences in cinema.