Thrusting Fontaine

A few slow-on-the-pickup types expressed shock or surprise at yesterday’s Joan Fontaine riff, particularly about how I could never imagine her in a heterosexual context. I was merely saying that I never felt much in the way of animal passion, that’s all. If anything, I said, Fontaine always struck me as vaguely dykey in a kind of old-time closeted sense. I know she was straight — I was talking about what she radiated on-screen. A critic friend wrote a half-hour ago and called this impression “interesting.” He added that “aside from pointing out that [Fontaine] was married four times, I would just add that a witty gay gentleman friend of mine used to squire her around a lot — to the Oscars, etc. — and always said she had the foulest mouth in town and the dirtiest stories about everyone. Caustic, often very funny, sometimes catty to the point of unpleasantness. A female curmudgeon. And hated her sister to her dying day.”

  • Mr. F.

    “Here’s the one thing I learned from the responses to yesterday’s Joan Fontaine riff: how to correctly spell the word ‘dykey’.”

  • pizan‹ćamore

    Double down!

  • Glenn Kenny

    “You’re not wrong, Walter. You’re just an asshole.”

    OK, well, it turns out in this case you were wrong also, but what’s being wrong between friends.

    • Brian Bouton

      No harm, no foul. I figured Jeff meant she didn’t enjoy vaginal penetration but was more into cunnilingus. Learning about my favorite stars sexual proclivities is why I turn into HE.

  • George Prager

    I found a strange LP at my college radio station; “Showbiz” by Dennis Tracy (on 20th Century records). It was recorded live at the Troubadour sometime in the early 70s. I guess he was supposed to be some kind of comedy cabaret singer.

    The best song was “Joan Fontaine”, which began this way:
    “He fell on his head and hurt his brain,
    while riding his bike in the pouring rain.
    The good doctor said he is not insane,
    but now he’s convinced he is Joan Fontaine…”