Cracked, Crushed To Death

I was waiting in my Salle Debussy seat for the 7 pm screening of Alice Rohrbacker‘s Le Meravaglie when my iPhone slipped off my lap and through the crack at the the rear of the seat. I realized it was missing a minute or two later and started searching around. I got down and reached around on the floor…nothing. Then I sat down again. I noticed my seat wasn’t collapsing all the way to a sitting position, and — genius engineer that I am — it didn’t occur to me that the missing phone, which was lying inside the seat-hinge mechanism, might be the cause. So like an idiot I flopped down on the seat and in so doing crushed my iPhone to death. I reached into the seat crack and pulled out the damaged remains. Lights off, inoperable, glass cracked, ruined Mophie charger — totally destroyed.

Now the same process that I went through in Germany last year begins again — buy a new iPhone for the maximum price in New York, have my son send it over via Fed Ex for God knows how much money…an instant death-hit of $1200 or more.

Until the new phone arrives I’ll just have to make calls on Skype. A pain but not that much of a problem — just expensive. It would be a howling nightmare if all this had happened, say, five or ten years ago. Synching issues are not the problem they used to be. It’s not that bad. Tonight so far this problem has eaten Le Meravaglie and the 9 pm screening of Abel Ferrara‘s Welcome to New York.

  • MAJA

    You must be joking, not AGAIN!!! Anyway, with “Welcome to New York” screening beginning at 9:00 pm, hope you are on your way to catch it. And maybe a nice colleague can take pics with you and Depardieu and you can still talk to him, without i-phone. And tomorrow things can be resolved. Don’t let yourself be crippled by those stupid devices.

    • http://www.hollywood-elsewhere.com/ Jeffrey Wells

      Forget Welcome to New York. This stupid issue ate up hours of my time….that movie is toast as far as my time is concerned.

      • MAJA

        But that’s truly terrible. Am an imbecile but for me “Welcome to New York” was the only real asset playing in Cannes anyway. And without legs I would have tried to dreg myself into the cinema. And no smartphone is common anyway for many people. Why did you not want to go into that screening? It must be some deep down hiding secret. That you won’t conceal in front of all of us anyway. Am more than curious

  • Pertwillaby

    Why not buy a new iPhone when you are back in Los Angeles? Is life that difficult without a phone in Europe and NYC?

    • MAJA

      Jeff is covering CANNES FILM FESTIVAL at the moment, then going back to Paris and who knows what his plans are before he returns to L.A. “Buying a new i-phone when back in Los Angeles” is apparently not an option.

      • Pertwillaby

        Your comment added exactly nothing to the discussion. We all now Jeff is covering Cannes at the moment and that buying the phone when he is back in LA in a couple of weeks is not an option for him. The question is: why?

        • MAJA

          Why: “What?” What are you referring to, Pertwillaby?

          • Phineas T. Prune

            why does this dickwad call himself Pertwillaby? Don Rosa would not be happy

    • http://www.hollywood-elsewhere.com/ Jeffrey Wells

      Yup — it’s impossible to operate the way I need to operate without it.

  • lazarus

    “it didn’t occur to me that my missing phone, lying inside seat-hinge mechanism, might be causing this difficulty. so like a frustrated idiot I flopped down on the seat and in so doing crushed my iPhone to death”

    Pretty sure this is something even most Joe Popcorns would be smart enough to avoid.

    • http://www.hollywood-elsewhere.com/ Jeffrey Wells

      I’ll give you that. I’m capable of incredible impractical stupidity when I’m upset or stressed.

      • MAJA

        Is your phone really completely and irreparably lost, or maybe to be fixed by i-phone gurus. Because there are stores that are boasting to specialse in exactly that topic, to help apple victims in despair.

        • http://www.hollywood-elsewhere.com/ Jeffrey Wells

          It’s been crushed, mauled and cracked to death. Look at the photo.

  • GhostOfGigli

    Jeff, hate to say this, but for someone who travels frequently, you truly are bad at it.

    • http://www.hollywood-elsewhere.com/ Jeffrey Wells

      I’m fine at it. I just have these bad-luck episodes.

      • Clockwork Taxi

        Jeff are pulling an all-nighter because of this phone incident?

      • BrianBrightblade

        Law of iPhones

        • BrianBrightblade

          Take Two, Disqus

  • Ron Burgundy

    Get a nokia 520 for $60 (no contract) to hold u over. It’s the best inexpensive non-contract phone u can get.

    • http://www.hollywood-elsewhere.com/ Jeffrey Wells

      I have to replace the damn thing anyway so what do I gain by buying a shit-level Nokia phone and then tossing it when I fly back home?

      • Ron Burgundy

        Because your cost overseas for an iPhone is exorbitant, & the 520 isn’t so crappy, & is a good backup in case u break or lose your phone in the future.

        • Reverent and free

          Not bad logic there: if you need a phone right now for work, get one that suffices, and spend more time shopping for a good deal on an iPhone later.

          • Perfect Tommy

            But what if someone sees him with a Eloi level phone? Not acceptable.

        • Stanley

          Curious, does it operate in the cloud? Is it be able to sync current contacts etc?

  • lazarus

    Response to Le Meravaglie (The Wonders) is rapturous, it would be a shame if you missed a surprise Palme d’Or winner.

    • http://www.hollywood-elsewhere.com/ Jeffrey Wells

      I haven’t heard uniform rapturous praise.

  • CarterNixon

    Maybe you need to lose a little weight?

  • David Slovakia

    Ever considered an Android, Jeff?

    Just as good as an iPhone but for half the price.

    Though, I know you love taking pictures so the Samsung Galaxy S4/S5 or Xperia Z1/2 are the best of the Android bunch.

    • http://www.hollywood-elsewhere.com/ Jeffrey Wells

      Just as expensive…$600 or $700-something.

  • http://www.awardsdaily.com Awardsdaily

    Dumb question but can’t you just buy an iPhone here in Cannes? Seems like they have every other goddamned thing, even a Subway!

  • hupto

    I hate to even ask, but why was it in your lap in the first place? Doesn’t your shirt have a pocket?