Apatow’s Funny-Chubby Community Has New Member

With Trainwreck (Universal, 7.17), director Judd Apatow is once again introducing a chubby-cheeked, whipsmart, not conventionally attractive, neurotically bothered female comic to a mass audience — first Melissa McCarthy in Bridesmaids (’11), then Lena Dunham in HBO’s Girls (’12) and now Amy Schumer, the star and writer of Trainwreck as well as the star of Comedy Central’s Inside Amy Schumer. She’s obviously sharp and clever and funny as far as the woe-is-me, self-deprecating thing goes, but there’s no way she’d be an object of heated romantic interest in the real world. And yet that’s the apparent premise of Apatow’s film. Schumer’s wide facial features reminded me of a blonde Lou Costello around the time of Buck Privates, or Jennifer Aniston‘s somewhat heavier, not-as-lucky sister who watches a lot of TV. Don’t look at me — I’m not the one who made her the star of a film about a plucky, free-spirited girl that a lot of guys want to bang. You know who would be better in a film like this? An actress who’s nicely attractive, has the funnies and the soulful stuff besides? Jenny Slate.

  • BromanBrolanski

    Last three posts: Amy Schumer’s weight, Colin Firth’s hair, Uma Thurman’s face. Killing it, bro.

    • NephewOfAnarchy

      Oh and we’ve got the Man from UNCLE trailer coming today, can we make it 4 for 4 with a Henry Cavill rant?

      • http://www.hollywood-elsewhere.com/ Jeffrey Wells

        There’s nothing new to say about Cavill as the new Ernest Borgnine.

      • http://mycareersuicidenote.tumblr.com/ anghus

        i loved the Man from UNCLE trailer. Seems to be the year of fun Spy movies making a comeback (hopefully)

    • KB80

      Maybe Jeff is being haunted by the ghost of Joan Rivers.

      • Perfect Tommy

        For no good reason that make me think Alejandro González Iñárritu should make a documentary of an exorcism of the Rivers demon from Wells with Guillermo del Toro playing the priest.

        • Rocket Jock

          You know, del Toro could stand to shed a few pounds,…

          • DT

            Anything that would make his robe less flowing in GotG2 would be a fucking abomination.

  • Vinny Scagnetti

    Fuck, finally someone says it. Gotta give it to Jeff for not backing down on this kinda shit.

    Although…recommending Jenny Slate at the end was kinda weird. Big nose. No curves. Mousy hair. Not exactly a KNOCKOUT.

    • http://www.hollywood-elsewhere.com/ Jeffrey Wells

      Jenny Slate is beautiful, and one of the best things to happen to movies in a long time.

      • Vinny Scagnetti

        To each their own. She was great in that Obvious Child movie though.

      • Stewart Klein

        My Mistress Eyes are nothing like the sun and all that. but I dunno just don’t get it.

        • Michael Gebert

          A Carol Kane for our time!

  • Kano’s_Razor

    Inside Amy Schumer?

    Ewwwwwwwww…no thanks.

    • Cassandra Drake

      you assume she’d want you inside her. like its your God given right to just sleep with any woman you want right?

      • Kano’s_Razor

        I made no such assumption, Cassandra — although you made a couple about me (interesting how that works, isn’t it?) — just expressing my sexual opinion on the Internet (in the form of a stupid joke, no less).

        Why does that bother you so much, I wonder?

  • Mark

    “Why can’t you get a nice cutesy girl for your movie picture?” As if $35M opening weekends are proof that the American public has somehow rejected the Melissa McCarthy era .

    • Mark

      I’m not a huge Apatow fan (he should be doing TV and Dunham should be directing movies), but the one great thing that he’s done is to make popular art about traditionally non-hollywood looking people. From Freaks and Geeks, to Jay Baruchel, to Carrell, to Rogen, and those you mentioned. The 40-Year Old Virgin poster is infamous for just how odd it was that Carrell would be the lead in a movie about sex.

      • Vinny Scagnetti

        Dunham shouldn’t be doing anything except staying inside her apartment and hiding herself from the world.

        • HarryWarden

          Hah, brilliant.

  • Phil Parma

    ” Don’t look at me — I’m not the one who made her the star of a film about a plucky, free-spirited girl that a lot of guys want to bang.”
    — That’s not why we’re looking at you.

  • HamOrThyme

    Schumer’s realest issue is her relation to cockroach Charles Schumer

    • http://www.hollywood-elsewhere.com/ Jeffrey Wells

      Senator Charles “Chuck” Schumer is a cousin of comedian Amy Schumer’s father….big deal.

      • HamOrThyme

        I guess you forgot what your beef was in the post.

  • Joshsleeps

    Schumer is certainly not conventionally attractive in the Hollywood sense, but in the real world she’s a pretty enough girl with an attractive, affable personality. I know plenty of Schumer types whom conventionally attractive men are drawn to based solely on the magnetism of their personality. Smarts and wit often compensate for not being a perfect 10.

    • Vinny Scagnetti

      You sound like you’ve spent a lot of time in the friendzone. (yeah, I hate that phrase too, but what else do you call it?)

      • Joshsleeps

        Not sure what you mean. I’m just commenting on the fact that Jeff’s aggressive dismissal of Schumer’s potential as an object of affection is unfair and reductive. What do you mean by friendzone?

        • Vinny Scagnetti

          It was a pretty asshole thing for me to say outta nowhere, nevermind man, my apologies.

          • Joshsleeps

            Ha! Fair enough.

    • Kano’s_Razor

      Problem is — she doesn’t really appear to have much of a personality, either (I should clarify here: I do mean her character in this film).

      • Joshsleeps

        Meh, diff’rent strokes, I suppose. I’ve always appreciated Schumer’s vibe and think her hot mess shtick is pretty adorable.

    • KB80

      Amy Schumer is fat and plain. What’s wrong with that guys? Cumberbitch, Redmayne, Keaton, the guy in Unbroken, Miles Teller, Oyelowo, Gyllenhaal: I hate to break it to ya, but these guys are not handsome. Even Bradley Cooper (who used to be kinda cute) now looks like Barry Manilow. And, frankly, they’re ALL dweeby and uncool which Schumer is not.

      Don’t actresses get at least ONE slot for somebody who isn’t a hottie? You guys get dozens of slots for guys no woman would, in the real world, look at twice.

      • Historicus
        • http://www.hollywood-elsewhere.com/ Jeffrey Wells

          I never used the “f” word. I said chubby, and that was an allusion to her obviously wide-ish face. In the film, I mean. Here she kinda looks like Janis Joplin.

          • Historicus

            If you notice Herr Dicther, I was replying directly to KB80, who specifically says “Amy Schumer is fat and plain.” Reading comprehension 101.

            But only in the samurai poet’s world is “chubby” not a kissing cousin for “fat” I suppose.

          • Heather

            lol! Get thee to an optometrist, JW.

        • Kano’s_Razor

          That’s also the best picture she has on the Internet (most people that work in front of cameras have at least ONE of those), so, you know, congratulations on that particular scavenger hunt.

          Still don’t wanna bang her, though.

          • Historicus

            Different strokes for different folks. I’ve seen Schumer in person as well and I have no problem finding her attractive.

          • Brooklyn Dave

            As if you had anything to say about it.

          • Cassandra Drake

            Funny I’m sure she feels the same about you

            • Kano’s_Razor

              Hope so — I should be so lucky!

          • Heather

            Oh, so wanting to bang, is that the gold standard for being afforded respect in Hollywood.

        • adam____l

          Not hot at all. And I don’t mean anything by that – it’s just my a subjective opinion.

        • http://jaimegandarilla.tumblr.com/ Jaime Gandarilla

          It’s not about fat or plain, it’s about talking about women’s looks EXCLUSIVELY.

        • Michelle Kirkwood

          Amy Schumer isn’t fat at all—I mean,damn,you make it sound like she’s over 300 pounds or something, which she clearly isn’t. She looks like a healthy (not size 4 toothpick-thin skinny) woman to me. Most women look more like her in the real world, not fake-a** Hollywood with its cult of plastic surgery at the drop of a hat for every wrinkle,real or imagined, that pops up on somebody’s face. The problem is that Hollywood wants all actresses to look like they’re 90 pounds sopping wet all the damn time. If you think she’s fat, you obviously have not been around a lot of actual fat people to begin with.

      • Bob

        I think a proper comparison would be phillip seymour hoffman, dustin hoffman, gene hackman, paul gamatti, robert de niro. But to be fair these guys rarely ever played love interests.To apatows credit he uses ugly men in his movies in love interest roles as well (hill, sandler, but comedy doesn’t seem to mind. Funny men look like sandler, pryor, john candy and billy crystal. Apatow only recently showed the same consideration to the female side. Before that he paired his ugly male stars with elfman, banks, his own wife and other hotties.

      • madamovary

        Except I would never say plain…because once she talks, she’s the bomb…and she’s not fat…not in the good old US of A anyway – you want to see fat? Go to Orlando and visit a theme park with roasted turkey legs and huge people on scooters…

      • Michelle Kirkwood

        Schumer isn’t fat (only people who think anybody over a size 4 is fat would even think that) “Dweeby”and “uncool”? You sound like you’re still in high school or something. Uh, hell no,they’re not. I’ve always thought Keaton was handsome (and funny) even in his younger years, and he still is Cumberbatch’s weird looking but okay, Oyelowo is cute, Gyllenhaal has very odd-looking eyes, but he’s stil not bad to look at. And Bradley Cooper is kinda hot,plus he’s a damn fine actor–he’s worth seeing in almost anything. One thing all these guys have in common—they can all act their asses off,period. Plus looks have nothing to with talent—you either have it or you don’t,period—and that’s been proven time and time again. So grow up and stop
        whining about people not having perfect looks that you like.

        And virtually all those actors you mentioned are now the hot new things in Hollywood, since you obviously haven’t bothered to find that out and back up your statements with actual facts.. So you rant is pretty irrelevant.

    • Historicus

      I agree on all points. Also appreciate Schumer’s finely honed-sense of self-deprecation. Yes, she has a “hot mess” schitck, but for me it doesn’t go overboard into insufferable neurosis (unlike a few of her peers).

    • http://jaimegandarilla.tumblr.com/ Jaime Gandarilla

      “Smarts and wit often compensate for not being a perfect 10” wow
      You must be an 11 to speak that way, first of all.

      • Joshsleeps

        I know. the audacity.

      • Joshsleeps

        Come on, man. You know what I was getting at–it’s my polite, conceding way of saying “Stop being shallow and remember that romantic attraction isn’t always dependent on conventional physical beauty.”

        I’m a solid six, by the way. A witty, charming six.

  • Breedlove

    I know I shouldn’t be encouraging you, but for what it’s worth, I actually don’t think Amy Schumer is overweight. If you see her doing standup and stuff, she’s perfectly thin but just has an unusually wide face. I love Apatow but was a little bummed to see he’s not a credited writer on this. Inside Amy Schumer is ok…she’s definitely funny, the show is hit-and-miss. This trailer wasn’t very funny. Hopefully that means they’re saving the good jokes.

  • Kano’s_Razor

    Does the almighty King James just have a cameo in this that the trailer is milking for every cent (and understandably so), or is he in this for longer than you would expect (a la Arian Foster’s excellent understated turn in the overwhelmingly dull Draft Day)?

  • http://jessecrall.wordpress.com/ Jesse Crall

    It’s interesting that H-E has this sleazepit, boy’s club reputation when a majority of the posts here are goofing on Wells, not Schumer. Which is good, because however you feel about Schumer, I can guarantee that the commenting group from ANY website ain’t exactly a veritable crop of Cary Grants.

    • Kano’s_Razor

      True.

      Although I laugh a lot more at HE comments than I do at Schumer (no biggie, but when you’re a stand-up by trade, isn’t that at least a slight issue?).

      • http://jessecrall.wordpress.com/ Jesse Crall

        Yeah, so do I.

        • Kano’s_Razor

          Your comment are always fair and diplomatic (almost to a fault), Jesse.

          Wait…how the hell did you end up here again??

          • http://jessecrall.wordpress.com/ Jesse Crall

            The French government sentenced me here for embezzling. I’m still waiting on Papillon to secure a boat.

            • Kano’s_Razor

              Ever get the sinking feeling that a boat ain’t comin’?

    • Historicus

      It’s always refreshing when the inmates at the nuthouse have a better sense of self-awareness and irony than the asylum director himself.

    • Alan Green

      Funny. If you’ll excuse me, I need to eat a dozen doughnuts.

  • Historicus

    First Patricia Arquette, now Amy Schumer. Samurai poet is fearlessly waging a one-man keyboard crusade against talented women with curves.

    • http://www.awardsdaily.com Awardsdaily

      Samurai poet slash Joan Rivers gossip.

      • Historicus

        Except with “What are you eating?” instead of “Who(m) are you wearing?”

  • Savage Brit

    Shouldn’t he be commended for not casting his wife as the lead? Hader projects more intelligence than other former SNL refugees.

    • DimitriL

      No commendation for Apatow’s casting choices when Amy wrote it for herself to star in. Commendation, however, for Apatow wanting to direct even though he didn’t write it – something he hadn’t done yet.

  • http://www.twitter.com/zachheltzel Zach Heltzel

    The trailer literally spells it out for you. “Attractive-ish but not gorgeous…approachable!”

  • Mickie Steel

    What? Three actresses in the mainstream right now who are a bit heavier than average? Diversity? Unacceptable.

  • Ray Quick

    This is an A-plus Wells bit of lunacy, Schumer isn’t fat (or that funny), but I noticed the venerable JW catching the usual flak from the usual peer suspects on Twitter over this, and had to ask:

    Are people really that outraged by this kind of observation? Obviously Jeff is looney-toons with weight issues, if more than equal-opportunity, calling out those renowned fatsos Dane DeHaan and Henry Cavill…

    But every time he does one of these, HIS PEERS all come at him like “you’re an animal, burn in hell.” etc…..over this??? Who are these people that are THAT shocked and prone to the vapors over someone criticizing a RICH MOVIE STAR’S LOOKS? Isn’t this what EVERY WATER COOLER DUMPY OFFICE DRONE in America does? Bag on celebs’ appearances? “Hey, nice rug, Travolta,” “What’s going on with Cage’s hair?” “Zellweger looks weird.” “Affleck looks doughy in this,” “Crowe let himself go,” “Nice dye job on Downey,” etc etc.

    Not saying it’s not petty low-rent behavior, but is it really some FOREIGN CONCEPT to other critics and bloggers? That’s pretty much how workaday dumbasses snark through awards shows and officer celeb chatter and internet browsing. Is it just that the junket blogger scene is SO in such glowing awe of celebrities, and that proximity to them, that they can’t even conceive of this kind of criticism? You’re REALLY OFFENDED when Wells points out a rug? Long as I’ve been alive I remember my old man and my uncles goofing on coaches’ and teachers’ and actors’ bad hairpieces. Who cares? Like I think Colin Fucking Firth will somehow survive and go on to an OK life.

    • Perfect Tommy

      If Wells reads and thinks about this post, it will be much more hurtful than being called a misogynist on Twitter, because that happens to Samurai Poets, you know. But if he knew he was being compared to some Orange County pudgy secretary glancing at the LA Times Calendar section….The Horror.

    • http://jessecrall.wordpress.com/ Jesse Crall

      Especially considering Wells goes after EVERYBODY. Clooney and Hanoi Jane are probably the only two people in the world who have escaped his poisoned pen. It’s odd for everyone else to go into a weekly rage mode over some new, half-assed slight. It’s clearly designed to provoke page hits and long comment sections like…this one.

    • Zach

      It’s the same as how politicians, news anchors, etc. are obligated to exert faux-outrage as their “official” stance for the sake of appearances. Especially in the entertainment business, where everyone’s always blowing each other because they don’t want to burn bridges.

    • Maniac Cop

      Internet outragers HAAAATTTEEE when people use terms like “outrage culture.” It’s hilarious. Because they’re blind to their own neuroses.

      It’s good to care about issues of representation, but quit acting like enlightened leaders because you just read some Philosophy 101 essay that everybody else read years ago. Five years ago, many of these fanboy critics were straight up antagonistic to suggestions of these very issues of diversity, so it’s like they’ve now constructed a phantom enemy that’s really their former selves.

      Raging without a vision is a problem. We need to move toward unity, and all this rhetoric is doing is making different groups of people hate each other more than ever.

      • Vinny Scagnetti

        I was with you 100% of the way until that last sentence. Fuck unity. It’s a dreamworld, Logans Run-type fantasy that will never happen.

    • Jezzer

      Maybe people are just tired of him being really fucking dumb.

  • suttercane

    The funny thing is, a lot of Schumer’s best standup is a reaction to this exact attitude (I love her bit about the Texan that approached her in a bar and said something like, “I like you. You look sturdy… I mean, you look like you could take a punch.”). What bothers me about this post, and the earlier one about Patricia Arquette, is the simple recognition of the difference between fat, healthy, and skinny. Lots of people – like Schumer, Arquette, and even – GASP – Jason Segel aren’t FAT. They’re not even unhealthy, and shouldn’t be grouped with Melissa McCarthy and Jonah Hill and John Goodman, whose weight actually poses a health risk. And when you spend enough time in the gym to get from a normal, healthy, average person into super-skinny model quality – the ones Jeff seems to favor for all screen rolls – what that screams to me is ‘narcissism’. You know what people who spend that much time in the gym aren’t doing? Reading. Watching great movies and television. Learning to cook. Hanging out with friends. Throwing great dinner parties. Laughing. They’re masochistically on mile 7 of their treadmill run, admiring their physique in the mirror across the gym and thinking about how damn attractive they are because they haven’t had dessert since Clinton was in office. Chrissy Tiegen is freakin’ gorgeous, but I learned long ago that I much prefer spending my time with people like Schumer.

    • Stewart Klein

      I’ll take Katy over Taylor anyday.
      i

    • The Bandsaw Vigilante

      Bill Maher had a great riff on this very issue last Friday night (with regard to a “plus-sized model”):

      “She’s not a ‘plus-sized model’ — she’s a NORMAL-SIZED HUMAN.

    • http://jaimegandarilla.tumblr.com/ Jaime Gandarilla

      It’s not about weight, it’s about sizing women up and making their looks the main focus.

    • madamovary

      AMEN! Amy Schumer makes men uncomfortable with her honesty. She makes insecure men angry in a weird way…like this writer…they don’t “get” her because they can’t handle the truth. I would give anything to hang out with her…she’s brilliant.

  • Tucker Dimpy

    All the 2nd and 3rd tier bloggers are outraged at you Jeff Wells. Absolutely outraged! How DARE you not kiss face to a celeb.

    They are even begging IFC for your ad money.

    #TEAMWELLS

    • Ray Quick

      Wells is the preferred punching bag of that whole scene, but I can barely think of 2 bloggers, tops, in this whole scene who aren’t rage-case, hair-trigger, self-righteous, bipolar bitter blowhards. Other than maybe the happily-dim stylings of Billington or Ben Lyons, can you name ANY movie blogger/2nd tier critic who seems ACTIVELY HAPPY with his/her lot in life? Most of their twitters are just tired faux-outrage in between complaining about their pay.

      Like, hey, assholes, you’re fucking FORTY. Maybe try calling it a day and get a nice office job with healthcare and shit.

      • Kevin

        At least, Wells owns up to being the way he is. Some other bloggers pretend to be happy-hippy lovers of humanity and positivity, but are way more angry and negative than Jeff a lot of the time.

  • Noiresque

    From my personal observations, a “plucky free sprited” man or woman gets a lot more sex than someone who looks like the kind of person a lot people want to bang.

    Anyway, Bill Hader is nice enough looking but he’s hardly the second coming of Gary Cooper or Johnny Depp. He and Amy suit each other fine.

    • wacoose

      In real life, Schumer dated comedian Anthony Jeselnik for a long time and he’s much better looking than Hader.

      • Ray Quick

        Jeselnik rules. And, yeah, I wonder what the white-knight brigade who thinks they’re rescuing fair maiden Schumer would make of his act, which is REALLY dark and un-PC…. Yeah, it’s ultimately a Sarah Silverman type put-on based around saying monumentally shocking things, often of a sexist variety, but any random Jeselnik line out of the context of that would cause a fucking firestorm amongst the Freelance Movie Bloggers Neighborhood Watch Group. If Schumer dated THAT guy, I doubt Wells’ goofy rambling would trouble her much.

    • CherHorowitz

      Hader looks like a goofy potato head.

      • Michelle Kirkwood

        He’s married with kids, so it’s safe to assume that his family loves his goofy potato head,lol. I actually think he’s got creepy eyes, but that may just be due to his thick eyebrows—he definitely has a unique look.

  • Terry McCarty

    Isn’t it time to stop with the weight-ism?

  • Will

    What makes you obsess with women’s weight? I suppose you’d say I’m hopelessly politically correct, but it’s not really about that. It’s about the choice between being rude and being polite, a choice you’ve obviously made.

    • AstralWeeks666

      To be fair Jeff puts the boot into overweight guys more than woman. He’s probably said more about Chris Pratt’s gut than any actresses.

    • Historicus

      To his credit, Jeff is an equal opportunity ranter on the weight topic – he’s written so many posts about male “beefalos.”

  • wordfury

    Did anyone else not recognize Tilda Swinton as her boss?

    • Michelle Kirkwood

      I did, and she was hilarious as the narcissistic,arrogant boss—quite a different look and role for her, mainly because I’ve never seen her do comedy.

  • Eric

    Will this two and a half hour movie even be funny past the hour mark? The casting of LeBron James, and the lack of any actual funny moments in this trailer make me think it may not even be funny past the thirty minute mark.

    Although Apatow hasn’t directed anything funny for over seven years.

    • Savage Brit

      He was trying more serious films in a Mazursky vein, don’t you think?

    • Michelle Kirkwood

      The film’s funny, it’s been a huge box office (way more than anyone expected, I’m guessing) I saw it and spent half the film laughing at a whole bunch of things in it.

  • Gil Padilla

    Not as bad as I thought. And with LeBron and John Cena? Ok I can go with it. She would have guys asking her out…

    • HamOrThyme

      Both doing recycled Apatow routines. Yawn.

  • b.s.

    yeah, and all three of them from powerful, well-connected families, just like jonah hill. way to lend a hand, judd.

    • Joshsleeps

      List of other people Judd Apatow lent a hand to:
      Seth Rogen
      James Franco
      Evan Goldberg
      Jay Baruchel
      Martin Starr
      Charlie Hunnam
      Linda Cardellini
      Jason Segel
      Nicholas Stoller
      Greg Mottola
      Carla Gallo
      John Daly
      Samm Levine

      What’s your point?

  • Brooklyn Dave

    What exactly is the thing behind your chronic fat-phobia. It’s obviously not a question of you caring about people’s health.

    Seriously, with you it’s a fetish and I wouldn’t be surprised to find out one day (how I don’t know) that you are actually a closet chubby-chaser.

    • CherHorowitz

      Maybe he used to be fat or something?

      • Cassandra Drake

        he’s fat now. It’s hilarious to think that someone like him feels entitled to have any kind of say on what the rest of us find attractive when he can’t even find a comb to run through his hair. its always the physically repulsive white angry men who are so quick to judge any woman who has any kind of success based solely on their perceived flaws.

  • Peter Bongo

    I was never much of a fan of Schumer’s stand-up and used to find her annoying, but her Comedy Central show (particularly the second season) made me a convert. The sketches are some of the sharpest, most biting satire since the heyday of the Chappelle Show and uniformly well-written with an amazingly high batting average of good ones to clunkers. Much of the “schtick” of her comedic persona is also extremely self-effacing — not in the “look at me being the female Kevin James” slapstick mode of Melissa McCarthy when she’s at her most broad — but, rather, more in the Larry David/Louis CK mode. The fact that she wrote this automatically gets me on board. If anything, I’m more worried about Judd Middlebrow de-clawing her than anything else.

  • Cinesnatch

    I saw the movie and Schumer is hilarious and is totally believable in the part she wrote for herself. She’s basically Christina Applegate with a little less makeup and a little more baby fat. But, why are we making a pretty funny and entertaining (and different, albeit conventional) about someone’s looks?

    • HarryWarden

      Christina Applegate is so much better. She’s very under-appreciated talent, going back to her days on Married…with Children. She’s also a much nicer person than Schumer.

  • Kevin

    Why is it a hate crime or something for Wells to say that Amy Schumer isn’t the best looking movie star in the world where everyone said the same about Seth Rogen when KNOCKED UP came out?

    • Historicus

      I don’t think it’s a hate crime for saying Jeff has some serious tone-deaf issues regarding women and looks when he himself looks like what happens when you open the Ark of the Covenant. But I digress.

    • Joshsleeps

      A: No one said it’s a hate crime.
      B: The issue isn’t Wells saying that Schumer “isn’t the best looking movie star in the world,” it’s Wells asserting that Schumer is not attractive enough to draw the attention of a decent man.
      C: The logic is as dumb, reductive and shallow as people saying someone who looks like Seth Rogen could never land someone who looks like Katherine Heigl. The human brain is a tad more complex than these kind of blanket, definitive statements.

      • Maniac Cop

        The tagline for KNOCKED UP was “What if this guy got you pregnant?” It was definitely playing into the audience’s prejudice that a guy who looked like Rogen could not land a girl like Heigl.

  • Jeff

    Umm were we watching the same trailer? Schumer isn’t a Hollywood knockout(something she readily acknowledges everywhere) but she is definitely not fat by any realistic barometer of weight, neither is Segal for that matter. McCarthy is obese and Dunham is definitely overweight, Schumer is just average sized and only overweight by 22 yr old CW actress standards. As far as it being realistic that Schumer could get laid on the regular by decent to good looking guys, she absolutely could. I am pretty much the same age as Schumer and have been in the dating scene in LA for 12 years, with her personality and proclivity for partying she could get laid all the time. Its a hassle to date crazy good looking women if you aren’t insanely wealthy or ubsurdly good looking. A cool cutish girl like Schumer’s character who writes for a men’s magazine is probably an awesome hang. So far as I can tell her love interest in the movie is Bill Hader as a cool doctor, that seems reasonable. I buy this a hell of a lot more than I buy the 50 Shades of Grey pairing.

  • herr_plop

    Jeff, please. You’re a jowl with legs.

  • Ray Quick

    It’s been an amusing day watching Wells’ critics white-knight Amy Schumer by helpfully putting AT “amyschumer” and “JuddApatow” in their tweets, thereby nicely sucking up to two people far above them in station in life, AND, ironically, possibly directing Amy Schumer here to see an article she otherwise NEVER would’ve seen or heard of.

    • Jeff

      I did think about that going through the tweets about an hour ago. Why the hell are they doing that other than some self-aggrandizing trying to make friends with famous folks. Why the fuck does Amy Schumer care if an Oscar blogger thinks she is hot enough to get laid.

      • Ray Quick

        Yep, and not that a lightweight riff on Hollywood Elsewhere would ever be on her radar, but it’s funny seeing these professional white knights rush in like fucking Thor to the rescue of….a hardened, seasoned, successful COMEDIAN who’s not only heard it all but who could hit back 100x harder and funnier. You’d think it was some RARE FAWN Elle Fanning in Maleficent by way of a Luc Besson naif, untroubled by the cruel ways of the world, they were racing in to shield from the poisoned arrows of Wells.

        • Gary_Middleton

          Truth is, comics are extremely thin-skinned.

          The white knight stuff is irritating and I love the line “you guys are the waterboy, stop trying to talk to the QB.” But if you think a comic doesn’t crave support just because they have a switchblade wit, I’ll take the other side of that bet.

  • MrRogerThornhill

    In the real world, more women look like Schumer than that of the typical Hollywood hottie. So, in terms of verisimilitude, this movie is more accurate than Chris Hemsworth as a computer hacker in “BlackHat.” IMHO.

  • Ben Kabak

    Slate > Schumer.

  • Mike O’Connell

    The actual train wreck is any alleged writer who’d write: ” no way she’d be an object of heated romantic interest in the real world.”
    What a vulgar display of idiotic sexism, as well as poor eyesight.

  • jason

    The most troubling thing by far in this trailer is how f-ing cheesy Lebron James is in it. Cringeworthy. Hide under the couch level.

    • Michelle Kirkwood

      You do that know trailers only reveal a small part of the film,right? LeBron has a much bigger role in the film, and he was fun to watch, too.

  • Cassandra Drake

    All this coming from a guy who looks like the love child of Liberace in his final years and Christopher Walken. Surely one as devoid of good looks such as yourself would prefer not to draw attention to his own shortcomings. But then that is your shtick right? Angry old white dude who wishes he grew up in the fifties, oh wait no you probably would have hated it since curves were in.

    But I guess continually setting your standards by the supermodels of Victoria’s Secret’s as far as what you are willing to accept as attractive lead to a lot of disappointment for you when you deal with their constant rejection of your fat Elvis looks and you are forced to interact with real people and real women.

    https://mobile.twitter.com/amyschumer/status/565996404863434753

    • MisterQuigley

      Oh Cassandra, like the point is staring you right in the face, and you won’t stop blinking. That said, calling Wells a Fat Elvis is dumb brilliance. Kudos.

  • @nal surprise

    All I really learned here is that this reviewer would rather bang Jenny Slate than Amy Schumer. I respect that.

    But what about those of us who wouldn’t?
    Don’t we get a say?

  • Chris Jones

    If you honestly think she’s fat and unattractive, you’re a fucking idiot. I’d tell you to get your vision checked but I think the problem is an obstruction- your head is up your own ass.

  • Emily Smith

    I am a “chubby” girl. I don’t shave my legs. I never wear makeup or expensive clothes. I am constantly the object of multiple men’s affection. I have sex with successful, gorgeous, intelligent, well rounded men who I meet at work, in clubs, in class. Some who love me and some who are strangers. It’s not what you look like it’s how you treat people. And it’s obvious that Amy’s character knows what she wants and has the right attitude to get it. Wells, you need to get your head out of your arse, because men as offensively naive as you would never be the object of women’s fantasy in the real world.

    • Michelle Kirkwood

      Saw Trainwreck recently, and actually found it funny. It was a lot more realistic than the usual predictable Hollywood rom-com. I love the scene where she looks at a dude’s thing and goes, “Uh, what is that?” And as for the writer claiming that Schumer wouldn’t be considered attractive in the real world, he dosen’t know what he’s talking about. Every woman does not have to look like Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Anniston to kick it with a dude, so he needs to get over himself, and quick.

  • Susi

    Ohhh… Okay. So we’ve never seen a movie where an unattractive male does amazingly well with “da babes”.

    Also, women who are not ridiculously attractive and skinny never EVER have sex, attract males or have romances. They might as well all become nuns.

    FFS. This chick is awesome and hilarious and I can’t wait to watch a movie with her in it.

    Also, having seen a photos of her naked, she’s not chubby. At all. She’s not a stick insect; she’s still healthy and slim!

    So in summary, you are an unattractive person. I haven’t seen you; but your unattractive personality makes you ugly as sin.

  • Danish Modern

    Maybe Jeffry Wells should get a hair transplant and a penis enlargement so he can be less bitter-queeny.

  • http://www.cocktailspa.com/ Skeptacular

    Sadly the author is just loving all the attention. He believes the old “no bad publicity” saw. And of course on the conflict-hungry web, he has a voice and a platform as much for ego as point of view. Still, he isn’t worried. Lots of on-and-offline venues opt for crude reaction-trolling. And in this guy’s case, he’s reasonably successful at substituting insolent arrogance for anything approaching writing acumen. But sure; go for that “gusto.” It may not be long-lasting attention Wellzy, but bask in that fleeting glow while its there, eager beaver. El-oh el.

  • dave

    you’re a douche. she’s hot

  • PhillyLib

    Um, maybe if your heart throb Jenny Slate WROTE THE MOVIE, she could star in it. BTW, I wonder why you don’t have a photo of your beautiful skinny self to accompany your article?

  • Jaelynne Nicole

    Does it make you feel good about yourself to tear others down? Please keep judging people based on their looks. These people who are making money doing the work they do don’t give two hoots what you think. You are the reason why people have poor self images.

  • b626

    I mean is she matched with Brad Pitt in this movie?
    No, Bill Hader. Just sit back and watch the whole show this summer.

  • Laqudis

    Jeffry….what a lowlife comment, you obviously hate women and have a serious mental issue.

  • http://jaimegandarilla.tumblr.com/ Jaime Gandarilla

    wow dude.
    You talked about the looks of “Apatow women”, called them chubby and then said “don’t look at me”? Seriously? That’s your review?

    Do you size up women on anything other than looks?
    Is “chubby” a sin?
    Would you say that about men?

  • Kristina Milano

    Just out of curiosity I searched Jeffrey Wells on Google Images. Heh. Liberace meets Donald Trump

  • Sainbury .

    Wow! Maybe stop dragging your knuckles on the ground!

  • huielph

    I’m not influenced by a performer’s attractiveness when I choose what movies or television programs to watch, but other consumers are. If consumers care about physical attractiveness, then TV and movie producers have to care, if they are concerned about success. This is a general rule of how Hollywood operates, and its existence is as old as the commercialization of the moving picture.

    Given that performers’ physical attractiveness is at least one factor to be considered in producing movies, the casting choices a producer or director makes seem to me a legitimate topic regarding the business of Hollywood. As the above conclusion reveals, casting choices are at the heart of this article. The author argues that Trainwreck could have better cast Schumer’s role.

    Whether or not this conclusion is correct is not the issue. The issues are (1) whether a performer’s physical attractiveness is a legitimate topic for discussing casting decisions, as they apply to the business of making movies, and (2) if so, at what point does the discussion of physical attractiveness lose its legitimacy by morphing into a personal attack on the performer.

    • Michelle Kirkwood

      “The author argues that Trainwreck could have better cast Schumer’s role”

      Well, Trainwreck has been a huge box office hit, so the author’s opinion about how Schumer should not have been the leading lady is totally irrelevant now. What you and he don’t seem to get is that part of the reason the film has been a smash is BECAUSE Schumer dosen’t look like your typical predictable-looking supermodel type,period. So that blowsw you little theory right out of the water.

      • huielph

        What theory are you talking about?

  • Cam Law

    Amy is a size 6, what a ridiculous comment to call her chubby. The average US woman is a size 14. Marilyn Monroe, according to your standards would not attract the attention of men in the real world. You help perpetuate the Hollywood fantasy image of women, which is a reason girls are suffering from eating disorders at an alarming rate. I hope you don’t have daughters, and never are near anyone else’s. Shame on you.

  • Tom Smith

    Wow, Jeff Wells is hideous and looks like he never sees the inside of a gym. And HE has the audacity to fat shame a woman who is perfectly normal, talented, and sexy?! Typical hetero male a**hole. Despicable.

  • kaydenpat

    So it was super duper necessary to comment on her looks? Really?

    By the way, Schumer is of average weight — although that has nothing to do with her acting chops and is therefore irrelevant to any movie review.

  • http://soundcloud.com/larry-dimaio Larry DiMaio

    I’d pursue Amy Schumer and I’m a sexy mofo in anybody’s book. This writer’s a tool. A lonely, unattractive tool who would never get attention in the real world unless he said Shitty, stupid things about people with more talent, intelligence, and beauty than he could ever hope to achieve. Step away from the keyboard Jeff, you’re a dolt.

  • susan

    I did not know that Judd Apatow was responsible for that horrendously foul-mouthed, horribly unfunny, and utterly disgusting beast Lena Dunham. I’m not talking about her looks but her gross show. We watched it for the first time during an all-girls weekend and by minute 5 of the show, the room had cleared.

  • Calloway McSmithing

    I know Jenny Slate. She would not be complimented by this bullshit.

  • riverdivine

    Note to self: Jeffrey Wells is yet another shallow, nasty, misogynist in the seemingly never-ending surplus of run of the mill, superficial, name-calling, misogynists in Hollywood. Be sure to avoid his ‘reviews’ next time.

  • iamtravis182

    I can’t tell if you’re being incendiary to get views, or if you’re just a moron (probably a mix of both).

  • madamovary

    I think her honesty in addressing double standards makes men uncomfortable…as for who would be the object of heated romantic interest in the real world, well I’ve watched men make fools of themselves over the most boring, yet beautiful women. Sadly, when you’re really attractive (and a really attractive person told me this, I promise) no one expects anything else from you than just decorating the room with your presence. This same stunning individual said as a middle-aged man, he realized he was lacking in the personality department. He never “had” to be funny, or witty, or empathic, or interesting in any way, therefore he was just a pretty face. Amy Schumer rocks men’s worlds – she makes their toes curl in discomfort – she breaks all the rules, beautifully. Your comment about romantic interest is just…stupid.

  • Scott Brown

    Jeffrey, I’ve never read you before but I have news for you. Amy Schumer looks EXACTLY like a woman that’d be the object of heated romantic interest in the REAL world. Have you been to a Home Depot lately? Have you seen what REAL women (and men) look like? I’ve seen her live show and she’s actually very pretty in person. She’s not a twig but neither are the millions of dude who would be happy as her love interest. You really have to get your head from twixt your butt cheeks bro. If you’re an entertainment reporter/blogger/whatever the fuck you are and you think that America is actually THIN? Well, you don’t know where the movies end and reality begins and what good are you? And why would you venture to speak on behalf of the real world when you’re obviously not that in tune with it? Time to look into another vocation brah.

  • CC

    Are you gay?

  • Uranus

    What an absolute diarrhea this is. I’m not a huge fan of Amy, but this post is such an emasculated piece of garbage shit that I have to comment on it. You can be judgmental only as long as someone doesn’t give you a dirty look. Then you shrivel and apologize like the little nobody of a cunt blogger that you are.

    I hate bloggers

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